Switchblade Smile
by MySadCaptains
Summary: It all started when The Joker made a threat to 'destroy something innocent' and 'ruin a life, turn someone into him'. He did just that. To the girl he destroyed he is nothing but a pure evil monster. Rated M for violence. Was called 'Stole You Away'
1. Mika

The second hand seemed to be dragging itself over the clocks face. It was almost as if it was losing the will to live just like Jane Alcott was. In little over an hour her class of twenty or so teenager girls and boys would flood into this room. She didn't want to do this. She was like the clock, dragging herself through the day. To add to her misery what sounded like a fight was happening outside her room. It was too early for this. So dragging herself to the door, Jane was ready to scream at the disobedient teenagers who had ruined what may be the only few hours of calm in her day. But when she got to the corridor there were only two teenagers left, the other group of them had ran off down the corridor screeching and yelling.

"What's going on here?" Jane asked. The two teenagers looked over at her. She recognised them as Ella Jones and Lily Williams. Ella shrunk back into the wall and avoided eye contact while Lily puffed out her chest and crossed her arms.

"They were talking about Mika." Lily said loudly. Jane didn't bother telling her to quiet down or calm down because she knew that Lily was a naturally loud confident girl with anger problems. Ella on the other hand was a quiet and small girl whose face would burn crimson if she was asked to speak a word in class. "They said she was going to come back today like _him_."

Jane swallowed thickly. Children could be cruel. She knew who Mika was, where she had been and who _he_ was. Everybody did. Everyone in Gotham had sat around their television set while watching what little scraps of the videos _he_ sent into the news were safe enough to be broadcasted. Everyone sighed and prayed for the poor little girl on the screen.

_He_ was The Joker, of course. He was the insane sociopath who dressed up as some sort of macabre clown in a purple and green three piece suit and ghastly grease paint.

It all started when he had made a threat to '_destroy something innocent_' and _'ruin a life, turn someone into him'_. Of course while adults were panicking over there dear little children and perfect little teenagers or even themselves being the one The Joker wanted, the students of Gotham City High School couldn't care less. In fact, they even joked about it. They jabbed each other in the ribs and hissed to each other '_Joker's after you_'. But the jokes quietened down once the rumours started up.

"Mika's gone missing." One girl had whispered to another when they thought Miss Alcott wasn't listening. "Her mother called my mother last night. We used to go to the same school when we were five so my mom knows hers. She went out and never came back."

"She's probably just sulking and ran away. She's just an attention seeker." One boy had hissed.

"Bullshit!" Lily had snapped. She didn't care whether Miss Alcott was listening. Mika was her best friend. She would know if she was missing wouldn't she? Surely friends have sixth senses like that. "She's probably just ill at home and little miss liar over here is… lying." That had ended the conversation. You didn't argue with Lily Williams, even the teachers knew that. So Miss Alcott had simply turned around, hissed at them to be quiet and got on with her teaching.

But that night was the night the first video came out. For the first few minutes every Gotham citizen sat on the edge of their hoping, praying, that when that figure that was slumped over in the chair in the corner, raised their head, that they wouldn't recognise their face. For many people it was a sigh of relief when the tear, blood and sweat stained face was that of Mika Brown. For people who recognised her it was a whimper or maybe even a scream. For Jane Alcott it was a shocked gasp and a drop of her plate causing her dinner to splatter all over her perfectly clean white carpet. She didn't actually realise it was Mika at first. She just knew the girl looked familiar, and then The Joker said her name. He growled it as if she was a stripper that he had become overly obsessed with, not a terrified teenage girl cowering in the corner.

The next day everyone knew where she was and everyone was talking about it. In case they didn't, a teacher went classroom to classroom to break the news. Nobody laughed, nobody cried. They just sat there in a painful silence until the teacher who was teaching the lesson quietly began teaching again, acting as if nothing had happened.

"She's back today?" Jane asked Lily as she mentally waved the memories away. Both Lily and Ella nodded happily. "She was only discharged from the hospital a week ago wasn't she?"

"Yep!" Lily grinned. "Her parents think it's best if she gets back into her old routine."

"She was only found a month ago." Jane mumbled. It was _exactly_ a month ago. It was on the news a little under a few an hours after she was found. Apparently the Batman had put a tracking device on The Joker when they had fought an hour before The Joker returned to his hideout. The police were then able to track The Joker back to his hideout where they found him and Mika, who was in the room next door to what they suspected was The Joker's 'bed room'. It sounded so odd thinking that someone as evil as The Joker had something to normal as a bed room. Anyway, Mika was found wearing one of The Joker's blue hexagonal-patterned shirts and nothing else. Her body was caked in dirt and dry blood while bruises, cuts, scratches, welts and even scars covered her pale skin. The worst thing was that her face had been carved into a Glasgow smile to match her captor's.

It made Jane think: what went on in those weeks of hell for Mika that earned her three weeks in hospital?

"I don't like her parents." Ella said as she scuffed her black patent shoe across the floor. "They shouldn't be throwing her back into school after only a week of being home."

"Well… she'll be here soon so why don't you go and wait for her at the door?" Jane said with a smile. The two girls nodded and said their goodbyes before running down the corridor.

/

That day Jane Alcott was on lunch duty. She had to sit in the lunch hall and rip apart over hormonal teenage males when they tried to fight each other or stop the overgrown apes from throwing food at each other like animals in a zoo. That's basically what they were. All the different groups were like different packs of animals.

The children who sat in the corner, with their dark hair scraped over their faces were like snakes. Quiet and sneaky. They looked as if they couldn't even trust each other and their black tight fitting clothes reminded Jane of a shiny snake's skin. You were either scared of them or not bothered.

The group in the middle of the room, the group of girls tanned orange and boys fitted out in tracksuits, were like monkeys. Wild mammals who couldn't keep their hands off of each other. They were loud and annoying. Jane wouldn't have been surprised if one of them flung their faeces at another.

Jane was lost in her imagination while she drew all this down. For an English teacher she was rather good at doodling cartoons. She was rather annoyed when a loud harsh laugh ripped through the lunch hall. Snapping her head up, Jane wanted to tell whoever laughed in such a brutal laugh to shut the hell up. She noticed it was from some girl who _wasn't_ huddled around Mika. Speaking of which, Jane hadn't really noticed Mika, in fact she had nearly forgotten about her return to school. Her eyes scanned the room until she saw her sitting at a table which was overloaded with students.

Seeing her was shocking even though Jane had prepared herself for the worst. The Glasgow smile had been stitched up poorly and so the scars looked large and sore. She obviously hadn't bothered to wear makeup and you could see the bags under her eyes which were rather peculiar, as if one was a different colour to the other, maybe she was blind in one eye or something. Her clothes hung off of her pale body which shown her parents hadn't bothered to get her any new clothes since she had come home. Jane was beginning to agree with Ella Jones, she didn't really like Mika's parents either.

Another laugh ripped through the room and Mika jumped. Her dull blue eyes darted around the room and a hand ran through her limp greasy hair. Jane frowned. This wasn't Mika Brown. This wasn't the Mika Brown she knew.

The dull blue eyes that flickered across the room in paranoid frenzy couldn't be the same eyes that rolled every time Mrs Alcott declared the class had homework. The nervous smile that was forced upon Mika's face wasn't the same smile that lit up her face when a boy used to give her attention or when her friends used to crack an inside joke.

Jane sighed as she watched Mika. The Joker had done what he said he wanted to, he had destroyed something innocent.

Someone placed a hand on Mika's shoulder and her reaction was only to be expected. She jumped again and let out a short scream. Her arms flew out around her, knocked the boy who had touched her in the stomach. He groaned and stumbled back while his arms hugged his stomach dramatically. Jane leapt to her feet and quickly walked over to the table. Mika looked around with huge scared eyes. People stared at her in shock and she looked as if she was expecting something bad to happen. She reminded Jane of a small child who had been caught doing something really bad and was now worried of the consequences.

"Mika…" Jane smiled as she came closer to the girl. "Would you like to come with me please?" Mika quickly got to her feet and followed Jane out of the room, leaving her school lunch untouched.

"What have I done?" Mika asked. Her voice sounded strange. It was once full of confidence but now it seemed to be barely whispering the words.

"Oh nothing." Jane smiled as they walked towards her classroom. "I just thought you'd like to have lunch somewhere quieter." Mika nodded and quietly followed Jane to the classroom where she sat down at a desk and stayed equally as quiet.

Jane hated the silence. She needed to break it so she started a conversation on something she knew Mika liked to talk about.

"How's your little sister?" She asked. Sometimes, when students were early to class, Jane would ask them what they had done the weekend or night before. Mika's reply was almost always the same. She'd proudly tell her teacher of how she took her two year old sister out or how her little sister was learning a new word that she had taught her.

"I don't know." Grumbled Mika. "She won't come near me. I try and hug her and she keeps crying. She screams to my mom '_Mommy, what wrong with Me-Me's face'._" Jane nodded, what else could she do? After more agonising silenced Jane watched as the teenager began picking the burn scars on the back of her hand. Jane didn't even want to know how they got there.

"Would you like to read a book?" She asked as she got up from her seat and walked over to the bookshelf. The girl nodded, a small smile graced her scarred lips. "What was the last book you read?"

"Alice in Wonderland." Mika said. "One of… _h-h-his_ men gave me it when _he _out."

"That was nice of him." Jane mumbled uncomfortably. Typical Mika, talking too much about something nobody wanted to know about or cared about.

"Then _he_ found it. He beat me with it and it was a big hardback book. He made me tell him which man gave me the book. Then he made me watch as he killed him." She said as she stared off into space. Her fingers nervously rubbed the scars on the back of her hand. "I shouldn't have said that." She mumbled so quietly that Jane wondered whether she had imagined it. "I shouldn't have. No. Oh god."

/

"She doesn't belong back in this school." Jane said to Mr Becker who sat behind his large wooden desk. The name plate with the word '_Principal'_ caught the light leading Jane to believe the rumours in the teachers' lounge that Mr Becker cleaned that name plate everyday were true. "She needs to be somewhere where they can deal with her. If she stays here someone's going to slip and say The Joker's name and she'll crack. Either that or she'll get bullied until she kills everyone."

"Miss Alcott…" Mr Becker said, raising one of his fat hands. "I know. That is why I am phoning Mika Brown's parents tonight and referring their daughter to Gotham City Hospital School."

"Hospital school?" Jane asked as she sank into her seat.

"Yes. The school is split into four different parts. Teaching on Gotham General Hospital for school children who are well enough to get an education and have been in the hospital for more than a week, the home education which sends out tutors to student's homes and then there's the students in the actual campus itself, the students who can't go to mainstream school because of… physiological problems." Mr Becker said, uttering the last two words quietly.

"Does she belong _there_?" Jane asked.

"Therapy sessions once a week, no bullies because many of students there have been bullied to the point of attempted suicide, teachers trained in dealing with emotionally unstable teenagers." Mr Becker said with a slight smirk on his face. He was mocking Jane and she knew it. "Yes, I think she'll belong there. We had a student last year whose parents were both killed by the fear toxin Dr Jonathan Crane set out in the Narrows, that student is currently in Gotham City Hospital School and is doing fine." Jane nodded and Mr Becker leant forward over the desk. "Tell me Miss Alcott, why do you even care?"

"I don't know." Jane said briskly.

She didn't. Truth be told, she didn't even take much notice of Mika before the Joker incident. In fact, she may have even disliked her. She was loud and talked back a lot. She wasn't the nicest of people either. Boys would talk to her while they were doing their work and if the boy was slightly annoying she'd stare off into space or put her headphones in her ears midsentence. She didn't know how to cope with frustration properly and she was once called to the head teacher's office for constantly kicking a student on a daily basis because he talked too much. She wasn't trying to be cool though. She seemed to be scared every time she was called told off by a teacher, she'd go red in the face and start stuttering.

She wasn't special. She was a normal teenager. She existed.


	2. Change In The Way You Breathed

_There was a change in the way you breathed, _  
><em>Couldn't believe you had changed for me<br>**Stole You Away- Benjamin Francis Leftwich. **_

Being the new girl is hard.

Being the new girl when nobody knows who you are is hard. You sit at the back of class while all those judging eyes burn into you and wish that you knew someone to talk to.

But standing here, inside Gotham Hospital School, on my own, I'm beginning to wish people didn't know me. They keep staring at me. I can hear them whispering. They keep referring to me as _'the girl who got kidnapped by The Joker_'. I don't want to be known as that for the rest of my life. I don't want to remember that hell that I had suffered for weeks. It seems as if I won't be forgetting it for a while.

Have you ever had a moment when you just stop and look at your life and think, what's the point, why can't I just drop dead now? I've been having quite a few of them over the past few months. I don't see why everyone wants me to drag out my life. Day by day. It's just a_ drag_. That's my new favourite word now. _Drag_. I found out that Paul McCartney said it when John Lennon died. _It's a drag_. I'm going to try and say it more often. _My life's a drag._ A useless weight slowing down everyone's life. I don't need to be in this school. I'm not going to accomplish anything with my life. If I have my way I'll be dead by this time next year.

I pull my timetable out of my pocket. I had stuffed it into my jean pocket this morning. I hadn't even made an effort to look nice. Before I had been kidnapped by _him_ I would have spent hours trying to pick what to wear before settling on waist high shorts and a vintage band t shirt. But I've given up now. Now I just wear jeans and any old t shirt I could find. Today it happened to be my brother's t shirt.

Oh my brother! Before the whole kidnapping situation we hated each other. I wonder where he was when he found out that The Joker had kidnapped me. He was probably at band practice. I wonder who told him. Probably Ned, he was my brother's friend and he looked like the kind of person to watch the news. My brother probably laughed it off. He probably thought it was a joke. When he realised it wasn't I wonder if he had an anger fit. He might have thrown his guitar at a wall. I'd like to think so. When he visited me in the hospital, when I got back, he cried. I've never seen him cry before that. Not even at our grandfather's funeral. Not even when his favourite band split up.

But enough about him, I'm late for first lesson. Which is… maths. It's in room F7 which, as I found out on my tour of the school yesterday, is on the bottom floor. Today's my first proper day. Yesterday was all interviews and being shown around the building. It felt like I had no choice in this. I didn't want to go back to school but nobody cared and nobody listened.

I get to the classroom and nobody, apart from the teacher, is there. So I grab a seat at the back of the room and make myself invisible… but I haven't been invisible for a while now. I remember the moment I knew for sure that I couldn't be normal again. Like somebody had pulled an invisibility cloak off of me. It was the day he filmed that first video.

_I had been sitting in that uncomfortable wooden chair for hours. The last thing I remembered was being pulled into a van when I was on my way to the nearest corner shop. Something heavy had hit me on the head and I passed out. That was all I remembered before waking up tied to that chair in the corner of a dark and dingy room. _

"_This is the best you could get?" A voice asked. "I asked for one in a dress." I looked up and when I saw the person who spoke staring at me my breath caught in my throat and I could have sworn my hear t had stopped beating. Standing there in his purple and green three piece suit with his greasy, poorly dyed green hair hanging limply around his painted and scarred face was The Joker. _

"_She was the only one who wasn't smoking or drinking." One of the other men grumbled. "She was the most innocent looking one we could find." _

"_She's not exactly the prettiest thing in Gotham is she?" The Joker chuckled as he walked towards me. A few of the three men who were also in the room chuckled. I whimpered and struggled against the rope that was tying me to the chair. It dug into my skin and moving only made it rub into my sore skin. The Joker leant down when he was a few steps away from me and grabbed my chin. I was forced to look into those evil dark eyes. My heart felt like a hummingbird's as it beat so quickly and loudly. _

"_She looks innocent enough." One of the men said. The Joker looked down at what I was wearing, a band t shirt tucked into waist high blue shorts. "Plus she's only about thirteen." _

"_What's your name, princess?" The Joker asked as he stared into my dull blue eyes. I tried to talk. I really did. But nothing slipped out of my mouth. He gave me a small shake causing my head to hit the wall behind me. "Answer. Me." He growled. _

"_M-M-Mika." I stuttered. I sniffed and tried to blink back tears. A smile flickered over The Joker's face as he came slightly closer to me._

"_How old are you M-M-Mika?" He asked. The men behind him laughed. I started to cry again and close my eyes. I remembered the game I used to play when I was younger, if I closed my eyes and pretended hard enough then maybe I might wake up in a castle or a pirate ship. I was too old for silly games now but I still pretended I was at home. My eyes shot open when I felt something placed against my cheek. I gasped when I figured out it was a knife. It pressed harder into my cheek and The Joker glared at me. _

"_Sixteen." I whimpered. "Please don't hurt me. Please. Please. Please." _

"_Don't beg." The Joker snapped. He traced the knife up my cheek bone and across my hair line. "Begging's for dogs-ah." The knife suddenly cut into my forehead. I let out a groan of pain and struggled against the ropes which tied me to the chair. I felt the blood trickle down my head and I gagged. I absolutely hated blood. I couldn't stand it at all. The Joker ran his finger through it and inspected it as a drop of it clung to his purple glove. _

"_Get it away." I groaned as I turned my head to the side. I heard The Joker giggle. He held his finger in my line of sight and I whimpered and quickly looked away._

"_A fear of blood?" He asked with a smile. "Girls can't have a fear of blood! Not unless this girl is a… uh… late bloom-er." He looked over his shoulder at the men. "You're right, this one will do perfectly." _

"_No more blood please!" I cried pathetically. The Joker stood back up and spun around to face his men. _

"_Go and kill Barry, slit his neck and then bring a bucket of his blood in here." He said simply. The men all nodded and left the room. I started to hyperventilate. I couldn't deal with a drop of blood let alone a bucket full of it. This poor Barry guy could have any old disease. I let my head drop and my sobs get heavier. Soon enough The Joker's forehead was pressed against mine. _

"_Don't worry." He said in a low voice which made it clear I should worry. "We're going to have so much fun." _

_A little over ten minutes later and the three men came back, hauling a large bucket with them. Is that all it took? Ten minutes to end a man's life? They handed The Joker the bucket and he slowly walked over to me. I whimpered and looked up at him. I hoped and prayed there was something deep down inside of him which wasn't evil. Somewhere in his mind he must be objecting to this. No one's 100% evil right? Wrong! _

"_You're going to look beau-ti-ful in red." He said with a smirk before tipping the bucket upside down above my head. I screamed louder than I had ever screamed before. It got in my eyes and in my mouth. It streamed down my face and dripped down my clothes. The Joker's laughter filled my ears. It was harsh and loud and insane. I was drowning. Drowning in blood and noise and insanity. _

"_Get it off! Get it off!" I screeched as I clawed at my skin. My hands soon became stained in blood. So much blood everywhere, sticking my clothes to my body, getting matted in my hair, dripping off my eyelashes. My head flew forward and I was sick all over the floor. _

_Tears and vomit and blood and sweat. _

_I don't know when The Joker switched his video recorder but soon I heard him talking to it. His cold chilling voice would soon flood the rooms of Gotham citizens. Soon hundreds of people would see me wallowing in my own vomit, sweat, tears and Barry's blood._

"_Hello Gotham, as you know… I'm a man of my word-uh." He said. "This is the innocent little child." I continued to stare at my lap. The Joker did not like that. "Look at the camera, sweet heart." My head snapped up and I stared at the camera. "Her name is Mika." He looked over at me as if I was the sexiest model ever. He gave me the look that boys give Lily if she's wearing a low cut top. A look that says 'I would totally have sex with you right now if I could'. I let out another sob and rested my head against the wall behind me. "Mika, Mika, Mika. Poor little ugly Mika." He looked back at the camera, a grin forming on his scarred face. "Watch me ruin her and destroy her." _

"You're in my seat. What are you doing in my seat?" A voice growls, snapping me out of my flash back. I stare ahead of myself for a few seconds in an attempt to not start crying or have a panic attack. I don't see the person who was standing next to me.

"There is no need to be angry at the new girl." The teacher says.

"Zane's always angry." A voice chuckles from the other side of the room.

"You shouldn't be so angry at someone with the same scars are you." Another voice adds. I look up and see this Zane boy staring down at me. He has messy brown hair and grey eyes but they aren't the things I first notice. This boy has a Glasgow smile. It's neater than my own but this is probably because he got real professional medical attention and I didn't. I had to make do with The Joker stitching up my scars while I was conscious. I flinch as I remember the pain that came that night.

"I'm sorry." I mumble. "I'll move now."

"No." Zane says through gritted teeth. "I'll sit over there." He takes a seat in front of me and drops his messenger bag to the floor. He doesn't say anything for the rest of the lesson and neither do I. When the end of the lesson comes I let out a relieved sigh and sink in my seat.

"Don't sound too happy, Princess." Zane hisses. "It's group therapy next." He's acting if I'm the most annoying person on the planet and I haven't even spoken a whole sentence to him. I glare at him before leaping to my feet and storming out of the room.

"Today class, we have a new student." The short plump woman, who is probably one of the many school therapists, says. The class of five people is sat in a circle on the floor. In the middle of the circle is a box of tissues and a stuffed bear. "Now Mika, whenever we have a new student they tell us why they're here, at our school, and then we have a little question and answer session. If you're talking you need to be holding Barnaby bear." She's kidding right. She thinks we're five. Barnaby bear? Kill me now please. I want tell her and her stupid bear can go screw themselves but I nervously reach for the light brown bear as the teacher hands it to me. "Well go on then. Don't be shy." Zane smirks at me but I quickly look at the bear on my lap.

"I was kidnapped by The Joker." I say to the bear. He smiles up at me with his beady little dull eyes staring at me.

"Anything you'd like to add to that?" The woman asks. _Yes, that I hate everyone that ever existed and if I had my way right now you'd all be dead especially you Miss-Lets-Treat-Everyone-As-If-They're-Five-Freaking-Years-Old, how dare you humiliate me like this._ I look up at her and smile.

"No." I say softly. My fingers dig into Barnaby Bear's soft fur and I imagine his little fluffy intestines squishing together and exploding in his body. Then I stop. This is mean to Barnaby. He didn't do anything. He's just a stuffed bear and his lips are stitched together so he can't even object to being in this building. Poor Barnaby. I'm sorry.

"Well then, does anybody have any questions for Mika?" The lady asks. Zane raises his hand. I throw Barnaby at him so he can talk and it hits him right in the face. The girl next to me lets out a giggle.

"Why is one of your eyes a different colour than the other?" He asks innocently. Two of the other students nod and look at my eyes. Barnaby is thrown back at me and I hold him like a child. I'd like to steal him and take him back to his wife and children. No. Maybe he has a _husband_. He doesn't look stereotypically gay. He's more like one off of Brokeback Mountain. So it's decided. I'll take him back to his husband where they'll both smoke a cigarette and thank me before riding off into the sunset on horses. Wait, what am I talking about. He's a goddamn stuffed animal.

"It's not." I say calmly. "One of my pupils is bigger than the other, it's called Anisocoria. It was caused when… _he_ punched me in the face."

"Must have been one hell of a punch to the eye." Zane said with no emotion in his voice.

_I didn't know whether it was day or night. The Joker had left after videotaping me and I was left tied to the chair. When the door finally creaked open I was so tired and hungry. I felt terrible. I was miserable and terrified. I saw the silhouette of The Joker walking towards me slowly. I took my chances. What could be the worst that could happen? I was only going to politely ask for some food. The worst he could do is say no._

"_I'm hungry." I said, my voice was croaky and rough. "Please can I have something to eat?" He started laughing but when he got in front of me he flipped open his knife and stopped laughing. I whimpered and struggled against the rope which tied me to the chair. I was certain he was going to kill me right there and then but instead he just cut the rope. I fell onto my hands and knees and looked up at him. He smirked as he looked down at me. _

"_Go and get some food then." He said. I continued to stare up at him. He rolled his eyes. "There's food in the…uh… kitchen." He took a side step and pointed grandly to the open door. I brushed my hair out of my face before getting up. With shaky legs I walked towards the door. I knew something wasn't right. This was too easy. The Joker's steps behind me began to get quicker. I ran out of the room and across the corridor but soon The Joker was running as well. I felt him tackle me to the floor and I hit the rough carpet with a bang, hitting my jaw painfully. I groaned in pain and struggled to get up but The Joker effortlessly rolled me over so I was lying on my back. His mouth attached to my neck and he started sucking and biting on it, trying to give me a love bite. _

_I had only had one experience of a love bite before and that was when Lily gave me one as a dare at a sleepover one night. It hurt and I had been screaming and giggling all the way through. _

"_Get off of me!" I begged as I tried to push The Joker off of my body. _

"_But we're having so much fun!" He giggled as his hands went under my shirt. I decided to fight back. I wasn't going to lie back and let this clown rape me. I brought my knee up and got him right in between the legs and clawed at his face. I felt grease paint gather underneath my nails but I didn't stop. I thought I was winning. How stupid of me to think I could actually beat The Joker. _

_He leant back so he was straddling my waist instead of lying on top of me and glared down at me. _

"_I wasn't going to hurt you _too _much." He said although both he and I knew this was a lie. "But you've been a naughty girl and naughty girls need to be punished-ah." I turned my head to the side and closed my eyes. I was going to beg and cry but I decided against it. So after a few seconds I snapped my head back to look at him._

"_Go to hell freak." I screamed at the top of my lungs. By now a group of men who probably worked for The Joker gathered around us. They were staring as if an amazing show was about to unravel. A smirk tugged at The Joker's lips and his hands slowly travelled up my body. I squirmed underneath him causing his to let a dark low chuckle escape his lips. When his hands got to my head he wrapped them around my greasy hair and grinned. I tried my hardest to glare up at him but I must have looked pathetic. He lifted my head up a few centimetres from the floor before smashing it down, once, twice, three times. For a few seconds I couldn't move. I was paralysed for a short while but it was long enough for The Joker to rip my belt off and my shorts and underwear down before grabbing his knife from his pocket and slicing my t shirt down the front. When I was able to move again I weakly tried to scratch at his arms. _

"_Oh no, no, no, no." The Joker said with mock concern as he ran the knife over my face. "You need to have another… little… re-lax." His fist collided with the side of my face and without missing a beat his other fist slammed into my eye. It didn't leave me unable to move again but it hurt immensely. I screamed in pain and tried to move my arms so I could clutch my face but The Joker though I was going to hurt him again so he shifted his legs so he was kneeling on my arms. _

"_My eye!" I screamed as he cut the front of my bra. "Stop! Stop! My eye!" _

_But he didn't stop or even slow down. While between ten or twenty of his men watched, The Joker raped me. _

I stare ahead. I regret not fighting back harder. If I did then maybe I'd be able to say I am still a virgin. Maybe I'd be able to get the sound of those sickening cackles that came from The Joker's men lips as they watched me be attacked by The Joker.

"It's OK to cry." The woman says. No it's not. It's weak and pathetic. That's what The Joker always said. When I'd cry he'd punish me. Sometimes it would be by whipping me with my own belt, not that I would have been wearing it. Ever since the rape incident my clothes were ruined so he forced me to wear his own sweaty stained shirts which hung off of me like a dress.

I leap to my feet and throw the bear down on the floor. I don't want to be at this school anymore. Not that I wanted to in the first place. I storm out of the room while running my hands through my greasy blonde hair. I need to wash it but it seems pointless. I don't know where I'm going but soon I find myself in the school yard slumped against a brick wall.

"Nowhere left to run?" A voice asks. I look in the direction of the voice and see Zane walking across the yard towards me. There's a lit cigarette in between his scarred lips and his hands are shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket.

"Piss off." I hiss. I wipe my cheeks with the back of my wrist so he can't see any tears. He raises his hands in a sort of surrender.

"I only asked a question." He says. He sits a few feet in front of me and grins. "I'm only here because I couldn't stand another minute of group therapy and following you to '_see if you were OK_' seemed to be the only excuse."

"I'm fine." I mumble. I hug my legs to my chest and rest my chin head on my knees.

"Clearly you're not." Zane says. Then there's a silence. It's dragging on and on. "Why haven't you washed your hair?" If somebody else asked that I'd be offended but he asked it with genuine curiosity in his voice. I looked up at him and saw him staring at me. "After being held captive by The Joker wouldn't you want to be clean? He seems like the type of man who doesn't care about his hostage's personal hygiene." He talks about it so bluntly. I flinch but he doesn't seem to notice. He takes a drag of his cigarette and raises his eyebrows. "You can ask me any question you want if you answer mine." I bite my lip. It seems like a good deal. I could ask how he got his scars.

"When I was with… The Joker…. I could only wash my hair and have a bath if he was there. Like, physically in the room watching me and _helping_ me." I say. Zane winces as if he feels my pain. He understands me better than any therapist I've had so far. "He'd wash my hair for me but he'd do it so roughly my neck would hurt for days after. If I so much as whimpered in pain he'd squirt the shampoo in my eyes or mouth. It stung like a bitch." Zane nods and scratches his chin with his thumb nail as if he's taking it all in. I clear my throat and watch him. "How did you get your scars?"

"I saw that coming." He said with a low chuckle. "One night I was walking home alone and I heard noises coming from an alley way. So I looked down the alleyway and saw a man attacking a woman. Being the over-confident little shit I was, I yelled at the man to get off of her. I didn't _know_ that man was The Joker until he turned around. Needless to say I couldn't run fast enough and he ended up carving my face. I phoned an ambulance for me and that woman but… she was declared on arrival to the hospital." He takes another drag of his cigarette and looks up at the grey sky. "She had kids and a husband. What do I have?" He lets out a dry chuckle. "I have a lazy mother and a father I've never met. I've got an idiotic brother who's in jail. Nobody depends on my like people depended on that woman. It should be me six foot under. Not her." I want to lean forward and hug him but instead I let a small understanding smile tug at my lips. "The grim reaper is obviously got his plans mixed up." He flashes a smile at me and I nod. This is sick. I only met him a few hours ago and now we're agreeing that we both should be dead.

/

_**Reviews are greatly enjoyed! **_


	3. Swim Until You're Free

_Take me to the docks, there's a ship without a name there,  
>and it is sailing to the middle of the sea<br>The water there is deeper than anything you've ever seen  
>jump right in and swim until you're free<em>

**Atlas Hands- Benjamin Francis Leftwich**

_My blood stained finger traced the glossy calendar which was pinned to the kitchen wall of The Joker's hideout. Today's date was the fifteenth, I had been taken on the eighth, it had been a whole week since I had seen my family. The only reason I had a calendar was because The Joker had made me a 'typical bedroom' as some sort of sick joke. There was a limp blanket and pillow in the corner, a notebook with a few crayons scattered across the wooden floor, a couple cushions in another corner and a little room at the side of the 'bedroom' with a dirty toilet in a sink that didn't work. On the calendar I had written (or tried to) what The Joker had done to me that day. I wanted Gotham to feel sorry for not making sure The Joker was held in Arkham security. I wanted them to read it and cry when I was dead. When The Joker found out what I was doing he laughed. He told me I was pathetic and gave me a kick in the ribs._

"_Dinner time, bitch." One of The Joker's workers said as he dropped a bowl of water and a bowl of stale bread down next to the door. It was their little sick joke. They said I was The Joker's pet. I was his dog. His bitch. _

_When I looked over I noticed that the goon hadn't shut the door properly which meant it wasn't locked. I slowly walked over to the door and opened it. The Joker was out, I thought, so I was probably safe. There was nobody around so I tiptoed out of the room and down the corridor. I spotted a set of metal stairs and I climbed down them as quickly and quietly as I could. Somehow I ended up in the kitchen so while I was there I picked up a large knife. It would be great to know as the girl who killed The Joker. _

"_What are you doing out of you…uh… room?" A voice asked. I froze in my place and swallowed thickly. "Were you _that_ excited to see me?" I spun around and thrust the knife towards his chest. The knife cut into his arm as he grabbed my wrist. He spun my arm around so my wrist was against my back and my back was against his chest. "Drop the knife, princess." I opened my hand and the knife fell to the floor with a clatter. "What was my first rule?" I closed my eyes and let out a sob. "No. Don't cry. Answer me. Answer me now you pathetic little _skank_." His grip on my wrist got tighter and I let out a shriek of pain. _

"_Not to run away." I whimpered. _

"_And what did I say I'd do if you tried to run away?" The Joker asked. His lips were next to my ear and his scars were pressed into my head. I shuddered. _

"_You'd … c-c-carve my f-f-face." I stuttered. I heard him chuckle and nuzzle his head into my hair. "No! Please don't! I wasn't trying to run away! I was just hungry and my toilet was flooded and I didn't feel well and I was cold." He took no notice of my babbling and flicked his knife out of his pocket. _

"_Your screams and begs for mercy only make me more excited." He said huskily in my ear before spinning me around and slamming me into the wall. "You're going to look so much more… beautiful after this." He placed the knife in my mouth and giggled. "To me at least." _

"I think we're really getting somewhere." My therapist, Steve, says with a smile. I nod into the pillow I am clutching to my chest and wipe my eyes against its softness. "That's all for today. Thank you for sharing that with me. I know how hard it is to tell someone how you got your scars. I'm so happy you trust me with this." I don't trust him. I just needed to tell someone and there was no chance my mother or father would listen. "Well… that's the end of school." I bolt to my feet and grab my bag before running out of the room.

"Therapist touch a sore spot?" Zane asks from where he's leaning on the wall opposite. I shake my head and force a smile. "It's OK to cry."

"No it's not. I've only known you for a week. Stop acting as if you've known me all my life." I snap. Zane shrugs and follows me in the direction of the student exit.

"I know you well enough to know that you're always in a defensive and grumpy mood after therapy. It's OK. So am I." He says as he almost skips beside me.

"You're always grumpy." I snap. It's true. Everyone else sees him as a boy with anger problems. He never snaps at me or yells at me like he does with the other kids. He shrugs and we walk out of the school together.

"Want to go to the dock?" He asks with a smirk. "I don't want to go home."

"I would but I can't." I sigh. "I have to pick up the siblings from their schools." Zane nods and licks his scars.

"Some other time then." He smiles as he walks in a different direction.

"Of course." I say but he's already gone.

/

The first ones I pick up are Bowie and Lennon from nursery school. Lennon's a little boy and Bowie's a little girl. They are two year old twins and had only just got used to the fact that 'Mika isn't pretty any more'. They each clutched onto my scarred hands as we walk down towards Freya and Brandon's school. Freya is seven and Brandon is eleven. Brandon understands more than anyone. He comes into my room when I wake up from having a nightmare and hugs me. He tells me I can always speak to him and that he'll beat The Joker up if he ever comes. If anybody talks about The Joker in front of Freya she bursts out crying. She's terrified of him. Not that I can blame her.

By the time we get home neither mom nor dad is home and we're left sitting on the front porch. Bowie sits on my knee while Lennon sits next to me. Freya and Brandon run up and down the garden, getting their school shoes dirty.

"Mika, I need the toilet." Lennon whines as he tugs on my t shirt.

"Bowie needs toilet too!" Bowie gasps.

"We'll have to wait until mommy and daddy gets home." I smile. I should probably explain what's going on with all out stupid names. Mother and Father seem to go through phases when they have children, for example, Bowie and Lennon were named when the parents went through a phase of obsessing over sixties music. John _Lennon_ and David _Bowie_. I think that's pretty awesome. I'm stuck with the name Mika because the parents were going through a _Japanese_ phase and they read somewhere that Mika meant beautiful which I think is wrong. I read somewhere it meant New Moon. Oh god, I'm named after a Twilight movie. Kill me now please? Freya is named after the Greek goddess and Brandon's the only one with a _normal_ name.

When Mother and Father do eventually get home and _I've_ sat Freya and Brandon down to do their homework and made sure Lennon and Bowie have both gone the toilet and are happily playing in the play room, they sit me down in the front room.

They are either side of me and my mother has her hand placed over mine while my father awkwardly leans away. I can hear him breathing heavily and there are tears in my mother's eyes. I wonder if my older brother's OK. He's the only one not here. His name is Jared but his friends call him 'Angel Face' because he has a young face for his age. So now even Lennon and Bowie call him Angel. Lily and Ella used to think he was cute and they'd drool over him whenever they'd come around.

"Mika… darling…" My mother says with a false smile.

"It's about the surgery to fix your scars." My father says as he drapes a heavy arm over my shoulder. "It's a lot of money sweet heart, money that we don't have… at the moment." I drop my head in between my knees and I feel a flashback coming on.

_My head's on The Joker's lap which is stained with blood. So much blood. It made me dizzy and sick. He was stitching up my cheeks as if it was the sanest thing in the world. I had stopped screaming about ten minutes ago. Now I just groaned and grunted in pain. I had lost my voice and I was too tired. Not that it didn't hurt, no, The Joker made sure it hurt. He was making my Glasgow Smile look as gruesome and poorly stitched as his. _

"_I've been researching your…uh… family history." He said as he continued to stich my torn cheeks back together. I stiffened and let out a mumble of protest. He tugged on the thread that was stitching together my cheeks, harshly. "Two sisters and three brothers? What? Your parents can't afford contraception?" If it was possible, my cut cheeks blushed. Money had never been our family's strong point. Many of the rooms in our house didn't have a carpet and we all wore hand-me-downs. "Judging from where you _live_, that sounds like the truth." I struggled against him and whined angrily. The Joker simply pressed down on my cut cheeks with a rag he had been using to soak up the blood. I groaned and calmed down. "I bet they won't be able to afford to get these cheeks fixed." He tapped his finger against them and I let out a yell of pain. He leant down slightly and looked me in the eyes. His hair tickled my face as I stared up at him. "You'll be an ugly freak like me forever." _

"Mika… honey… are you OK?" My mother asks. I leap to my feet and glare at them.

"You're just letting him win." I scream.

"Who?" My father asks. His forehead crinkling. I'm not saying his name. I run out of the room, out of the house, out of the street. I run towards the docks. My feet pound against the pavement as I run through Gotham. I ignore the people pointing and whispering.

I'm sitting at the dock with my feet hovering about a foot from the dirty water. I lean against the bars that stop people from falling into the water and let out a sigh. From here you can see The Narrows… and Arkham. It's just a small rectangle in the distance but it's creepy to know that The Joker's in there. Maybe he's staring back at me. I gulp and rest my head against the cool railing in front of me.

"It's calming isn't it?" A voice says. I look up and see Zane standing next to me. He sits next to me and lets his feet also drop over the side. "Knowing he's safely locked up in there. Knowing he can't possibly be behind you or under your bed at night." He takes a drag from his, already lit, cigarette.

"He's broke out before." I say sharply.

"Yes he has." Zane says slowly. "But for those few weeks that he's in there it's beautiful. Everything seems brighter and happier. You dare yourself to go out alone and you don't get scared. For the first time in a long time you're not scared." He looks over at me and I shrug. "I should know. Ever since I got my scars he's been in Arkham… three times? Yes. This is the third time." He tilts his head to the side and his hair falls over his face. "Want to play twenty questions?" I smirk. Twenty questions, how we play it, is different to the normal game. We take turns in asking each other ridiculously personal questions. We normally go over twenty before one of us can't take it. I nod. "First one, why have you been crying?" I wipe at my eyes furiously but Zane just laughs.

"My parents can't afford the surgery I'd need to fix my face." I say. He winces and stumps his cigarette out on the railings.

"That sucks." He says.

"Why haven't you had surgery?" I ask as I stare at Arkham Asylum.

"Skin grafts and all that?" He asks before licking his scars as if to remind himself they were there. "No thank you. It will never look the same again. I'll always have scars. I'd just prefer to have them here." He traces them with his fingers. "This way people don't have to ask how I got them. They figure it out and avoid it at all costs." He flashes a grin before leaning closer to me. "Next question. What's the worst thing you've ever done?" I think for a few seconds even though I know the answer. It's flashing in my head like a big neon sign. I lean in even closer so my lips are near his ears.

"I killed a guy." I whispered. I don't know why I trust him. I haven't even told the police this or my own family. I've known him for a week and I'm telling him my deepest darkest secret. I'm insane. He leans back and mouths the word 'wow'. I close my eyes. I'm going to have to explain it. So I take a deep breath and throw myself into it.

"_It was after The Joker had raped me again_." I look over at Zane and he doesn't even flinch. After a few seconds he wraps an arm around my waist in a sign of comfort or support. "_I was lying on the bed next to him. I was too tired to move or struggle. I just lay there trying to breathe. If I could breathe then I'd be fine. I had to remind myself that soon enough the pain would go away. I was covered in blood and sweat so much so that I could feel the bed underneath me getting damp. Then The Joker nuzzled his nose into my neck. I could feel him smiling and I could feel his bare chest pressed against my arm. _

'_I'll give you a treat.' He said. 'If you do something for me.' I didn't question it at first. I just looked over at him and waiting for him to explain. He said: 'I won't hurt you for a whole day, you can have a proper bed for a week, you can have a bath alone, a take away meal tomorrow and you can wear a pair of shorts underneath that shirt of mine.' I later found out the shorts were only in that offer because apparently some of his men had been looking up my shirt. This is disgusting because they're all around my older brother's age and some even around my dad's age. _

_So, being the idiot I am, I agreed without thinking twice. I mean it all seemed so good. They had been giving me stale food up until then and I had been sleeping on the floor. Then The Joker burst out laughing. He said I could have all that if I killed someone._

_The next day he came in with this poor man who was beaten to an inch of death. He was shaking and coughing up blood. He stared at me with dull blue eyes and I'll never forget it. Seeing somebody who knows they're about to die… it's… horrible. I've never seen someone so blank, someone who's lost hope in everything. I couldn't do it at first. I burst out crying and dropped the knife The Joker had given me. I begged and begged The Joker not to make me. I told him I didn't want anything he offered and that I was fine sleeping on the floor and not eating properly. He just sighed and took his gun out of his pocket. He put it in my hands then put his hands over mine. He put my finger on the trigger and rested his painted chin on my head. _

'_Do this.' He whispered into my ear. 'Or I'll go to your house and shoot your little sisters.' The man I was supposed to kill looked up at me and, after coughing loudly, he uttered the words 'I understand'. So I shot him. I shot him so I could eat and sleep properly. He never will now. I'm so fucking selfish."_

I begin to properly cry for the first time in ages. Zane pushes my head onto his shoulder and lets me cry. People look over at us and I hear Zane swearing at them.

"You're not selfish, Mika." He says as he presses his lips into my hair.

"I am." I sob. "I killed him. Now I'm no better than The Joker. I belong in Arkham." I pull back but Zane just holds me tighter as if he thinks I'm going to jump into the water and swim all the way to Arkham.

"You killed to _survive_ you killed to save you little sisters. He kills for fun. You are nothing like him." Zane snaps as if he's telling me off. "How could you think that?" After a few minutes of calming silence I stop crying.

"Sorry to break this up." A voice says. I look up and see my big brother grinning down at us. His blonde hair is scraped back into a pony tail and he has Bowie and Lennon on each hip.

"Hiya Mika!" Bowie grins.

"Hiya Mika." Lennon giggles.

"Hi guys." I smile.

"And who's this?" Angel says through gritted teeth. I roll my eyes and stand up.

"This is my _friend_, Zane." I say. He goes to shake Angel's hand but quickly pulls back when he sees he's holding the twins. "Zane this is Angel Face, Bowie and Lennon."

"My _real_ name's Jared." Angel says with a smirk. Then he turns to me. "Come home, Mika. Give mom and dad a chance." I let out a heavy sigh and cross my arms.

"Fine." I huff. Angel smiles and shifts the toddlers in his arms.

"Would you like a lift home?" He asks Zane.

"Oh thank you but I shouldn't. I need to pick up some things on the way home and I _like_ walking. Since The Joker got locked up I feel safe." Zane says with a smile. "Thank you very much for the offer though. I'll see you at school Mika." With that he hurries off.

"Nice kid." Angel grunts as he passes Bowie to me. "It's good to see you've made a friend in school."

/

In this school they're allowed to restrain you if you become a danger to a student or member of staff. When you start this school your parent or guardian signs a form saying that, if you're that much of a risk, they're allowed to inject you with a needle that '_calms you down'_. I thought it was a joke at first as well. Zane told me and I laughed. Then he told me about some boy last year who got in a fight and ended up injected.

As I sit in the yard at break I can't help but think about how we're being treated like animals. They push us out into the yard for 'a walk' and 'social time' at eleven o'clock. Zane has a therapy session today so I'm sitting alone at a picnic table reading a book.

"Hey." A voice says. I look up and see a girl with self –cut hair and, most likely, self-pierced facial features. Next to her is a shorter girl who looks almost the same but with dyed green hair. I swallow and look down. Her hair is like The Joker's except less greasy.

"Hi." I choke out.

"I'm Tia." The short green haired girl grins. They sit opposite me and I hold back a snarl. Can't they see I don't want their company? "Most people call me Chaos." I try not to groan as I clutch my head. I remember The Joker would sometimes utter that word over and over again if his mind was in a different place, like when he was pacing the room after he'd beat me or when he came in to mentally torture me. _Chaos, anarchy, kill the batman, kill the girl, kill Mika._ I hated those moments, those moments when you saw how utterly insane he was.

"I'm Zara but I go by the name of Mercy-Blood." The other girl said. I wanted to groan in embarrassment for her. Who on earth called her that? Then the twisted words of The Joker filled into my mind.

"_Beg for mercy you worthless little slut." _He had roared at me while holding my hair in his fist while holding a knife to my neck after making deep cuts under my chin.

"You're Mika right." Zara smiles. I nod and look back down at my book.

"I like your scars." Tia says. I snap my head up to look at her. "They're so gruesome and beautiful." I want to roll my eyes. They think they look cool and scary because they like scars. They're the type of girls who say they worship Satan and perform weekly kitten sacrifices. They were the type of teenagers who never grew out of that 'emo phase'.

"You're kidding?" I ask. They shake their heads and look at each other.

"We're in this school because we tried to kill everyone in our last one." Tia nods. Zara nods slightly before adding.

"Well… we planned to. We took a knife in and everything but…"

"But Mercy-Blood got too scared and we went home." Tia snaps.

"You got scared as well, Chaos!" Zara growls. I wish they'd both just shut up and go away. I'm sure you're feeling embarrassment for these girls as well. You're only reading this. I have to live through this. My insides felt like they were cringing for these girls.

"We just couldn't be bothered." Tia says with a wave of her hand.

"Sure." I mumble although the idea of them on their way to school with kitchen knives in their bags and crying halfway to school seems rather realistic.

"So we're kind of _jealous_ you got to spend so much time with The Joker." Zara says as she leans across the picnic table. I can't believe what I'm hearing. She's kidding right? She's joking? She can't be serious.

"He's kind of our idol." Tia giggles. I can't control myself I leap forward and grab Tia's dirty black band t shirt in my fist. She looks scared. I sneer down at her.

"Your _idol_?" I almost scream. "You ignorant little piece of shit. He's a monster."

"We respect him." Zara snaps. My fist slams into her pierced face and all those piercings have cut into my fingers. She falls to the floor and I leap on top of her. I'm acting like an animal. I want to sink my teeth into her neck and rip her skin to shreds. I'd like to be a lion right now.

"A man like that does not deserve respect. You think he's so cool and awesome but he's an insane monster. He'd kill you without a second thought." I growl. "You know what I found out? I found out that half of the time he doesn't look people when he kills them. That's how heartless he is. He'd kill you so horrifically that you'd vomit at the thought of it."

"He wouldn't." She says. She's going to cry. She's so pathetic, crying at this, she'd never last a day with her precious idol. Anger wells up inside of me and I claw at her face. I watch the scratches slowly start to bleed. I go to scratch her again but I'm pulled back too quickly.

"We just wanted to be friends." Tia screams as she stands over me. Zara's a crying mess now.

"You just wanted to find out more things about The Joker so you could build up a twisted little fantasy life about him." I scream. Angry tears are falling down my cheeks and I punch her in the stomach. It's good to let my anger out. I keep punching and kicking until I don't realise I'm crying. Then I'm pulled off of her and pushed against a wall. Everything seems far away and distant. In front of me is a teaching assistant. I forget his name but he's young and good looking, most of the girls fancy him. He's saying words but I don't hear. I then realise I'm crying when he tries to pull me in for a hug. I scream and kick at him. He's not trying to give me a hug he's trying to touch me and do bad things like The Joker did. I'm sure of it. Everyone in this school works for The Joker. I can see it in their eyes. Zara and Tia just gave the game away but I understand now. The teaching assistant stumbles back when he can't take any more of my punches or kicks. He yells something over to another teacher but I still can't concentrate. Another teacher is trying to calm me down but I can see through their fake concerned faces. I punch her in the face and I feel the crack of her nose under my fist. Then I see a face that makes me stop. Zane is in front of me.

"Mika, what happened?" He asks as he holds my face so I can't look over at the teachers coming closer to me. He glances at them and nods but when I try to look at them he forced me to look at him. "Calm down. Tell me what happened." He has such a lovely calm voice.

"They work for him." I sob. My hands grab his wrists and my nails dig into the skin but he doesn't react.

"They don't." He says with a smile that could make me melt. He doesn't need to ask who '_he_' is. "Just calm down. Look at me. Calm down." Then I feel a prick in my elbow. I look down and see the young male teaching assistant injecting my arm with a syringe. I groan and feel myself grow lighter. A wave of calm washes over me and it feels lovely. I slip down the wall and Zane catches me. He pulls me forward and my forehead rests against his shoulder. He smells so nice. I nuzzle my nose into his neck and smile. Part of me wants to lean over and kiss him. I don't see anything wrong with it but I'm feeling slightly too tired to move anymore.

/

I'm going crazy. I'm lying on the sofa in the therapist room with Zane kneeling on the floor next to the sofa. Everything that has happened has only just come back since the drugs wore off about ten minutes ago. I'm going crazy. I'm insane.

"Mika… speak to me please." Zane says softly. I can't talk. I'm too deep in thought. It's like I'm lost in my own mind. I don't speak for the rest of the day. I don't speak until I go to bed and then, in the middle of the night, I let myself cry while I'm under my duvet. Brandon crawls under with me and wraps his arms around me. He strokes my hair, he's not acting like an eleven year old, he asks me what's a matter and I tell him. I tell him everything that happened that day. He hugs me tighter and tells me I'm not crazy and then utters the same words he does every night before he goes back to him room:

"I'll kill The Joker."

/

_**A/N: **__Thank you for the lovely reviews and alerts! _

_I admit that this story may or may not be an excuse for the writer, myself, to take her anger out on the world by making The Joker hurt this hostage. If you want a happy ending to this story, if you want my OC to end up having a great life and defeat the evil Joker than I'm sure I could point you in the direction of such fanfictions because this is not one… but if you like that type of stuff and are not wishing for a happy –bunny-unicorn- rainbow-story than read ahead! _

_Review if you like it! _


	4. The Joker laughs At You

_Don't you think the joker laughs at you?_

_See how they smile like pigs in the sty._

_See how they snide, I'm crying. _

_**I Am The Walrus- The Beatles**_

I sit at the back of the class with Zane. He's been protective with me ever since the whole injection thing. He sits right next to me and always makes us sit right next to the door. He snaps at people who look over at us for too long and if any one says anything mildly offensive he'll yell at them.

The lesson hasn't started yet. I sit in the plastic chair and stare down at my brown chino pants and my red checked shirt. I hate this class. I hate every class. At least we had a substitute this lesson. He hasn't turned around yet so he could be a scary teacher or nice teacher. You can usually tell by their face.

"When will this lesson start?" Zane growls from beside me. As if the teacher hears him he spins round. My head snaps up and I wish I didn't.

This is happening. I'm having another twisted nightmare. This couldn't possibly be real. The Joker can't possibly be in front of me. He's supposed to be in Arkham but he's standing right there. He's more vivid than I can remember him. He stares right at me. His black eyes are burning holes into mine.

"Well hello teenagers." He says. Everyone leaps to their feet but I stay in my chair. I can't move. He's walking towards me but I can't move. I stare at him with my mouth open. I want to scream but it gets caught in my throat. The Joker. He's not in his purple suit, he's in a dull grey one but he still has his horrifying grease paint on. The same face that had tortured me, flooded my nightmares and ruined my life is now coming closer and closer to me.

Then I feel someone grab my wrist and pull me out of the room. I stumble over my own feet and as soon as we're out of the room it's like I can breathe again and then all my emotions flood out. I scream into the hallway and break down into sobs. My screams are drowned out by all the other students' screams and my cries are just another sound in the mass of panic. I'm pulled against the stream of students, in the other direction.

"They're all stupid." Zane mumbles to himself when we get to the other end of the hall where there are no students. "There is a fire exit down here. The main entrance will be too busy to get out of." We're near the stairs now and I think we can make it. I almost smile.

"Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run." The Joker sings. His voice floods the hallway and both Zane and I jump. The bad thing is that when Zane jumps and stumbles, he's about to run down the stairs. He trips and lets go of my hand and falls. His head harshly hit the stairs and I scream. He lands on the section in between the two sets of stairs and doesn't move. I run down but he doesn't get up. I want him to sit up and grin at me and call me a sucker for believing he'd let himself be unconscious at such an important moment in their lives but he just lies there. His eyes are closed and he's breathing but blood trickles out from his hair line, down his forehead. I crouch next to him and shake him. Maybe he'll wake up if he hears me.

"Zane." I whisper shakily. "Zane wake up. I can't do this on my own." I feel so weak and pathetic. Then I hear footsteps pound up the stairs. I look down and a man in a clown mask is already half way up the stairs. By the time I get to the second step on the steps going up, he's already got hold of the tops of my arms. I kick my legs back and scream but it's no use. His grubby finger nails dig into my skin and hear him chuckling behind me. I let out a louder scream and throw my head back.

"Oh Mika, I have missed your screams." The Joker booms from the top of the stairs. I stop screaming and moving and look up at him. There's no escape now. He's coming down the stairs. He's coming for me. I make one last struggle before giving up. I drop my head in defeat. Soon his brown brogues are in my line of vision and I can feel myself shaking in fear. His gloved fingers are under my chin and I begin to think about how odd it is that he's not wearing his purple suit but he's wearing his purple gloves. Then he tilts my head so I look up at him. "Scream again for me." I shake my head and he rolls his eyes. "I've missed you. It's so…uh… lonely in Arkham. We have a lot of catching up to do."

"Please let me go." I whimper. He slaps me in the face so hard I almost fall from the guy in the clown mask's grip.

"Don't beg." The Joker growls. "You haven't forgotten what I taught you have, you?"

"No." I say. The Joker nods and his eyes fall onto Zane. I see him smirk.

"Who's this then? Lover-boy. You haven't _replaced_ me have you?" The Joker asks. He sounds hurt and he looks up at me with a pout.

"He's just my friend." I whisper.

"I should hope so." The Joker says in a dark voice as if me having a boyfriend or a sexual partner is the most offensive and nastiest thing I could possible do to him. "He looks a lot like us." The Joker's giggling now. The type of giggle he has when he's thought of something horrible to do to me. I squirm in the man's grip. "Maybe he should come with us. We could make a club. A freak club."

"Leave him out of this." I scream. Since the man behind me is basically holding me up, I bring up both of my legs and kick The Joker in the stomach with all my force. He's caught off guard and he tumbles to the floor. I wish Zane was awake. I wish he had seen that. He would have been so proud. My joy is cut short when The Joker leaps back to his feet and grabs my hair. He pulls me away from the man and slams my head into the wall. I can feel my hair being pulled out of my scalp before the impact of my head smashing into the wall catches up with me. I let out a weak scream as I go dizzy. If The Joker wasn't still holding my hair I would fall to the floor. My stomach and chest are pressed up against the wall so hard that, even though my legs are going weak, I can't move an inch.

"If I had more time I'd tear your skin from your bones." He growls into my ear. I want to point out how there is muscle between your skin and your bones but I don't think it's the right time. Then I feel something sink into the back of my neck. I let a scream rip from my throat and let my back arch. I soon figure out The Joker is biting me. Not playful biting or biting like a small child would. Proper I-want-to-eat-you biting. When he pulls back and I fall to the floor, I look up to see blood around his mouth. He grins down at me and it's staining his yellow teeth. It's the most terrifying thing I've seen in a while. I feel myself going dizzy before I let my eyes close and I faint. What a lucky thing, to faint when you're terrified. It's as if your body's giving you five minutes to calm down.

/

"Mika." A voice whispers urgently. "Mika, wake up." My eyes open and I see Zane sitting at the opposite side of the room we're in. I try to leap forwards but, looking down, I see I'm handcuffed to the old radiator plugged into the wall. "Where are we?" Zane whispered. I look around the room. I see the limp blanket in the corner and the cushions and the notebook and crayons. It's not the same room that I was in when I was first taken by The Joker but it looks almost the same. If I hadn't been in there for so long with nothing else to do but study the grey room then I wouldn't have noticed it was different. It's probably a different building all together.

"Oh god no." I scream as I pull violently on the handcuff.

"Mika! Calm down." Zane yells over my screams. Once I stop struggling and screaming I look up at him.

"The Joker…" I say slowly. I don't need to say anything else. He throws his head back and closes his eyes. I can see that he's trying not to cry.

"I heard my name." The Joker's voice says. I struggle against the handcuff as if there is some possibility of it coming undone so I can run away. "I didn't know you were so…erm… eager to introduce me to your little friend." I hold back a sob and look over to the doorway. He's there, coming in. He has his purple suit on now and freshly applied grease paint. He smirks at me before, in one swift movement, kneels in front of Zane.

"Tell me your name." He says as he smoothly gets his knife from his pocket and presses it against Zane's scars. Zane breathes heavily out of his nostrils as he looks down his nose at The Joker.

"Zane." He says finally.

"Zane." The Joker says as if he's tasting it and rolling it around on his tongue. "Have we met before Zane or are you just a big fan?" The knife presses down on his scars and he struggles for a second.

"I tried to stop you attacking a woman." Zane says with his eyes closed. The Joker giggles and shifts his weight onto his feet.

"Always trying to play the hero?" He asked. "Is that why you became friends with Mika? Did you want to save her from her tragic life? Being a hero has never worked out for you has it?" A tear slides down Zane's cheek. "What's it like to fail at everything you do?"

"Shut up." I hear myself yell. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up." The Joker turns his head around too look over at me before leaping to his feet. He twirls the knife in his hands and I can't rip my eyes from it. It was sharp and stained with blood from a previous victim. I fight back the urge to vomit and look somewhere else. He sits in front of me with his legs crossed like an innocent child.

"Mika, Mika, Mika." He drawls with a smile on his face. He pauses and lets his eyes scan over my body and face. I look over at Zane who is staring at me with a look of fear in his eyes. Suddenly The Joker is leaning over me. I press my back against the wall and his mouth is by my ear. "I've missed you. It's so lonely in Arkham." His tongue runs across my ear and I try to move away. I know what he wants.

"Please not now." I whimper as his mouth sucks on my neck, just below my ear. "Not while Zane's here. Not…ever. Please." The sound of metal clanging fills the room. I look down and see that the handcuff has come off of my wrist and my first instinct is to run but I can't move before The Joker pushes me to the floor. He pins me down while he lies on top of me. I scream and buck my body but The Joker just chuckles and slides his knife down the front of my top. He's only doing this because Zane is watching. That's the way his sick mind works. He has no shame or dignity. As long as someone else is suffering he doesn't care. As long as he's proving a point he doesn't care.

"Stop this." Zane yells. The Joker doesn't pay attention. He manages to take the clothes off of my struggling body. He looks down at me and grins.

"Please don't." I whisper. I look over at Zane whose eyes are closed. The Joker grabs my chin and forces me to face him.

"I want you to look me in the eyes when I do this." He says deeply as he pulls down his purple pants. I let out a sob. I can hear Zane begging for The Joker to stop but he doesn't.

It hurts so badly. I let out a choked scream which just makes The Joker smirk. He pulls me up from the floor and roughly scratches his nails down my back slowly. I try to ignore his disgusting grunts and groans. He drops me back to the floor and I hit my head. I whimper in pain which makes The Joker go harder and faster. I try to scream but it gets caught in my throat. His fingers entwine with mine at some point and his nails dig into the back of my hands. The worst moments are when he looks me in the eyes with those seemingly black evil eyes of his. I want to die.

/

_Brandon, Mika's eleven year old brother's, point of view._

Mika didn't pick us up from school today. I was left standing at the office with my other sister Freya. She wanted to hold my hand and at first I told her to go away. I didn't want anyone to see me holding her hand but then at least an hour passed and I began to get worried and scared so I let her clutch onto my hand. Then, two hours after home time, a police man came. He talked quietly to the receptionist and then smiled at us.

"I'll be taking you home today." He said kindly. His teeth are incredibly white and his hair is incredibly neat. He looks like a man from a movie or one of those men on the posters on Mika's wall.

"We're not meant to get into cars with strangers." I pointed out. Freya nodded and buried her face into the sleeve of her jumper.

"I'm a police man though." The police man nodded. "You can trust police men."

"Mika said you can't in Gotham." I said. The police man flinched when I said my big sister's name. His perfect smile drops slightly. He crouches down so that he's eye level with us.

"Your mommy and daddy told me to come and pick you both up. They have some important news and they're a bit sad." He said. My stomach dropped and I tugged Freya towards the exit.

When we got home mom and dad gave us a really tight hug. There were tears staining their cheeks and their eyes were red.

"Mommy, what's going on?" Freya asked. I didn't want to hear and I didn't want Freya to hear.

"Nothing Freya, don't be stupid." I snap before I dragged her up to my room and shut the door. I told her we're going to play her favourite game but she just cried. I didn't want her to cry because it made me feel like crying and I'm a boy. Boys don't cry.

"Where's Mika?" She sobbed. Her nose was running before she wiped it with her sleeve.

"At her friend's house." I mumbled. I knew I shouldn't lie but was it really lying? She could be. Nobody had told us otherwise and she did tell me that she had a new friend. He had a weird name which I can't remember but Mika talked about him like he was the nicest man on earth. I suppose it's hard for her to think people are nice after what she's been through. He must be so nice to her. I'd like to shake his hand and give him a hug.

Mom and Dad tried to knock on our door but I told them to go away. I put the television on and turned it up really loud when they shouted for us. Even Angel tried. I could have sworn I heard him lean against our door and cry. I've never seen him cry before so I got scared. Freya was scared as well but she soon fell asleep on my bed.

It must be midnight now, I carry Freya to her room, tuck her in and then leave her room. I slowly push open the door to Mika's room. I want more than anything to see her sitting on her bed. Then she'll let me in and tell me about how much of a great time she had at her friend's house. I'll tell her how worried I was and then she'll laugh at me and tickle me and tell me I was stupid. But her bed is empty. Her room is empty. I feel as though I'll never smile again.

I silently creep down the stairs to see if she's in the kitchen or the living room. The door to the living room is open slightly and the television is on. Maybe Mika is watching television. I smile and creep towards the room. I peek through the crack between the door and the wall and see Mom and Dad watching television. I feel my face screw up as I try not to cry when I see what is on the screen.

"_And on our show today with have a special guest and an old guest joining us." The Joker giggles. He grins happily before pointing the camera and the two teenagers who are sitting with their backs against the wall._

It takes me a few seconds but I soon realise that one of the teenagers is Mika. I shake my head. I want to run away but I can't. It's as if I'm glued to the floor. I can't rip my eyes away from the screen.

"_Now…as you all probably know… this… is… Mika." The Joker says darkly. She's not wearing a top. She's sitting there in her underwear and there's blood on her neck and scratches coming over her shoulder. _

Mika's being brave. I know she doesn't like blood. I scratched my knee last year while it was just me and her home alone because the twins, Freya and Mom were at a play area, Dad was at work and Angel Face was with his friends. Mika couldn't stand the sight of my grazed knee and she had to carry me to the neighbour's house before going really light headed and having to put her head in between her knees.

"_Say hello Mika." The Joker giggles. She doesn't even look up though. "Come on… come on. Why won't you say hello, hmm? Your family could be watching this. Don't you want to say hello? They might never see you again?" She still doesn't move. Then The Joker's foot slams into her stomach harshly, twice. She gasps and keels over in pain. From the position she's in you can see the long angry scratch marks down her back. Suddenly The Joker's hand is in her hair and he pulls her up to look at the camera. "Say hello." _

"_Hello." She says in a scratchy, hoarse voice. The Joker giggles happily. _

"_Has somebody lost their poor little voice? He asks. "It must be all the _screaming _you did." _

He says it in a way to make everybody know he's talking about S-E-X. Like the way they do on the television programmes nobody lets me watch. I'm not stupid though. I'm eleven. I'm practically a teenager now. I know where babies come from. But The Joker must be lying. Mika wouldn't want to have S-E-X with him.

_The Joker giggles and points the camera at the other teenager._

"_This is our special guest who will be spending time with us for a while." The Joker said. The boy looks up at the camera and tries not to look scared although there are tears falling down his face. "Tell the lovely people at home your name." _

"_Zane." The boy says as he looks straight into the camera._

"_And…uh… Zane here will soon help me break Mika and seeing as the terrible people at Gotham Police Department stopped us partway through our last little expe_ri_ment… we're going to have to break little Mika harder than planned." The Joker says as he spins the camera back around to him. Mika can be heard starting to cry in the background._

I don't like hearing Mika cry. She cried a lot when she got back from The Joker the first time. I walk out into the hallway but I can still hear the television.

"_Don't help her. Don't calm her." The Joker's voice growls. Mika is still crying. Zane can be heard whispering calming things to her but soon there's a lot of banging and screaming. The screams are full of pain, the sort of scream that chills you to the bone._

I can't take it. I turn around and run down the hall but I run into someone. I hope it's Mika but when I look up it's Angel. He's been crying as well. He wraps his arms around me and cries again. Then I cry. I don't care if boys don't cry. I want to.

/

_**A/N: **__I pray to God that one of you get where Angel's name is from. Think about it, he's called Angel Face, his real name is Jared and he's too fucking… BLONDE!_

_Right so review please. _

_Thank you to those whom have reviewed and alerted. I want to cuddle you all. _


	5. The Death of You and Me

_You and me,  
>forever we'd be free,<br>free to spend our whole lives running  
>from people who would be<br>the death of you and me  
>cause I can feel the storm clouds<br>sucking up my soul_.

_**The Death of You and Me- Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds**_

I can't sleep. Neither can Zane, I can hear him turning around under the blanket. He said it would be better if I slept on the cushions because after The Joker beat us both because Zane attempted to comfort me, I felt as if I had broken a rib or something. He tried to put the blanket back over me but I refused and told him he needed it, although I'm regretting it now. The room is so cold and my clothes are a ripped pile in the corner of the room. I sniff and curl up into a ball. I hear Zane let out a breath.

"You're too cold and I'm too uncomfortable." He says. I turn my head to look at him. His nose had been bleeding so there's a think line of dried blood coming from his nostril and going down his face. "We should set up bed together." I close my eyes uncomfortably. "I won't touch you."

"OK." I choke out. He crawls over to where I lie, taking the blanket with him. I sit up and arrange the pillows so he has some to lie on. Soon he collapses next to me and pulls the blanket over us both.

"Goodnight." He whispers.

"Goodnight." I reply. He squeezes my hand before turning over and going to sleep. Ever since the first night The Joker took me I had trouble sleeping but this night I just fall off to after half an hour or so. When I hear a weird noise I let my foot brush against Zane's to remind myself I'm not on my own. Then I fall asleep.

/

There's an arm draped over my waist with its hand resting on my stomach when I wake up. I can feel the person's chest on my back rising and falling as they breathe. For a second I can't breathe and I forget that it's Zane. When I remember I let out a relieved sigh and close my eyes again. A sense of terror washes through me when I think about having to face another day of The Joker. The only glimmer of hope is that I'm not alone but then I worry about Zane's safety. I brought him into this. It's my entire fault but he's still got his arm around me like he's protecting me. Why does he still like me? He doesn't make any sense.

"Well what do we have here?" A voice growls. I stop breathing and my eyes fly open. I see The Joker's purple pants in front of me. "Underage sex? Tsk, tsk, tsk." I want to point out that I am sixteen and also that he has raped me before but I didn't want to anger him. He reaches over me and pulls Zane over to him. Zane's foot knocks into my head as he's pulled over me. I sit up and watch as The Joker whisper words into his ear. I don't know what he's saying but finally he pulls back and looks down at me.

"You know…" He says to Zane who is struggling in The Joker's grip. "Mika's only sleeping with you to… uh… compare you with me."

"We didn't…have s-s-sex." I growled. The Joker purses his lips and stares at me. He drops Zane and leans down to me. His hand grabs my neck and pulls me to my feet. I try to scratch at his arms but it only causes his leather gloved hand to grip my neck harder.

"Did I say you could speak?" He asks. "Well…. DID I?" He roars the last two words causing me to flinch back as his spit sprays my face. I shake my head and he smirks. "Then don't." He looks up at Zane and smiles as if he's just had a really great idea. He spins me around so my back is against his chest. He pins my arms behind my back. "Hit her."

"What?" Zane gasps as he stands in front of us. I hear The Joker sigh and place both of my wrists into one of his hands. After a few seconds I can feel the other hand press a knife against my throat.

"Hit her or I'll...uh… cut her." The Joker says with a slight giggle.

"No." Zane blurted. I hear The Joker 'tut' and slowly trace the knife down to my chest before making a long cut. I scream and press my back into The Joker in an attempt to get away from the knife. The Joker lets out a dark chuckle in my ear. He looks back up at Zane.

"Hit her face or I'll cut deeper." His knife is placed just above my heart. I try not to cry as I look at Zane who is clearly panicking. I nod at him and he clears his throat. He holds his hand a few inches from my face and then hits me. It feels more playful than serious. The Joker lets out an annoyed groan and scratches the tips of the blade across my chest. It cuts it very shallowly making a thin white line before beads of blood slowly gather across it like some sort of dark, twisted necklace from a dark, twisted fairy tale. He doesn't stop scratching my chest and it begins to sting more and more with each stroke of the knife. "Do it properly. I want to see her cry." He says as if he's almost singing. Zane shifts uncomfortably. "Or I'll make her cry and I can certainly do much more than just slap her." So he raises his hand and stares at me with a silent apology in his eyes. I struggle slightly in The Joker's grip but when his knife digs into my chest a bit more I stop. "Hurry up." He snaps at Zane. Then Zane's hand comes quickly towards me and collides with my face. I gasp in pain although I don't want to. I don't want Zane to feel bad but it really hurt.

"Again." The Joker giggles. Zane shakes his head and a tear falls down his face. The Joker taps the knife against my chest and winks at Zane who mouths the word 'sorry' to me before hitting my face again. The Joker laughs and drops me to the floor. I land on my hands and knees and look over my shoulder at The Joker. He begins to take off his belt. I panic. I know what he's going to do. Not now. Not again. Not in front of Zane again. I try to crawl away but he stomps down on the back of my lower leg and I scream in pain. I can't escape. The Joker hands his belt to Zane who takes it with shaking hands. The Joker giggles excitedly and takes his foot off of my leg.

"Hit her with it." The Joker says happily. Zane shakes his head and looks down at me. A growl comes from The Joker's throat and his knife slashes down my back. I scream and collapse onto my stomach before The Joker grabs my hair and pulls me back up to my hands and knees. "Do as I say." The Joker growls in a deep, dark voice. It's the kind of voice that makes me do whatever he says as quickly as I can. Obviously Zane feels the same way because the belt cracks down on my back about five seconds after The Joker talked. "Again." The Joker roars. The belt hits my back again and I let out a scream. "Again!" _Thwack._ I'm sure its broke skin now. My arms go weak and I collapse to the floor. "Again!"

"No!" I scream but the belt hits my back again anyway.

"I'm sorry!" Zane says. He's going to cry. I'm already crying. The Joker chuckles and leans back against the wall behind him. He stays there for a few seconds and the only sound that fills the room is mine and Zane's heavy breathing. It's almost as if The Joker's basking in our pain.

"Well then… seeing as you've been such a good little boy then I _suppose_ I could let you have something to eat." He says after a few seconds.

"Please may I have something to wear… please…?" I ask quietly. As soon as the words escape my lips I feel as if I've asked for something I shouldn't have asked for. The Joker looks down at me and lets out a 'tut' noise before leaving the room.

"I'm so sorry." Zane gasps once The Joker is out of sight. He collapses next to me and strokes my hair. "I can't believe I done that. You're back looks so sore. I'm so sorry."

"Don't." I mumble with a wave of my hand. With a grunt of pain I manage to stand up. Zane's hand brushes over my back and I flinch.

"I'm sorry." He grumbles again. Before I can spin around and tell him to shut up the door opens again and The Joker walks in. He drops a pile of clothes onto the floor and I almost leap on it like a wild animal but The Joker drops something heavy on the floor. The loud bang makes me wince. I look down and see it's a set of bathroom scales. Before I can ask what's going on he grabs my upper arm and drags me so I stand on top of it. He grins down at me and doesn't let go of my arm. His fingers dig into my skin and I shift uncomfortably. He looks down slowly at the digital numbers that flash up on the little screen. I don't. I carry on staring at The Joker. I don't want to see how much I weigh in case the results are horrible.

"Someone's a fat little girl." The Joker snarls. His hands go from my arms and try to grab at my stomach. I gasp and stumble back off of the scales. Zane raises an eyebrow and sneaks around us so he can look at the scales. The Joker grabs at the skin of my stomach, trying to make it look like fat. "Why do I have to have such an ugly and fat hostage?"

"She's not fat." Zane hissed. The Joker spins around and glares at Zane. "That weight is perfectly healthy."

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" The Joker asks. He takes a few steps forward to Zane and his knife is soon in his hand.

"No." Zane mumbles as he walks back against a wall. He grabs Zane's neck and brings his face so that his nose is almost touching Zane's nose.

"I'm never wrong." The Joker says in a singing voice. His fist slams into Zane stomach and Zane lets out a yell of pain. Then he punches him again and again and again. I can't look. I close my eyes and try to block out Zane's grunts of pain. I should stand up for him but I'm too scared. I'm too much of a wimp.

After a while I hear footsteps leave the room and I open my eyes. Zane is pulling himself up and I immediately go to help him.

"Are you OK?" I ask. His nose is bleeding and his lip is split. As much as I hate the blood I hold his shoulders and look at his sore face.

"Not as bad as you." He grunts. He puts his fingers to his nose, pulls them back after a few seconds winces when he sees blood on them. "We should get washed up."

"Last time the sink didn't work. This is a new building though so there's a bit of hope." I mumble. I scoop the clothes up from the floor and walk over to the bathroom. Zane follows and leans against the door frame. The bathroom is filthy and small. There's a sink a toilet and a bathtub. I spin the tap on the sink and grin and it splutters out clear water. I turn on the hot tap but it makes no difference, the sink only coughs out icy water but I'm happy none the less. The sink in the bathtub doesn't work. I let out a sigh but then smile. At least I can clean the dry blood off of my body and I won't have to smell horrible like last time. There's a grey rag hanging over the side of the sink and Zane grabs it.

"Would you like me to clean your back?" He asks and he runs it under the icy water. "It's pretty dirty and you don't want to get an infection."

"OK." I say. When the cold wet rag touches my back I flinch. Zane apologises and carefully cleans the dried blood off of my back.

"It's not as bad as it looks." He says with a hint of relief. "The cut The Joker made isn't _that_ deep and neither are the cuts made by the belts… they're not even cuts… more like welts that broke skin." He hands me the rag when he's finished and there's a small amount of blood of it. I managed to dab at the cuts on my chest. I hope they heal up quickly. Once I'm done I rinse out the rag and hand it to Zane. He dabs at his nose carefully. I inspect the clothes and sigh. A black cotton tank top and a pair of black cotton shorts. I suppose they're better than The Joker's shirt.

"You're not fat at all." Zane grumbles as I pull on the shorts. "In fact, if anything, you're a bit worrying."

"Worrying how?" I ask.

"Your arms are so tiny I could snap them in two if I wanted to." Zane says. I frown and pull the tank top over my head. "I mean you're not _under_weight and you're not _over_weight! You're perfectly healthy you just have tiny little arms and sometimes when you breathe in your ribs stick out."

"How do you know?" I snapped.

"You've been in your underwear for the past twelve hours." Zane points out. I still frown and stomp out to the 'bedroom'. "And your hips bones stick out in the weirdest way."

"Shut up." I snapped. "You're making it seem as if I'm dying."

"No." Zane pouted. "You're a normal weight! You can't even notice the freaky hip bones and the weird rib cage. I just thought girls liked to be told they're really skinny." I sat down on the cushions and draped the blanket over my legs.

"What do we do now?" Zane asks as he drags himself back into the room. He walks around the room, inspecting each corner, looking through the blank notepad that rested on the floor next to the crayons.

"We cherish each minute which passes that we spend without The Joker." I say. Zane's nose wrinkles up as he thinks about the boredom. Then he notices something. I follow his line of sight and see a small radio/CD played sitting in the corner of the room next to a about five CD cases. It's plugged into the wall at an old looking plug. Zane smiles over at me before walking over to the radio. After pressing a few buttons a song poured out of the speakers. It wasn't a modern song, actually it's David Bowie. I let out a sigh and fall back against the pillows. The sound of the radio is beautiful. It's like some sort of reassurance. The world goes on. It's a strange thought, that somewhere out there, somewhere not very far away, there is someone having a lovely time, there's someone so happy to be alive.

/

I don't know how long has passed. I think it's been over a month. Nothing significant has happened. The Joker physically and mentally tortured us but we don't speak about it. Once it's over we make sure the other's OK before switching the radio on or putting a CD on and curling up next to it or picking up the notepad and crayons and scrawling a picture. We listened to radio shows sometimes which would earn a hollow chuckle from Zane if it was funny. Sometimes we listened to the news. When we did we'd both stop what we were doing and stare at the radio as if the concerned police men and commissioner would be able to jump out of the speakers and take us home. The few CDs were old albums and two of them were too scratched to play. We didn't know whether The Joker had left them there on purpose or if he'd simply forgotten they were in here. They were the only things that kept us sane.

Playing the song Blackbird by The Beatles for about the tenth time in a row, I kept my ear close to the speaker. When my parents were out for the night and my older brother, Angel, wasn't home, I'd sing that song to my younger siblings to get them to sleep. I wasn't a good singer but I didn't exactly hurt anyone's eardrums. The song that once got my younger sisters and brothers to sleep was now being used to drown out The Joker's angry roars at his goons. He has been yelling something about The Batman and 'being tracked down' for about an hour now.

"Get this sorted out or I'll kill your daughter and your pregnant wife." The Joker's voice roars. He's at the end of the corridor. I flinch and huddle closer to the CD player. The man who had threatened by The Joker is angrily kicking the wall. He kicks it, walks for a few seconds, kicks another part of the wall, walks a few more centimetres down the hallway, kicks again and carries this on until he gets to our door. There's a loud bang and the door swings open. I don't know if he realises that he's just kicked our door open but he walks away and doesn't close it. I sit up and look over at Zane who places the notepad he was drawing in on the floor. He places a finger to his lips and tiptoes over to the door. After a few seconds of looking out of the door he turns to me and beckons me with his finger. I creep over to him and he grips my hand in his.

"We can get out of here." He whispers. I can feel my heart beating faster and harder in my rib cage as he tugs me out of the room.

"This isn't a good idea." I manage to whisper. My bare feet walk down the corridor as if I'm on auto pilot. Zane ignores me and pulls me down the metal stairs. We end up in a room with a large table in the middle. The table has scratches all over it and paper scattered across.

"There's the fire exit." Zane whispers happily. I still feel pessimistic. The last time I tried to escape I got my face carved. I try to hold back tears when I think of the pure pain I felt that day.

Suddenly there's a loud growls that floods the room. Zane and I look over to the source and gasp. It's a huge black dog. Its top lip is curled back showing its sharp teeth. For a second we can't move. We stare at the angry growling dog in shock. Then it barks and lunges forward. Zane has better reflexes than me. He leaps up onto the table pulling me with him. Before I can scramble onto the table the dog leaps forward and seems to grab onto my leg. He scratches his sharp strong claws down my legs before Zane pulls me fully onto the table. I scream in pain and look down at my leg. It's bleeding from three long cuts. The dog is still jumping up at the table, snapping his mouth open and closed as he barks loudly. We're done for. The Joker will find us and there's no way out.

When he does come into the room he isn't wearing greasepaint and he's wearing normal clothes. I've never seen him without greasepaint before. It's weird and scary. He looks so… human. He looks slightly distracted as he calms down the dog. Then he looks up at us and frowns.

"Naughty little children." He says darkly. I open my mouth to babble out a set of excuses when he grabs mine and Zane's wrist. "Remind me to punish you later. I can't do it now. Why did you have to choose such an awkward time to be pathetic little idiots?" He grabs our hair and smashes our heads together. We each groan in pain. The Joker pushes us towards the fire exit and out into the open. It's been so long since I've been outside. I wince when the sunlight hits my deathly pale body. We're dragged to a van and thrown in the back.

"What's going on?" Zane asks. There's a part of me which thinks he's taking us home. I know it's rather unlikely but I can still hope. The Joker licks his lips as he stands in the vans doorway.

"Well, uh, Batma_n_ apparently knows where we are, so we're moving." He says. Then he looks down and me with a glare. "I'm beginning to think it has something to do with you. Before you came along he never got this close."

"Then let me go." I hear myself say. He leaps forward and lands on top of me. My head hits the floor and I yelp in pain. The Joker's hands wrap around my neck tightly to a point where I cannot breathe.

"Or maybe I could just kill you now." He growls. He looks in my eyes and I can't look away. "Then again I could cut out that little tongue of yours so you can't say anymore stupid things."

"Boss, are we ready to go?" A man in a clown mask asks from the doorway of the van. The Joker grins before leaping back and shutting the van doors behind him. He climbs into the front seat next to the goon who starts up the van. "The others are in the other van." The goon says happily. The Joker grunts in response.

I look over at Zane who seems pretty upset that his attempts to escape had failed. I look down at my leg and see that the bleeding had come to a stop. At least I'm going to bleed to death and with that safe in my mind I drift off to sleep.

/

I wake up when I feel Zane tapping me on the shoulder. My leg is in more pain that it was before. I groan and sit up.

"Where are we?" I ask. Zane shrugs. The vans doors are pulled open and The Joker grins in at us.

"Act normal." He growls as he reaches in for us. He grabs my sore leg and I let out a scream. "That's not normal." He roars before slapping me harshly in the face. I whimper as I'm pulled out of the van. My bare feet slap against the floor and I look around. We're in a car park to a dodgy looking building with the word 'MOTEL' on a sign over the door. It's the sort of place you expect to find a dead body somewhere inside. Zane gets out of the van and stands next to me.

"Someone's going to recognise us." Zane whispers to me with a smile.

"Don't think anyone will care." The Joker growls as he grabs my hand and drags me across the car park. I hiss in pain as I lean on my hurt leg.

"My leg hurts." I point out but The Joker doesn't care. He carries on dragging me towards the Motel with Zane and a few of The Joker's men following.

The inside of the Motel isn't as bad as the outside. It's surprisingly clean. After being dragged down a corridor we come to a desk. Behind the desk is a fat man with black slicked back hair, he's smoking a cigarette and reading an adult magazine. When he sees us he panics and hides the magazine under his desk before leaning forward and grinning.

"Ah, Mr Joker Sir, what do I owe this pleasure?" He asks in a slimy voice.

"I need a room." The Joker says quickly.

"One room?" The man drawls. His eyes fall upon me and Zane who has moved closer to me. "Family room?"

"Two rooms." The Joker says angrily. The motel man fixes his tie and clears his throat.

"Double room and a single room?" He asks quietly. The Joker nods.

"I want the single one to be the best you have and the uh… double one to be not so _special_ and they need to be next door to each other." The Joker grins. His grip on my hand gets tighter. I let out a squeak of pain.

"I'll see what I can do." The man mutters.

"Now." The Joker yells with a huge smile. I jump slightly and so does Zane. The man nodded and quickly started typing on his computer. A wave of panic comes over me when I look out of the window and see _normal _people walking past. If one of them looked in they might be able to see me. I look back up at The Joker and try not to cry.

"I want to go home." I hear myself whimper. I don't even know why I said that but now it can't stop. "I miss my mom and my dad and my brothers and sisters! I miss my bed and home cooked food. I miss being normal. Take me home!" A growl comes from the back of The Joker's throat before he spins around and slaps me on the face. I gasp in pain.

"What was that? Don't cry." He growls. The hand that's holding mine digs its nails into my skin.

"Ah I saw this girl on the news." The man chuckles under his breath. "Pretty little thing. Good choice in picking her. It really gets your point across." The Joker nods and after a few minutes the fat motel man hands him two sets of keys. He drags Zane and me into an elevator. His men have gone somewhere else, grumbling something about getting drunk. When the elevator doors close The Joker grabs my head and slams it off of the mirror which covers a wall. I scream and clutch my now bleeding head.

"Don't you _ever_ show me up like that again!" He growls in my ear. "Now say you're sorry."

"I'm sorry." I whimper. He presses his forehead against mine and looks into my eyes. After a few seconds he chuckles.

"Pathetic." He hisses. The elevator dings and the doors slide open. As we walk down the corridor Zane slips his hand into mine.

"You stay in your room until I say so." The Joker says as he looks for our rooms.

"I'm hungry." Zane mumbles.

"Order room service." The Joker snaps. Zane smiles. The good side of this situation hits me. We're going to be in a room with a working shower and room service and a television and a proper bed. When The Joker pushes us into a room and locks the door behind us I try to act sad but when he's out of sight I almost cry with joy. Zane heads over to the room service menu and collapses on the bed. I smile and look over the room. It's clean and is a million times better than the little room we had been forced to stay in for the past couple of weeks. I grin and creep into the bathroom. The shower looks so inviting so after checking there are enough fluffy white towels, I peel the sweaty off my sweaty t-shirt and dirty shorts and throw them onto the floor. I climb into the shower and smile as I turn it on. Warm water pours down over my body. I let out a relieved sigh. I can't even remember the last time I had a shower. It feels amazing.

I don't know how long has passed but when I climb out of the lovely warm shower after cleaning my whole body and washing my hair, then dry my hair, pull my clothes back on and leave the room, Zane is sitting on the windowsill smoking a cigarette. When he see me he smiles and nods towards the bed. On the bed is a plate of food.

"It's yours." He said. I grin and try not to leap on the food. "That guy downstairs is good." Zane chuckles. "He'll get you anything if you say The Joker needs it. I got these." He holds up a pack of cigarettes and grins.

"This is good." I manage to groan in delight. Zane chuckles and looks out of the window. The window is open slightly. I look over at him while eating my food.

"If one of them looks up now." He says as he looks down at all the people who are walking down the street below us. "We'd be free in no time. They'd phone the police and then the police would come to get us." He sighs and I carry on eating my food.

When I'm finished everything on my plate I fall back onto my bed with a smile.

My eyes are closed and I'm thinking of home when the door creaks open. I'm thinking about my little brothers and sisters and my big brother. I'm thinking about how they found out that I gotten kidnapped again. I'm thinking about who must have cried. When I feel a weight on the bed I'm lying on I sit up. The Joker grins at me.

"What were you thinking about?" He asks as he crawls closer to me.

"Nothing." I mumble. From the corner of my eye I can see Zane sitting on the windowsill staring at us.

"Tell me." The Joker growls. He comes even closer to me. I back up but soon I hit the headboard. I wince as The Joker sits on my lap. I make a mental note to never moan that any of my younger siblings are too heavy to sit on my lap again. The Joker is crushing me.

"I was thinking about my family." I manage to say. The Joker's thumb traces my scars. He grins a wide grin.

"Let's make a deal." He says happily. "You can go home… if… you come into my room and do exactly as I say… and let me do anything I wan_t_." He winks at me and his hand travels up to play with my hair.

"You mean…like… sex?" I ask. The Joker licks his lips and nods.

"Then you can go home." He says, looking into my eyes.

"Don't do it." Zane snaps. "He won't take you home." I look over at Zane who is looking horribly worried. The Joker quickly grabs my chin and spins my head around to look at him.

"I promise." He says. He puts his hand in front of me, it's in a fist apart from his pinkie finger which is sticking up. "When was the las_t_ time I broke a, uh, pinkie promise? Hmm."

"When was the last time he made one?" Zane growls. I look over at Zane and then back at The Joker. I want to go home so bad. Go home and never see The Joker again. Go home and sleep in my bed and eat a lot of food and change my clothes and see my family.

"Deal?" The Joker asks as if he can read my mind.

"No." Zane hisses.

I wrap my pinkie finger around The Joker's gloved one and shake.

"Deal." I whisper. My stomach flips and my heart beats ten times faster. I hear Zane exhale deeply and The Joker leaps off of my lap.

"I'll be right back." He giggles before leaving the room.

"You've made the worst mistake of your life." Zane mumbles as he lights another cigarette.

"I want to go home." I say.

"He's not going to let you go home just because you… let him put his _thing_ in your mouth." Zane growls. "It's just an excuse to let him do everything you wouldn't let him do before." Before I can say anything The Joker come back and throws a black bag at me. It looks like it's a shopping bag from an expensive shop.

"Put them on then come into my room." The Joker grins "Be quic_k_." I nod and he leaves the room. Zane looks over at me curiously as I look inside the bag.

"He's got to be kidding." I whisper.

"He's been planning this all along." Zane mutters and I walk into the bathroom with the bag. I slam the door shut and tip the bag upside down. The contents of it spill out onto the floor. I pick up the first thing I grab and sigh. It's some sort of sexy lacy purple babydoll. The next thing is lacy purple underwear. I groan in embarrassment. There are also green stockings and a suspender belt. I can't believe what I'm doing as I pull the clothes on. Once there are I look in the mirror and sigh. I don't look the slightest bit attractive. I decide to get it over and done with and push open the door.

"Blood hell." Zane whispers under his breath when he sees me.

"I look horrible." I groan. Zane just shifts uncomfortably and coughs. When I leave I swear I can hear him mumble:

"I should not be enjoying this."

I leave the room and sidestep to the next door which is The Jokers. I hope it is anyway. It would be horrible if someone else answered the door while I was dressed like some cheap whore. I knock on the door quickly. After a few tortuous seconds of standing in the middle of a hallway, the door is pulled open. I quickly bustle in and The Joker locks the door behind us. He walks back to his bed and sits down on it. The room is bigger than ours and the bed looks much more comfy. I stay by the door as The Joke rakes his eyes up and down my body. He isn't wearing his coat or waist coat and his braces are hanging down his legs, his makeup is still perfect though.

"Perfect." He says in a deep scratchy voice. I shudder under his gaze and let my head drop. "Come here." He says. I take a few steps forward and soon feel his hands on my waist. I'm shocked that they're warm. I expect them to be cold. "Take off my clothes." He says huskily. I don't want to. I want to run now but I have to think about going home. So taking a deep breath I begin to unbutton his shirt.

/

Zane lies awake in bed with his eyes fixed on the ceiling he can't see due to the room being pitch-black. How long has it been since Mika left now? A few hours? The walls are paper thin so Zane can hear every movement, every moan and groan, everything they say, just everything. Zane had figured out that The Joker let Mika rest once or twice before starting again. The worst thing, in Zane's mind, was that once or twice he caught himself wishing he was in The Joker's position at that moment in time. He'd find himself remembering how Mika looked in that lacy, almost transparent, babydoll and underwear, and smiling to himself like a fool. Then he'd hear another sickening sound from the next room and he'd instantly hate himself. He'd hate himself for wanting to be raping Mika. Then part of his mind would pop up and chuckle: 'It wouldn't be rape if it was me. She'd like it'.

Zane hears The Joker chuckle. "Good girl." Zane frowns and buries his head underneath a pillow. When he's through with her and doesn't take her home she's going to be in an awful state.

Finally Zane falls asleep buried under layers of blankets and pillows in an attempt to drown out the disgusting sounds from the next room.

/

I lay on my stomach, on The Joker's bed, as he plants kisses up my spine. I'm pretty sure he's finished now. I'm ready to fall straight asleep but I need to ask the question that's been burning in my mind for a while now. Turning my head to the side, I take a deep breath.

"When are you taking me home?" I ask quietly. The Joker swiftly flips me over so I'm lying on my back. He climbs back on top of me and covers my body with his own before kissing along the scars on my cheeks.

"You didn't actu_ally _believe that did you?" He asks before pulling away to look me in the eye. I stare up at him and he lets out a giggle before kissing my scars again. "Gullible little brat." He chuckles under his breath.

"You pinkie promised." I whispered.

"I have broken the, uh, law before. What makes you think I won't break a promise with a stupid little teenage girl?" The Joker growls as he sits up. I begin to cry. I should have listened to Zane. The Joker grins and falls down on the bed next to me. "Get some sleep." He pulls the blankets over us and wraps his arms around me. His bare stomach and chest is pressed into naked back. "We have a big day tomorrow. We're going out."

"Where?" I ask as I try to get out of his grip. He simply chuckles and holds me closer. He presses his face between my shoulder and neck.

"It's a surprise." He mumbles. If I'm not so tired I wouldn't fall asleep at all but soon enough I feel my eyes close and I soon fall asleep covered in sweat and smeared in blood.

/

_**A/N: **__Risky stuff there. I should start to say 'I won't be writing as much because I'm starting college and won't have time'. Yes, I should. I'll find time anyway. FanFiction first, education second._

_So anywhom, please review! _


	6. I Lost My Mind Here

_Falling from high places, falling through lost spaces,  
>Now that we're lonely, now that there's nowhere to go.<br>Watching from both sides, these towers been tumbling down,  
>I lost my mind here, I lost my patience with the lord.<br>_  
><strong>The Wolves- Ben Howard<strong>

I wake up the next morning and stretch out my sore body. A deep chuckle rumbles from deep in someone's chest as I yawn. I open my eyes before quickly shutting them again to block out the harsh sun. I wonder if I'll ever get used to the sun again. All those weeks stuck in that horrible grey room with only a crack of sunlight coming in from a crack in the wood which boarded up the window.

"Good morning _beau_tiful." The Joker's voice says. He drags out the last word in a slimy way which makes me shiver. "I'd _love_ to let you…erm… sleep in because I know you must be _very_ tired after last nigh_t_ bu_t_ we have an exciting day today." I open my eyes and sit up. The sheets fall away from me. I run my hands over my face and through my hair. When I look up I see The Joker sitting on an armchair near the bottom of the bed. He smiles at me and I can almost feel his eyes rake up my body. I look down to see what he's so excited about and almost die of embarrassment when I see that I'm not wearing any clothes. I gasp and pull the sheet up to cover myself with. The Joker lets out a harsh loud laugh which is cut off by the door knocking. He pushes himself up off of the chair and walks towards the door. I don't let my eyes leave him as he yanks open the door to see a motel worker with a metal cart. The man sees The Joker in all his greasepaint and his mouth falls out.

"You ordered room service?" The man manages to say. The Joker snatches the cart from him and pulls it into the room. He then slams the door in the man's face. I watch him as he pushed the cart towards the bed I'm sitting on. There are a few plates on the cart with the tastiest looking food I have seen in a while on. Admittedly the only food I have seen in a while is stale bread and the pathetic scraps of food that The Joker gives us. Of course there was that lovely food Zane ordered from room service yesterday. My stomach rumbles as I think about food. Sitting down on the bed The Joker chuckles at me. He places the plates down on the bed in front of me and it takes all of my self-restraint not to eat all the food right here, right now. It's the biggest breakfast I have ever seen. How can The Joker eat all of that? I'm so hungry that it's becoming painful. I feel so selfish. I ate yesterday. I had a whole meal around lunch time yesterday. I shouldn't still be hungry should I? I forgot what it feels like to have a normal, steady diet.

"Are you hungry?" The Joker asks, tilting his head to the side. I look down at the food at back up at him. He's mocking me. I can tell. There's a glint of amusement in his eyes. I nod quickly and The Joker starts eating a piece of toast. "I can't hear you."

"Yes." I say.

"Yes what?"

"Yes please."

"Yes please, what?"

"Yes people… Joker… sir." I whisper although in my opinion he has no right to be called sir. I didn't even want to be polite to him, he didn't deserve it.

"Well, seeing as I am feeling par_tic_ularly kind today… I suppose I can let you have something." The Joker smiles. My hand reaches forward and I grab a muffin. Before I can stuff it in my mouth The Joker grabs hold of my wrist in a painfully tight grip. I gasp in pain and look back up at him. "If you be a good girl when my… uh… frien_d_ comes over to give you a makeover." I frown.

"I don't want to make a deal with you." I say quietly.

"Fine then. No food for Mika." He giggles. I think about it for a few seconds. What's the worst that can happen?

"What type of makeover?" I ask. The Joker grins and leans forward.

"Well, I'm taking you out and we don't want anyone recognising who you are?" The Joker says. He sees that I'm hesitant to agree so he snarls. "It's not like you couldn't use one, you ugly little girl." I flinch and turn my head to the side.

"Fine." I grumble. The Joker smiles and lets go of my wrist. After a few minutes of silent eating I manage to gather up the confidence to ask a question. "Can I give Zane some of this?"

"No." Was The Joker's immediate reply. I frown before opening my mouth to say something else. The Joker just gives me a look that reads 'speak-again-and-I-shall-hurt-you'. I don't dare to say anything else. I eat a few of the fruit that is in a bowl in front of me and stare at The Joker in an attempt to figure out if he's really a human.

When all the food is eaten I'm still left clutching the sheets around me.

"Can I get dressed please?" I ask. The Joker purses his lips and looks up at the ceiling. He crawls over to me until I have to lie down and then he crawls over my body. His limp greasy hair tickles my face and his nose nearly touches mine.

"Why would I want to hide that pretty body of yours?" He asks in a husky voice.

"You said I was fat." I hear myself say before I can stop myself. The Joker looks me in the eye for a few seconds and I instantly regret saying anything. Suddenly his hands are at my neck, they squeeze it until I can't breathe.

"I like it _so_ much bett_er_ when you're not talk_ing_!" The Joker roars. I want to tell him I can't breathe. I want to scratch at his arms until he lets go. But as much as I try to do these things the lack of oxygen is making me too weak.

The last thing I see before my eyes roll into the back of my head is a smirking Joker, his eyes full of hate and evil as he stares down at me withering underneath him. My last thought it that I've forgotten to ask him where exactly are we going today? He seems to be very excited about it yet he hasn't told me where we're going.

/

"Wakey, wakey. Come on, wake up before I cut you." A voice giggles. The voice is very close and I recognise it but I can't put a finger on who it belongs to.

"Is she unconscious?" Another voice asks.

"Yes." The first voice sighs. The other voice chuckles. I feel something slap me on the face and I let my eyes open. The Joker is leaning over me, his eyes still full of hate and evil. "Finally." He growls as he grabs my wrists and pulls me into a sitting position. Leaning against the wall is a man, no older than twenty-five, wearing a sweater that was too big for him and incredibly tight grey jeans. He has a trimmed beard and moustache. He seems like the biggest hipster to walk the earth. I would be in intimidated by him if he wasn't so short. The Joker pulls me to my feet and I almost laugh. This man, who is standing in a way that suggests he thinks he's God's gift to all women, is smaller than me and I'm the second shortest sixteen year old in my school.

"Well she's not going in this is she?" The man chuckles. I look down at what I'm wearing and see I'm wearing a man's vest which is way too big for me and just covers my butt.

"Of course not." The Joker says with a smile. The man smirks. "Look, kid, you're not here to do anything else but make her look like someone else. Can you do that or do I need to… uh… make you smile a bit more?"

"Of course I can do it." The man grumbles. He walks around me in a circle. I wonder if he's a leprechaun. No, they're Irish. "We just need to sort out those freaky eyes, cover those scars and bruises, maybe give her a bit of fake tan…" If he had an Irish accent I could tolerate this. I wish he was a leprechaun. I'm going to pretend he is just to amuse myself.

"Hurry up then." The Joker says as he sits down on the bed. The leprechaun claps his hands together and pulls a chair across the floor before harshly shoving me in it.

"Where are we going?" I ask The Joker as the leprechaun opens his pot of gold… I mean, bag. It's full of makeup brushes and makeup related things.

"Bruce Wayne's having a party." The Joker drawls. "We're going to set off a minor explosion and I want to be there to see the look on every ones faces."

"We're going to die?" I ask.

"_Minor _explosion." The Joker slowly. "The kitchen will be blown off of the side of the building but where we'll be the worst we'll get in a few cuts and grazes." He looks over at me and smirks. "Unless I want you to be hurt. If you're a bad girl then I'll make sure you get a limb blown off."

"Why are you doing this?" I ask as the leprechaun laughs quietly.

"Because I'm bored." The Joker laughs. I decide not to push it any further.

/

The leprechaun has finished and The Joker is staring down at me with a smirk as if I've just done something amazing like erupted a firework out of my eyes. I still haven't seen my reflection in a mirror. I'd been prodded and pocked for what seems like hours. The leprechaun put contact lenses in my eyes, curled my hair, tied my hair into pigtails, layered my face with weird waxy stuff to hide my Glasgow smile, put a hell of a lot of makeup on me, plucked my eyebrows and shaved my legs. I'm sure he was trying to hurt me when he was doing those last two things.

"Good enough?" The leprechaun asks.

"Great." The Joker grins. He fishes out a couple bank notes from his pocket and throws them at the leprechaun who grins as he catches them then leaves. The Joker then spins on his heel and looks back down at me. "Let's get you in your dress."

"The party can't possibly be starting soon!" I gasp as he pulls me to my feet by my wrists. He then goes to the closet and pulls out a dress. The top part of it is white with short sleeves and the bottom is bright pink with a huge petticoat underneath which makes it go outwards at the bottom. It would be lovely for a five year old girl. He drops it on the bed and smiles at me.

"Oh don't you want to show off to Zane?" The Joker asks. Before I can answer he pulls the vest I've been wearing up and over my head. I let out a scream and try to cover my body. The Joker chuckles and goes back to the closet. "No point in hiding. I've…erm… seen it all be_fore_." He turns around again and is holding a corset in his hand. I almost burst out laughing. There's no way he's getting me in that.

A while later and I'm standing there in the corset under a dress. There are also pink ribbons in my hair, white knee high socks on my legs and pink patent flat shoes on my feet. I can't breathe properly although I have to admit the corset does make me look like I have curves. I run my fingers down my sides and a small smile flickers across my face.

"Perfect." The Joker smirks. "Now go and wait with Zane. If you get anything on that dress or mess up that make up you will be sorry." I nod and quickly run out of the room and back into mine and Zane's.

He's sitting on the windowsill looking out of the window. I wonder if he's still waiting for someone to look up. As I close the door behind me he looks around at me. His eyes widen and I finally catch a glimpse of myself in a nearby mirror. I look normal. I look how looked before I ever met The Joker. My cheeks, though they appear to be big due to the scars underneath the layers of cover up, are unscarred. My eyes seem to have the same size pupils. I grin but then I see the dress I'm wearing. I do look like a five year old.

"Wow." Zane gasps as he leaps down from the windowsill and walks towards me. "You look… beautiful. I mean, the dress is a bit peculiar, but your face…"

"I used to look like this before _he_ took me." I say. "I'd give anything to look like this again."

"You should have seen _me_ before I got my scars." Zane drawls. "I had a girlfriend." It shouldn't hurt when he says that. I shouldn't be jealous. "So… what's all this for?"

"Bruce Wayne's party." I say. "The Joker's going to blow it up."

"We should call the police." Zane says as his brown eyes flicker over to the phone.

"It will just get you in so much trouble with The Joker." I say. "Don't bother."

"I'll just phone them when you leave so you can't stop me." Zane whispers as he leans in towards me. I place my hands on his shoulders and look at him in the eyes.

"I don't want to be visiting your grave anytime soon." I say. He places his hands on my shoulders and smirks.

"Why do you never trust me?" He asks. I frown and look at my feet.

"I do." I say.

"You didn't yesterday." He snaps. I give him a shove backwards and turn around on my heel.

"The Joker didn't do anything to me last night." I lie. "We just watched television for a while."

"Don't lie to me Mika." Zane almost yells. "These walls are paper thin. I could hear every sick little thing you done to him and he done to you."

"It's not like I wanted to do it. I just wanted to go home." I scream.

"I told you-" Zane begins to say before I cut him off.

"Yes I know. You're right and I'm wrong and now I feel like the most disgusting, dirtiest whore to ever walk the planet. Are you happy now?" I screech as I throw my arms into the air.

"I'm sorry." Zane whispers.

"Good." I snap as I sit down on the bed and cross my arms across my chest. Zane sits next to me after a few seconds and drapes his arm over my shoulder. I feel myself tense up.

"You know." He whispers. "I'm still calling the police."

/

Alfred forces a smile as he offers another group of people food from the platter in his hand. He can't see Master Bruce, he certainly hopes another Batman thing hasn't come up. That man will work himself to death soon enough. Alfred fears that one day he won't come back to the mansion or the penthouse. On the brighter side, the party was going well. Alfred can't remember what this party is actually for, it's fundraising something or other.

Taking a look around the room someone catches Alfred's eye. It's a young girl who looks around twelve or thirteen. Her hair is curled and scraped into two pigtails at the side of her head and she's wearing a rather childish dress. She looks familiar. A type of familiar which makes Alfred's stomach flip. He knew then that there was something horribly wrong. The man with the young girl is wearing a tuxedo, his hair is pulled back into a pony tail and has the tiniest green tinge to it. He looks horribly familiar as well. The way he's looking at the girl, who Alfred expects is the man's daughter, is wrong. He looks at her with a mix of hatred and amusement. No one else seems to notice this. Maybe Alfred was over thinking things. He looks over at the two again. The man is holding the girls wrist. A father would be expected to hold his daughters _hand_ not grip onto her wrist as if she's trying to run away. The two seem to not be mingling with the other party guests so Alfred decides to make polite conversation. He walks over to them and offers them finger food.

"Care for some, sir?" He asks. The man looks over at him before shaking his head and looking ahead again. "Would young lady like some?" The little girl looks at him with scared eyes before looking back up at the man holding her wrist.

"She's fine." The man said. The girl looked down at the floor with a frown. "She had a big lunch before we came out. Didn't you princess?" The girl nodded without looking up from the floor.

"May I ask how you know Master Bruce?" Alfred asked kindly.

"I work with him." The man grinned. "This is my daughter, Ace. She's very shy." Alfred talks to the man until he glances at his phone then excuses himself to go to the toilet. Alfred nods and leaves. There's still something horribly wrong about the pair. The man's story doesn't quite seem right and the young girl looks too scared of him to be his daughter.

Shrugging it off, Alfred choses to greet a few of the other guests.

/

The Joker leans down to me and grabs my shoulders. The nice butler has left and now I'm left with The Joker who is looking scarily human without his scars. His mouth is next to my ear as I stare ahead blankly.

"The police are coming." He hisses. My eyes widen. Zane called the police? He's so dead. If The Joker doesn't kill him then I will. He's putting us both in danger. "I'm going to the kitchen to call off the…uh… bomb then I'll come and get you." He pulls back slightly and looks me in the eye. "You and your little _boyfriend_ will wish you were dead by the end of the night." He leans back and takes a look around the room before loudly saying "Don't talk to anyone you don't know sweetie." He then kisses me on the forehead and leaves. That kiss, which was obviously fake, throws me back into a flashback from last night. I shudder as I remember all the horrible things I did last night. I need to sit down. I look around the room and can't see a chair so I go and sit on the floor, in the corner, with my back against the window. No one can see me here. I'm behind a curtain. I try and keep my eyes open so I can see The Joker when he comes out but time passes and passes and soon I can't keep my eyes open and I fall asleep.

/

"Hey, there's a kid down here." A voice says. I open my eyes. I don't know where I'm expecting to be but on the floor of a fancy penthouse with a police man is at the bottom of my most-likely-places-to-wake-up list. I remember everything that happened before I fell asleep and bolt up.

"A kid?" Another man says. I look over and see a police man with a notepad open standing opposite Bruce Wayne. Oh great going Mika, just fall asleep at a billionaires party. Oh gosh he's looking at me. Oh god he's giving me a sort of what-the-hell look.

"What's your name sweetie?" The police man asks. I shake my head and sink lower into the floor. "Oh don't worry, you're not in trouble. I just need to know your name. Where's your mommy or daddy?" He thinks I'm ten years old. He's so kind and nice, I feel bad not talking to him.

"I was talking to her father before, her name is Ace." The nice elderly man says, suddenly popping up besides us. I shake my head again. I want to tell him I'm Mika. I want to go home. But if The Joker comes back he'll find out I talked to someone and he told me not to. I

"Ah Ace." The police man grinned. "Could you tell me your daddy's phone number? I'm sure he's very worried about where you are." Oh you have no idea. I shake my head again. The man is trying not to get angry at me. He sighs through his nose but keeps a forced grin on his face. Bruce Wayne and the other police man are staring at me now. I close my eyes to stop myself from crying. After being locked in a room with one other person for weeks, a group of people is terrifying. I rub my shaking hands over my face. I can feel the thick makeup on my face smudge. A memory comes into my mind. It's of when The Joker comes to the room he keeps me in after he's had a tough day. He runs his hands over his face and opens his mouth wide like he hasn't been able to breathe all day. His hands run through his hair and by the time they've reached the back of his neck he's seen me staring.

"She could be a mute." The police man who was talking to Bruce said.

"She didn't talk before. Her father said she was shy." The elderly man says. I look at them through the gaps in between my fingers.

"Well we're going to have to get you to the police station." The man in front of me says. I panic. I panic and forget about not talking to people, I forget everything. The only thing that is in my mind is The Joker hurting me for going to the police station.

"No! Don't take to the police station! The Joker will hurt me again!" I hear myself scream as I throw my body forward. Everyone freezes. I freeze. I clasp my hands over my mouth and look up at the police man who is staring down at me with huge eyes.

"What's your name darling?" He says seriously. He knows I'm not 'Ace'. I take a deep breath. I just want to go home and this man could help.

"Mika." I manage to say. The man smiles down at me before leaning into his radio on his shoulder. He presses a button on it and grins.

"We found her."

/

Apparently Zane refused to let the hospital check him over until I got there. He said he wanted to be 100% sure that I was OK. Which I was, not that he believed me.

Then they scrubbed off all of my makeup, took out the contact lenses, took the ribbons out of my hair and then gave me a full body check over. The first time that happened I had been much worst. I had had to stay in hospital for a week. I'm lucky that I only had to have my back stitched up. I'm not very lucky in a way though because the doctor lady asks me how I got each injury while a police woman wrote everything down. The most embarrassing moment came when I was lying on my back on the weird bed thing in the doctor's room.

"How did you get this… on the inside of your thigh?" The doctor lady asked. I looked down with wide eyes and saw a love bite on the inside of my thigh. My cheeks turned a deep shade of red as I slam my head back down on the bed.

"It happened when I let The Joker have sex with me." I mumbled. The two women snapped their heads up to look at me. I swallowed thickly and realised how terrible that sounded. "He promised me I could go home. He tricked me." The women gave each other a look before the police lady went back to writing things down and the doctor lady went back to checking me over.

Now I'm sitting on a hospital bed with Aaron. We're both wearing hospital gowns which must be more awkward for Zane then it is for me.

"Thank you…" I say as I place my hand on top of his. "for calling the police and everything."

"I wanted to go home just as much as you did." He smiles. Realisations hits that we're finally going home. I grin and wrap my arms around Zane. He chuckles and hugs me back.

"Thank you." I whisper again.

/

_Brandon, Mika's little brother's, point of view._

Today's been weird so far. Mom and Dad weren't here when I woke up. Angel said they out and when I asked where he said he'd tell me later. He didn't. He took me and Freya to school early and when we got there we were the only kids there. Angel just smiled and drove off with the twins in the back of the car.

"Mika's died!" Freya sobbed as we stood in the empty playground. I glared at her and gave her a punch on the arm which just made her cry harder. She was being stupid and pathetic. "She must be. Mommy and Daddy have gone to the funeral."

"No!" I snapped. "They would tell us." My stomach started flipping. I began to think hard about what Freya said. Sometimes our Mom and Dad don't tell us things because they think we'll get too upset which isn't fair.

Freya cries and cries until one of the teachers comes and calms her down. I think she might have cried in lesson because when I went to the boy's toilets during maths she was standing outside her classroom with a teacher and her eyes were all red and her cheeks were wet.

But I'm sure Mika's not dead because we're in the car with Angel now, on the way home from school, and he's smiling. He even brought us ice cream a few minutes ago. Freya's still grizzly like Lennon or Bowie are sometimes and she keeps wiping her nose on her cardigan.

Soon we get home and I leap out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me, I run as fast as I can down the garden path and towards the front door. I begin to expect the worse. I expect to open the door to Mika's coffin in the hallway and everyone crying. I pull open the door and stumble into the house none the less. There isn't a coffin. I sigh with relief and walk towards the front room. I pull open the door and freeze because sitting there, on the sofa, is my big sister.

"Hiya kid." She smiles. My mouth opens and closes. I can hear Mom and Dad chuckling. I throw myself onto Mika and soon I hear myself cry. I didn't even know I started. "I thought you'd be happy to see me." Mika says but I can hear that she's crying as well. Happy crying, at least I hope it is.

"I missed you." I cry.

"Mika!" Freya's voice screams and soon she's on top of us, hugging, as well. "When did you get home?"

"Give her some space." Dad snaps. We quickly pull back and smile our big sister. She doesn't look very well. She's really pale and skinny. Her hair is curly which is odd. I've never seen her with curly hair before. Her skin is covered in bruises which are more noticeable because of her pale skin. There are a lot of blotchy bruises on her neck that don't look like the other bruises. They look like the bruises Angel got when he come back from that music festival. Mom shouted at him when she saw them. Dad just laughed. Apparently it was from a girl. Maybe it has something to do with that s-e-x stuff.

"I got back last night but I had to stay in the hospital overnight because my back was infected." Mika explains. She looked over at me and pulls a small smile. "Oh Brandon, don't be sad. I'm home now." When I look at her, just for a second, I think she's better. I think she won't cry every night like she did last time she got back from The Joker. I see her smile and I think the nightmares won't come back for her.

But at one o'clock in the morning I'm holding her as she cries and tells me that she's 'done bad things'.

She's not better. She's just worst.

/


	7. And I'm Ready To Hope

_And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope  
>It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat<br>Cause looking for heaven, for the devil in me_

_**Shake It Out- Florence and The Machine**_

Our therapists say that we're inseparable. They say it's because Zane is acting as a protective figure to me. They say I'm still scared and I _need_ Zane to stop me having a breakdown. They say Zane _needs_ me to make himself feel important. They say I can only trust him. As bad as I feel to admit it… it's true. I can't seem to even trust my own parents. I don't like physical contact, I'm fine when my younger siblings give me a hug but when it's an adult trying to touch me I flinch away. I hear my parents cry sometimes. I know that when I don't let them hug me or sit on my bed with me, that it hurts them inside. I'm getting off track now. My point is that ever since Zane and I got home, we've been inseparable.

So when my mother decided I needed some new clothes she phoned up Zane and asked him to take me before even telling me about it. She thought I'd refuse to go. She was right. Zane had to convince me. It took him two hours of not talking to me before I snapped.

"Your mother said you've been skipping meals." Zane says as he follows me around the clothes shop. "She said you've lost weight and they're thinking about taking you the doctors." I snort quietly. Mother has said that a lot recently, it's an empty threat. "This isn't funny Mika. You could become seriously ill."

"No I won't." I snap. "I'm too fat anyway. Losing weight will be good for me."

"Oh my god, Mika." Zane growls. "You believe The Joker. He said that about a month ago! Longer than that even! He was wrong then and he's wrong now! Here, try this dress on." He throws a dress at me. I frown at him as he drags me to the fitting room. Just before we go inside a tanned arm shoots out in front of Zane. He takes a step back and brushes a piece of his hair out of his eyes.

"You can't go in there." The girl who obviously worked there says without ripping her eyes off of the glossy magazine she's reading. "Girls only."

"I _need_ to stay with her though." Zane says urgently. The woman shrugs. "Don't you know who we are? Over a week ago we were being held hostage by The Joker. Mika here can't be with strangers on her own at any time. If you want to have to phone the police and an ambulance after she flips out then I'll stick to your silly rule but you won't like it." The woman looks up and I look at Zane. When was the last time I had a breakdown over being with strangers? The woman looks hesitant so Zane sighs. "I am gay." I almost want to laugh at that. "I like men." He's a very good liar. The woman believes him and lets us go into the changing room.

"Try on the dress first." Zane grins as he sits down on the sofa which was placed in the middle of the fitting room. I nod and go into a cubicle. I sigh when I see the full length mirror in front of me. I quickly close the curtain behind me and take my clothes off. As I stand in my underwear I stare into the mirror.

Most of the bruises have faded but there are still scratches faintly on my snow-white skin and there are still bite marks on my shoulders. They're a cruel reminder of what I did.

"You OK in there?" Zane's voice asks.

"Oh, erm, yes." I say as I snap myself out of what seems to be another flashback. I pull the dress on and smile. It actually looks nice. I smile and my Glasgow grin smiles wider with it. I spin around and the dress flies up with it. "I like it." I say to Zane as I step out of the fitting room.

"Wow." Zane smiles. "You look lovely." His neatly stitched scars twitch. Is it weird that I think even with those scars he looks rather good looking? I shake my head and go back into the changing room. I take one last look at myself in the mirror and reach around for the zip at the back of the dress.

It's stuck. Great. I tug at it but it won't move. I begin to get frustrated and let out a small animal-like growl.

"Zane." I finally call after a few seconds of struggling. "I can't get the god damn dress off." I hear him chuckle and soon the curtain behind me is pulled back and Zane jumps into the small room before closing the curtain after himself. "The zip's stuck." I growl. With one swift movement Zane reaches forward and pulls the zip down. I frown and Zane sees it in the mirror. He giggles to himself then his eyes fall down onto my back. He frowns and traces his finger down on of the scars which was caused by The Joker's knife that time The Joker told Zane to hit me with a belt. I gasp and arch my back slightly.

"I did that." He says sadly.

"No you never." I grumble as I pull the dress off and start to get my clothes back on. I should tell Zane to leave as I get dressed but for some reason I don't. He stands there watching me, watching my back until I pull my t shirt on and spin around to face him.

"I hurt you." He says sadly. I don't want him to have a breakdown now. I smile sadly and place a hand on his shoulder.

"No you didn't." I say. He stares into my eyes before leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. My mind freezes in shock and my eyes widen. His scars are pressing against mine and his tongue darts into my mouth which I didn't even know was open. His hands go to my hair and I feel him smile. When I regain control of my body I'm confused as to what to do. I should kiss him back. He's so kind and lovely and good looking. I'm flattered he's even thought of me in a romantic way. The last time someone kissed me was… The Joker. I panic then. I push Zane back so hard that he falls onto the floor. He looks up at me alarmed and I run out of the fitting rooms. I'm in such a panic to leave I don't even notice I left my shoes back in the fitting room cubicle. I run out of the shop and keep running.

I run and run and run. My lungs are burning and my heart is hammering against my chest. I'm running so fast I feel as if I'm going to fall over if I ever stop. I run past an elderly woman, a mother and her child, a business man and soon I'm about to run past a group of teenagers. They're laughing and yelling disgusting things at each other. I could swear one of them used to go to my old school. They see me and mumble things to each other. With a chuckle they part as I come closer. I think they're being kind until one of them sticks out their leg and I go tumbling to the ground. I let out a scream as I scrape my arms against the harsh pavement. The teenagers laugh and run off. It's beginning to rain and I'm just lying there on the floor.

Soon it's pouring with rain so I sit up and lean against a wall. My tights are ripped and my arms and legs are grazed and bleeding. No one bothers to offer me any help. Everyone just walks past me. Then someone stops and looks down.

"Come on." They say. I look up and see Zane looking down at me, holding my shoes in his hand. He pulls me to my feet and sighs. "Let's get you home and never talk about that again."

"I like you." I whisper as we stand still in the rain. A small smile flickers over his face.

"I like you too." He nods.

/

Zane lies on his bed watching television. It's not like there's anything better to do. The television distracts him from his thoughts. He hates to be left alone with himself. He needs to have something to distract him otherwise every sick and horrible little thing he thinks eats away at him. He finds himself thinking about Mika, a lot. He thinks about her scars and her beautifully unusual eyes. His mind wanders to how her body looked when The Joker forced her to take off her clothes. His dreams are worse though. He dreams are about being The Joker and seeing from The Joker's eyes. He sees Mika crying and cowering under his gaze. He sees himself hurting Mika as she screams in pain. Notice how I use the word 'dream' instead of 'nightmare'? However much he tries to convince himself that the dreams he had were in fact nightmares, he can't help but feel a rush of power after. He sometimes ever catches himself daydreaming about it. Don't get him wrong, he likes Mika a lot, he knows that hurting her is cruel and wrong but it's like there's another part of him that wants to feel powerful, that wants to be the villain instead of the hero for once.

Zane's phone begins to ring loudly. He leaps on it. It was probably Mika although she usually texts him. Without thinking twice he presses the 'answer' button and presses the phone to his ear.

"Hello." He says as he sits up.

"Hel_lo_ Zane." The voice says, rolling the 'z' in Zane's name. Zane freezes. He knows that voice. It's The Joker. "Now don't scream or hang up. If you do then we'll give up our little game with Mika and I'll just slit open her neck." There's a moment of silence before The Joker chuckles deeply. "Now I have a job for you… I want you to take Mika, and yourself, to the abandoned swimming pool in The Narrows on 52nd street. You know where that is?"

Zane nods before realising The Joker can't see him.

"Yes." He says quickly. He used to hang out around there before he got his scars. Back when he had friends who set fire to things and drank alcohol a lot.

"Good. You're going to take Mika there at nine o'clock tomorrow night. If not then…you should probably think of what you're going to say at her funeral." The Joker's voice broke off into a fit of insane laughter. The line goes dead but Zane doesn't move. His breathing becomes shaky and quick. The phone drops out of him hand but he continues to stare ahead. And that's where he stayed until he collapsed onto his bed and fell unconscious with sleep.

/

It's the day after Zane kissed me, he phoned up a while ago and said he needed to show me something. Now were walking around The Narrows in the dark. The cold weather is biting at my bare arms. I regret not wearing a jacket. Zane hasn't said much. He just walks slightly ahead of me as if I've done something to anger him.

"Zane, I'm cold…and it's getting late… I should go home." I say slowly. He turns around and frowns.

"No." He says.

"Where are we going anyway?" I ask.

"It's a surprise." He says quickly. "Hurry up."

"You're scaring me." I say, I stop walking and stare at him. He looks back at me and lets out a sigh. There's something in his eyes that I can't quite understand. Sadness? Regret? Pity?

"Come on, Mika." He says his voice softer than before. I shake my head. "It will only take a few minutes. We're nearly there now, I promise."

"Will you make me one of your hot chocolates when we get back to my house?" I ask with a smirk. He looks at me with such sadness as if I've told him his dog's died, but the look on his face is soon gone.

"You're cold." He says, changing the subject. He shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over my shoulders. "There, is that better?" I nod and he smiles. "Come on, five minutes I promise." He takes my hand and pulls me down the dimly lit road.

Soon we get to a large abandoned building. I scrape my arm when Zane makes me climb through a smashed window. I wince in pain and examine the small wound as Zane pulls me through the building.

"I'm bleeding." I groan as I feel Zane come to a stop. I look around and see we're at an abandoned swimming pool with no water in. It's rather creepy. The only light is leaking in from the street lights outside and the occasional vehicle that goes past. "This is it?" I ask, slightly disappointed. I shrug. I should probably act excited for Zane's sake. I grin and climb down a few steps of the ladder that leads into the pool. "Care for a swim?" I offer my hand to Zane but he just shifts uncomfortably. Is he crying? He wipes his eyes with the back of his wrist. Maybe he just has something in his eye.

"I'm so sorry Mika." He says. I tilt my head to the side.

"What do you mean?" I ask. He's starting to scare me again. I make a move to climb back up the ladder but the step breaks underneath me and I fall to the floor of the pool. I let out a startled yell. The bang of me hitting the cold, hard floor fills the room. I roll onto my stomach and groan in pain.

"Are you OK?" Zane gasps as he leans over the side of the pool and stares at me. I sit up and rub my back in an attempt to sooth the numb pain. It wasn't a big fall but it still hurt. I feel tears prickling at my eyes so I cover them with my hands so Zane can't see.

"I just want to go home." I say, my voice giving away the fact that I was trying not to cry. Footsteps ring out through the large room but when I look up at Zane he's not moving.

"I'm so sorry." He says. I stare up at him, confused to why he's not turning around to see who's walking closer. I leap to my feet just in time to hear a loud, insane laugh echo out through the room. I know that laugh. I shake my head in shock. I can't breathe. My heart is beating so fast it's going to explode. It's The Joker. It's his unmistakable laugh which floods my nightmares every night.

"Oh don't cry yet _Mi_ka. We haven't even gotten started." His voice says. It booms through the building. He comes and stands next to Zane and to my surprise Zane doesn't run away.

"What's going on?" I hear myself ask in a hushed tone. Zane closes his eyes as if he can't bear to look at me. The Joker chuckles. Ignoring the pain in my back I run to the other side of the pool. Maybe if I can climb up the, clearly broken, ladders on the other side then I can find a way out of the building.

"Get her." The Joker says to Zane. I trip over a loose tile on the floor, my arms manage to break my fall but now I am truly crying. Why am I falling over so much today? This is not a good day to have no sense of balance.

"No." I hear Zane say weakly. I hear the cocking of a gun and as I get to my feet and look over my shoulder The Joker is pointing a gun at Zane. He gets the hint and jumps down into the pool. "Mika, come here please." He says loudly. I shake my head and begin running again, but Zane is quicker than I am. His arms snake around my waist and he tries to get me to stop. We end up falling to the floor with him on top of me. I scream loudly and thrash my body. I'm so confused. I thought I could trust Zane. He was always the one I could trust but he has just led me right to The Joker.

I've decided.

I'm never trusting anyone ever again.

/

I don't think I've ever felt the slightest bit of hate for Zane up until now. And even now I don't truly 100% hate him, only about 70%. It's like when you're angry at your parents and you scream at them about how you hate them but you know that deep down you don't mean it. Anger is burning up inside of me and I want to leap on Zane and rip out his hair. I would hurt him if I wasn't being hurt myself.

"I didn't call the police." I scream before The Joker sends another harsh kick to my ribs. I roll onto my stomach and close my eyes in pain. "It wasn't me! It was Zane!"

"Shut up." The Joker roars and he stomps down on the back of my ribcage.

"It _was_ me." Zane says urgently, of course we have both told The Joker this about ten times before. He refuses to believe us and he completely blames me for the police finding us. It's quiet for a few minutes, the only sound is my grunting in pain every time The Joker's foot collides with my body. Then he stops. He chuckles slightly under his breath and leans down. I feel his hands slip under my arms before he pulls me to my feet. All that pain has made me horribly dizzy so I find myself rather grateful that The Joker keeps me standing by wrapping and arm around my waist.

"Would you look at all that blood." He says into my ear. I shift in his grasp. He knows how much I hate blood. I shouldn't have let him figure out I have a fear of blood. I can feel the blood sticking my t-shirt to my skin and running out of my nose. I shudder. "You need to get clean."

"No." I groan. I know what he means. He wants to bathe me which is sure to cause me more pain. But he's already dragging me towards the door.

"Oh but we can't leave you _soaked_ in all that nas_ty_ bloo_d_." He says happily. He pulls me into the next room and then into the bathroom. This room is much nicer than the room he had dumped me and Zane in. Mine and Zane's room is dirty with only a mattress, sink and toilet in. This room is like a proper room with a proper bed in, a television, a walk in closet and a clean bathroom with a beautiful bathtub, a sink and a toilet.

He lets go of me when we're in the middle of the bathroom. He takes a seat on the closed toilet lid and stares at me. His hands are placed on his knees and his legs are wide open. I look down into the bath and see that it's already full of water. That freak must have planned this all along. I look back over at him and he smirks.

"You can't get into the bath with your clothes on." He says darkly.

A while later I'm standing in the middle of The Joker's room with just a towel wrapped around my damp naked body. I'm probably not going to get much sleep tonight. The Joker has been staring at my body for a while now and his eyes held a look that he usually had before he would rape me.

"No… please." I whispered as he walks closer to me. He smirks and shrugs off his purple coat. "Not tonight…" I hear him erupt into a fit of insane giggles before he leaps on top of me causing me to fall backwards onto his bed.

/

When The Joker's finished with Mika he rolls off of her and closes his eyes. His grease paint has worn out in some places and smudged with sweat in other. He knew Mika hated it when that happened. For some reason it scared her more when there were parts of skin showing than when he was covered in greasepaint. Speaking of Mika why wasn't she crying? She usually cries after The Joker does _that_ type of stuff with her. Looking over at her he saw that she was terribly still with her eyes closed. The Joker sat up and tried to decide whether she had simply fallen asleep or been knocked unconscious. It was highly unlikely that she had fallen asleep because The Joker wasn't exactly gentle with her in the bedroom. When a small amount of blood trickled down her pale forehead The Joker figured out that she had been knocked unconscious at some point.

He chuckled under his breathe and trailed his finger up along the track of blood until her gets to her hair. It's a mess. He runs his hand through the thick blonde hair, messing it up even more. It's very long, running his hand all the way through it he finds out that it reaches just below her ribcage. He's going to have to cut it soon. He thinks it will look much nicer if it was shorter. She looks too much like a little doll at the moment. Pale with long blonde hair. Well if you ignore the cuts and bruises. That's not the image he wants though. At first it was great but not anymore. Now he wants her to hurry up and break. He wants her to be broken and look broken.

And he'd make Zane help him.

/

**A/N: **_Come on guys! You haven't been reviewing! What do you want? My soul? Money? Another fanfiction? I gave you Florence and The Machine lyrics. Everyone loves Florence, right? Please, please, please review! It helps me want to update more! I love all my reviewers! Come on, I'm beggin here! _


	8. When The Darkness Has Robbed You

_But hold on to what you believe in the light when the darkness has robbed you of all your sight_

_**Hold On To What You Believe- Mumford and Sons**_

I wake up in the middle of the night in an uncontrollable coughing fit. I sit up right clutching my chest. I'm going to be sick or cough up my lungs. Maybe this is some sort of panic attack or maybe being out in the rain last night made me ill. During my coughing fit I see that I'm still in The Joker's room but as I steal a glance at the other side of the bed I notice he's not there. I can't decide if I'm happy that he's not near me or scared that because he's not here while I'm coughing my insides out that I'll die from lack of air.

I climb out of the bed, clutching the blankets around my bare body, and stumble towards the bathroom. I need water… and clothes. I'm almost there when I trip over something and fall flat on my face. In the dark I can make out the object I tripped over on, The Joker's shoes. Even when he's not here he's still hurting me.

I manage to get to the bathroom and take a drink of the water that splutters out of the tap before I die from lack of oxygen. Taking deep breaths I lean over the sink. I clutch the sides in my hands and stare into the cracked, dirty mirror which hung from the wall in front of me. I look a mess. No just a mess actually. I look disgusting. Taking a look down at my body I notice that it isn't much better. I'm bruised and scratched. I quickly pick up my clothes from the pile where they lay from last night. They're creased and blood stained but I'd rather wear them instead of wearing nothing.

"Boss wants to know why you're making so much noise." A voice hisses. I let out a scream and spin around. There's a man in the doorway. He has large grey, insane eyes which rake up and down my body as a smile tugs at his lips. He runs a slightly chubby hand through his brown hair that looks like it's never been brushed before. If he kept better care of himself and he didn't look so insane he might be slightly attractive.

"I don't feel well." I say. The guy shrugs and beckons me to him. I shake my head. There's no way I'm going towards him.

"Come on bitch. I'm missing out on poker here." The guy sighs as if I'm a disobedient child. He only called me bitch because that's what they all call me. Like some harmless nickname. Bitch as in a dog as in The Joker's pet. I shake my head again. The man stares at his feet for a few seconds. I don't take my eyes off of him. I hope he's given up.

He hasn't. He takes a large step forward and grabs my by the waist. I scream in shock and panic. He lifts me over his shoulder and begins carrying me out of the room. I begin to pound my fists against his back.

"Put me down." I yell angrily.

"If I put you down I'll lose my job and my _life_. If I don't put you down the worst that can happen is you'll get a few more bruises." The man said, his voice a deep scratchy noise. "Take one for the team, bitch."

By the time we get to our destination I've stopped screaming and hurting the man carrying me. I'm plonked down on my bare feet in front of a table. The men around the table are playing a game of cards. There are a total of three men around the table, four when the curly haired man who carried me here sits down. One of those men is The Joker. I try and look at him for a few seconds before snapping my eyes down to look at the ground. He isn't wearing either of his coats or his waistcoat and his diamond braces hang down his pants.

"_And_ what are you doing out of bed?" He asks with a smirk in his voice. I bite my lip stick my hands in my pockets.

"I wasn't feeling too well. I was nearly sick." I mumble.

"Did you hear that boys?" The Joker says with mock concern. "Poor little Mika is feeling all poorly." I feel my cheeks burn as The Joker's men laugh. One of them says something in Norwegian which causes the other's to chuckle slightly. "Look at me, Mika." I shake my head and keep my eyes planted on the ground. I hear him let out a breath. "I can't be dealing with this now." He grumbles quietly before he leans forward and grabs my hair with his bare hand. He yanks my head up to face him. He looks me in the eyes. Those horrific black pits or terror he calls eyes seem to burn into my eyes, no, they burn my soul. His eyes alone destroy any part of hope or happiness left inside of me.

"She's not lying." He finally says with a smile. "_Buuuuut, _I don't think I'll trust her to be alone now that we've put the idea of es_caping _in her little oh-so-persuasive-mind. You, Norway," he points at the young man at the table who previously spoke a foreign language, "go and get a blanket and pillow. Mika's going to have a little sleepover with us."

The foreign man furrows his brow. He doesn't understand but he grins anyway.

"Erm… Batman?" He says. The Joker raises an eyebrow but the messy haired goon is quick to jump in.

"He seems to only reply with English he hears a lot." He says with a nervous grin. He points at me and looks at the Norwegian guy. "Bitch…" He then attempts to do some sort international sign language sign for blankets, bed and pillow. "Blanket… pillow... here." The Norwegian man shakes his head with a wince. The previously silent goon leans forward. He was the only one I haven't heard speak.

"I'll sort it out." He grumbles before speaking fluently in Norwegian to the man who nods and smiles. The foreign man stands up and looks at The Joker.

"Right away… boss." He manages to say before leaving the room.

"Curly hair, go and get us some food." The Joker grins. The guy with messy hair nods and stands up. His eyes fall onto me as he makes his way towards the kitchen. He looks back at The Joker then back at me.

"Does the bitch want anything?" He asks. I feel myself smile. The Joker looks over at me and shrugs.

"Do I look like a mind reader?" He asks. "Ask her yourself… she doesn't bite."

"I've heard different." The quieter goon chuckles. I expect The Joker to lean across the table and jab a knife into the goon's eye. To my surprise though he laughs. He slams his hands down on the table and roars with laughter.

"I do not." I grumble quietly but The Joker's loud laughter masks my voice.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Curly-haired-guy asks when The Joker calms down.

"Yes please." I nod. He leaves the room and I'm left with The Joker and the quiet goon. I shift uncomfortably. I wish I could just go back to bed. I don't know what time it is but I am very tired

The Joker's arm snakes around my waist. He pulls me closer and closer to him until, with one harsh yank, I fall onto his lap. He chuckles and shifts me around slightly until I'm sat on his lap properly. I feel like a young child on Santa Claus's lap. I never liked those guys. They were just fat men with fake beards on. If you think about it the whole thing is a bit dodgy but The Joker is more than a dodgy looking man who wants kids to sit on his lap while he pretends to be a guy that creeps into your house once a year.

The Joker's gloved hand strokes my hair while the other rests on _my_ lap. I stare at that hand like it's some dead animal. It was quiet for a few seconds. The Joker began to look at the bruises on my face with a small smirk. I stared at his hand on my lap until the curly-haired-guy came back into the room.

"I don't know what kids like to eat." He grumbled as he placed a bowl of chips at the table then handed out a few bottles of beer. "So I got her chocolate."

"Thank you!" I gasped as I leant forward and tried to make a grab for the bar of chocolate he held in his hands. The Joker's hand moves from my lap to my ribs. He pushes me back and snatches the chocolate bar with his other hand.

"Oh I don't know." He says as he waves the bar in front of my face. "I don't think you've been a good little gi_rl_." I frown and don't bother trying to get the chocolate. "Tell me Mika… did you miss me?"

"I missed chocolate." I grumble like the moody teenager I am. The Joker begins to laugh. I'm relieved that he's in a good mood because that could have gone either way. If he's in a good mood and you try to be smart and funny he laughs and sometimes even awards you but if he's in a bad mood then you get hurt and yelled at. Today he must be in a great mood. He drops the chocolate on my lap just as the Norwegian man strolls into the room with a blanket and a pillow. He places them on the sofa which is no more than a few feet away from the table. If I wanted to escape The Joker would be able to catch me before I even got out of the room. In front of the sofa is a television which has been on since I was carried into the room.

"Go and take a nap." The Joker says slowly as he pushes me off of his lap. I fall onto my hands and knees on the floor. The chocolate bar skids across the floor. "Try to run and you'll have one less finger by morning. Understand?"

"Yes." I say as I get to my feet and scoop up my chocolate. The Norwegian guy watches me as I slowly walk over to the sofa.

"Another round boys?" The Joker says from the table. I climb onto the sofa and curl up under the blankets. The Norwegian man shrugs and walks back over to the table where he, the two other goons and The Joker start another card game.

I'm expected to sleep.

I can't sleep.

I lie awake watching the television. I suppose I'm not completely awake though. My mind isn't on the television or The Joker and his goon's conversations or any self-pitying thoughts that run around my head. My mind isn't anywhere.

"I think I'm done for the night boss." I hear Curly-haired-goon says. There are a few grunts of agreement and after a few more minutes, one-by-one, the three goons leave the room. I hear The Joker move and mumble a few things to himself but I don't react. I faintly find myself wondering if The Joker's not sleeping because he doesn't want to or because he can't.

I don't know how long passes, a few minutes or a few hours, but at some point the news flashes on the screen. A serious man with thin grey hair slicked back over his shiny head looks down the camera.

_Financial crisis_

_Church on fire_

_Batman catches rapist_

_Young Mika missing again. _

The man begins to tell about how a young girl named Mika missing. It was expected that she and her school friend Zane, who was also missing, had been kidnapped by The Joker. Mika had been kidnapped by The Joker twice before, Zane only once. The clown had been using the teenagers to make a sick point to Gotham City. The girl had been tortured and sexually abused. The boy had been hurt but not as much as the girl had.

It then cut to a video of the girl's mother. It was her talking to a crowd of reporters who were all hungry for her comment. She started talking calmly about how her family needed privacy at this time but then she broke down. She started _begging_ for the girl to come back. Her husband tried to calm her but she carried on sobbing and saying that The Joker was sick monster.

It then went back to the news room where the serious man pleaded for anyone who had seen the girl to contact Gotham City Police. A picture of the girl flashed up on the screen.

Ha.

I recognise her.

Maybe I should call the police.

I crane my neck to look for a phone. I catch glimpse of the clown sitting on the table. He's writing something down in a notepad. He's the same clown as on the television. He looks over at me with smirk. Maybe I should ask him where the girl is. I point to the television, to the picture of the girl, but it's gone and the news is finished. It fades to black but the girl is still on the television slightly, like a reflection.

"What is it, Mika?" The clown growls angrily. I blink a few times. That _is _a reflection on the television. That clown _did_ just call me Mika. I am Mika and he is The Joker. That news report was about me. That was my family and I didn't even realise.

I sit up. How could I forget who I am? I'm going insane. I should be crying. Seeing my mother in such a state over my disappearing should have made me very upset but it didn't. I didn't even care.

I can't breathe. My hands got to my hair. My insides suddenly feel too tight and my lungs aren't big enough to get enough oxygen. I can't breathe and I'm going to die. I start to cry but it's more like gulps of screams. The Joker stands up and slowly walks towards me. I push myself to the far corner of the sofa.

"I-I-I-I'm going c-c-crazy." I cry. I can feel my finger nails digging into my scalp. The Joker smiles and falls to his knees on the sofa.

"I know." He says in a mock pitying. He pulls an exaggerated frown and leans forward. His hands clasp my shoulders in a tight grip. "Now no one will like you. Zane won't be able to stand you now that you're a freak. He was just beginning to love you wasn't he. Now you've ruined it by going insane. You're so weak."

"This is your fault." I scream. "You've ruined my life."

"Oh not entirely… yet." The Joker chuckles. My eyes widen. Maybe I'm acting odd because I need to sleep. I don't know what it is but suddenly my fist shoots forward and hits The Joker right in the face. His nose makes a horrible crack under my fist but The Joker doesn't show any signs of pain. He just closes his eyes for a few seconds but when they open they're full of anger.

I don't even get a chance to apologise.

/

The screams leak through the walls and rise through the floorboards of the room Zane's been left in. They woke him up and they're keeping him awake. The screams belong to Mika. It's a horrible thing to be able to recognise who a scream belongs to.

Zane gets to his feet and walks over to the door. It has been left unlocked since The Joker dragged Mika through it earlier that evening but Zane had seen no reason to leave the room. If he tried to escape then he'd be leaving Mika alone with this monster and he'd be dragged back anyway.

Zane leaves the room and follows the pain filled screams until he gets to the top of a metal staircase. From that spot he can see down into a huge room. It's probably where the goons spend most of their time. It's like a large living room. Zane imagines that it can hold twenty or thirty people at one time but tonight there are only two people there. The Joker and Mika.

The Joker's lying on the sofa, his back propped up slightly by the arm rest. Mika's lying on top of him. He holds her with one hand by her neck, just under her bruised chin. He's not choking her though. Her screaming tells Zane that much. What The Joker _is _doing though is scraping his knife down the side of her body. Her back is arched and her head is thrown back as scream after scream rips from her throat. The side of her body is a bloodied mess of scraped off skin. Her fists and fingers look like they've had the skin scraped off as well.

Zane wants to throw up. He wants to run down the stairs and rip Mika off of the clown but he can't make himself move. His hand stays clutching the metal banister as he stares down at his friend. He can't see her face because it's tossed back which is a blessing in disguise. He doesn't know if he'd be able to cope with seeing her pained face. Maybe The Joker had taken the skin off of her face as well. The thought makes him double over and retch as the feeling that he was going to vomit took over him.

He looked up and saw The Joker staring at him. He was truly done for now. The Joker would march up the stairs and beat him until he was unconscious.

But to Zane's surprise he didn't stop dragging the blade of the knife across Mika's pale body, he didn't make a move for him, he didn't even look as if he was going to bother. Then his painted lips parted.

'_Go back to your room…now.' _He mouthed. Zane's scarred lips open and close for a few seconds before The Jokers' eyes flash with anger. He takes the knife from Mika's body and points it at Zane before mouthing the word: _'now'_.

Zane, without a second thought, runs back to his bedroom. He barely has time to shut the door behind him before the screams start again.

/

Whenever I move a bolt of agonising pain shoots through me so I try to keep perfectly still. I stare at my bloodied and raw hands that lay on my knees as I sit up straight. The Joker stopped hurting me a few minutes ago. It's the worst pain I have felt for quite some time. My side and hands feel so raw as well as my throat but that wasn't the work of The Joker's knife but of my screaming. Speaking of The Joker he's currently crouched in front of the television looking through stack of DVDs which seem to be kept in a small cupboard under the television. He said we should watch a movie seeing as we can't sleep. I'd rather go to bed. I can sleep. I could sleep like a baby if he just let me get bandaged up and go back to a bed.

He holds up a DVD case in the air and then looks back at me. It's a horror movie. He plans to scare me with movies.

"How about this one?" He asks. He expects me to say no and cry at the very idea of watching a scary movie.

"I've seen it." I shrug. It's true. I watched that one ages ago with my old friends. I don't want to think about my old life so I quickly push that thought out of my mind. The Joker frowned and throws the DVD against the wall. After two suggestions of horror movies that I had seen he holds up one that I haven't even heard of. With a smug smirk on his lips The Joker puts it into the DVD player and then climbs back onto the sofa.

I groan in pain when he moves me so that he sits on the sofa with me sitting in between his legs which lay across the seating of the worn down sofa. I shake my head and try to move away from his but he just locks his arms around my waist like a seat belt.

"Let go of me." I grumble. I struggle against him. "I'm tired and you're hurting me."

"Oh Mika, I think you got a little too use to being wrapped in cotton wool by your _idiot _parents and those know-it-all therapists." He says, his mouth right next to my ear. "I've think you've forgotten who I am. I'm not going to treat you all special because you're not. You're not special at all. You know…" He licks his lips and his tongue accidently grazes my ear "...before I brought Zane here... back in the days when it was just you and me, I heard you _pray_ to _God_ once or twice. How did that work out for you? Did he answer your prayers?"

"Screw you." I whisper. Suddenly his teeth sink into my earlobe. I scream. I soon feel blood trickle down my ear. He pulls back and chuckles.

"You already have." He laughs. He sits back up, his mouth moves away from my ear and I let out a sigh of relief. "I think it's time you started considering the fact that God just doesn't like you." I clutch onto my ear in pain. It doesn't occur to me to cry. If I cry it will just get so much worse.

The movie turns out to be quite interesting. It's about a family of serial killers who are all completely insane and heartless. One's a clown. I almost laugh. Of course The Joker made me watch a horror movie where there's a psychotic clown who slaughters people every ten minutes. I don't know whether he planned on showing me the most sexually explicit movie he could lay his hands on but he defiantly relished in the awkwardness. At one point a particularly explicit scene comes on where the clown is having… hard-core intercourse with some overweight whore. The Joker clasps his bare hands over my eyes. His fingers press into my skull like they're trying to reach through to grab my brain. I remember sitting in lesson once with Zane, he leant over to me and tapped his pencil against my temple before saying '_you know if you apply too much pressure to your temples your brain will explode and you'll die'_. Of course I do know that, if that _is_ true, it would take a lot more than just human strength to make your brains explode. The Joker isn't human though. He's a heartless monster. So I panic. I try to claw at his hands. He just laughs at me and yells something about the movie destroying my innocence.

Have I ever told you how much his laugh terrifies me?

/

Before I can ever open my eyes I feel my stomach drop and my heart speed up as I realise I have fallen asleep with my head resting against The Joker's chest as we sat on the sofa watching a movie. Saying that in my head sounds romantic. If The Joker was Zane then it would be lovely. No. Zane. Why did I say Zane? I don't love him. He's just Zane. I open my eyes in attempt to clear the thoughts out of my head so it's quite a shock to see Zane there sitting on the floor in front of the sofa.

He's drinking one of The Joker's abandoned bottles of beer. You can tell it's The Joker's because there is red greasepaint smudged around the rim. Zane smiles up at me. His hair is a mess, as if he's been tossing and turning all night.

"Had a good night's sleep?" He asks. I look back at The Joker to check that he hasn't woken up. It's so odd to see The Joker asleep with his painted eyes closed and his blood red lips parted slightly. He looks so innocent. He shouldn't be allowed to even look innocent though.

"I'm so tired." I whisper as I fall to my knees in front of him. I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes. I pretend to collapse onto Zane who catches me with an almost silent chuckle. I rest my chin on his shoulder and sigh. "I could sleep for a thousand years."

"You'd leave me here alone for a thousand years." He jokes quietly with pretend hurt in his voice. His fingers walk up my spine and his scars twitch against the side of my face. I sit back slightly and smile slightly. Through all this shit Zane's making me smile. Maybe he's using some weird voodoo nonsense or maybe he's just a great guy. Voodoo. I wouldn't be lucky enough to meet a great guy.

"Oh I'd take you with me." I chuckle. I mean it in a friendly way. I don't mean it in the way Zane thinks it mean it. I'm sure he's got the wrong idea because he's leaning in. His lips are pressing against mine and his hands are wrapping around my waist.

I start to kiss him back though.

I don't think about The Joker kissing me. I don't think about everything in my life being terrible.

For a fleeting second I'm a normal teenager.

Key words there being: _fleeting second_ because soon enough the reality of the situation crashes back to me as a beer bottle smashes against the side of mine and Zane's face. It mostly hits Zane and I'm only scratched but Zane's bleeding already. I spin around and see The Joker looking at us with half closed eyes. He has a hand clutching his forehead signalling he's got a migraine or something.

"I do not remember saying you two could be happy." He growls. "I do not remember saying you to could love." I frown and look at my feet. Suddenly The Joker is roaring. "I haven't slept in days. If you two aren't in your room in two minutes I will rip your brains out of your ears so you don't have another chance to be happy ever again."

We get to our feet and run. We don't stop running until we're in our room. We slam the door shut and lean against it.

"You better fucking run." The Joker's voice roars. Then it's all quiet apart from out ragged breaths which fill the room as if the miserable walls are breathing themselves. Zane turns to me, blood running down his temple, and offers a small smile although there are tears in his eyes.

"Joker's not a morning person then?" He tries to joke but his voice is shaking with fear. I can't even reply. I just stare at him with wide eyes. I can hear my heart smacking against my ribcage. I want to tell Zane that he's going to come back for us when he's had a proper sleep. When he's awake he'll be so very angry that I kissed Zane.

I'd give anything for that fleeting second of feeling like a normal teenager to come back again.

/

_**A/N: **__Shameless filler chapter there guys, sorry. I promise you it all gets better in the next chapter, I just needed something to erm… space it all out shall I say._

_Right so now you guys did review! YAY! You're good people! Here are to those who I can't private message back to! _

_**Tweet432: **__Thank you so very much! Oh about those two… they would continue if I could think of a story line. I can't really see Freak Twins starting up again but Invisible has a slim chance of survival. I shall work extra hard to think of some story line for you! _

_**Mel: **__Oh this review is wonderful! Thank you very much! I'm glad people have gotten over the whole 'STOP MAKING THE JOKER SO EVIL' reviews. I like you. You're cool! Don't say sorry for getting to enthusiastic in reviews! I do not mind at all. In fact, I love them when they're long and passionate! Please review again. You make me very happy! _


	9. God Knows That I Don't Hate You

_God knows that I don't hate you,_  
><em>But one day I must learn how to,<em>  
><em>The next I'll learn exactly how to put up a fight.<em>

_**Shock Goodbyes and P45s- The Wombats**_

When I wake up one morning, maybe a few days or a few weeks after I was taken again, I'm surprised there is no one there. No Zane, no Joker. Days don't usually start like this. They usually start with either The Joker waking us up or Zane waking me up because he's lonely. I wonder how long has passed since we were forced to return here. It's hard to keep track of time when the all that happens is pain and sadness. I force myself to stand up even though I'd much rather go back to sleep. The door's wide open which is odd, usually The Joker locks it. As I creep out of the room I feel like I'm doing something horribly wrong. Maybe I should just go back in and wait for someone. I hope The Joker won't get mad that I'm out of the room. Actually, no, he can go to hell.

I eventually find both The Joker and Zane in a room with a large round table in the middle. They're sitting either side in deadly silence. As I get closer I see Zane pick something up from the table. His hand is shaking and although his back is to me I can tell he's scared. The Joker's smirking and has that look in his eyes that I see when he's hurting me. Then Zane presses the gun to his head. I don't give myself time to think properly. I scream and run over to him. He jumps and drops the gun back onto the table. I leap on top of him and he topples to the floor, the wooden chair he's sitting on going with him. I pin him down and glare at him.

"What were you doing?" I scream. "Why were you trying to kill yourself?" His grey eyes stare back at me before they slowly close and he lets out a sigh.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself." He growls. I don't like the way he's talking to me. It's as if I've ruined something for him. He seems terribly angry at me. I don't want to be near him anymore if he's going to act like this so I get to my feet and take a few steps back. Zane stands up and brushes his clothes before looking up at me with a frown. "I was trying to get us food actually."

"By shooting yourself?" I ask. The Joker laugh rips through the room. I look over at him to see that he's leaning over the table looking at me.

"Why do I have such a…uh… _stupid_ hostage?" He laughs. I wrap my arms around my body like I'm trying to hug myself. I try to shrug him off and look over at Zane.

"I'm not stupid." I say as if I'm telling Zane.

"I was playing Russian Roulette." Zane grumbled not looking me in the eye.

"Do you know what that is?" The Joker asks slowly. I shoot a glare in his direction. I want to go over there and punch him right in the face.

"Of course I do." I snap. Zane picks up the gun again as if it's the most casual thing in the world to do at that very moment. I almost gasp. I grab the other end and try and yank it from his hands.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" I hiss. He tries to pull the gun back but there is no way in hell he's getting it.

"Trying to get us food." He yells angrily. "Stop ruining it."

"You're not risking your life for a bit of food that's probably been poisoned." I snap. Zane lets out what sounds like an animal's growl.

"Fine! Have it your way." He roars. He lets go of the gun but I'm still pulling it. It smacks into my forehead with full force. I let out a whimper of pain and drop the gun to the floor. I know there's going to be a lump on my head soon along with a nice big bruise. I cradle my sore head with my hands and try to stop the tears prickling at me eyes while The Joker laughs as if it's the funniest thing ever.

"I'm sorry Mika." Zane says quietly as he takes a step closer to me. He rests a hand on my shoulder but I pull away almost instantly. I shoot him a glare before storming out of the room. I guess I'm trying to find out if he'll follow me. For some reason I'm not mad at him. I wish I could be, but I'm not. I wonder if I ever will be.

As I'm walking back to mine and Zane's room I don't pay attention to anything. I become deep in thought, so deep that I'm almost cut off from the world. Up until I feel an arm wrap around my waist. I begin to struggle. I'm slammed against a wall and before I can move two hands grab at my shoulders.

"I heard The Joker had a pet but I didn't think she'd be so beautiful." A voice purrs. I look up to see a huge ape of a man looking down at me. He's breathing heavily as he looks down at me with dull grey eyes. "Joker has good taste." I try to push him off of me but I'm weak and he's strong. I let out a noise of frustration. The man just chuckles, flashing his yellow teeth. He seems like he should be a security guard or a pirate or an experiment of how to turn man into an ape gone horrible wrong. He looks like he's half way through the human-to-ape process.

"Get off of me." I growl. "I'll kill you."

"I'd like to see you try." The man-ape chuckles. His fat hands slide up the shirt I'm wearing. I don't enjoy feeling helpless. I don't like being the damsel in distress. I don't want to be saved… but I need to. I wish I wasn't so weak and small. I kick and punch but it's useless.

Then there's a blur of movement behind the man-ape and his head come quickly forward. I manage to drop to my knees before his head is slammed into the wall and such force he falls down next to me. I don't even think to look up to see who saved me. I just stare at the ape-man. He's unconscious and his head is bleeding.

Suddenly two hands start patting at man-ape's pockets. I look up and see Zane. He's trying to find something in the man's pockets. I get to my feet and stand next to him. He's still wearing the same clothes he arrived in. I can't help but be slightly jealous. He gets to keep something familiar and almost comforting. The Joker made me wear his shirt and a pair of his own boxer-shorts a few weeks ago after he raped me one night. I don't have anything now. It takes about 27 days for a new layer of skin to form. I've been here more than 27 days. I don't even have the same skin I had when I came in. My skin is dirty now. Dirty, bruised, cut and filthy. Zane's not as bruised. He's not dirty. He washes every morning. So do I but I can't seem to clean off the feeling of The Joker off of me. My skin always seems to be filthy even when I scrub at it for hours. The Joker's ruined my life. There is no doubt in my mind that if in some twisted, messed up parallel universe where The Joker was mine and Zane's father, Zane would be the favourite.

"Thank you." I grunt. I try to pretend it's nothing but I'm sure when Zane looks over at me that he'll be able to tell I'm shaking. But when he does stand back up he's too interested in what he found in Ape-Man's pockets. He holds the items up to show me. A gun and a set of car keys.

"We're getting out of here." He whispers. I shake my head. Sometimes Zane can be so impatient. I wish he'd just wait for the police to come and find us. I know that might be a long time to wait but surely it's better than escaping. When we escape we just get caught and punished. Correction, I get punished. Zane gets to watch.

He doesn't notice my objections. Instead he creeps down the corridor, careful not to make a sound. I follow him like a lost puppy. I can see a smirk tugging on his scarred lips. As we walk he stuffs the keys in his jean's pockets and holds the gun in his hands, pointing it in front of him.

"Zane… you know this won't work." I hiss quietly. We begin to climb down the stairs. Zane holds the gun in one hand and holds my pale hand in his free one. He pulls me along with him. There's no way out of this. Zane's now convinced this will work. I can see it in his eyes. My heart starts pounding against my chest. I want to erupt. I want to scream and tell Zane he's insane if he thinks this will work. I want to tell him he's going to get us in more trouble but even if I do he won't listen. He's got it in his mind that we're getting free and no one will be able to tell him different.

"Well, well, well… what _do_ we have here?" The Joker's voice calls. We're done. We're over. Zane's little game of escaper has ended. I dig my heels into the floor and try to look innocent. I don't let go of Zane's hand but I let my other hand disappear into the long sleeves of the shirt I'm wearing. The Joker smirks at us. I want to collapse at his feet and beg forgiveness. I want to scream that it's not my fault. I want to kiss his shoes and ask him not to hurt me. I want him to know I've given up.

Apparently Zane hasn't given up but mere seconds pass before there's a loud bang, then another, then another. It's the unmistakable sound of gunshots. Usually followed by screams of pain but not this time. Just a thud as someone falls to the floor. I expect it to be Zane who's on the floor dead. Hundreds of images of a dead-Zane run through my head but when I finally look up, a few seconds after the gunshots have rang out, I don't see a dead-Zane. In fact he's still clutching my hand. What I _do_ see if a very angry looking Joker on the floor clutching a heavily bleeding leg.

It's like watching a lion being eaten by a bunny rabbit. It's not meant to happen. The Joker is the scariest, dangerous thing in the whole world, well in my eyes at least. Watching him lying on the floor, with the slight trace of pain on his face, is just wrong and weird in so many ways. It reminds me of the time Grandpa died and I saw my dad crying for the first time. It's uncomfortable and disturbing.

Zane breaks the silence, which has lasted for two seconds at the most, by letting out a loud laugh. A victorious, relived laugh. Then we're off. I take one last look at The Joker as I'm pulled out of the building. He's just still. He's glaring at us angrily but I swear on my life as I'm pulled out of the door I catch a glimpse of a smirk on his face.

"We did it!" Zane laughed. "We killed him!"

"We haven't killed him!" I scream. He's acting so stupidly casual. He pulls the car keys out of his pocket and presses the button. A nearby car's lights flash so we head towards that one. "We've just made him really pissed off. If anything we've killed ourselves!"

"You can stay here if you want." He says as we pause near the car. We look each other in the eyes for a few seconds before I give in. My body slumps. Zane nods and opens the door to the passenger side of the car. "Now quick, before The Joker's men catch on." I climb into the passenger seat and put the seatbelt on. Zane quickly climbs into the driver's seat. He starts up the car and soon it splutters to life. He lets out another loud laugh like he did when he shot The Joker.

"Do you even know the way home?" I ask as he drives away from the big gloomy building The Joker is still inside of. He glances over at me before snapping his eyes back towards the road. The car picks up speed but he still hasn't answered my question.

"Mika, I think it's best if we don't go _straight_ home." He says slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, think about it. The first place they'll look is at our houses." He glances over at me again to see how I'm taking it. "We'll lie low in a motel for a few days and then we'll go the police." His hand reaches for mine. It covers it for a few seconds before he takes it back to change gears on the car. "Don't worry. I'll look after you. I'll have you back with your family safe before you even know it!"

This is all wrong. Nothing good can come out of this. Yes, we're away from The Joker but soon enough we'll be back. I know it and I'm pretty sure that deep down Zane knows it. I don't like the idea of staying in some cheap motel either. I just want to go home. It's all I've ever wanted to do. I miss my family. Oh gosh, I can feel myself starting to cry.

I rest my head against the cool window and take a few deep breaths. The shakily escape my mouth and leave condensation on the glass. On the other side of the window is a blur of colours as the outside word speeds past. Zane doesn't know where he's going. How can he? Yet he's still speeding along as if he knows the map of Gotham back to front.

"Do you know how to drive?" He asks after a while. He's trying to make conversation. I don't want to talk. I want to go back in time and not run away from The Joker. No. I want to go back in time and avoid meeting The Joker all together. I'm in such a mess I'm even on the brink of wishing I could go back in time and stop myself being born.

"Angel tried to teach me." I say. A smile flickers on my face as I remember those days. Then the smile falls as a dull pain erupts from my heart when I remember how much I miss my family. "I'm OK I suppose but I don't trust myself."

"Ah that's good enough." He chuckles. "You can drive when I can't." I frown and look back out of the window. I don't want to talk to Zane anymore. He thinks he's saved us but all he's done has got us into a hell of a lot of trouble.

/

The motel is disgusting and terrifying at the same time. The walls are covered in dull sickly yellow wallpaper which is gathering mould in some places just like the worn down blue carpet. I sit in the middle of the double bed which groans and creaks when you make the slightest movement. Zane is looking out of the filthy window down at an alley way were there are a few shifty looking men. He paid for the room out of some of the money we found in car we stole.

"Ah, it's not so bad is it?" Zane grins as he spins around.

"Yes it is." I say quietly. He sighs and walks over to me. He sits at the top of the bed and sighs.

"Smile for me." He says when I look over my shoulder at him. I let out a hollow laugh and stare ahead of myself again.

"I'm always smiling." I say coldly. "I'm always showing an emotion I barely ever feel."

"Stop it." Zane snaps. I hear the bed creak as he crawls down the bed. I know he's behind me when I feel his breath on my neck. "We're away from The Joker now. You should be happy."

"Happy?" I snort. "He's going to find us and then he'll punish us."

"It won't be that bad." Zane grumbles.

"Do you want to know what happened the first time I _attempted_ to escape?" I growl. Zane's head rest on my shoulder. I stiffen and my heart beats a little quicker but then I push the feeling away. It's just Zane. Nothing to get overexcited about.

"Tell me the story." He chuckles. His hands rest on my thighs so I lift one up and brush his fingers against my Glasgow smile.

"Ah." He says, his mood seeming to drop. "So that's how you got them."

"That was for _trying _to run away. Think about what he's going to do when he finds out we actually did run away… and we shot him." My stomach flips. "I'm dead. He's going to murder me in the most horrific way." Zane's arms wrap around my waist. I close my eyes and try not to let the terrible memories of The Joker doing bad things to me flood back into my mind. Part of me wants to run. Run away from everything. I'll run out of the motel, out of Gotham, out of America and to the North Pole where I'll live under a million blankets made from animal skin. But then there's a part of me which wants to sink back into Zane. I want to sink into him until I'm inside of him. I want to hide inside of him like he's a coat.

"Calm down." He whispers. I spin around and grab his shoulders. I dig my nails into the fabric of his t-shirt. Part of me wanted to hurt him and I could. My nails weren't short, they were long and sharp. I had learnt a while back that they were the one thing I could use to hurt The Joker that he wouldn't take away from me. I guess he didn't notice or wasn't bothered. There's only so much harm you can cause with your own fingernails but when The Joker tries to beat me or hurt me in any way I remind myself that it's better than nothing.

"Don't tell me to calm down." I hiss. "You never get punished properly by The Joker. It's always me. You don't know what it's like." He frowns at me for a few seconds then pries my hands off of him. A sob escapes my lips. I can't take my eyes off of him as I start to cry.

"You need to sleep." He says blankly. I shake my head but don't protest when he lies me down on the creaky bed. He puts the blanket over me before sitting next to me on the bed. He strokes my arm which is under the sleeve of The Joker's shirt. "We'll get you some new clothes tomorrow. OK? We'll go down the shops and get some food as well. I'll use that money we found in the car. Everything will be alright, Mika."

"I hate you." I growl. I start to cry. Zane crawls under the blankets and wraps his arms around me. I cry harder. He kisses my face with his scarred lips. I try to struggle but he holds me still. He holds my face in his hands and kisses it. He's crying as well. His tears splash down onto my face. He doesn't stop kissing my face until I calm down. When I have calmed down I fall asleep with Zane lying on top of me.

/

_**A/N: **__Oh my I've been neglecting you haven't I? I'm sorry! I hope you liked this chapter._

_You see those lyrics? You see whose lyrics they are? T_HE WOMBATS_! I'm seeing them live for a fourth… or fifth time. I lost track. Well anywhom, your faithful author will hopefully have a grand time… then see _Noah and The Whale_ with her father on Wensday… then see _Benjamin Francis Leftwich_ next Saturday. So don't build up high hopes of getting a chapter out of me in this coming up week. I shall try my hardest I promise! _

_Review please._


	10. Two Lovers Crying OnEachOthers Shoulders

_Said he'd lost all his self-esteem  
>And couldn't understand why he was cry, cry, crying, cryyiiing...<br>He would stare at empty chairs  
>Think of the ghosts who once sat there<em>

_He says 'I'm so lost,  
>Not at all well'<br>Do as done and there is nothing left to be  
>Turned out I'd been following him and he'd been following me<br>Do as done after it was over  
>We were just two lovers crying on each other's shoulder<em>

_**Ghosts- Laura Marling**_

I don't know what time it is when I wake up. It's late. I know that much. The sun is slicing through a gap in the curtains and falling onto my face. I groan in annoyance and bury myself under the blankets. My mind tiredly wanders over the events that happened yesterday as my eyes stay closed. I've been sleeping in a lot recently. I blame it on lack of food. As I lie under the covers with my eyes closed in a state of half asleep, half awake, I notice a number of things. Like how the hunger is hurting very badly now and how I smell terrible and how dirty I must be. At some point I get bored of lying around so I climb out of the bed. Zane is nowhere to be seen so at first I panic.

I can feel myself shaking as I think of all the reasons why he's not here. The thought of him being dead somewhere while The Joker is hiding behind the shower curtain runs through my mind. Then I notice a note pinned to the door. I slowly walk over to it and pull it off of the door.

_Mika,_

_I went to get some food and clothes. I didn't want to wake you. Don't open the door to anyone. I should be back soon._

_Love from Zane. X_

I nod and drop the note to the floor.

Oh, think of all the fun things I can do in a dirty, tiny motel room on my own.

I come to one conclusion.

Get a shower and go back to sleep.

/

"Wake up sleepy head." Zane's voice says. It takes me a few seconds to figure out who it is because it doesn't sound like Zane's voice usually sounds. It's high pitched and wavering. "I have a surprise for you."

Then something is placed on top of the blankets. The thing starts moving. I'm confused now so I climb out from under the blanket. I groan and stretch out my body. The first thing I see that surprises me is Zane. His face is stained with tears and his eyes are red. I'm instantly concerned. I lean forward, forgetting about the moving thing that was placed on top of me before, and place my hands on Zane's broad shoulders. He's still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and his hairs a mess yet he looks beautiful… I mean nice… he looks OK. I don't know why I said beautiful. He's just Zane. Stupid Mika. Shut the hell up.

"What happened?" I ask. "Are you OK? Why are you crying?" He smiles but another tear falls from his eye.

"I got you a surprise!" He says happily. The thing moves again and I look down. I jump in surprise. I can't believe that's on my lap. Out of everything he could have surprised me with why this? What made him think I needed one? Where did he get it? Where did he get the money for it? Where did he find one? Is it legal to own this?

On my lap there is a pig. A tiny pink pig, no longer than my lower arm, looking up at me with big black eyes. He looks almost as confused as I am. He is wondering why on earth he's sitting in a dirty, cheap motel room on a teenage girl's lap.

"What?" I ask. Zane giggles but the giggle isn't right. He sounds slightly crazy. It's a giggle we hear from The Joker almost every day. I should be grateful that I'm not hearing that clowns voice today but I can't help but be awfully pessimistic. Zane lifts up the pig and holds it up to my face. I lean back slightly and raise an eyebrow.

"It's a piggy." He smiles. I nod slowly. He places the pig onto his lap and strokes him.

"I can see that." I say. I speak softly and calmly. Zane is scaring me now. He's smiling but there are tears falling down his face. I'm confused and worried. I just want to give him a hug and make him tell me what's wrong. "Why is he here?"

"I wanted to make you happy." He says quietly. I shake my head. "I got him from a farm. Isn't he adorable?" I have to admit he is cute. He's about the length as my lower arm, from my elbow to wrist. He's pink with a grey patch over his right eye but he's still a pig and pigs don't belong with hostages in motel rooms.

"Zane, we can't keep it." I say. He looks up at me as if I've just announced I'm going to take it outside and shoot it. "We can barely afford to keep ourselves fed. That money we found in the car will barely stretch a week for us alone. We can't afford to keep a pig as well. He needs vet care. He'd need to be taken for walks…" I can't help but feel like I'm acting like a mother here. The pig was cute, I admit, but there are more negative sides to having a pig and the fact that it is cute does not outweigh the negatives.

"I'm just trying to make you happy." Zane says. His voice is strained and tense. The pig senses that something is going to happen and slowly climbs off of Zane's lap. "Why doesn't anything I do make you happy?" His voice rises until he's roaring his words angrily at me. He stands up and glares angrily down at me, his fists clenched at his sides. I stand up opposite him. I don't want to be small compared to him but when I stand up I'm still short compared to him.

"You got me a pig." I say. I don't want to yell at him. I don't want to have a shouting match and end up getting ridiculously angry over a pig. I cast a look over at the argument starter. It's still on the bed, watching us with its black eyes. I never really wanted a pig so I'm struggling to see how Zane thought I'd enjoy having one in a filthy motel room. "It's a lovely thought but we can't have one here. It's not fair on him."

"There's no pleasing you." He yells. "You wanted to get away from The Joker and the two times I get us away you twist it around so it looks like I've done something terrible! I'm just trying to save us but you make everything I do seem so bad. I just wanted you to be happy. I thought you'd be happy with this," he points angrily at the animal that cowers and grunts, scared of all the shouting "but yet again you're not happy and you've made me look like the bad guy again! The Joker's right. I fail at everything I do. Sometimes I think you hate me more than you hate The Joker." I blink a few times and take in what he's said. Part of me wants to cry. It's a very sad feeling when someone you love thinks you hate them. Not that I _love_ Zane. I love him like a friend. Yes. A friend. Nothing more.

"Of course I don't like The Joker more than you." I whisper. The thought of liking The Joker at all makes me feel like we're talking about some horrific tale of cannibalism or incest or something else wrong. I try to count all the people who like The Joker. It's hard. His men don't even like him most of the time. I've heard them cursing when he walks away and call him horrible names. Sometimes that makes me laugh. They never feel sorry for me but there's something comforting about knowing there are other people in the building who hate The Joker. It's not like that now though. For all I know everyone in this motel loves The Joker. I imagine them listening into our conversations, ready to call up The Joker at any second.

"Why don't you like me?" Zane asks, his voice quieter but it still snaps me out of my thoughts. He looks up at me through the locks of his brown hair. His grey eyes are huge as they look at me with such hurt. There's more to this than the pig and the escape. I wish he'd just tell me.

"I _do _like you."

"I mean like me in the way I like you." He snaps. "Mika, I _love_ you."

"What is this all about?" I ask. My voice gets louder. Maybe I'm simply frustrated or confused. How could Zane love me? How could I love anyone after what The Joker has done? That sound like a line from a romance novel or a teenage TV show. In those clichés The Joker is an ex-boyfriend and Zane is a friend-turned-romantic –interests. Zane will prove to me how wonderful love can be then we'll elope and get married. That fantasy is almost laughable. The chances of that all happening are just about equal to the chances of me growling a sword for an arm, which would be very useful. "Don't tell me it's about all of this escaping nonsense or our…erm, relationship status because I know it's not. You wouldn't be upset by something like that at this moment."

"My mom." He says quickly. Fresh tears slide down his cheeks. "He killed her. The Joker sent a video into the news saying he wanted us back. He said he wants people to find us and give us to him. He used my mom as an example of what would happen if we're not found soon." He bursts out crying. I'm shocked but I step forward and wrap my arms around him anyway. I've never seen him cry like this. I saw tears fall down his cheeks a few times but never this sort of crying, never violent heavy sobs. "Gotham's split into two types of people. The people who want to find us and take us to Arkham and the people who want to find us and give us to him, we have nowhere to go. That's what _he_ said. That's what The Joker said before he killed her. He laughed, Mika. She was screaming and crying and all he done was laugh. My mom's dead and the last thing she heard was The Joker laughing." I sit us down onto the bed. The pig moves away and Zane moves closer to me. His arms crush me against him as one of my arms wrap around him and the other lets my hand stroke his hair.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper. My voice is drowned out by his loud sobs. I rock him backwards and forwards while trying to whisper comforting things to him.

"I have no one left who loves me." He sobs. "My mom was the only one. I never knew my dad. He buggered off before I was born. My brother doesn't love me. He used to hit me and my mom. He held a knife to my throat once. No one loves me. I have nothing to live for. I want to die, Mika. I just want to end it all."

"_I_ love you." I force myself to say. I'm too confused to figure out if I mean it or I'm just saying what Zane wants to hear.

"No you don't!" He roars. His fists pound against my back, making my insides feels as if they're rattling. I think he doesn't understand how strong he is or how hard his punches are. I try to bare them and calm him back down but it doesn't work. "You're lying to me."

I manage to get out of his grip and distance myself from his fists. I lean against the headboard and watch as Zane curls up into himself. He's tugging at his hair. I want to stop him. I want to lean over and tell him to stop pulling out his lovely hair because I like it on his head but I can't. I stare at him and try to steady my breathing. I don't want to be the one to have to cope with this. I want to cry as well. I want to curl up next to him and cry until someone comes and takes us home. As selfish as it sounds, I want Zane to get over his mother's death and be the one looking after me. I know that he won't be able to simply get over it for a long time though.

"I'm not lying, Zane." I say. I need to make him believe me. Maybe it will make him happier. I can't imagine what it would be like to feel so alone in the world, to think no one loves you. The first time The Joker kidnapped me I felt alone, as if I was the only person alive, but I still held on to the hope that my parents were out there hoping and praying I would get home safe.

I do like Zane. I don't know how much I like him. I'm sure I'd like him much more if The Joker didn't completely ruin my trust in people. Every time I thought of loving someone I thought of having to kiss them and that just reminded me of The Joker and the things he done to me.

But this was Zane. I'd do anything to get him out of the mood he was in. I don't like seeing him miserable. It makes my heart ache to see him cry. So I force myself to be brave. I force myself to try and think about anything but what I've done with The Joker.

"I really love you." I say quietly. I crawl forwards across the bed until I'm right in front of him. He doesn't look up. He just breathes heavily, his hair falling in front of his face. I take a deep breath and put my fingers under his chin. I push his head up until he's looking at me. I look into his eyes before leaning forward and kissing him.

That's all I want to do. Kiss him. I want to kiss him and pull back and smile but it goes too far. I don't want Zane to be unhappy so I don't object. Maybe I didn't tell Zane to stop because I _do_ love him. Maybe I just don't know it yet. Maybe subconsciously I honestly wanted to go all the way with him.

/

"You're crying." Zane says. His voice makes his bare chest rumble beneath my head. I didn't even notice that I was crying until he pointed it out. I nuzzle my face into his chest in an attempt to hide the tears on my cheeks.

"No I'm not. " I lie as I force a smile to appear on my face. I look up at him with my false smile so he can see it. He just frowns down at me and the hand that had been lying over my naked body tightens its grip on me.

"I shouldn't have done that." He says as he closes his eyes and turns his head to the side. I shake my head and plant a kiss on his chest.

"No… it was good. I liked it." I say quietly. I'm so bad at lying sometimes.

"Don't lie to me." He says softly. "I remember you saying to me that after what The Joker done to you that you never wanted to have sex with anyone ever."

"I changed my mind." I grumbled. Why can't Zane just let it go. There's only so many times I can lie to him before cracking and admitting that I feel completely disgusting and that, yes, I didn't want to have sex and I still don't want to. I guess it wouldn't make him feel any better if I told him I regret making love to him. In his defence though he wasn't like The Joker at all. He was gentle and kept asking me if I was alright. He's such a lovely person. He doesn't deserve any of this terrible nonsense I've dragged him in to.

"Mika…" Zane sighs. His hand goes to his head and he messages his temples. I shrug and look over at the pig that was asleep on the floor.

"What shall we name him?" I ask as I lazily point over at the pig. Zane rolls his eyes at the change of subject. He sighs and grunts my name a few times as I talk but soon enough he falls asleep.

/

It's been about three days at the most. Zane hasn't gotten any better. He's terribly depressed. He talks about suicide sometimes. He cries a lot and punches walls. We're still in the same motel but the maids (who don't really tidy the room at all) haven't noticed the holes in the walls… or the pig for that matter. Speaking of the pig, he's well. I don't really know what pigs eat so when Zane goes to get food I make sure he buys bread to feed to the pig. Oh and I gave him a name. His name is King Charles the Second, named after my favourite English King. We call him Charles for short.

I'm washing King Charles the Second when it all starts. He's grunting away happily in the motels bath tub, ignoring the mould and dirt that surrounds him. Then Zane's voice roars through the hotel room.

"MIKA!" He yells in a slightly slurred voice. I frown and get to my feet, picking Charles up from the tub and wrapping a towel around him before walking out of the bathroom and into the room. Zane is sprawled on the bed with some sort of small container in his hand. He doesn't look himself… not that he was acting himself before. I recall him being scarily unresponsive. Just grunting one word answers to my questions and not even saying 'good morning' or 'hello' when I woke up to fine him gazing out of the window.

"Zane… what's going on?" I ask as I place Charles down on the floor. As I walk closer to Zane I realise that he's gone deathly pale and his skin is glistening with sweat. My stomach drops as terror hits me. "What have you done?"

"Am I with my mom yet?" He asks with a slurred voice. I shake my head in confusion. Then my eyes land on what he's holding in his hand: an, empty, bottle of pills. He's tried to kill himself. Oh God no. I panic. I don't know what to do. I've never really been told what to do with a friend who's taken an overdose. What do I do? I wish I wasn't on my own right now. I wish there was some one here to help me.

I brush the back of my head against Zane's damp head and feel that it's freezing cold. He's sweating buckets and as cold as ice. I'm no doctor but I'm guessing that's not a good sign. Suddenly he rolls onto his stomach and begins vomiting violently. His body begins convulsing as disgusting vomit spews out of his mouth.

I manage to clear my head enough to notice the motel's phone on the bedside table. I snatch the handset up and press it to my ear. My trembling fingers jab in the numbers 9-1-1. When the woman answers on the other end and asks what my emergency is, Zane stops throwing up. As I try to remember where we are and then tell the operator, his eyelids start to droop shut. By the time I hung up he was barely conscious. I sit on the bed next to his head, his eyes, half closed, follow me when I move.

"Zane… Zane… don't fall asleep." I say as I manoeuvre his head so it's on my lap. A faint smile graces his lips as he looks up at me. I brush some of his hair off of his damp forehead and force myself to smile back. It falls after a few second though and I start to cry. "Why, Zane? I thought we'd be able to cope."

"You love me." He slurs with the same small smile on his face. I nod and use my thumb to wipe off some of the sick that was on his chin and lip.

"Yes, yes, yes. I love you." I say quickly. He nods slightly and looks me in the eyes.

"We'll cope." He says. I want to yell at him. I want ask him how can we cope with him on the edge of death and me left alone with a pig named after a king. How can we cope while he's in hospital and The Joker's after us? Cope? We're not even going to scrape through this, in fact, I'm wondering whether we're even going to survive.

/

Zane gets placed into the back of an ambulance while I and a crowd of nosy onlookers watch. It's raining now. The rain hits my pale skin as if to remind me I haven't been outside in quite a while. I feel so utterly alone right now. I want someone to slip their hand in mine and say reassuring things but that's not going happen anytime soon.

"I want to go into the ambulance with him." I say to one of the remaining paramedics. The paramedic looks down at me and then to the two police men who have just arrived. I look over at them as well with a frown. One of them is short and fat with stains on his uniform while the other one is terribly skinny with a uniform that hangs off of him.

Do you ever get that feeling that someone is just… bad? Like a teacher or a dentist or someone that just looks a bit evil. Well I got that feeling when I saw these men.

"I think it's best if you come with us?" The short fat man says. Even his voice sounds as if it's covered in slime. I try to hold back a shudder as I watch him. The skinny man nods slowly.

"Yes that would be best. We have a few questions and you need protection from The Joker…" He smiles. He smirked as if there was some hidden joke in that sentence I was yet to understand.

"But I need to be with Zane!" I say urgently. I cast a look over at the paramedic who hesitates slightly before sighing. He rests a hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eyes.

"We'll take good care of your boyfriend." He says. I don't rush to correct him about mine and Zane's relationship status. It seems a bit stupid and heartless to correct him. "You'll be with him in no time." The tall skinny police man wraps his bony fingers around my upper arm and gives me a slight tug towards the police car. I want to protest but I see no point because the ambulance has already gone. So I allow myself to be pushed into the cop car.

Now I don't know my way from this motel to the police station so it's only about three quarters in of our journey that I realise we're not going the right way.

These men are the police though. They wouldn't take me anywhere dangerous, would they?

They would and they are.

Soon enough the car stops outside somewhere terribly familiar. When I recognise it my heart starts pounding against my ribs. The men chuckle to themselves as they climb out of the car. I'm beginning to doubt they're actual police men. Real police men wouldn't take me back to The Joker. I surprise myself when I don't struggle as much as usual. I suppose deep down I knew this was coming. Deep, deep down, I accepted my fate when I got into the police car.

The car door is yanked open and a fat hand grabs my upper arm in a bruising grip. I'm thrown out of the vehicle and onto my knees on the hard, gravel floor. The dress Zane brought for me, which I'm wearing, doesn't cover my knees. I hiss in pain when the small, sharp stones bite into the bare skin of my pale knees. I let out a sob of fear as I look up at the large building in front of me. The Joker's hideout.

"Hands behind your head!" The skinny man barks. For some reason I don't do as I'm told or even move. I hear the cocking of a gun then feel the barrel of it pressing against the back of my head. The voice comes again but quieter and more mocking this time. "I said… hands behind your head… please."

I slowly place my trembling hands behind my head and close my eyes. The gun presses down into my head harder as the man lets out a deep chuckle. I try not to cry. I try to stay strong but when I hear slow heavy footsteps coming towards us and I figure out who it is I feel tears falling down my cheeks. I keep my eyes tightly closed as if, if I don't see him, he won't exist.

"I see you found my little… _pet._" The Joker's voice says. I make one last attempt to get to my feet and run away but before I can even move properly the barrel of the gun is smacked down on the top of my head. The Joker's footsteps come closer until he stops about a foot from where I'm kneeling. "Are you already scared?" His voice is full with mock concern. Concern that a monster like him probably doesn't even hold. "We haven't even started yet." Then his voice is right next to my ear. I jump slightly when he begins to talk. "Your life is about to get terrifying. I've been going easy on you up until now." Then he took a step back and his voice got louder. "I need to crack down on my little pet so she doesn't go missing again."

_**/**_

_**A/N: **__Bye-bye Zane. Just kidding. But say see-you-later to him, that's all I'm going to say. _

_I hope you liked that chapter! _

_Please review. All my reviewers are lovely and fantastic! _

_summerorwinter72: Thank you for your review! Sorry for ruining The Joker's innocence. I don't really know why I made him rape. Oh god, I'm freaked out now. My minds been attacked. AH! _


	11. You're Looking Rough And Living Strange

_Oh my friend you haven't changed  
>You're looking rough and living strange<em>

_**Don't Look Back Into The Sun- The Libertines **_

Gotham's not a warm place so you can probably imagine how cold one would be if standing in a basement, in Gotham City, wearing nothing but your bare skin. That's the predicament I'm in right now. The Joker didn't take me to the room he usually takes me to. He threw me down the stairs towards the basement and while I was lying at the bottom of the stairs, curled up in pain, the skinny 'police' man came in and ripped off my clothes. He told me to stand against the wall and then left quickly.

This room is so dark. If I held up my hand in front of my face I wouldn't be able to see it. The only light is from the top of the stairs where The Joker stands in the doorway. He's talking to someone. I think it's the skinny man and the fat man.

"Go and clear out the motel room they stayed in. Bring everything here." I hear him say. "Everything. Even her little teddy bear if you find one." They all laugh. I would be blushing if I hadn't stopped concentrating after I heard him tell them to bring everything from the motel room back here because I was too busy thinking about what I left in that motel room. King Charles the Second, my pet pig. I wonder if pigs have enough sense to escape when they sense danger. Do pigs sense danger? I really hope so. Maybe Zane has him. No that's a stupid thought. Zane's in hospital after taking an overdose. Oh I shouldn't even care about this pig but I gave him a name and once you name something you feel a sort of responsibility for it not matter now much trouble it caused.

The light is switched on, snapping me out of my thoughts and making me jump slightly. My arms instantly go to cover my body as The Joker walks down the stairs. I press my back into the wall and watch as he walks towards me. I notice he has a slight limp. I can't help but feel smug right now. I'm not stupid enough to show it though. I look at my feet and try to pretend I'm wearing clothes.

"Mika, Mika, Mika… when was the last time you had a, erm, shower?" He asks. This is an odd question so I shrug my shoulders and reply with a shaky.

"Erm… l-l-last night." He wrinkles his nose and squints his eyes slightly as if he doesn't believe me. He walks closer to me and sniffs the air around my face. I flinch back and wrap my arms tighter around my body.

"I don't think so." He sings. He takes a few steps backwards until his feet hit something on the floor. He lifts the thing up and smirks. It's a hose, a huge one, one you'd expect a fireman to be holding. I shake my head slowly. Surely he can't be spraying me with that. "Turn around." I do as I'm told which earns a dark chuckle from The Joker. "Hands on the wall." As soon as my trembling hands touch the cold grey walls I feel a harsh blast of freezing cold water hit my back. It throws me into shock at first. I can't scream or move for a second. Then, after a few second, the shock fades away. It's so cold and powerful that I fall to my knees. The water continues to relentlessly smack into my back. I let out a scream of pain although I'm not sure whether I'm in pain because of the water being just above freezing point or because of the power of the water which feels like a hard punch.

"Stop… it!" I manage to shout. I want to say so much more. I want to tell him that he should blast that thing on himself to get rid of that ridiculously terrifying face-paint and grease covered badly dyed hair.

When he eventually does stop, I'm lying on the floor curled up in a ball. I'm freezing cold. I can feel my body shaking. I don't fight back when The Joker lifts me to my feet by my hair and drags me across the room. I can't find any strength in my body to protest as he dries my wet body with worn-out raggedy towel. I barely have the strength to keep my eyes open let alone struggle.

"Now where did these come from?" The Joker drawls as his fingers run up and down my bare back. "These bruises… _I_ didn't give them to you."

"Zane." I hear myself whisper. "He was angry and upset that you had murdered his mother." I try to make my voice be full of venom and anger but I doubt I succeeded.

"So you let him hurt you?" The Joker chuckles. I shrug and hang my head. All I want to do is go back to bed. The Joker yanks one of his shirts over my head and then forces my legs into a pair of black soft shorts. I'm too exhausted and cold to fight back. I let myself be handled like a rag-doll. I'm thrown into a room and handcuffed to a radiator where I'll stay for the next few hours.

/

I wish I could sleep but it's so difficult to drift off when The Joker's henchmen are being awfully loud somewhere in the building, you're handcuffed to a radiator and still freezing cold. I shift uncomfortably on the hard floor and look around the bare room. I'd cry if I had the energy.

"You found a pig?" The Joker's voice roars with laughter. I perk up slightly. I hear the sound of snorting and squealing as The Joker's laugh dies down.

"Charles?" I gasp. The Joker has my pig. Admittedly, I didn't really like the pig before but once I named the guy after a king and bathed him a couple times I got attached to him. I tug against the handcuffs but it's no use.

"I'll deal with him." The Joker's voice says.

After that, for the next few minutes, a lot of squealing can be heard coming from King Charles the Second. I'm glad Zane isn't here to hear this although part of me wishes he was here to help me through this all. I shouldn't wish that he was here at all. It's horrid to wish that upon someone. I should be happy that he is safe in a hospital. It feels odd not being able to talk to him though. I miss him so much right now.

A few hours later and I'm nodding off to sleep when one of The Joker's men bursts through the door. He's a skinny man with bags under his eyes and dirt on his skin. He twitches as he unlocks the handcuffs that chain me to the radiator. He grabs my upper arm and pulls me out of the room. The poor man is obviously mentally ill. He seems dethatched from the world. They said I was like that when I first got back from The Joker. I can hardly remember though. I remember concerned voices and hospital beds.

"There she is!" The Joker's voice booms as the man throws me into another room and then quickly leaves. I land on my hands and knees. "The star of the show." I look around the room with a frown. There's four short chains coming from the wall with singular sort of hand cuffs at the end. Two of the chains are up high and two are near the floor. I'm no genius but I'm guessing they're there to chain people to the wall and I'm guessing that today that person will be me. Next to the chains is a giant wheel with different colours on. Like the ones on a game show that you'd spin until it stops and the pointer would land on one of the little sections and you'd win a prize. I don't think I'm going to win a prize.

Suddenly I feel The Joker's gloved hands grab my wrists and pull me to my feet. He drags me towards the chains before pushing me against the wall. I struggle slightly but not as much as I usually do. I'm so tired and emotionally exhausted. As my wrists are locked into place The Joker glances down at me.

"What_ was_ the uh… pig name_d_?" He asks as he kneels down to chain my ankles to the floor. I think of kicking him in the face. I imagine him falling back to the floor in pain. I even imagine kicking him so hard that the bones in his nose are forced upwards and lodged into his brain. To imagine this clown curled up on the floor in pain with blood making a little pool around his head is such a lovely thing to imagine. I smile to myself. Before I know it though, he's done and he's standing back up. My smile falls back off my face.

"King Charles the Second." I say. The Joker looks down at me, right in the eye. I freeze under his stare. I wish I could rip my eyes away from him but I can't.

"What… the… fuck?" He asks slowly and deeply. Then he begins to laugh. I stare at him blankly. He leans back and calms himself down. "Well I'd love to chat for longer but we have a show to film." He pokes my nose and walks over to the video camera. If I saw any point in it I would have begged him not to hurt me but that's like begging the sun not to rise in the morning. It's going to happen anyway.

"Hello Gotham City." The Joker says. I look up and see him speaking to a video recorder. It's the same one he always uses. I can still see some of my blood still on the focus ring from one of those videos he took when he first got me. I let my head hang again and grumble a few words under my breath quietly. "Look who I got back." I keep my head hanging low as he walks towards me. "You thought you could hi_de_ from me didn_'t _you?" His gloved hand suddenly slaps me across the face and then forces me to look at the camera. I stare into the lens blankly. It used to be hard to do that. Now it's easy. "Didn't you?"

"I-I-I… it wasn't my idea." I stutter. My eyes flicker back and forth between The Joker's eyes and the lens of the video camera.

"Oh really?" The Joker giggles. "Whose was it?" My mind runs through everyone in the world who I can blame it on apart from Zane. God, Jesus, Buddha, Batman, the Cybermen, Johnny Depp…

"It was my idea." I blurt out. Then I manage to unravel the most complicated and stupidest lie I could ever throw myself in to... but in my defence it seemed like a perfect time to mock The Joker. "I think I have split personality disorder." I finish with a shrug and a smirk. Of course no one's going to understand my pathetic little jab at The Joker's mental illnesses. He raises an eyebrow at me. I look at the ground and nod. It's hard to hide my smile.

"Ok." He drawls. There's a low murmur coming from the corner of the room. That's when I notice the masked clowns in the shadow on the room. Two of them standing behind a cart. "The point of this video is not to ponder over your… _lies_ but to punish you for running away. Now here's the game. I spin this wheel and whatever colour comes up signifies a different … way to hurt Mika… or treat her." He's pointing the camera at the wheel now which I look over at with wide eyes. "Red is for being cut. Orange is for being burnt with a branding iron." I gag at that bit. The Joker hears me and chuckles under his breath. "Green is for acid. Blue is for a Taser and purple is for food."

"Food!" I gasp. The Joker smirks and looks over at me.

"See I'm not _so_ evil." He winks. "Now let the games beg_in_." He spins the wheel. It merges into a sickly rainbow of colour. I close my eyes so I don't have to see it. It's making me feel sea sick. The Joker giggles as it slows down and then breaks out into a full fit of laughter when it, presumably, stops.

"Oh Gotham you know what that means… boys… hand me the branding iron." He says. I pull against the chains and begin to panic.

"NO! Please no! Don't do this please!" I beg. My eyes shoot open to see one of the masked clowns hand The Joker a branding iron. The end of it is the word 'JOKER', back to front of course so that it will come out the right way on my skin, it's so hot that it's orange and white. Part of me wonders where the hell he got it from. My breathing gets quicker. The Joker hands the video camera to the masked goon and walks closer to me.

"Now where to burn you." He wonders as he waves the branding iron around as if it's the safest thing in the world. "The face would certainly be a terrible place for my name to be burnt into your flesh." I can feel the heat off of it as it comes so close to my forehead. I whimper and close my eyes. "But I suppose I have already done it enough damage." The branding iron grazes the scars on my cheek slightly. It hurts my already damaged flesh. A scream rips out of my mouth causing The Joker to grin. "Or what about your butt… like an animal… like a cow or a _pig_." He winks at me then makes a big show of being indecisive. "I suppose I do like you ass a bit too much to ruin it." He lets out a roar of laughter as I blush and try to hide my face behind my hair. "Arm… chest...leg… stomach?" He smiles and I know he's figured out where he wants to burn me. "I think this would be a great place."

The branding iron hovers just above the inside of my thigh. The Joker looks up at me under hooded lids. He licks his scarred lips and while looking at me in the eye… presses down with the branding iron onto my thigh.

An immense pain surges through my thigh. I scream so loud that it drowns out The Joker's laughter. Tears stream down my cheeks and my back arches off of the wall. I begin to swear all of the swearwords I can think of. Through The Joker's laughter he manages to throw in a few fake gasps. I don't get much of a chance to calm down because the wheel is spun again and lands on… blue.

"No." I whisper. I watch as The Joker goes and collects the Taser. I struggle against the chains again much to the protest of my leg which is still in so much pain. The Joker takes a few steps forward and grins at me.

"This one is _possibly _my favourite one." He giggles like an excited five-year-old child. "Are you ready, _Mi_ka?"

"No!" I yell as I twist and turn in the chains. My legs still burning but everything's happening so fast. I wish he'd at least give me time to get over the pain of my burnt leg. I've hardly stopped screaming.

"Too bad!" The Joker cackles. Then without warning I feel myself being electrocuted. I would scream if I could. My eyes widen and I feel my body shaking but I can't move. It feels like it's going on forever. I try to scream and tell him to stop. I want to tell him he's going to kill me but no noise leaves my mouth. It feels like a blessing when The Joker takes his finger off of the trigger. If the chains weren't holding me up I would have fell to the floor. When I can move I feel my body deflate and relax slightly. A few more swear words escape from my lips. Of course The Joker is laughing. I begin to cry. I look into the lens of the camera in hope that someone's on their way to rescue me. Where the hell is Batman? Why does he save everyone apart from me? I want him to watch this video and feel so bad that he's willing to do anything to save me.

"Let's spin again." The Joker says happily as he walks slowly towards the wheel.

"No. Please. I'm too tired." I sob. "I'm exhausted. I can't do this anymore. It hurts so much."

"You're in luck." The Joker says flatly as the wheel slowly comes to a stop. "You get to eat." I've never been more excited to eat food before. A smile finds its way to my lips through my tears. The Joker turns around on his heel and walks over to the shadows. He's hunched over the cart for a few seconds before he spins back around and comes towards me with a plate. When I see what's on the plate my face falls. The Joker is trying not to laugh when he sees my reaction. On the plate is bacon. Of course it is. Why did I even get my hopes up to think he was going to be kind enough to feed me something I wanted? He killed my pet pig and now he's trying to make me eat it.

"No." I snap. "I'm not eating that. You're a sick man."

"What's a matter? You're not a vegetarian are you?" The Joker asks with a tilt of his head. "Eat it." Then, from nowhere, a burst of confidence runs through my veins.

"Make me!" I roar. I shouldn't have said that because he doesn't note the sarcasm in my voice and actually forces me to eat it. I end up vomiting on the floor. Some of it sticks to my hair and chin. The Joker laughs again. I struggle against the chains and beg him to let me go. He told me a long time ago never to let him see me beg. It was one of the first things he told me when I met him. It was one of his rules that were up there with 'do not try to escape'. So as you can imagine the pain only got worse from then on and we hadn't even finished the game.

/

Lying on The Joker's bed in The Joker's room I didn't know what to think or do. He had dropped me down on it a few minutes ago and told me he doesn't trust me enough to leave me on my own anymore. He told me to sleep which was what I want to do more than anything but probably the last thing I'll get to do. I'm in far too much pain. Apart from the burns on my thigh there is also a rather large and immensely painful acid burn on my side and deep slices across my arms. I'm trying so hard not to cry or get blood on The Joker's bed.

"I'm surprised you haven't run awa_y_." The Joker's voice says. I look up to see him coming through the door that leads to his bathroom. My eyes widen when I see he's not wearing his greasepaint. He's not wearing his suit either, just a pair of sweat pants, not even a t shirt. It's not comforting at all to know he's human. It's just scarier. "I thought I told you to go… to… slee_p_."

"I-I-I… m-my arms are bleeding and my l-leg really hurts." I stutter. The Joker raises his eyebrows and reaches under his bed. I scoot back slightly. The bed is huge with red and black pillows thrown around the top of it and a comfy looking white duvet smoothed down across the mattress. A first aid kit is tossed onto it before The Joker jumps onto it and sits opposite me. He grabs my hand but I instinctively yank my arm back.

"I'm going to stich them up." The Joker says angrily. "So unless you want me to pour salt into them I'd suggest you…uh… put your hands on my knees." I look down at his crossed legs and then back at my arms. I close my eyes and slowly put my shaking hands onto his knees. I keep my eyes closed and hear The Joker getting something out of the first aid kit. Then something is splashed down onto my arms. It stings so much. I scream in pain and try to leap off of the bed but The Joker sees what I'm doing and quickly pins me to the bed. His bare hands press my wrists down to the bed. I don't like the feel of his skin against mine. It always makes me feel physically dirty.

"What was that?" I scream as tears fall down my cheeks.

"Alcohol." The Joker says slowly and happily. I gasp in pain again before making another attempt to get off of the bed.

"Oh no, no, no!" The Joker snaps as he straddles my waist. I instantly panic. I buck my body and try and claw at his thighs. I don't want him to rape me now. I feel myself crying more at the thought of it. Today I seem to be crying at everything I taught myself not to.

"I'm not going to rape you." The Joker sighs as he holds my arm down. I relax slightly. If he was going to do anything he wouldn't deny it. I still don't like him being this close to me. He starts to stitch the cuts on my arms. It hurts but compared to all the other pain that I've endured today I think I can handle this. I'm surprised when The Joker doesn't snap at me for crying or hissing it pain. Also to my surprise he treats the acid burn on my side and the burns on my thigh as well.

I watch him as he tries to sort out the burn on my thigh without nursing it too much so that it doesn't scar. I can tell he wants it to scar by the words he grumbles to himself. He had got a rag drenched in freezing cold water and began pressing it onto the wound few minutes ago. I groan in pain when he peels it back from the burn. He looks up at me before pressing the rag back down with a slight pressure onto the burn. I throw my head back and arch my back. I try not to scream so a strained high pitched noise comes from my throat. The Joker chuckles under his breath and the rag is thrown to the floor.

"I'm being so very, _very_ nice to you tonight." He says as his bare fingers run up and down my thighs. "I'm not going to _hurt_ you tonight." I know what he means by 'hurt'. I want to ask him if it's even night time. I've lost track of what time it is. For all I know it could be midday. The curtains seem very thick and Gotham's too gloomy sometimes to tell whether it's evening or morning even if you're outside. "You've been punished enough haven't you? Although you don't know how much I want you." His voice is low and husky. A sob escapes my lips. I feel so pathetic. "But you'll be no fun if you're screaming and crying more than usual. Which I'm letting you off with by the way." He leans down and kisses the burn wound softly. I hiss in pain and turn my head to the side so I can attempt to bury it into the pillow.

The Joker crawls up my body until he's leaning over me. I look him in the eyes for a few seconds which seems like a terrible mistake. I hate his eyes. So dark and evil.

"I think I deserve a kiss for being so nice to you." He says. I stare at him with wide eyes. I stare at his scars. They still have traces of greasepaint on them like his eyelashes do. "Or I'll never do it again." I close my eyes and quickly lean forward before I have a chance to reconsider. I kiss him on the cheek and then fall back onto the bed. He smirks and pulls something out of his pocket.

"You'll be sleeping in this bed tonight… with me." He says. I shake my head half-heartedly. To be quite honest I'm so tired I'd sleep anywhere and The Joker's bed looks so comfy. "Yes you will." The Joker says in a singing voice as he takes out a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket. The chain in between the two cuffs is quite long but it's still a pair of handcuffs none the less. One end is locked over my wrist. I think he's going to put the other end over the bed post or something but I'm surprised when he clasps it around his own wrist. I instantly struggle. The Joker yanks on the chain and glares at me. He looks me in the eyes until I calm down and when I do he roughly pulls me under the blankets. "Goodnight Mika."

/

_**A/N: That was a happy chapter wasn't it. Those of you who think I'm making The Joker eviler than he should be are gonna hate me. **_

_**Please review! I adore each and every review. **_


	12. They Broke Your Bones In The Name Of Fun

_/_

_._

_._

_And with the bruises that they left behind,  
>I can navigate my body,<br>I can seem my whole life line.  
>They broke your bones in the name of fun<em>

_**Scattered Hearts- Monument Valley**_

It's hard to think that the girl curled up at the bottom of The Joker's bed with a handcuff hanging loosely off of her bony wrist was once pretty. The clown staring at her smirked. He loves how easily bruises show up on her pale skin, like the one on her right temple or the one her left cheekbone. He takes joy in knowing every scar, bruise and cut was caused by him. It made him smile to know that all the weight she had lost was his entire fault.

He harshly shakes her small body to wake her up. Her eyes open and The Joker gets another shoot of joy up his spine. He _loves_ those eyes. He was the one to cause that pupil to be huge permanently. It was the first mark he ever gave her. Apart from the Glasgow Smile it's one of the first things people notice. No one can look her in the eye anymore. He loves how he caused that.

"Oh God." She grumbles in her scratchy, hoarse voice. She loses her voice a lot. No prizes for guessing whose fault that is.

"Far from it, doll-face." The Joker winks. She closes her eyes again but The Joker's quick to slap her on the face slightly. "Wakey-Wakey. We're going out today. I need to erm… visit a friend and there's no way you're allowed to get out of my sight."

"Let me go back to sleep." She mumbles quietly, closing her eyes once more. In her defence she had only had a few hours sleep at most. Not that The Joker cares for her sleeping habits. So with a harsh shove Mika is pushed from the bed. She falls to the floor with a thud and a whine.

"Don't be pathetic." The Joker growls. He hates how pathetic she can be. It just annoyed him. It made him want to hurt her all the more. But he has no time today and she looked as though if she had to cope with any more pain she'd die or pass out.

The Joker gets off of the bed and stands in front of her. She doesn't even look up. She lies on the floor staring ahead. The Joker gives her a sharp kick to the ribs. He couldn't help himself. "Get up and get dressed." He snaps. He watches as she gets to her feet like a baby horse. She whimpers in pain and mumbles something about her burnt thigh but as soon as she's standing up properly The Joker grabs her hair and drags her to the bathroom. She screams in pain. The Joker smiles as a bolt of joy shoot through him. He loves that noise almost as much as he loves her eyes. "There are some clothes in there. Get dressed, look presentable and then sit on the bed. If you even so much as _think_ of escaping we'll have another night like last night." He grins. He knows that the thought of being tortured on video again like last night would scare her into doing anything he told her to. So with one final shove she falls onto the bathroom floor. Her eyes don't leave The Joker until he slams the door shut.

/

Dressed in a plain purple t-shirt and black skin-tight jeans I allow myself to be dragged around the tallest building I have ever been in. The higher we got in the more well-dressed the people got. I feel out of place. I managed to wipe any dry blood from my face and arm and comb my hair into place with my fingers back at the hideout but, with lack of sleep and the amount of pain I'm in, it's rather hard to look good.

It's strange here. No one seems alarmed that The Joker's in their building. A few of the floors were empty with no sign of human life, one or two floor were a sort of spa, a few were just sofas and televisions and the ground floor was like and office buildings ground floor with a few men behind a desk. This whole situation is making me very confused.

"Where are we?" I ask quietly as The Joker pulls me out of the elevator. We're on the top floor now. There a more people here and it seems very classy.

"Don't speak unless you're spoken to." The Joker snaps but after a few seconds sighs and looks down at me. "The Iceberg Lounge."

"Why are we here? Someone will see me. They'll ring the police." I say as I look around at the people walking past us. They don't seem to be in a rush to get me to safety though. The Joker laughs. He leans down and grabs my hair. Forcing me to look him in the eyes, he grins.

"These people are high-class criminals. The _Penguin_ owns this place. You're not going to find your hero here, Mika." He says darkly. He stands up, straightening out his clothes and fixing his tie. "Don't embarrass me." He grabs my upper arm in a crushing grip and pulls us towards the door. The two large security guards nod at The Joker as we walk towards them.

"Nice to see you again, Joker." One of them says in a deep, scratchy voice. He looks down at me with an amused smirk. "Bit young to be here." I find myself hiding behind The Joker slightly before he yanks me back to his side. He chuckles slightly.

"She's older than she looks… and acts." He says. The men laugh as if it was the funniest joke they've ever heard. "Do me a favour boys, if you see her trying to leave without me don't let her. Feel free to erm… sha_ke_ her u_p_ a bit if you catch her wondering about without me." The security guards nod and with that The Joker pulls me through the doors and into the lounge itself.

I'd love to say that this place is a gritty grey dump but sadly it's not. It's amazing. Everything's white and blue. There's a pool in the middle of the room with real penguins in. They're swimming about as if it's their natural habitat. My mouth hands open. There are only two things on my mind right now: sleep and petting a penguin. But sadly The Joker has other ideas. He drags me towards the large windows which overlook Gotham. I want to smash my fists against it and see if anyone walking across the streets can see me but when I'm a few steps away from it I'm roughly pushed down onto a light blue sofa.

"You're late." A smooth voice says. I look up to see two men on a sofa opposite us. One of them looks almost normal if you ignore the insane look in his cold blue eyes. The other is wearing a green suit and a green bowler hat. The Joker sits next to me.

"The brat wouldn't wake up." He says as he jabs his elbow harshly into my ribs. I don't even react. I'm too tired and too miserable. The man in green chuckles but the man with the blue eyes just smirks.

"I saw the video sent to the news last night." The blue eyed man said with a nod. "It's a surprise she woke up at all." He doesn't sound disgusted or horrified by The Joker's torturing. He sounds rather impressed and proud. I recognise him from somewhere. The news probably. The Joker changes subject quickly. It's like he doesn't want to talk about me. I couldn't care less. I don't want him talking about me anyway. He begins to talk business with these two men. I listen long enough to know that the man in green is called 'The Riddler' or 'Edward' and the man with the blue eyes is called 'Scarecrow' or 'Jonathan' and I even heard him being called 'Dr Crane' at one point. I begin to stop listening after a few minutes though. They talk about murder and chaos. I manage to curl up on the sofa, my feet brushing against The Joker's leg. He doesn't seem to mind or notice. Soon enough I fall asleep.

/

The Joker's in a good mood which is rather odd. I don't think I like his good moods any more than his bad moods. He's like an overexcited child who doesn't know his own strength. He keep slamming me into walls and punching me but he's smiling and laughing all the while. He's been talking about with Scarecrow and The Riddler for a while now but I haven't been listening.

"So we'll be moving in with Scarecrow." He says as I wipe the blood off of my face with the back of my hand. I had split my lip in the car on the way back from The Iceberg Lounge. The Joker had stopped to quickly and my head had hit the dashboard causing me to bite through my dry lips. They haven't stopped bleeding so I'm a bit worried in case they need medical attention. Ha. What a thing to be scared of after living with The Joker and not getting one bit of _professional_ medical attention in all my time being tortured by him.

The Joker clears his throat. I raise an eyebrow. "This brings me on to your treat."

"Treat?" I ask quietly. The Joker nods and stands in front of me. He grabs my cheek witch his thumb and forefinger. I wince and try to pull back. Damn, he's touching my scars. I don't really like anyone touching them. I don't even like touching them myself.

"Yes, because you've been such a, erm, _good girl_ today and good girl's get treats." He says before letting go of my scars and pacing up and down the room. I glare at the clown and put my hand back to my wounded lip. "I'm going to get one of my men to take you shopping."

"Shopping?" I mumble.

"I want you to be a good little girl when we stay with Jonathan. I don't need you getting bored so you can go and buy some toys." He says. He walks towards me slowly with a spring in his step. Some men don't deserve to be happy and he's one of those men. He should be miserable every day that he lives.

"I'm not a child." I hiss. The Joker purses his lips and tilts his head to the side. His brow furrows as if he's very confused.

"You act like one the way you _cry_ all the time." He says before smirking and continuing to pace up and down the room. I cross my arms across my chest and watch him. I hate him so much. I never thought it could be possible to hate someone this much. I'd like to see him cry. I'd like to make him cry while standing over him with a knife. My thoughts are getting scarier and scarier. "You'll never get anywhere in life if you keep it up."

"I'll never get anywhere in life anyway." I grumble. I sound as if I don't care. The Joker stops and looks over at me. "I'll be dead or insane. I'll be six foot under or locked up in Arkham."

"Arkham's for the, erm, _criminally_ insane. You could never pull off a crime on such a scale that they'd throw you into Arkham." The Joker laughs as he slowly walks closer to me. The sickly confident part of me wants to lean forwards and tell him I could murder him on _such a scale_ that I'd be locked up in Arkham for the rest of my life. When I look up he's only a few feet in front of me. The sickly confident part of me fades away again leaving me all alone to be terrified. I press myself back into the wall in fear although I don't want him to see. He slams his hands down on the wall either side of my head and smirks. "Six foot under? What about heaven? Don't you believe in God?"

"No." I hiss sharply.

"Don't lie to me, Mika." The Joker growls before smiling. His voice becomes lighter, almost mocking. "I know that every time we have sex you wait until after, when you think I'm asleep, and you pray to God. I hear you asking him to save you or kill me. I've even heard you ask him to kill you."

"It's not sex." I hear myself say weakly. "It's rape. It's not my fault and I don't deserve it."

"Is that what the therapist's say?" He asks before grabbing my face. His fingers dig into my face. I struggle slightly but soon give up. "It's _always_ your fault though, Mika. You should fight back more and you should say 'no' louder."

"It's not my fault." I yell.

"Well it's not _my_ fault." The Joker shrugs. I want to laugh. Of course it's his fault. "Do you think I'm erm, _crazy?_" He asks. I don't want to answer that. If I tell the truth he'll beat me to an inch of death. So I just shrug. "Of course you do. So if I am insane then I can't help what I do. If anything its Gotham's fault for not keeping me locked u_p_."

/

About an hour later I'm sitting in the passenger seat of the curly haired goon's car while he drives us towards the mall. My scars are covered up, I'm wearing a wig and sunglasses and there's a rucksack with a couple thousand dollars in by my feet.

"Right, now look, I know you must want to go home to your happy little family and, yes, now does seems like a great time to escape but please don't." The curly haired goon says. I shall call him Curly until I find out his real name. "If you run away The Joker will kill me and do something horrific to you. Understand, bitch?"

"My name is not 'bitch'." I grumble as I look out of the window.

"Oh?" Curly says with a small chuckle. "And what _is_ your name?"

"Mika." I say quietly. Curly nods and raises his eyebrows.

"That's a weird name. My name's Darwin."

"That's a weird name as well."

"Not that anyone calls me it." He grumbles. "Joker doesn't remember our names so I get called Curly because of this hair. Anyway back to your name, obviously while we're out I can't call you Mika because people will know who you are and call the cops."

"Why don't you call me bitch? You and your mates have been doing that for a long time." I grunt. It's true. I'm pretty sure the Norwegian goon's been calling me it in Norwegian as well.

"That was not meant to be offensive. It started as a joke and then everyone got used to it. You're J's pet. Pets are sometimes dogs and a female dog is a bitch." Darwin says with a nod. "There, how about we call you J?" I don't reply. I look out of the window wondering how I'm going to restrain myself from screaming my name when we get to the mall in hope the police are nearby.

/

No one even looked twice at me. I wanted to scream in frustration or cry misery. Was no one really looking for me? Surely this 'disguise' isn't that good. I rip off the wig and throw into the back of the car with the twenty something bags of shopping. I had spent a lot of the money. I had brought tons of clothes. I smile at the thought of not having to wear The Joker's clothes. They're not expensive clothes or even fashionable clothes. They're comfortable and practical. I had to think practical while I was shopping. I restrained myself from buying a new camera and instead brought about ten first aid kits. I also brought a few books to entertain myself with. Darwin pointed out that maybe Jonathan Crane's hideout had a DVD player. He said I should buy myself a bunch of cheap movies. He shown me to a place that sold second hand DVDs and I managed to buy quite a lot. I brought a roll-up futon and a huge duvet with comfy looking pillows. They're what I'm most looking forward to use.

"Why are you sulking?" Darwin asks. I figured he was a nice guy. He didn't laugh at me or even look at me strangely when I decided to buy a teddy bear and fluffy slippers in the shape of a duck.

"No one even looked at me twice." I say. "No one's looking for me."

"Do you think The Joker would let you out of the hideout if you looked even remotely like yourself?" Darwin grumbles. "Your own mother wouldn't even recognise you." I think of my mother and what she's doing now. She would have recognised me. Zane would have recognised me.

Darwin helps me take my shopping inside. It takes a few trips back and forth from the car but when they're all inside in no time. The Joker's nowhere to be seen which I'm thankful for. I can put my stuff into my 'room' and sleep on my new roll-out bed or read one of my books. I can even read one of my books in bed. I'm getting pathetically excited.

"Boss wants you to go up and meet him in his room." A grinning goon says as he leans over in front of me so we're eye level. He's smirking and his friends are chuckling. "He said just go in. Don't bother knocking."

"That doesn't sound something he'd want me to do." I mumble quietly. I'd rather go to my room and stay on my own but if The Joker does want me to go to his room and I don't I'll be punished. "Are you sure?"

"Oh I'm certain." The goon says. "He's already pissed off that you're late back so you better run."

So that's what I do. I run up to The Joker's room, leaving the sound of chuckling goons behind me.

I rip open The Joker's door without knocking or thinking.

And what I see is something I don't think I'll ever be able to forget.

I nearly vomit right there.

Oh. God. No.

/

_**A/N: **__Hello! Sorry for the long gap in between chapters. _

_All your reviews makes me smile and sometimes let out a joy filled gasp. Please review! I love you all and I try my very very very hardest to reply to them all! _


	13. Why Fear Death? Be Scared Of Living

.

.

.

Why fear death?  
>Be scared of living.<br>Oh, hearts are small and ever thinning,  
>There is no hope ever of winning,<br>Oh, why fear death?  
>Be scared of living.<p>

I have seen men provoked,  
>And I have seen lives revoked,<br>And I looked at my life and I choked.  
>From there no more ever I spoke.<p>

_**Hope In The Air- Laura Marling**_

Oh what have I ever done to be punished with having to witness such a disturbing scene?

On the bed in the middle of The Joker's room was him fucking some blonde woman. They were making the foulest noises imaginable.

I only manage to rip my eyes from the disgusting show going on in front of me when The Joker reaches for a gun and shoots blindly towards the door. His face is still buried in the woman's neck so he obviously hasn't seen me. The bullet misses me and lodges itself into the door. I manage to stop myself screaming. Instead I run as fast as I can down the corridor and down the stairs. I want to scrub out my mind with bleach. I can't get the image of The Joker and that woman naked and doing _it_ out of my head. I shudder.

When I get back downstairs to the 'living room' of the hideout all of The Joker's men are crying with laughter. Darwin is nowhere to be seen but I recognise the Norwegian guy who's sitting on the sofa doubled over with laughter. I blush and feel angry tears in my eyes. My fists are clenched at my sides. I want to punch them all right in the face.

"Why would you do that?" I scream. "You nearly had me killed." That sets them off laughing louder. The Norwegian man points at me before spluttering something in Norwegian.

"Because it was funny." One of the goons says. "Can't say I know why boss would need to hire another whore when he has you."

"I'm not his whore." I roar. A man with a face like a pig steps forward. His face is red and he's sweating like he's run a marathon. He walks towards me until he's less than a metre in front of me.

"Oh bitch, we all hear what you and him get up to at night. No matter how many times you claim it's rape everyone knows you _love _it." He says in a wheezy sort of voice. I can't contain my anger. I lunge forward and pound my fists on the man's fat chest. He's much taller than me but that doesn't put me off. I think I'm hurting him until he begins to roar with laughter. "Aw, kitty has claws. How cute. Save it for The Joker though. I'm sure he likes a rough ride every once in a while." I hear myself scream in frustration. I kick and punch and scratch.

"What's all this abou_t_?" The Joker's voice asked as I was yanked back from the man by the back of my t-shirt. I struggle, kicking out my limbs wildly. The goons chuckle under their breath. They're not quite sure what The Joker will think about them laughing at me.

"I am not!" I scream because it's the only thing I can think of to say.

"You're not wha_t_?" The Joker growls in my ear. I look over my shoulder at him. His makeup has rubbed off so much that there are only a few smudges around his scars and eyes left. He's not wearing a shirt either. His scarred bare chest is pressed against my back. I stay quiet. I stop struggling and hang my head. "You're not _what_, Mika?"

"I'm not your whore." I manage to mumble. The Joker laughs in my ear. I flinch and try to get out of his grip but there's no point. There's never any point.

"You're whatever I want you to be." He laughs. I let him spin me around so I'm facing him. He hands are on my waist and his fingers are digging into my skin with a bruising pressure. "But today I don't...uh… need _you_ as my whore. I'm rather… _busy_ now, Mika but I need to see something." I panic and think he's going to show me his dead whore or something. I let out a noise of protest and dig my heels into the floor when a half-naked Joker drags me towards the stairs. I just want to go to bed. Is that so hard? Does God loathe me so much that I'm not even allowed to have a little time to snuggle up in bed with my nice blanket and pillows? When The Joker realises I'm resisting going wherever he wants me to go he gives me a harsh slap to the back of the head. I grumble a swear word under my breath which earns another smack to the head. I decide to stop resisting so that I don't get brain damage.

We're passing his room now. Dear Lord, please don't let him show me his dead whore. I have no interest in his dead whore collection. Oh wait, we've passed his room so there's no chance of observing a clowns dead whore collection. That's a relief.

We get to my room and he throws me to the floor. I hit my knees harshly on the hard floor and with a groan of pain fall onto my little bed. Darwin must have laid it out for me. I smile when I remember I have a bed. No more sleeping on the floor for me. So with a smug smile I look over at The Joker. He's looking through my shopping bags. I'm not going to stop him. I have nothing to hide from him and if he can trust me then maybe I'll get more treats. Oh what am I thinking? He's The Joker. He won't act the way I expect him to act.

I watch as he carelessly throws the things I brought, out of my bag, after looking at them for a few seconds. I often have to remind myself that he's human. If you spend too much time focusing on his insanity you forget to see _him. _You see him for the twisted, evil monster he is. You don't see his body or his face. Sometimes you take a step back and see that he's human. That's much scarier than him being some sort of monster from a horror movie.

It's terrible to think we have things in common even if such things are trivial things that almost _everyone_ has in common with one another like the bones in your body or blinking and yawning. I'd do anything to be completely different than him. I even started dressing myself differently. He buttons his shirts up starting with the top button so I start with the bottom button. It's stupid and pathetic, I know. I even started trying to put my pants on both legs at a time so I wasn't like him. But the one huge thing we have in common in the scars on our face. The huge terrible Glasgow Smile carved into my face by him_**. **_I would be lying if I said I hadn't tried to claw it off my face.

"You brought Brokeback Mountain and Rocky Horror Picture Show?" The Joker asks with a small chuckle as he holds the two movies in his hands. I'm so deep in thought I begin speaking without thinking it through.

"Yes, why would you like to borrow them?" I grumble. I look up at the clown and try to save myself. "They're good movies. I like Heath Ledger and I like Tim Curry. You might like them too if you watch them." Luckily The Joker is already looking through the rest of my things. He grumbles something about the horror movies and the clothes I brought.

He has a few more bags to get through if he's going to check them all.

I lie down on my bed and close my eyes.

I listen to The Joker talking to himself.

I can feel myself drifting in and out of sleep.

Until…

Sleep.

/

"Wake up, wake up, wake up." The Joker's voice chants. I groan in pain as I feel him slamming his foot into my back. I try to bury myself back under the blankets but The Joker grabs my wrist before it can disappear under the duvet. He pulls me out of my little bed and begins dragging me out of the room. I groan and grumble in pain while trying to shake the cloud of tiredness out of my head.

"Where are we going?" I ask as I'm taken down the corridor.

"You need to get clean." The Joker says happily. "We're moving in with Dr Jonathan Crane today and I want you looking your best." He pulls me into his room and towards his bathroom. I panic and dig my heels into the floor.

"Can't I get a shower on my own?" I ask politely. I just get pulled into the bathroom anyway.

"You'll do as I say and you'll be a good little girl." The Joker sang as he stood me in front of the bathtub. It was already full with water, waiting for me. I don't fight back as The Joker takes off my clothes. I only grumble in protest. He pushes me into the bath causing my whole body to go underneath. When I come back up I cough up all the water that entered my mouth, much to The Joker's amusement. I clench my fists in anger. If I punched him in the face every time I wanted to he'd have no teeth left. I bring my knees up to rest under my chin and wrap my arms around my legs.

"I've seen it all before, sweethear_t_." The Joker chuckles when he thinks I'm covering my body from him. He takes off his jacket and throws in towards the corner of the bathroom before kneeling down next to the bath and rolling up his shirt's sleeves.

"I miss Zane." I say as I rest my forehead on my knees. I don't even know why I said that. It comes out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"I don't care." The Joker shrugs. He reaches over for the shampoo without taking his eyes off of me. "Well, I'll get him now if you want. He can be in the video we're doing tonight with The Scarecro_w_. Do you want that? Do you _really_ want your… uh… little friend to be tortured and broadcasted across Gotham just so you're not a bit lonely? You really are selfish, sweetheart."

"No." I mumble. "Just…leave him alone."

"No, I'll get him back at some point." He says as he begins to pour water over my head using an old, mouldy cup that is, for some strange reason I don't know, always by the bathtub. "But for now I want you all to _myself._"

The Joker washes my hair as I try to figure out whether I want Zane with me or not. Shampoo is an odd thing for The Joker to own. I mean, have you seen his hair? I have to admit though, he does wash his hair. I guess he guess sweats a lot. Who wouldn't when all you seem to do in life is terrorise a city and blow things up.

"Your long hair is so hard to handle." The Joker says and he rakes his hand through it, yanking my head back. I hiss in pain but, apart from that, don't make a noise. "Maybe we should cut it all off."

"No!" I yell as my eyes widen. "Don't! I like it long."

"Why?" The Joker mocks. He leans forward so his mouth his next to my ear. "Does it make you feel like a princess? Oh Mika, you'll always be a princess to me."

"No." I grumble at his sarcasm. "It's just…"

"It's just what? Does it make you feel beautiful? You don't need to be beautiful for anyone but me." He says as he spins a piece of my hair around in his fingers. "No one else cares, princess. You're luc_ky_ I came along. If I didn't then you would a have been a virgin your whole life. No one else wants you and no one ever will. You're mine and even _I _don't think you're beautiful." I press my head against my knees again and try not to let him see the tears that threaten to spill over. I shouldn't be upset by _words_ but they're all so painfully true. "Are you crying?" The Joker roars with laughter. I shake my head and turn my face away from him.

He grabs my upper arm and pulls me out of the bath. I fall against him, my hands flat against his chest to stop me from falling. I hastily grab a towel and wrap it around myself. The Joker laughs at me loudly and grabs my face.

"Look at yourself. You're pathetic." He laughs as he shakes my head from side to side. "I bet your parents were _relieved _when I took you. You must have always been the ugly child. You must have been such a disap_point_ment to them." He leant forward until his nose was almost touching mine. Looking me in the eyes he said, "You're an ugly little whore, Mika. When people read about you in the newspaper or see you on the news they no longer pity you. They say you deserve this and that they think you enjoy it. They say you like being with me. Your little sisters and brothers will grow up thinking their big sister ran off to live and _fuck_ with Gotham's biggest criminal."

I broke. I burst out crying. The Joker chuckles and stands up straight. He grabs the back of my head and presses my face into his chest. He rubs my back, pretending to be soothing me as I sob into his chest. I don't care if he was The Joker or if's was only mocking me when he wraps his arm around me. I want someone to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be OK and if a mocking clown was all I can get at this moment then let that be.

He pulls me off of his and hits the back of my head.

"You're getting my shirt wet." He points out. "Now turn around. I'm going to cut your hair." I do as I'm told. I don't see any point in fighting now. I look over my shoulder and see him go over to his coat and crouch down before pulling a pair of scissors out of his coat pocket. I think he has every sharp object he's ever come across in that coat. I turn back around when he stands back up.

I close my eyes when he starts to cut it. It falls to the floor around my feet as he hacks away at it. I cry quietly until he's done. I'm surprised at how short it is. It's like a boy's haircut. There's still enough of it to run your hands through as The Joker proves.

"There we go." He says happily. I stand there feeling numb. "I like it."

"It's shorter than yours." I say quietly as my hands brush against my hair. It's so short and messy. I hate it.

"As long as _I _lik_e_ i_t_ then it doesn't matter." The Joker grins.

/

I hate Jonathan Crane. He's so arrogant and horribly terrifying. When he speaks I want to punch him in the face but he has such a creepy feel about him that I'm too scared to even look him in the eye. I stare at my feet the whole time and let The Joker drag me about. I know that Dr Crane keeps staring at me with an amused smirk.

"You always do pick the scrawny ones don't you?" He says to The Joker. "They don't usually last this long though."

"I never want them to last this long." The Joker points out as he strokes my hair. "Mika's my special project." Jonathan lets out a chuckle. I don't dare look up at him or The Joker. I'm so scared I'm shaking with fear. If this is The Joker's friend then I don't want to get to know him very well.

"Would you like me to show you to your room?" Jonathan asks. "It's obvious that you and the girl …like to think of intimate things and then make them a reality." The Joker begins to laugh but all I do is look at the ground as my cheeks begin to burn.

"I was hoping we could all make a video together first." The Joker says once he has calmed down.

"No. Please, don't." I beg as I quickly look up at him. He smirks and grabs the back of the shirt I'm wearing as if he thinks I'm about to run away. The thought goes through my mind. I'm about to shake it off when I realise that it actually might work. The Joker doesn't know this place which gives me more time to hide and run. I won't run away from him. I'll just run and hide for a while until he's forgotten about the video.

"You'll like this one, M_i_ka." The Joker chuckles darkly. I prepare myself to haul my body forward as soon as The Joker lets go of me. I can see a long dark corridor behind Dr Crane. Maybe that will take me somewhere. It shouldn't be too hard getting past Jonathan. He doesn't look like the strong, fast type.

I let my body deflate as if I've given up on fighting. The Joker lets go of the back of my shirt and at that exact second I throw myself forward as fast and powerfully as I can. With the corridor in my sight I begin running. I don't really get to run for long though because just when I think I'm past Jonathan Crane his foot sticks out in front of me and I fall on my face. I try to get back up so that I can run again. I'm not going to be stopped that easily. Well, apparently I am because when I make a move to get to my feet a foot slams down on my back, pressing me to the floor with a crushing force. I let out a yell and struggle for all I'm worth. After a few seconds, I let out a sigh and my face drops down to the floor. When I sneak a look up, Jonathan Crane is smirking down at me.

"Well that was _very_ naughty indee_d_." The Joker's voice growls. His footsteps come closer to me. If the video he was about to send to Gotham wasn't going to be that bad then it was sure going to be terrible now.

"I'm sorry." I offer pathetically. I could almost laugh at myself right now. As if I thought 'sorry' could make everything better with The Joker.

/

I can hear The Joker speaking to his camera outside the door but I don't take notice to what he's saying because I'm focused on other things… like the noose around my neck. It's kind of distracting to be standing on a stool with a noose tied tightly around your neck and The Scarecrow walking around you.

The thought of simply jumping now runs through my head. Surely death cannot be worse than this. The determination to get out of The Joker's clutches alive is fading away from me each day. Maybe suicide would be a good option. I like the idea of The Joker walking nonchalantly into the room to see all of his work and plans shattered before him in the form of me dead.

"And here she is." The Joker's voice says. I sigh. There was my chance gone. Though I suppose I could still jump now or in a few minutes. The Joker would probably still send it in to the news. The thought of my family and Zane having to watch me kill myself makes me feel less enthusiastic about the idea. "Today, Mika, we are going to play another game seeing as you enjoyed our last one so much."

I look at my feet and make a small attempt to wiggle my hands out of the rope that is tying them together. The Joker is introducing Jonathan Crane and explaining the rules of the game which involved The Joker and Scarecrow asking me questions and if I even got one wrong then I'll be kicked off of the stool. Why don't I just do it now? I make a move to jump or 'slip' when Jonathan's bony hand wraps around my upper arm. I look over at his masked face.

"Not yet." He hisses. His voice is muffled by his burlap mask which is actually rather scary. I look back at my bare feet. I don't really want to die in the clothes I'm currently wearing. I'm wearing The Joker's shirt and a pair of black cotton shorts. I begged The Joker to let me wear my own clothes this morning but he refused.

"I don't want to do this." I say loudly. I look up to see The Joker fake a pout and walk closer to me. He points the camera directly at my face. I flinch away and frown.

"Don't you? Don't you? Oh, well I don't remember the last time we stopped doing something just because _you didn't want to_." He growls, roaring the last four words down my ear. He takes a step back. I glare at him and try not to burst out crying. He grins before beginning to laugh. He hands the camera to Scarecrow who begins to film the whole things.

"What's the point in him being here?" I snarl.

"Oh, Dr Crane is here for the _grand finale!" _The Joker says, flashing a grin towards The Scarecrow. He then turns his full attention back to me. He walks towards me and places his foot lightly on the leg of the stool. Looking into my eyes he smirks. "If I kick this stool now how will you die?"

I look up at Jonathan Crane and the camera and then back at The Joker. I shake my head. I can feel the rope rubbing into my neck.

"Don't do this, please." I say. "My parent's will be watching." The Joker chuckles.

"I don't care." He says simply. He claps his hands together and begins walking in circles around the stool. "_Sometimes_ when you hang a person, their neck will break. When the neck breaks and severs the spine, blood pressure drops down to nothing in about a second, and the subject loses consciousness. Brain death then takes several minutes to occur, and complete death can take more than 15 or 20 minutes, but the person at the end of the rope most likely can't feel or experience any of it." He stops in front of me and smirks. "That would be nice wouldn't it? A painless death." I glare at him. He doesn't seem bothered. "_That_ would take a lot of planning and measurements though. No. You'll die of strangulation which is far more e_xcruciating_. You see, the…uh… carotid arteries in the neck, which supply blood to the brain, are compres_sed_, and the brain swells so much it ends up plugging the top of the spinal column. The Vagal nerve is pinched, leading to something called the vagal reflex, which stops the heart and the lack of oxygen getting to the lungs due to compression of the trachea eventually causes loss of consciousness due to suffocation."

My head begins to spin. I look at him and then down at the floor.

"Did you read that on the internet?" I ask. What was meant to come out with attitude came out full of terror. The Joker chuckles and taps me on the nose with his finger.

"Now, Mika, I'm going to ask you a few questions and if you give me the correct and _true_ answer to each one then I'll help you down and won't bother you for the rest of the day but if you get one wron_g_ then_…" _he wobbles the stool slightly with his foot. I yelp and try to keep steady. "You get the idea."

I take a shaky breath in as I feel a tear fall down my cheek. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'll die and my parents will have to see. I'll die and I'd never have had a boyfriend. I'll die and I won't know if Zane's OK. I'll die and I'll be left to rot in Jonathan Crane's cellar. I'll die in The Joker's shirt. I'll never get to get married or have kids or live on my own. Why is it that when I think of marriage I no longer see a faceless stranger like I used to? I now see Zane.

"Oh, hush, hush, hush." The Joker says sarcastically as he strokes the side of my face. "It will be _fun_! The first questions will be like a game of truth or dare… without the dares. Although, I'm sure I could make you do a few dares ton_ight._ That is… if you're still ali_ve_."

"Oh god." I gasp. The Joker grins before slapping his hands down on either side of my face.

"Let's start the fun shall we?" He asks like an over-excited child. He takes a large step back and puts his finger on his chin as if he's deep in thought. I steal a look at Scarecrow who is walking around us, pointing the camera at me and The Joker the whole time.

The Joker starts hurtling the most mortifyingly embarrassing questions he could think of at me. I'm pretty sure these questions are aimed to make me look like a whore. It's funny to think that when I was _normal_ in a _normal _school I was absolutely convinced I would die a virgin because no boy would ever be attracted to me in the slightest. But now here I am. Standing on a stool with a noose around my neck, grumbling the horrible details about every single time The Joker has raped me. I can't even lie because every time I try to Jonathan Crane keeps pointing out that I'm showing the signs of lying and The Joker makes a deep cut on my leg. The cuts are like a tally mark. He says he's counting down the chances I'm getting.

"…And who was the last person you fu_cked?" _He asks at one point. I am crying with embarrassment. My mind has stopped thinking of ways to get out or any form of hope to keep me going and has just switched to thinking about how many people are going to watch this and how many people I know are going to be listening to every embarrassing word uttered from my lips.

"You." I say automatically before realising I made a mistake. I smirk and look up at him. "No, actually it wasn't." His face almost falls. He cast's a quick look at Scarecrow, expecting him to strongly announce that I was lying. "It was… someone else."

"Who?" The Joker asks with a grin. I almost shrink back in fear. I've seen that grin before. It's the one he has on his face when he is really angry. It's usually followed by a beating. I force myself to look and act confident this once though.

"Zane." I say. I hope he doesn't mind me telling, basically, the whole of Gotham. I hope my parents aren't too bothered about it all. I hope everyone watching simply understands and thinks no more of it. Oh God, what have I done? I always say thinks without thinking it through first. If I had answered The Joker's question with a sigh and a grumble of his own name he'd have gone on to the next question and Gotham would think 'Oh, poor girl'. Now I've angered The Joker and all of Gotham is going to think I'm a stupid whore.

"You're lying." The Joker giggles.

"I'm not!" I yelled. The Joker taps the knife against my leg to remind me not to misbehave. I manage to calm myself down but keep my confident act. "I'm not lying." I can feel the knife digging into my leg but I try to stay strong.

"Do you let _every_ man in your life walk all over you?" The Joker asks, almost innocently. He tilts his head to the side and licks his lips. "Didn't mommy ever tell you boys only want one thing?" I shift on the stool slightly. I hope The Joker doesn't hurt Zane over this. No, wait. He hardly ever hurts Zane. Admittedly, he does hurt Zane and punish him but it's never nearly as harsh and as frequent as my punishments. If he does punish Zane I hope Zane learns to just suck it up for this once.

"It was my idea." I shrug. The knife cuts into my leg causing me to hiss in pain. "It has nothing to do with you." I say. I know I'm pushing it. I'm going to end up tortured or dead… or both… probably both. I should stop now. I should quickly apologise and maybe throw in a few tears… but I don't. "It was between me and Zane. I don't have to talk about it with you."

I'm an idiot.

The Joker digs the knife into my leg. I feel the blade go deep into my leg as a white hot pain shots through my body. I scream in pain but there's nothing else I can do really. I can't curl up in a ball and cry until the pain goes, I can't grab my leg, I can't sit down, I can't even throw my head back for worry that I'll strangle myself.

"I don't like your attitude, Mi_ka_." The Joker growls with a fixed smirk. My breathing comes out in pants as I try to deal with the pain in my leg. I close my eyes and feel The Joker roughly run a hand through my hair.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Let's not ruin the game for the lovely viewers at home." The Joker says as if he can't hear my frantic apologies. I want to reach forward, grab his coat and make him understand that I am sorry. I'm going to die. "I'm sure they're all _dying_ to know our ending." On the word 'dying' The Joker shakes the stool. I scream out and try to stay balanced. "OK. Last question. If you get this one right I'll tuck you into bed and kiss you goodnight and then leave. If you get it wrong then… erm… you'll be the little girl Gotham couldn't save."

I hear Scarecrow chuckle behind his mask. I have met the man once before today and I haven't even spoken a word to him yet he seems to find, what could be, my execution, funny and even helps to televise it. What could turn a man so evil? I ask myself the exact same question when I turn to look at The Joker. What sort of man wakes up in the morning, slaps on greasepaint and decides to cause this much pain and misery.

I remember when I was first took by The Joker and afterwards, when they sent me to the hospital, everyone assumed, because I didn't speak that much, that I didn't hear that much. I remember sitting in a hospital bed, on my own, eating breakfast one morning and hearing one of the many therapists that had come to visit me, talking to his colleague while they were standing outside my hospital room. One of them had said something about checking me for Stockholm syndrome. I didn't know what it meant at the time. I know what it means now. Zane told me once when we were at school. It's when a captor forms an emotional bond with his or her kidnapper. It means they fall in love with the person who kidnapped them.

Looking down at The Joker know, his eyes so full of evil glaring up at me, it's hard to see how anyone could even consider I had the smallest amount of pleasant feeling towards that monster.

"This will be the _trivia_ part of our little game." He says happily as he almost skips around me. "Are you ready for your simple little question?"

"No." I moan. The Joker stops right in front of me and smiles.

"Mika." He says slowly. He looks me in the eye. There's something in those eyes that makes me believe tonight will not end well. He's dragging it out now. He's making me wait and wait for the question which will either save my life or kill me. I lick my dry lips and feel my brow crease. Then the question comes.

"Who's The Batman?"

Oh God.

I'm going die.

/

_**A/N: **__Cliffhanger, cliffhanger! I know, I know you all hate me because I ended it like that and won't tell you if the next chapter's the last one or not… I mean, I've already wrote it but if you want to review then… that might help. _

_Anywhom, thank you for all your lovely reviews and alerts and favourites and all that! I try to reply to all reviews! If I can't reply to you via private messaging I usually reply at the end of a chapter! _

_**xReviewerx: **__Your review made me grin like a fool! I love it when people analyse my stories and all that. Someone once wrote a big long analysis for another fic and sent it to me so I saved it onto after reading it about 100 times my computer and act all smug when I think about it. Anyway, thank you so so so so so so so so so so so much for your review! I'm glad you like this fic. I hope I answered your question in the story. I do hope that 'unlucky chatper 13' is more unlucky for Mika than it is for me. Well, I mean, how more unlucky can my OC get? Thank you so much for that amazing review! I hope you review again because you made me smile in a completely not-romantic-and-stalkerish way! Have a good day!_


	14. Is He Worth All This?

_Is he worth all this?_

_Is it a simple yes?_

'_cause if you have to think,_

_that's fucked. _

_**This Isn't Everything You Are- Snow Patrol**_

Zane had never felt so alone in all of his life. He had no one. His mother was dead, he didn't even know who his father was, his brother was in prison and Mika was still with The Joker. That was if she was still alive. No one really knew if she was alive or not. People had their doubts after watching the torture video that The Joker had sent into the news. Zane's bet was on that she was still alive though. He knew she was strong. She wasn't the type of person to just die.

Back to the point though, Zane was alone. Well he wasn't literally alone. In fact, he was actually in a house with four children, an older teenager and two adults. It wasn't a very big house so it was impossible to be alone unless you were in the bathroom with the door locked. At this moment in time he wasn't in the bathroom.

"What are you doing in here?" A voice asks. Zane spins around, placing down the photo frame he had been looking at. In the doorway is a young boy who can't be older than ten or twelve. He's the only one Brandon hadn't met yet. The poor kid looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. He had bags under his eyes and his dark hair was a mess. "You shouldn't be in here. This is my sister's room. No one is allowed in here when she's not here."

"I'm Zane." Zane said as he offered the boy his hand to shake. The boy didn't make a move to shake his hand. "You must be Brandon."

"You're my sister's friend, aren't you?" Brandon asked. Zane nodded. He looked a lot like his older sister, Mika. It was a bit creepy. Speaking of Mika, that photograph of her and her older brother in the photo frame kept grabbing his attention. She didn't have her scars or her odd eye in that photograph. He wanted to take the photograph for himself. She was so beautiful.

"I am." He says when he looked back over at Brandon.

"Then why did you leave her?" Brandon asks with all the anger an eleven year boy could hold. Zane's eyebrows rise in confusion. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"It's very complicated. You're too young to understand." Zane mumbles and he spins back around to look at the rest of Mika's things which litter her desk.

"Don't say that to me! I've heard that almost every day of my life since she left." Brandon yells. Zane frowns. Brandon is very intelligent for his age; Zane had to give him that. Zane wanted to point out to the boy that he used the word 'left' as if she had given her consent to the whole thing. "I understand that you both ran away and then you tried to kill yourself which got her caught by that clown again. Don't say I'm too young to understand."

If it wasn't for Mika's older brother, Angel, interrupting them then Zane probably would have begun to cry or shout or punch something. Not that Angel's interruption lead to a better situation for Zane.

"Zane, he's sent another video to the news." Angel said before seeing Brandon glaring at him. He sighs at his young brother and places a hand on his shoulder. "Brandon, you need to go to your room." Brandon shoots one final glare towards Zane before storming out of the room. Great. He had only been living with Mika's family for a few hours and already one of them hated him. It's a good thing Angel-Face doesn't hate him. It was all his idea for Zane to stay with their family until he found his own place to stay.

When Zane and Angel get to the front room the video had already started. Mika's parents were sitting on the worn down sofa opposite the television holding each other and trying not to cry. That's when Zane see's what's on the screen of the television.

Mika had a noose around her neck while standing on what looked like a very fragile stool. Zane feels himself drop down onto a spare sofa without ripping his eyes away from the television screen. He thinks it's amazing how much impact these videos now have on his life when, a couple months ago, they meant nothing to him. Before he met Mika he wasn't bothered by them. He'd turn over the channel when they came on and think no more about it. Now the videos made him shake and want to rip The Joker's throat open.

After a few minutes Zane figured that this video was more physcological torture than physical torture. He can't help but feel very sorry for Mika's parents who are watching their daughter being forced to admit terribly lewd confessions to everyone in Gotham. Her cheeks were burning bright red and tears were spilling down her face. The only person in Gotham who could be enjoying this would be The Joker or his 'friend' Scarecrow. Mika's parents are slowly breaking down, Angel-Face has his head in his hands, only peering up for a few seconds at a time before hiding back behind his palms, and Zane sat leaning forward with his elbows on his legs and his hands clasped over his ears. He could still hear every word though.

"And who was the last person you fuck_ed_?" The Joker's voice cackles. Zane winces at the use of a swear word being used in front of Mika's parents.

"I'll kill him." Angel hisses through gritted teeth.

"You." Mika's voice says. Then there's a pause before Mika looks back up again. She's smirking. Zane raises an eyebrow. She had that look in her eyes. The look that often came when she knew something Zane didn't know or she was being awfully smug with him. "No, actually it wasn't. It was someone else." Everyone in the room froze. Zane is momentarily angry at the thought that The Joker had let someone else rape her. Then his eyes widen in realisation.

"Oh God." He whispers as he clasps his hands over his eyes. _'Don't say it, Mika. Don't say my name. Please Mika. Come on. I'm with your parents. Don't say it was me. Don't say it was me._' Zane chants in his head as the seconds seem to drag past.

"Who?" The Joker asks. Zane's stomach flips and his heart begins to pick up it's pace. _'No, no, no, no, no. Come on, Mika. Make something up. Come on. Please. Please. Please.'_

"Zane." Mika's voice says. Zane's mouth falls open. He wants the sofa to suddenly cave in on itself and swallow him whole. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Angel's fists clench. Great. Now Angel hates him and he's pretty sure that Mika's parent's hate him now as well.

"I-I-I… s-s-she… w-we… it wasn't… I didn't… she wanted to… I-I-I said… Oh God." Zane stuttered as he tried to fabricate a perfect reason to tell someone's parent's why you had sex with their mentally-unstable, traumatized and beautifully-scarred daughter. The television continued to play. The Joker's voice filling the room once more.

"Do you let every man in your life walk all over you?" The Joker says. Zane sinks lower in his chair, half tempted to stand up and start swearing at The Joker for saying things which made his situation more awful. "Didn't mommy ever tell you boys only want one thing?"

"I was gentle." Zane points out before realising that his statement only made things more awkward.

"It was my idea. It has nothing to do with you. It was between me and Zane. I don't have to talk about it to you." Mika's voice says from the television like an angel ready to save him.

"See." He says pointing at the television. "I am so sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it b-b-b-but… I was so sad and she was so beautiful and… oh God that makes it sound worse."

"Shush." Mika's father hisses. Zane clasps his hands over his face once more. His cheeks burn so badly under his scars and tears begin to gather in his eyes.

"If it's any consolation, I would like to try to attempt suicide again… right now." He mumbles almost inaudibly. He peers back at the screen to see that Mika is currently screaming in pain after being stabbed in the leg. The tears finally fell down Zane's cheeks. Mika has gone and got herself into so much trouble and with the added risk of a noose around her neck, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that this won't end well.

The Joker begins to talk about how this is Mika's last chance. He reminds her, and everyone watching, that if she gets it wrong that she'll die. Zane's heart flips when he shakes the stool but luckily Mika managed to keep her balance. It's when The Joker says '_the little girl that Gotham couldn't save'_ that Zane breaks down. He begins crying, properly crying. He wipes his face with his sleeve but more tears come. He feels a hand on his back, offering some sort of manly comfort. Looking over he sees Angel trying his hardest not to cry while comforting him. Zane briefly thinks about how hard it must be to be Angel-Face, the one who's always strong while the rest of his family are breaking down.

Then the question comes.

"Who's The Batman?"

Oh God.

Zane begins to panic.

Mika doesn't know that. No one knows that. He's going to kill her. How could he? Heartless monster!

"Erm… erm…I…erm…" Mika stutters. Her eyes scan around the room as if someone's going to leap forward and give her the answer. The viewer can hear Scarecrow chuckle from his place behind the camera. "You are?"

The Joker winces.

"Wrong answer."

His foot comes back slowly. Mika braces herself. Closing her eyes. The viewer can see The Joker's grin. Mika begins to cry, her face screwing up.

"Goodbye, Mika." The Joker says before roaring with laughing, more manic than it has ever been before.

His foot swings forwards.

The stool is kicked out from underneath Mika's feet.

Her body drops.

The video cuts.

…

"Mika…" Zane whispers. Mika's mother lets out a loud wail. Angel-Face's strong-man-of-the-house character crumbles as he breaks down into tears. Mika's father presses a hand over his mouth as he lets out a few manly sobs.

Do you remember what I said about Zane never feeling so alone in his life? Well he feels much more alone now. The one person he loves, the one friend he has in the world, the one person who understands him and doesn't turn away in disgust when she sees his scars… is dead. She's dead. Mika's dead.

Zane feels numb. So numb and alone. The wails and crying of the rest of the room blur away from him. He feels as if he's alone in a room with a television still crackling away in front of him. Why haven't they cut to the news room again yet? Why were they leaving them in this horrible torture for so long? Zane leaps to his feet. He takes a step towards the television ready to slam his foot through the screen over and over again until he gets pulled back.

But then the video comes back on. The Joker's face is terribly close to the lens as he steadies the camera on, what Zane suspects is, a tripod. He takes a step back and spreads his arms out grandly. Zane snarls. He's back to gloat. He's going to stand there and boast about how he killed Mika.

"Oh Gotham…" He says with the widest grin to ever fall upon his face. Zane almost believes that it is about to split his scars open again. "You have to learn to stop being so… _gullible." _He takes a large step to the side and begins focusing the camera on a lump on the floor.

Mika's body.

The Scarecrow is standing next to it staring down at it.

The Joker runs back into shot. His foot slams into Mika's body.

"NO!" Zane roars. He falls to his knees, hearing Mika's mother's wails and Angel-Face's loud sobs. "Mika. No."

Then a whimper causes the room to fall silent.

Zane spins around, expecting to see one of Mika's younger sisters or brothers standing in the doorway. But soon it is clear that the noise came from the television. On the screen The Joker's foot slams into Mika's shoulder.

And then the most beautiful sound Zane had ever heard in his life comes from the television.

Mika begins coughing.

She's alive.

Zane let his mouth hang open before letting out a relieved laugh. He realises that the rope must have been weak or not tied properly. She was never in any real danger of being killed. It was all just The Joker playing mind games with her. It's only now that Zane see's that Mika's hair has been hacked off. It's still incredibly thick, reaching to her jaw and sticking out everywhere.

Zane watches the television as The Joker grabs the back of Mika's head and pulls her to her knees. She's coughing and spluttering, gasping for breath, as she's forced to kneel in front of Scarecrow. She must have hit her face when she fell from the stool because her nose is bleeding quite heavily. Soon her coughing calms down until she's staring up at The Scarecrow breathing deep, long breaths.

The Joker can be seen pulling something out a pocket on the inside of his coat. A gas mask.

"Oh God, no." Angel gasps. Zane furrows his brow and continues to stare at the television. Mika's head drops and her eyes close. The whole thing must be taking its toll on her. She looks worn out. The Joker's having none of it though. He grabs the back of her head and forces her to look up at Scarecrow. Zane notices that her arms are still tied behind her back and the noose hangs limply around her neck.

Scarecrow extends his arm out in front of him so the heel of his hand is about a foot away from Mika's face. Suddenly, a cloud of gas shoots out of Scarecrow's sleeves. Mika gasps and begins to struggle. The Joker forcefully holds her head still and soon her whole body tenses up and she freezes. There's silence for a few seconds. Then the loudest scream anyone has ever heard in their lives rips itself from Mika's throat.

Zane's heart almost stops beating. He had never heard anyone so scared before. He watches as Mika throws her body forward, ripping herself away from The Joker but also throwing herself towards Scarecrow. She looks up at him, her eyes wide in fear. Another scream comes out of her mouth. The Joker can be heard laughing as she gets to her feet, swaying like a drunk. She manages to rip one of her hands out of the rope that tied her wrist together. She clutches her head, screaming and screaming. Her eyes scan over imaginary terrors which seem to be everywhere. She heads for the door before falling down to the floor. She begins to cry. Crying and screaming. She manages to get to her feet and stumble towards the door.

The Joker begins to skip around her while Scarecrow simply watches with his arms crossed over his chest. When Mika see's The Joker she begins almost howling. The Joker laughs and walks closer to her. Closer and closer until the terrified girl falls to her knees. Frozen in fear she can only watch as The Joker walks towards her until he's looming over her. She then falls to her hands. The viewer can see her back shaking with sobs and the sweat glistening on her legs.

"Hey Mika." The Joker grins as he takes his gas mask off and throws it to the floor. "I've heard rumours that….erm…. Doctor _Crane_ is a necrophile. That means he likes to have sex corpses." He pulls a knife out of his pocket and flips it open. "Maybe we should see if that rumours true. I'm sure your corpse would be a nice one to _fuck_."

"I am not a necrophile." Scarecrow growls just before Mika's head snaps forward and a significant amount of vomit shot out of her mouth. The Joker bursts out laughing and jumps backwards.

Mika's parents are wailing and Angel is crying freely. Zane can't take anymore. He stumbles to his feet and heads towards the door. He needs to leave. He needs to find Mika and save her. Why the hell did try to kill himself? Why the hell did he leave her? He hates himself so much right now.

Stopping by the door he hears The Joker roar down Mika's ear:

"Where's Prince Zane now? He's not here to save you anymore, you worthless little whore!"

/

**_A/N:_**_ Oh my, I have to admit that I really didn't like this chapter. It's a shameless filler but I had to write it. I'm sorry. The next chapter is 100x better I swear! It's already all written and it's a hell of a lot longer than this one... just... stay with me guys._

_I'd like to thank **xReviewerx**, **xPhyscoBabyDollx **and** Gen3683icy6 **fore reviewing and all the lovely people who favourited or alerted! _

_**Dear xReviewerx: **I love your reviews! They're all so long and I like long! I'm glad the chapter update made you happy! I hope you don't mind this chapter! The next one will be better I promise_

_****_**Dear readers: please review! I can only ask. I won't threaten you or guilt trip you although I quite want to. Just please review :D **


	15. I Can Fool Myself

_I'm a good friend and an excellent lover,  
>I can fool myself just like no other person can,<br>I'm turning into a twisted man.__**  
>Last Night I Dreamt…- The Wombats<strong>_

When I regain consciousness and manage to open my eyes I see that I'm lying on my little bed in a small white room. There's a man kneeling on the floor by my legs. I move my sore neck to get a better look at him. He gives me a small, forced smile then goes back to stitching up the deep slices on my leg. I let my head fall back against the bed and my eyes close. I'm so sore all over. The last thing I remember is being absolutely terrified of Scarecrow while he slid a needle into my arm. I remember the warped and gargled voices of The Joker and Jonathan Crane talking about an antidote to the fear toxin. When I remember that living nightmare I almost burst out crying. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I decide to push the memory away and focus on who on earth was treating my leg.

"Who are you?" I ask the man. He's quite handsome despite looking as if he's probably in his 40's. He has greying hair and an air of authority about him. He looks back up and me for a few seconds before looking back down at my leg.

"I'm Doctor Mercer. I'm the medical doctor in Jonathan's hideout." He says as he begins working again. "The Joker wanted me to clean you up and send you into his room."

"Why?" I ask before I can stop myself. I know why. Everyone knows why. Dr Mercer looks up at me.

"You know why. You know what he's going to do to you tonight." He says as he looks into my eyes. "Just lie back and think of your boyfriend." I groan and let the back of my head hit the bed again. I can't say I'm looking forward to being raped again.

When Dr Mercer has stitched me up and wrapped a bandage around my leg he leads me to The Joker's room. I'm terrified and shaking with fear. The Joker's going to rape me and it will probably be worse than usual because I told him that I had sex with Zane. I am so stupid. I hate myself so much. Dr Mercer leads me into the room and tells me to wait on the bed while he finds The Joker. I do as I'm told and wait for what seems like hours. I sit with my legs pulled up to my chest and my chin resting on my knees. I cross my arms over my legs and dig my nails into the skin on my forearms.

When the door creaks open I don't even need to look up to know who it is.

"Did you have a nice slee_p_?" The Joker mocks as he shrugs off his jacket. He lets it fall to the floor and then begins walking towards me. "Or did you have nightmares?" I shudder as I remember everything I saw while under the fear toxin. The Joker's laugh rips through the room. I bury my head into my knees a bit more. I wish he _had _killed me last night.

"Take off my waistcoa_t_." The Joker orders as he stands at the bottom of the bed. I know better than to refuse. If I do refuse then I'll just get into more trouble and I'm guessing I'm already about to be punished for having sex with Zane. I don't even know if it was sex. It didn't feel like it… but, then again, I don't really know what it feels like. I know what it feels like to be raped but I don't know what it feels like to make love. Ha. I think that 'making love' is just a stupidly, over-emotional thing to call it. Making love is what you call fucking when a baby comes along nine months later.

I crawl to the end of the bed and look up at The Joker's painted face. He's smiling. Sometimes I want to carve a frown into his face to see if it makes him sad. I'd love to see The Joker sad. I've seen him angry but that's the worst mood that he's been in around me. I want to see him cry. My hands shake as my fingers fumble to unbutton The Joker's green waistcoat. I don't listen to him when he talks to me. I'm panicking too much to make sense of the words that come out of his mouth. When I pull his waistcoat off of his body he leans over me, his hands are each side of me on the bed, keeping him up. I lie back on the bed to keep my distance from him but he leans down more until his nose is brushing against mine. I try to shuffle down the bed towards the headboard but he moves with me and by the time I hit the top of the bed he's already buried his mouth onto my neck. I try to push him off of me but I'm too weak. God, I hate myself.

"Don't…. please don't." I gasp as I feel his teeth pierce the skin on my neck. He just chuckles and starts sucking the blood away from my neck like a vampire. I watch as, without moving his head, he takes off his gloves. His horribly cold hands run up the sides of my shirt and begin slowly rubbing my waist. "Get off of me." I snap. He takes his mouth away from my neck and for a second of two I think he's actually _listened_ to me but then his scarred lips crash against my own. I close my eyes and wait for it to all end.

He pulls back after a while and looks down at me with a smirk. Tears have already fallen down my cheeks. I'm so weak. The Joker roughly drags his thumb over my scarred cheek and looks me in the eye.

"Oh, you're blushing." He giggles. He pinches my cheek causing me to let out pained groan. I try to move my head away from him but it's no use. With his thumb he wipes away tear which has fallen down my cheek. I close my eyes again and feel his painted forehead press against mine. "Here's the deal." He says slowly. "Seeing as you _like it _so much with _Z_ane… I won't stop tonight until you enjoy it."

"What?" I whisper as I let my eyes snap open. He's looking me in the eyes with those half-closed, black, soul-crushing eyes of his.

"And don't fake it." He says as his lips travel down to my collarbone.

Oh my.

Tonight is going to be a long one.

To my surprise The Joker is gentler than usual. I don't know what he plans to gain from his silly little game. I thought he'd get tired soon enough but he doesn't. I don't know how long has passed now. I wish The Joker would stop touching me _like that_. I wish he'd stop pretending to be a caring person. I wish he'd stop pretending he cared if I enjoyed sexual intercourse. This whole situation is horrible. I suppose that I can always get it over and done with if I just enjoy it. Ha. How do you enjoy sex with an insane clown?

Then I remember what Jonathan Crane's doctor said, _'just lie back and think of your boyfriend_'. I don't have a boyfriend but I assume he means Zane. So many people call him my boyfriend that I have just come to accept it.

So I decide, if there's going to be any chance of me enjoying any of this then I have to imagine that it's Zane on top of me and not The Joker.

/

"Stop it. I can't take it anymore." I scream as The Joker's foot slams into the side of my head yet again. I can feel myself becoming dizzy but I can't tell if I'm going to pass out from the amount of kicks to the head or just the overall pain.

"Next time you'll think before you imagine that I'm someone else." The Joker roars. I don't know why he's so angry about it all. His foot slams into my lower back again. I let out a cry of pain and bury my head into my knees. With each kick the ball I'm curled up into seems to get tighter and tighter. At least the floors have carpet in this hideout. It makes a change to lying on wooden floorboards.

"I didn't!" I lie. The Joker stops kicking me. He falls to his knees next to me. I can feel myself shaking in fear. His face is suddenly next to mine, his lips hovering above my ear.

"Then why did you moan Zane's name when you _came_." He roars down my ear. I yelp slightly in surprise. Why does he have to shout and use such vulgar words? He speaks like a teenager sometimes.

Part of me wants to answer him with '_because you're an ugly freak and there's no way I could ever enjoy sex while looking at you'_ but I'm not stupid. I don't really think that there's an answer that can get me out of this mess. I'm so stupid. I deserve to be punished for being so idiotic and letting Zane's name slip from my lips.

"I didn't have an orgasm." I whisper. The Joker burst out laughing but it's different to his usual laugh. This one is so full of anger and genuine humour. Suddenly, he's standing over me. His hands go under my arms as he lifts me up before throwing me on the bed.

"You and I both know that that is the biggest lie that has ever come from your li_ps,_ Mika." He says as he leans over me. OK, so I might have gotten carried away with the whole 'imagine that it's Zane fucking you' thing. I have a very vivid imagination. I push myself up the bed but The Joker doesn't seem to care. I can feel my scarred cheeks burning with a blush. I feel so ashamed of myself. My head hits the headboard and there's no were left to go. The Joker sits at the end of the bed, next to my feet, and smirks. His fingers dance up and down my bare legs. I don't dare to move. I don't think it's even possible to be in any more trouble today but I don't want to risk it.

"I'm glad that _I_ was the first person to ever give you an orgasm, Mika." He says quietly with a small smile. Oh God. What? Surely that can't be true. Surely Zane… helped with that when we were at the hotel. I think back. No. I lied and told him that I had but I didn't. The Joker gave me my first orgasm with another human. I have never felt so much self-loathing before. I'm sorry to drawl on such an uncomfortable subject but… oh god… I'm a freak. "But what will _Z_ane think? What will your little family think? Everyone's going to _hate _you."

"They don't know." I whisper as I stare up at the ceiling.

"I'm going to tell them." He says simply. I close my eyes. "They'll think you're a slut… and just in case they don't…" He pulls a knife out of his pocket and then pulls my legs apart. All of the horrible possibilities run through my head, each one more gruesome and painful than the last. I let out a scream and try to rip my legs away from him. His free hand wraps around my ankle causing any attempts to get away to be vain. He sits by my feet and moves his hand away from my ankle to hold down my knee. He looks me in the eye and smirks.

"Please don't hurt me." I hiss although I know for a fact that asking politely won't get me anywhere. The knife overs over my lower leg for what feels like several torturous hours although in reality it couldn't have been more than a few seconds.

Suddenly the knife slices into my skin. My body jolts but The Joker keeps my leg in place. I scream out in pain. The knife goes in and out of my skin on my lower leg, carving something. Tears leak out of my closed eyes as I try to cope with the pain. I grip the bed's blanket in my fists. It hurts so much. The Joker only laughs and continues to carve into my leg until I feel horribly faint and can hardly keep my eyes open.

Then the knife stops cutting me, the grip on my knee becomes loose and The Joker climbs off of the bed. I feel too weak and too pained too move. I let my eyes watch as The Joker walks towards the wardrobe. He managed to pull his underwear back on moments before beating me but his clothes still lie discarded on the floor next to mine. He pulls out a dark t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants from the wardrobe and then begins to get dressed into them. Once he's dressed he begins to walk towards me. There's only traces of his greasepaint left on his face the rest, I am sad to admit, is smeared on my face and body.

"Don't you want to see your new…erm… tat_too_?" The Joker asks as he sits on the bed. I shake my head weakly but he pulls me up into a sitting position anyway. I let out a yell of pain. The Joker's hand grabs the back of my head, moving it until my face was pointing towards my lower leg. I gag when I see the amount of blood covering my left leg and the blankets underneath me. There's so much blood that I can't see what is carved into my skin. I close my eyes. I'm not as scared of blood as I used to be before The Joker took me but it still freaks me out to see something that is supposed to stay inside my body to keep me alive somewhere that isn't inside of me. "Oh, well we'll have to clean that up, won't we?" The Joker says happily as he lets go of me and walks into the bathroom.

Scarecrow's hideout is so clean and neat; I doubt he'll be so happy with bloody mess I've made. I imagine him walking in now and finding it. The thought of him yelling at me and probably using that fear toxin on me terrifies me. Heck, the thought of him just being in the room terrifies me. I never thought I could fear someone as much as I feared The Joker but now I don't really know who I'm more scared off, The Joker or Jonathan Crane.

"If you think of Zane next time we have sex then I'll cut off his dick so that you have nothing to think abou_t_." The Joker says as he walks into the room holding a bucket of water. He's not as angry as before but that's probably because he's got his revenge now. "Understoo_d_?"

"Yes." I say emotionlessly. He sits at the end of the bed, placing the bucket on the floor, and runs a finger through the blood on my leg.

"Apologise."

"I'm very sorry. It won't happen again." I say quietly. The Joker smiles. He licks the blood off of his finger while looking me in the eyes. I gag once more and look away. I try to ignore him when he starts drawing a smiley face with an exaggerated smile on my stomach with my own blood but when he begins to write his name I have to cry out otherwise I would faint from fear and pain.

"Please stop." I whimper. The Joker chuckles, finishes writing his name in blood on my abdomen and _then_ stops. He reaches down to the bucket and pulls out a sponge. The water is freezing cold. I think it's one step away from becoming ice. He always does things like this. He uses the smallest things to torture me with.

After a few minutes of The Joker cleaning the wound probably as roughly as he can without killing me, he tosses the blood stained sponge into the bucket and grins.

"And there we go." He says smugly. I look down at leg and see that The Joker has carved four large letters into my leg starting underneath my knee and ending just above my foot.

It reads:

_**S  
>L<br>U  
>T<strong>_

I begin to feel dizzy again at the sight of how deep the cuts are and how much blood stains the, once crisp white, sheets.

And then, I faint.

/

I don't know how long has passed. It must have been a week or two since The Joker carved my leg. Since then I've got a sort of routine. The Joker and Scarecrow have started to terrorize Gotham again so they're not really at the hideout much and when they are they're exhausted. The first time The Joker left me in Scarecrows hideout he assigned a goon to make sure I didn't escape but I haven't seen much of him. I wouldn't try to escape though; I don't want to be tortured again.

I'd be woken up by The Joker as he got out of bed. I'd lie in bed and watch as he sat at the dressing table applying his greasepaint. He'd tell me what would happen if I ran away or misbehaved while he was away. Each day it was a new, more terrifying threat. On the first day he said I could explore. Of course, he had probably meant it sarcastically or mockingly but I did so anyway.

Then he'd get dressed and leave. On one or two occasions, if he 'had time' he'd rape me before he went leaving me under the blankets shaking when he left with Scarecrow. Once I found the strength to pull myself out of the bed I'd go to my suitcase –which The Joker had thrown my clothes into- and find something to wear. Once I was washed and dressed I was free to walk around the hideout like it was my own. Scarecrow didn't have many goons and The Joker's goons didn't really notice me unless they wanted to bully me. I tried to avoid them most of the time. They only really seemed to stay in the living room area so I didn't go near that unless I had to.

I'd go to the kitchen and make myself toast while reading the newspaper which always seemed to be placed on the counter. I swear, whoever invented toast deserved to be made a saint or something. The Joker never said I was allowed to eat anything so I never let him find out that I did. I'd only use one slice of bread and a small bit of butter so no one needed to find out. The newspaper would tell me about what The Joker and Scarecrow had been doing the day before. I don't know what I want to read in it. Maybe I hope that it will be that the Batman has a fool proof plan to get The Joker and The Scarecrow and throw them into Arkham… or kill them.

When the newspaper fails to tell me that the clown and the scarecrow will soon be dead I leave the kitchen and head towards my favourite room in the hideout, the library. I found it the first day The Joker and Scarecrow left the hideout. There are so many books lining the walls, it would take years to read them all. There's a large, elaborate, brown leather armchair in the corner next to a window. Next to the armchair is a projector pointing towards a large projector screen on the wall opposite. It's not a film projector, although that would be quite cool. It's got a built in DVD player so I got to use those DVD's Darwin convinced me to buy.

I don't just watch movies all day though. No. I read the books as well. Most of them are psychology books. They're more interesting than I thought they would be. I read one about reading people's body language one day. That night I tried to figure out what The Joker's body language meant while he was sitting in the living room with Dr Crane. They were sitting on the sofas in front of the fire and I was sitting on the floor in front of them. They don't let me sit on the sofa because Jonathan doesn't want me getting my 'teenage germs' on them. Anyway, I forgot that I was staring at The Joker until he realised that my eyes hadn't left him for about half an hour. He leant down and slapped me across the face.

"Sto_p_ staring at me you little freak." He growled as he tugged at my short hair. Dr Crane laughed as he took a sip of his drink. I didn't think it was fair. Dr Crane stared at me all the time and no one even commented on that let alone slapped him in the face and pulled his hair. I'd love to slap him and pull his hair but I daren't even look at him for more than a few seconds. The man is utterly terrifying. When I'm left alone with him I can feel myself shaking in fear. He's so calm all of the time, only showing that he's annoyed with deep sighs or glares.

I always hear The Joker's and Scarecrow's goons come into the hideout before them. I only need to walk out of the library, walk down a flight of stairs, take a left, walk down the corridor and then I'm at mine and The Joker's room so usually I'm there before the Joker is even in the hideout. If he gets to our room before I do then I just mumble something about exploring. I don't want him to find out about my library. Surely, I'm allowed to have something he doesn't know about. He knows every little detail about me, every mark on my body, exactly how my mind works, he can tell what I'm thinking just by looking at me. I like having a secret from him for once.

After The Joker has gotten changed out of his suit, which has become damp with sweat and blood and other horrible things, he drags me down to the living room with him. Once or twice he told me to stay in the room and not make a noise. I think he only says that when he's in a bad mood. The joy of being alone is short lived though because he's usually back within the hour, beating me while yelling something about everything going wrong and the Batman.

98% of the time I'm forced to go with him though. The goon's are gone from the living room by this time apart from the three that The Joker seems to favour, Darwin, the Norwegian one and the blonde quiet one. They usual sit in the corner playing a card game or watching television. I wish I could join them because The Joker and Scarecrow ignore them. Instead, I'm forced to sit on the floor in front of them. While The Joker and Scarecrow talk about the terror their causing and whatever other horrible things they've been doing. I try to read my own books which I brought when Darwin took me to the shops but I usually only get to read for about ten minutes before one of them says something to me or kicks me.

Everyone is calm all the time no matter what happens because everyone knows that everything is going to plan. I'm sure I've heard The Joker talk about this before. He said that if everything goes according to plan nobody panics even if the plan is horrifying. I guess that's the situation I'm in. The Joker thinks he's ruining my plans when he beats me and he rapes me but he's been doing it for so long that I expect it to happen. The Joker said that you don't panic when what you expect to happen happens. I think he's too distracted with Jonathan Crane and all his work in Gotham to realise that I expect him to rape me most nights and I expect him to try to force me to enjoy it. When he's angry I expect a beating and when he's overly happy or excited I expect to get slapped and hit. The only thing he could do that I don't expect is to take me home. If he ever heard me say that though I suppose he'd take it as a challenge and end up doing something dreadful that I didn't expect just to prove me wrong.

/

The Joker and Scarecrow haven't taken many goons with them today. They're taking it as a sort of holiday. Darwin and the quiet goon have gone out to a strip club. I didn't know strip clubs were open in the day-time but I guess anything like that is possible in The Narrows. The Norwegian goon has stayed in the hideout with the other guys. Darwin's been trying to teach him English. He's called me Mika once or twice which is a change from him calling me bitch. I'd thank Darwin if I could but he's always around the other goons and they'd make fun of him if I spoke to him.

"Oi, bitch." Someone shouts. I look up from the newspaper I'm reading and see a man with almost white bleach blonde hair and facial hair. He must only be in his early thirties. I'm tempted to ask what possessed him when he decided to dye his jaw-length hair, beard and moustache such an odd colour and what he was thinking when he got all those tattoos. Instead I only glance at him before looking back at the toaster. "Are you allowed to sit on the kitchen counter?"

"Yes." I say as I lift the newspaper back up. I'm lying. If Jonathan caught me sitting up here he'd beat me until I couldn't move for a week. The man chuckles but I just ignore him. He'll soon go away.

"Are you allowed to be eating without The Joker's permission?" He asks. I look up at him again. I wish he'd just go away. He sees my glare and chuckles. He knows that the answer is 'no'. "What will he do if he finds out that you've been eating without him knowing?"

"I don't know." I say quietly. "And I don't want to find out."

"Then you'll come with me." He says with a smirk. "We have something to show you." He pauses and waits for me to get down from the countertop and follow him. "Or I can tell The Joker and Jonathan Crane that each morning you sit right there and help yourself to all and food and drink that you want."

I hesitantly get down and walk towards him. I don't know what he wants me to see but surely it can't be _that_ bad. He grins and spins around on his heel, trusting that I'd follow him. He leads me out of the kitchen, through the living room and down to the end of a corridor where the rest of the goons stand. The Norwegian goon stands about a metre away from the others who are all smirking and grinning.

"Don't do it." The Norwegian goon says. I wish I knew his name. He folds his arms across his chest and leans back against the wall. He's frowning and looking at me. "Bad idea."

"Shut up." One of the goons snaps as I'm shoved through the group of men. The Norwegian guy starts yelling things in Norwegian. I recognise my name and The Joker's name. The tone of his voice is so angry that I get a bit frightened. The other men just roll their eyes and someone even throws a shoe at him.

"No one can understand you. Shut the fuck up." Someone behind me yells.

"What's going on?" I ask. I cast a look back at the Norwegian goon who just stares at me and runs a hand through his dark hair. I begin to panic. I guess The Joker's right. I don't know what to expect and I am beginning to panic. "I want to go back to my room now."

"Oh, don't be scared. We just want to show you something." The blonde bearded goon says as his hands clasp over my shoulders. He spins me around so I can't see the Norwegian goon anymore. I shake my head and try to pull away. "Do you remember last week when The Joker killed one of his men?" I nod. How could I forget?

The Joker was trying to make me enjoy sex with him when one of his goons walked in. The man was drunk and claimed that he forgot where his room was. The Joker killed him right there in the doorway. It was absolutely terrifying. I curled up under the blankets and kept my hands pressed over my ears but the poor man's screamed still found their way into my head.

"Well we found out where he dumped the body." The blond goon said in my ear. "Would you like to see it?"

"No." I snap as I watch two of the goons open a trap door in front of my feet. I look down and see, well, nothing. It's completely dark down there. There aren't any stairs or ladders going down. I don't really know what's going to happen right now.

"Here's a torch so you can explore down there." Another goon says as he places an old torch in my hand. I look back over at the Norwegian goon who has his head in his hands and is muttering something angrily.

"Let me go back to my room." I yell as I try to push myself away from the men. The blond guy laughs and keeps hold of my shoulders. "I'll tell The Joker."

"And what will he do?" The blond guy says, roaring with laughter. "He won't protect you. You'll just get beat for being a little cry baby." I look down at the hole in the floor.

"She must think that they're a couple." Someone says. I can't rip my eyes from the hole to glare at whoever said that. "She's starting to like him. She thinks he's her knight in shining armour."

"Shut the hell up." I yell angrily. "I hate The Joker." I can't think of what else to say. My mind is too busy panicking over the hole in front of me.

"You can't hate him. We hear you moaning like a porn-star almost every night."

"What?" I scream. "I-I-I d-don't… we don't… I-I-I… urgh." The men burst out laughing. I feel my scarred cheeks burning in humiliation.

"Well then, let's see if your knight in shining armour will really save you." The blonde goon smiles. Then, his hands shove me forward. I let out a scream and stumble right into the hole. I put my arms out in front of me to break my fall. I didn't think it would be so far down to the floor. I guessed it would be about three feet but this isn't a little space under the floorboards. This must be a basement or a cellar or something.

After, what feels like hours although I must have only been falling for a few seconds, I hit the hard concrete floor my hands hitting the floor first.

I hear a crack and a feel a horrible pain in my arm. I scream out in agony. Oh God, what's happened? I move my arm slightly which is a big mistake. More pain shoots through my limb. I scream out in pain again. I try to yell something up at the goons who are closing the trap door but they just laugh and all my words tumble over each other due to my crying. I don't care if The Joker will punish me for crying. I don't care about the dead body I'm supposedly locked in with. The only thing I can think about is my arm and the amount of pain I'm in. I feel like I've been shot or something.

I let my other hand fumble around for the torch. I promise myself I won't let myself see the dead body which is surely only a few feet away from me. I'll just look at my arm to assure myself that it's OK. Yes. It must be OK. All this pain must just be in my head. No. It can't be. It hurts too much to be in my head. It's the sort of pain that makes you feel as if you can't breathe and that you're going to throw up.

Eventually my hand knocks into the torch. With shaking fingers I manage to press the button to turn it on. I spin it around quickly and point it at my arm which is lying limply in front of me. I'm still lying on my stomach which is how I landed from the fall. It's amazing that I didn't hit my head and fall unconscious. Actually, amazing isn't the word. Terribly unlucky is more like it. I'd rather be unconscious than be feeling this pain.

The light from the torch lands on my arm.

Fuck.

A louder scream come from my mouth when I see my arm. Someone needs to help me. I'm going to die. I need help. I scream and scream for help. I hope the goons realise that this isn't funny anymore. I turn my head away from my arm and close my eyes. I can't stop screaming and crying, partly from pain and partly from horror.

I decide to cast another look at my arm. Maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me. Maybe Jonathan Crane had slipped something into that drink The Joker gave me last night. Maybe I've finally gone insane.

I turn my head back around and slowly open my eyes.

I almost throw up.

My eyes weren't playing tricks on me, I'm not hallucinating.

My arm is broken and the bone is sticking out of my skin.

/

_**A/N: **__Admittedly not the best cliffhanger in the world but that's just my opinion and it doesn't really count because I already know what's going to happen next. Anyway, I hope you liked that chapter! I'd love to hear from you so please review, even if it's just one word! Now to reply to those reviews that do not let me private message back… _

_**xReviewerx: **__I was so scared that no one would like that chapter so I'm very glad you enjoyed it. When you review I squeal like a 12 year old fangirl so thank you! I'm glad I tricked you even if it was pretty evil of me. Ooft, review again please. I hope you have a lovely day and have enjoyed this chapter! _


	16. The Devil Having Fun

_Cover me up,_

_I'm pale as night,_

_With a mind so dark and skin so white,_

_Is this the devil having fun? _

_I tip my hat to the raging sun._

_**All My Rage- Laura Marling**_

I've found the body.

I was swinging the torch around in an attempt to find a way out of the basement when the light landed on the body. It's only a few feet away from me. If I move my arm I could touch. Not that I want to. I almost had a heart attack when I saw it. If I wasn't so terrified I'd probably feel sorry for the guy. His cheeks had been carved into a Glasgow Smile and he's had one of his eyes ripped out. The Joker has just left him here to rot. He's left him to be eaten by the maggots which are crawling in and out of his body. How could someone do that to another human being? It amazes me how The Joker doesn't seem to ever feel guilty about any of the horrendous things that he does.

I must have been in too much pain before to notice the stench of the body although with every passing second I'm finding it hard to believe I missed it before. It's the worse smell I've ever smelt. I think I'm going to be sick. Have you ever smelt something so bad that you just begin gagging? I have that now and added with the pain and panic I don't think I'm going to be able to keep the contents of my stomach down for much longer.

I begin to sweep the light from the torch around the room again. The light lands on a set of concrete steps leading up to pair of sloped basement doors up next to the ceiling. I groan. I don't know if I can make it towards the other end of the room to get to the stairs. I scream out again for help. I think I'm having a panic attack now. I curl up into a ball, leaving my broken arm sprawled out limply above my head. I looked up at it, lying there on the floor like it isn't part of my body anymore. I've never seen my own bones before. I don't think I ever want to see it again.

"Bitch, stop screaming." A voice yell as the trap door creaks open, flooding the room with light. I feel myself curl further up into a ball. I want help but I don't really want help from the men who put me into this mess. "Holy shit."

"What?" Another voice hisses from the trap door above me.

"Her arm's fucked that's what." The first voice yells.

"What do you mean?"

"The bones come out of it! I don't know. Take a look."

"Fuck."

"We need to get out of here. Leave Norway here to deal with her. He _is_ the favourite."

The trap door closes and the sound of footsteps rushing away are the only thing I hear. I let out another scream. I need help. How could they just run away? I'm going to die here. I feel myself burst out crying yet again. My body shakes with big, heavy sobs. My arm is still burning with this incredible pain, not to mention that my ankle, my head, my hip-bone and many other parts of my body were hurting.

"Mika." A voice says after a few minutes. I let out another scream. It seems all I can do now is scream. I'm so scared. "Mika. Your arm. You're hurt." I manage to make myself look up. The Norwegian goon is standing at the top of the concrete stairs looking down at me. He won't help me. He's never helped me before. He joins in with the others when they laugh at me and I'm pretty sure he's punched me in the stomach before.

"Fuck off." I scream. He takes a few steps down the stairs but stops at the bottom.

"I'll help." He says calmly. "My name Markus." Markus, that's nice name.

"Fuck off. I don't want you. I want my mum and dad. I want Zane. I don't want you." I bawl. "This is your fault. Why didn't you stop them? You should be the one with the broken arm not me."

"Mika." He sighs as he closes his eyes. His tongue runs over his lips before he opens his eyes again. "I don't understand. I speak English bad. Let help you." I swallow thickly and give up.

"Don't hurt me." I growl. "I'll kill you if you hurt me."

"I don't hurt. I don't kill. I help." He says as he slowly walks closer to me. He picks up the torch and shines it across my body. He mumbles something under his breath when he sees my arm. The dead body doesn't seem to bother him but I guess when you've been working for The Joker for so long a corpse or two isn't really anything new.

He helps me to my feet and tries to help me walk. I've underestimated the pain in my ankle. I try to take a step before yelling out in pain. Markus mumbles something before lifting me up. I gasp in shock. He's very strong which I wouldn't have guessed. He places my broken arm across my body to keep it steady, ignoring my screams in pain. He says something to me in Norwegian and carries me out of the basement.

/

"I can't do anything until The Joker gets here." Doctor Mercer says with a sigh while pressing a bandage down on my broken arm as I lie on his examination bed. "He said that I can't treat her without his permission."

"Her bone is sticking out of her arm." Darwin points out, one step away from yelling at the man. "Surely, you need to do something."

"You're right, I do need to do something if she wants any chance of keeping that arm but like I said: The Joker told me I can't treat her unless he says so." Dr Mercer yells.

I'm going to lose my arm?

"He doesn't own me. He has now right to do that." I scream.

"He does own you though, Mika." Darwin says quietly. Markus called him once he had taken me to Scarecrow's doctor's room. He came right back from the strip club but I think that was only because Markus was panicking and Markus is his friend. Also, I only think Markus is panicking because he doesn't want to be the one who tells The Joker that his hostage died. "At least give her something for the pain." Darwin mumbles to Dr Mercer.

"Norwa_y_ said something about Mika and an ar_m_." The Joker's voice says. I don't know whether to be relieved that he's back or absolutely terrified. I close my eyes as if it will get me away from everything. "What the fuc_k_ have you done?" I feel his hand slap my face.

"Your goons…" Darwin begins to say before being cut off by The Joker.

"I didn't ask you." He snaps. He sounds very angry which just scares me more. What if he doesn't let Dr Mercer fix my arm? I'll die. I'm pretty sure you can't live with a bone sticking out of your arm.

"Your goons pushed me through a trap door into the basement and I broke my arm." I sobbed. When did I start crying again? I thought I was good at not crying all the time. I shouldn't be crying. Millions and millions of people have had a broken bone before. Surely that is a reason to not cry. Isn't it?

I opened my eyes and saw The Joker standing over me, just staring at me.

"Please let me have it fixed." I beg quietly.

"What will you do for me?" He asks with a smirk.

"Anything."

"Anything?" I'm going to regret this. I nod. "Do you want to be asleep for the ope_rat_ion?"

"Yes please." I say, trying to stop crying. The Joker looks down at my arm.

"You'll have to be a very good girl for the rest of your life." He says like a father talking to a child.

"I will." I cry. I'm willing to agree to anything right now. I just want the pain to go away.

The Joker pokes the bone that sticks out of my arm with his gloved finger. Pain burns its way through my arm. The loudest scream I can manage rips its way from my throat. The Joker chuckles and strokes my short hair.

"Do what you have to do." He says happily to Dr Mercer.

/

I can't help but suspect that The Joker think that it's my fault that my arm is broken. I've tried to tell him many times that it was _his goons_ who _pushed _me through the floorboards to the basement but he won't listen. He's decided that I need to be 'supervised' until further notice. So, that's why he and Dr Crane are staying at the hideout today.

I'm sitting opposite Dr Crane at the wooden table in the living room while Markus and his quiet friend sit on the sofa. I don't know why they can sit on it and I can't. The quiet goon is surely filthier that I am. I don't like him at all because he only speaks to make fun of me. Still, I guess I'd rather be sitting next to him than Jonathan Crane.

The Joker and Darwin are out getting breakfast. I don't know why they didn't just make something here. The Joker does things that I don't understand all the time though so I don't bother questioning him anymore. I just nod and hope that he gets killed. Today it's the hope that his van gets hit by a lorry or that a piece of wood shoots through the windscreen and plunges into his chest or face.

I sigh and rest my head on the table next to my broken arm. It's in a cast now. The cast is purple, begins just above my elbow and ends at my knuckles. The Joker chose the colour of course. It's the exact same colour as his coat. I'd like to break both of his arms and then he can have a cast in his favourite colour as well. I smile at the thought.

"What do you find so amusing?" Dr Crane's voice asks. I gasp and look up at him. He's stopped writing whatever he was writing down on his paper before and is just staring at me. I glance over at his notepad and manage to read a few words. _Plant, fear, hallucinations, tested, toxins_. I don't even want to know what he's planning.

"Nothing." I grumble as I sit up properly. He stares at me as if he expects me to say something else. "I'm bored. Can I have a piece of paper and a pen please?" He smirks and rips a piece of paper out of his notepad. I blink a few times. I thought he'd laugh and tell me to stop being so rude.

"I was beginning to think you couldn't speak, only scream and cry." He said as he slid the paper towards me and pulled a pen out of his pocket.

"And moan The Joker's name." The quiet goon adds. I spin around to glare at him. Dr Crane chuckles and slides the pen towards be before telling me to "_be careful with it._"

"I don't moan his name." I grumble as I turn back towards the table but still address the quiet goon. "You're a fucking idiot."

"Such language shouldn't be spoken by a respectable young woman." Dr Crane says with a stupid smirk on his face. "Not that you are a respectable young woman." I want to punch him in the face but I know that even if I speak back to him, The Joker will find out and I'll end up in trouble. So instead, I just glare up at him.

I decide to draw my family because sometimes it takes me a while to remember their faces. I'm not the best artist in the world, in fact I'm probably the worst, so my plan doesn't really go very well. Really, the only thing I do is make myself homesick. I look down at the crude drawings and sigh. Each face smiles up at me with a little name written underneath. _Mom, Dad, Angel, Brandon, Freya, Bowie, Lennon _and then _Zane. _I miss them all so much. I used to argue constantly with my siblings. Angel and I would swear at each other almost every morning causing Freya to lock herself in her room. Brandon would punch me at least once a week when I 'spent too much time on the games console' and I'd end up punching him back. I'd tell Freya often that she needed to grow-up. I'd ignore the Lennon and Bowie if they wanted me to switch the light on. I used to tell my parent's I hated them. I feel a lump in my throat as the realisation that I am a terrible, terrible person hits me. I'd give anything to just hug them right now.

"What's this, then?" Jonathan asks as he snatches the paper from under my shaking hand.

"Give it back." I say, my voice cracking.

"Who's Angel?" He asks. I make an attempt to snatch it back from him but I can't reach because he's holding it in the air with his long, bony arms.

"He's my brother. Give it back!" I yell.

"Angel is a stupid name. Who calls their chid Angel?" He mocks. "Are your parent's idiots or just hippy-freaks?"

"They're neither."

"Angel, Brandon, Freya, _Bowie and Lennon_?" He laughs. I feel my cheeks burn red under my scars. "And who is this Zane that you've spent so much time perfecting? Is he a favourite?"

"He's my friend." I growl. I stand on my chair, lean across the table and manage to grab the paper back. It rips in the process, right across Zane's face.

"Oh! That's the boy you've been sleeping with." He chuckles. I sit down and cradle the pieces of paper to my chest. Dr Crane has crumpled and ripped it. I look down at the faces but they don't seem to be smiling anymore. My parents seem to be crying and Zane looks angry and insane… or maybe I'm seeing things. It wouldn't surprise me. I've got a feeling that I'm going insane. "Poor boy must be _slow _in the head if he's sleeping with you." It takes all my strength to ignore him. I fold up my drawing and place it in the chest pocket on my shirt.

"Not ann_oying_ Dr Crane are you, Mika?" The Joker's voice booms as he walks into the room.

"Not at all." Dr Crane smirks as he leans back in his seat. "We were just having a nice talk, weren't we?"

"Yes." I grumble. The Joker and Darwin drop their bags down onto the table much to Dr Crane's disapproval. I smile a bit. I like it whenever Dr Crane or The Joker are unhappy, even if it's just tiny bits of unhappiness. Once The Joker stubbed his toe and I burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. I couldn't stop laughing even when he began beating me. I liked it when a look of pain flashed across his face and I loved hearing him swear in pain. Thinking back on it now though it's not so funny because it ended up with me being raped in front of The Joker's goons and Jonathan Crane's goons and even Scarecrow himself but he sighed and left the room when he figured out what was happening.

I watch silently as The Joker hands everyone one or two Styrofoam boxes and a cup of coffee each. I don't expect to get anything even though my stomach is growling at the smell of the food. Before I was kidnapped by The Joker I used to have days were all I wanted to do was eat. I'd eat anything I could find. I don't know whether I still have those days or whether I just get that all the time now. I'm either hungry, in pain, sad or terrified… sometimes all four.

I snap out of my thoughts when a Styrofoam box is slid in front of me. I look up at The Joker who's now sitting at the side of the table in between me and Dr Crane. I raise an eyebrow, expecting the box to contain a bomb or a dead puppy.

"It's breakfast." The Joker says slowly. "Most people like to eat it in the morning." I open the box and see the most wonderful sight I could ever have hoped. Pancakes. I look up at The Joker and offer a small smile.

"Thank you." I say.

I eat my breakfast in silence while The Joker and Dr Crane talk about the Batman. I get lost in my own thoughts. I think about Zane and I wonder about where he is and what he's doing. I begin to think about how much he's going to hate me when he finds out I enjoyed sex with The Joker because, like The Joker said, he won't care that I was thinking about him or anyone else. All anyone will care about is that The Joker gave me an orgasm. I shudder. I hate that word. It sounds too grown up and scientific. I begin to think about how all the girls from my old school are willingly losing their virginities at young ages. Even if I hadn't been taken by The Joker I know I'd be way to terrified to have sex with anyone before I knew I was 100% in love with them and that they wouldn't leave me or tell all their friends or something like that. Maybe I'm too weird and too old for my age.

"What's this?" The Joker asks, snapping me out of my thoughts as his fingers slide into my chest pocket. He pulls out the folded piece of paper before I can stop him. I watch quietly as he unfolds it and lets his eyes scan over it. "What's this?" He asks again.

"It's my family." I say quietly. "I really miss them." The Joker begins to laugh. He slams the paper down on the table and jabs his finger on the drawing of my mother's face.

"Why did you draw this? Did you think they'd come to life and save you?" He asks. I shake my head and try to pry the paper away from him. I don't like him touching it. It's like he's actually touching my family and the thought of The Joker ever finding my family makes my blood run cold. "You've drawn them wrong. I've seen your mother on the television and she's a fat bitch. Is that why you're so poor? Is it because mommy spends all the money on cake? You're certainly following in her footsteps, aren't you?" I frown. My mother isn't fat and we aren't poor. I know that he's only trying to upset me but it's working. "Grow up and stop drawing pretty pictures of your ugly family."

"I just miss them." I say as I try not to let a tear slide down my cheek.

"Well get over it." He growls. "Forget about them. They don't care about you anymore."

"Yes they do." I scream. Then I realise what I've done. I've stood up to The Joker. You'd expect me to feel proud wouldn't you? No. I feel absolutely terrified. I shrink down in my seat. I'm done for now.

"They do?" He asks mockingly. He leans over the table and grabs my face. Soon enough his knife is in my mouth. I didn't even see him get it out of his pocket. "No. No they do no_t_. No one cares about you anymore. No one's going to save you." He looks me in the eyes. If he didn't have his knife in my mouth I'd yell and scream at him. I'd tell him that he is wrong and that he doesn't know everything or anything. "You don't believe me?" Apparently he can read minds now. If that's true then I don't think I'll live much longer. "I'll _show_ you." The knife slides out of my mouth as The Joker leans back. He stands up and looks down at me. "Get your shoes on we're going out."

"Out where?" I ask. The Joker rolls his eyes before leaning forward and grabbing my short hair. I cry out in pain.

"Little girls who ask too many questions get their tongues cut out." He growls. If he did cut out my tongue maybe I wouldn't say stupid things and end up in situations like this. What do _I_ need it for anyway? I don't get much food and if I didn't have a tongue I wouldn't have to worry about taste so I could eat just about anything that was edible. I wouldn't need it to kiss anyone with because I don't like kissing The Joker and everyone is going to think I'm an ugly slut so they won't want to kiss me. I don't need it to speak with because I can never say the right thing and my opinions don't matter. I'm half-tempted to tell The Joker if he's going to take my useless tongue then he may as well take my useless life as well because I could do without it.

I hate to be morbid but I can't help that where ever The Joker and I going that one of us gets killed.

/

_**A/N: **__I tried to make that as good as possible for you lovely people. Truth is… it's another stupid filler. I've got to stop with them. The next chapter is much better but at least this one had a lot of Crane in! I'm sorry for the wait. Please review or I will weep._

_**xReviewerx:**__ When you review I make noises like a dying fangirl. I'm glad you liked it. I never really thought about the goons being the reason Mika was there, good observation! I'll have to slip that in somewhere soon. I like writing the three main goons, Darwin, Markus and the silent one who hasn't been properly named yet. They're so bipolar and have mixed emotions, it's great. Not to mention they're based on my boyfriends… I mean favourite band. Please review again!_

_**C:**__ I'm very glad you liked the chapter! I hope you like this one even if it's a bit… rubbish. I hope to hear from you again (: _


	17. With Blood Stains On Her Shirt

_She walks back into town_  
><em>With blood stains on her shirt<em>  
><em>Everyone has questions<em>  
><em>But no one wants to know<em>  
><em>How far the anger in someone<em>  
><em>Can really make them go<em>  
><em>Her tangled hair and mud stains on her knees<em>  
><em>Bruised ribs and rips on the side of her jeans<em>

_**Wild Thing- Noah and The Whale**  
><em>

They told him going back to school would take his mind off of things but in all honesty it just made him think about it all much more. Everyone knew what had happened. The students and the staff all stared at him and knew he was a coward. They all pretended to feel sorry for him but he could tell what they were all thinking. '_How could he leave Mika_' they were thinking _'he took an over dose and left her alone with that monster_'.

They had put him on suicide watch as soon as they found him at the dock. It had been right after he had seen the video The Joker sent into the news. He had walked out with the pathetic thought that somehow he'd know exactly where Mika was and that he'd be able to charge in and save her. How pathetic. He got to the dock before giving up. It was Angel who eventually found him balancing delicately on a tall, wobbly bollard. If he had lost his balanced he'd have fallen in to Gotham River and either drowned or caught hundreds of disgusting diseases from the polluted water. He hadn't wanted to kill himself. He was just deep in thought and hadn't realised what he was doing.

Not that anyone listened to him. The therapists decided that he had been a second away from ending his pathetic little life. He hates his therapist so much. He'd sit there asking questions and saying '_it wasn't your fault_' or '_speaking to me about this will help'_. Zane hates it when he says that. It _was_ Zane's fault and speaking would _not_ help anything. Sitting in a room with a balding man holding a note-pad would not stop The Joker hurting Mika.

"Zane, I can't help you if you don't speak to me." The therapist says softly. Zane leans forward and snarls.

"I do not need your help." He growls, his fists clenched on his lap.

"I've been your therapist ever since you came to this school, Zane. You've cooperated before. I know that you're going through a rough patch but you know that I, and the rest of the staff in this school, only wish to help you." The therapist says, leaning back in his seat. "Just talk to me about it. You can trust me, you know you can."

"I don't want to talk, there is no point." Zane yells. "There is no point in helping me. I will never succeed in anything. I wish you'd all just leave me alone and focus on Mika and getting her back."

"It's not all about Mika, Zane. When you're in this room it's all about you." The therapist says calmly.

"No. No. No. It's about _her_. It always is." Zane growls as he fingers drum against his leg.

/

"You know, I could get used to you having a broken arm." The Joker giggles as he tapes my broken arm and my healthy arm together with duct tape. I don't think my bone is ever going to heal if The Joker keeps roughly handling it. I struggle, kicking out my legs, but it doesn't affect him at all. "I thought you'd be excited to go back to school and see all your old, erm, _friends_."

"School?" I ask. "You can't do that."

"You can't tell me what I can and can't d_o._" The Joker growls but he's too excited to be angry. He begins taping my ankles together as I stare at him. We're in a van which, I think, is parked outside of my school. A few of the goons jumped out while saying things about 'turning off the alarms'. I know that I shouldn't be thinking any positive thoughts about my situation but I can't help but remember the two girls that I attacked who claimed The Joker was their 'idol'. I hope they like meeting him. That was sarcasm. I actually hope that he hurts them so that they get over their little fantasy and grow up.

"What are you thinking about?" The Joker asks as he begins to tape my thighs together.

"I was thinking about how your coat is too long." I lie. He raises an eyebrow so I shrug and look away. "I don't like it. It makes you look short and less intimidating."

"No. No. No. Do no**t** lie to m_e_." He growls, grabbing my face and forcing me to look at him. I look him in the eyes and can't help but smile a little bit. I open my mouth to tell him that I think purple is a stupid colour to own a coat it but he cuts me off. "Now tell me what you were _really_ thinking abou_t_."

"I was thinking about how there are two girls in my school who are in love with you." I say quickly. The Joker looks as if he's going to punch me in the face. He thinks I'm lying to him. "They think that they can relate to you. They said they were jealous of me. They said they respect you. They said they wanted to be my friends."

"What did you say?" The Joker asks with a smirk.

"I told them they were ignorant pieces of shit and that you didn't deserve respect and you'd kill them without a second thought." I say quietly. "Then I beat them up." The Joker bursts out laughing and continues to tape my legs together.

"You're _really_ going crazy, princess." He chuckles, pointing up at me.

"No I'm not." I mumble weakly. The truth is that I'm beginning to doubt my own sanity. It seems the only thing I think about lately is how to kill The Joker or Jonathan Crane or myself. I don't just mean the thought of shooting or stabbing. I invent really elaborate deaths and sometimes I sit silent for hours making sure each little detail is perfect.

/

"Well, why don't we talk about life at home? I hear you're staying with Mika's family." The therapist smiles. "How's that working for you? Do you like it?"

"They're all very nice." Zane says before a smile appears on his face. "The three-year-old twins are adorable. It was their birthday a few days ago. They had a little party."

"Do you want kids when you're older, Zane?" The therapist asks.

"Yeah." Zane says quietly. The image of Mika pregnant flashed up in his mind. He likes the idea of her being pregnant with his child. He likes the idea of her pregnant and her and him living in the countryside in Wales. He had relatives in Wales so he'd been over once or twice. It was completely different than Gotham. That would be his perfect life. Him, Mika and their child living in a remote village in Wales next to a farm. Sophia was a nice name for a little girl or Mary or Laura, maybe Charlie or Ivan for a boy. Oh god, he was thinking too much into this.

"You'd make a good dad. You're very caring." The therapist smiles.

"Mika's father said that." Zane says. "I pick the twins up from nursery on my way back from school. The other two kids are in an after-school club so Mika's older brother picks them up on his way back from work. I make the twins dinner and let them watch the television and I play games with them. They're so innocent and cute. The little girl, Bowie, said I was beautiful a few days ago. No one really says that too me very much, not since I got these scars."

"What do you think about yourself? Ever since you got your scars how do you view yourself?" The therapist asks as he writes something down on his notepad.

"I think I look like a fucking monster." Zane spits.

"If you think your scars make you look like a monster then do you think Mika's scars make her look like a monster?" The therapist asks. Zane looks up at him slowly. He hates it when they play little, clever therapist tricks on him. They expect him to have an epiphany. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're a lovely boy. Do you want to know what I think?"

"Well, that's what they're paying you for, so do please indulge me."

"I think that you're scared of people judging you on your scars so you put on this… this angry mask and shut everyone out before they can." He says, leaning forward. "You know, before Mika came along people believed you were a cold, angry young boy and, to be honest Zane, people began giving up on you."

"Like who?"

"Your gym teacher, your maths teacher, your old therapists, the police." The therapist lists off. "They thought you were destined for Blackgate."

"So you think Mika's made me weak?" Zane asks in a sort of growl/whisper. He doesn't really know what to make of it all.

"I think she's helped you."

"I think being kidnapped by The Joker has made me weak." Zane says. The therapist sighs and leans back in his chair, knowing that he wouldn't win with Zane today.

/

I struggle in Darwin's arms. He's holding me like a man would carry her bride over the threshold. The reality is much grimmer.

"Soon enough all your friends will be piling in there." The Joker whispers, pointing to the closed curtains, behind which is the hall. The old stage creaks under The Joker's weight as he walks towards us. "Are you excited?"

I'd say something but there's duct taped stuck over my mouth. All I can do is let out muffled noises and try to wiggle my way out of Darwin's grasp. My heart is pounding in my chest as I wonder what sick game The Joker wants to play here.

/

"_All students and staff to the hall. No exceptions." _ A voice says over the school intercom. Zane raises an eyebrow as he looks up at the speaker. That didn't sound like the woman who usually made the announcements. In fact, it wasn't a woman at all. Odd.

Suddenly the door swung open. Zane frowned. You were supposed to knock before entering a therapy room. It was one of the school rules. The therapist obviously thought this away because he shot an angry glare at whoever was in the doorway.

"Zane?" A thick Norwegian accent asks. Zane nods. The man in the doorway smiles. "Come with me. Teacher wants to speak to you."

"Go on, I should be getting to that assembly anyway." The therapist mumbles as he places his notepad back into his briefcase. The Norwegian man at the door smirks to himself. His hands are clasped behind his back as he sways from his heels to his toes. He doesn't look like a teacher. His shirt's dirty and creased. His suit pants don't match his suit jacket which is stained and rips. But despite this Zane gets to his feet and follows the man out of the room. They seem to be going in the opposite direction of the hall.

"They said that everyone had to go to the hall." Zane points out. "_No exceptions_."

"Limited English." The man says with a wave of his hand.

"How can you work here with limited English?" Zane asked as the man stopped in front of the janitor's closet. He couldn't help but notice how this day was slowly taking an odd turn. The man begins unlocking the door to the janitor's closet with a key he had pulled out of his pocket. Yes, today is becoming very odd.

"In." The man says as he points at the, now open, janitor's closet.

"What?" Zane asks with a slight chuckle. "No. Look, I don't know who you are but I'm going to the assembly now." Zane spins around on his heel but before he can take a step the sound of a gun cocking fills the empty hallway.

"In. Now." The man says. Spinning around slowly, Zane looks down the barrel of a gun. It doesn't take him too long to figure out that this probably has something to do with The Joker. He slowly raises his arms in a sort of surrender and walks towards the janitor's closet.

"I'm guessing the assembly is not really an assembly then." Zane says. The man prods him with the gun to hurry him along. "Why don't you want me in there?"

"In." The man says again before shoving Zane forward.

"What's going on?" Zane asks angrily but the man doesn't answer. He slams the door shut in Zane's face. The sound of the door being locked is soon followed by footsteps going towards the hall.

/

The screaming calmed down when all of the students and teachers realised that _yes,_ the is The Joker on the stage, _no_, they can't get out of the hall without being killed and _yes_, if they don't calm down someone will shoot them. It annoys me how weak and pathetic some of them are. They are crying and screaming while sitting in far away from The Joker while I'm tied to a chair with a broken arm and enough masking tape to mummify a small dog, taping me to a chair while The Joker stands only a few feet away. _I_ want to cry and scream and panic but I know if I do that The Joker will just turn around and punch me in the face or do something else equally as painful.

"So, I thought… if I need to teach Mika a lesson… I may as well teach the lovely students of Gotham City Hosp_ital_ School a lesson as well." The Joker says, already three quarters of the way through his speech. "Now, I'm assu_ming_ a special few of you know your alphabet already but for the, erm, not so ta_len_ted Mika and I shall tell you… _and _you will learn a few of your body parts as well." I let out a scream in protest but the duct tape slapped across my face muffles it. "Well seeing as Mika is so _eager_, we'll begin."

He walks towards me, spinning his knife in his hand. I struggle against the tape holding me to the chair but my attempts are in vain. I look out into the crowd of terrified faces all staring back at me. I see The Joker's two fan girls. It takes me a while to remember their names, not the stupid nicknames they gave themselves. Then I remember, Tia and Zara. Such fairy, fantasy names for two such utterly horrible humans. They're sitting in the third row… smiling. The two little pathetic idiots are actually enjoying this. There is a hint of fear in their eyes but their smiles are the only smiles in the whole room. I remember seeing Zara screaming, crying and bleeding underneath me. I'd like to see that again.

"Why aren't you paying attention?" The Joker's voice hisses right next to my ear. I jump in shock causing The Joker to chuckle. He stands up and grabs my hair. "Now, this shall be a…. erm… an interactive lesson. So, who'd like to tell me a part of the body beginning with A?" I'm surprised that Tia and Zara's hands don't shoot up. Everybody stays silent. The Joker shakes my head and makes a 'tut'ing noise. "Well then, I'll have to choose a volunteer."

He points to a young boy in the front row.

"You, give me a body part beginning with A." The Joker says. The poor boy panics and almost bursts out crying. "Come on, I don't have all day."

"Erm… erm… erm… a-a-ankle." The boy says. I look up at The Joker who grins.

"Good boy." He says as he drops to his knees besides me. I look down at him, my eyes begging him to not hurt me. Begging never got me anywhere before. All I can do is let out muffled screams as I watch The Joker pull my pant leg up and place his knife on my ankle.

"A is for ankle… and this," the blade slices into my skin "is Mika's ankle." I toss my head back as a scream rips from my throat. I can hear some of the people in the hall screaming as well while The Joker just laughs. Tear spill down my cheeks as a horrible burning pain spreads through my wounded ankle.

"You, B is for…" The Joker says, already on to the next letter. The boy he's now pointing at is older than the first one. His fumbles around before blurting out the word:

"Breasts."

The Joker begins roaring with laughter. I swear every word I can think of. Why didn't the idiot say brain so The Joker could stab me in the brain and I could die?

"Typical teenage boy." The Joker giggles as he spins back around to me. I shake my head. He wouldn't. Who am I kidding? He's The Joker, of course he would. He leans over me and grins. I shake my head again and try to look him in the eye. He rips open my shirt, sending buttons flying everywhere. He turns back to the audience. I'm left with my shirt open exposing my bra which was one The Joker had brought me. Yes. The Joker buys me underwear sometimes. Today it's some black and white lacy piece of crap that doesn't really seem to be able to function as a bra. I told The Joker that once. He said '_well, the way I see it is that it's going to come off anyway'. _

"Now I'm pre_tty_ sure that all you over-hormonal teenagers know where a girl's breasts are but just in case you don't…"

I close my eyes and wait for it. The knife slashes across the top of my left breast. I let out a scream that can't be hidden by the tape across my mouth. My cheeks burn in embarrassment. To say I'm embarrassed seems like such an understatement. Mortified is a better word. I am mortified and in terrible pain. I arch my back as if that can take away the pain.

"Oh, shush, shush, shush." The Joker says, his voice laced with the fakest concern I've ever heard in my life. I keep my eyes tightly shut until I feel a weight fall onto my lap, crushing it. My eyes snap open to see The Joker straddling my lap. Oh God. Everyone's watching. What's he going to do? He wouldn't rape me in front of the whole school would he? No. Surely even he has some dignity left in him.

He lowers his mouth to my chest. I shake my head and groan in pain and embarrassment. He begins sucking at the wound. I almost throw up. I toss my head back and let myself cry. When did my life get to this? I used to be normal. I used to be the plainest teenage girl in the whole of Gotham. I'd never have thought that I'd be sitting on the stage of a Hospital School having my chest sucked at by a clown.

/

The Joker finishes when he gets to the letter U. By that time I'm bleeding so much I think I'm going to pass out. I let my head hang as blood spills out of my lips down onto my lap. The tape was ripped off of my mouth when The Joker got to the letter L and someone said 'lips'. During all this The Joker proved that no one wanted to save me by yelling 'feel free to come and stop me' to the crowd. No one had said anything. I hate them all. They could easily outnumber The Joker and his goons. They could easily save me yet they all sit there crying and sniffling.

"Now… where are my fan g_irls_?" The Joker asks. The room falls silent. I don't bother to look up or move. My whole body is burning in pain. I get the point. No one's going to save me. I just want to go back to bed now. "Come on now. I there you're here somewhere. Don't be scare_d_." I glance up. A drop of blood falls from the cut above my eyebrow. The Joker's standing at the edge of the stage with his arms spread. No one's moving. After a few seconds he spins around and walks towards me.

"No." I groan. I let my head hang again and close my eyes. I hope he's not going to hurt me again. I don't think I can take anymore. He grabs my short hair and forces me to look up at him.

"What are their names?" He asks. I shrug weakly.

"Whose names?" I whisper. I can't be bothered. I just want to sleep and get away from this horrible pain that fills my body. The Joker tugs at my hair again.

"The two little girls who are in love with me?" He hisses down my ear. One more harsh yank at my hair gets me to speak. Sometimes I think it's just better to play along with The Joker.

"Zara and Tia." I mumble. The Joker grins and taps my cheek rather harshly.

"There's a good little girl." He giggles before walking back to the edge of the stage. "No**w** if someone doesn't tell me were, erm, Zara and Tia are then I'll shoot the pretty little teaching assistant in the corner." I look towards the crowd to see Zara staring at me with terror in her eyes. I almost smirk. Today will be the day they get over their little crush.

"They're here." Someone yells. Tia almost begins crying. I lick the blood off of my lips and toss my head back. The lights from the ceiling wash over my skin. I let my eyes close as I hear screaming coming from the audience. So much screaming. It gets on my nerves. It doesn't stop. It continues and gets closer and closer.

"Oh I thought you liked me." The Joker cackles. I open my eyes to see two goons holding Zara and Tia. I close my eyes again and wonder what The Joker will do with them. I don't think he's ever encountered someone who admires him before. This must be a big day for him.

"What are you going to do?" Zara's pathetic voice asks, voicing my questions. I don't bother to open my eyes. I just want to sleep… sleep and stop bleeding.

"Oh, I'm not going to do anything." The Joker says happily. "It's Mika who's going _doing something_." I groan and shake my head. The thought of moving makes me want to yell out in frustration and anger. I'm in so much pain. All the cuts on my body are either burning or stinging.

I feel the tape around me snap and when I open my eyes I see Darwin cutting me loose. The Joker's staring at me with a smirk while Tia and Zara are looking a mixed of terrified and excited. How are they finding any amount of joy in this? I send them a glare as I'm yanked to my feet. When the tape is cut from my arms and legs I stretch then out. Sometimes I forget that one of my arms is in a cast. I can't wait for it to come out. You'd think having a cast would get me sympathy or get The Joker to ease up on the beating and rape. I did as well. When I woke up from having my arm put in a cast I was still sort of 'out of it' but The Joker still tried to have sex with me. I tried to push him off of me. I said '_you can't do it tonight. I've broken my arm. Come on.'_ He said: '_Well, I haven't broken mine_'. All I remember after that is hazy memories of skin and sweat and groans.

Darwin tapes a knife to my hand. I'm barely able to stand on my own. My arm falls limp at my side as soon as Darwin lets go of it. I'm pushed forward a bit. When I look up I see that I'm opposite The Joker, Tia, Zara and the two goons holding them. I blink a few times and then stare down at me feet. I'm missing a shoe and a sock from when The Joker needed to cut my foot. I say need like he didn't have a choice. When he first kidnapped me I spent a week wondering whether he didn't have a choice in what he did. I thought he was possessed by a demon. It was the same week he made me watch The Exorcist once a day. Funny. I like that movie now.

"Why can't you have pie_rcings _like this?" The Joker asks. I look back up to see that The Joker has his arm wrapped around Tia's waist with her back pressed against his chest. His fingers are poking at her lip piercings.

"I'm deformed enough." I say tiredly. "I don't need any more scars." The Joker chuckles as he looks over at me.

"Someone's grumpy." He chuckles darkly as his hands begins wandering down Tia's body. I watch him for a second before tipping my head back again and closing my eyes. I feel sick enough without having to watch The Joker feel up his fan girl. I remind myself to breathe and I tell myself not to throw up.

"If you're trying to make me jealous it won't work." I mumble. "It will never work." The Joker chuckles quietly to himself.

"So clever." He mutters before clearing his throat. "Now, if I'm correct, big bad Mika tried to beat you u_p_. Did she not?"

"A bit." Tia stutters. I let out a snort of laughter before I realise what I've done. I glance down at Tia and then close my eyes again and tip my head back up to the ceiling. There's something about having my face facing the ceiling that really calms me down today. Tia's voice interrupts my calm again. "It wasn't that bad." I want to scream at her and tell her to stop trying to impress The Joker.

"Did you want to kill her?" He suddenly asks, his voice deep and almost serious. I look up at him expecting him to be speaking to Tia but he's looking at me. I want to kill a lot of people, The Joker is at the top of my list, but I don't know whether I want to kill Tia and Zara. Surely being in love with The Joke isn't punishable by death… but then I think about how stupidly ignorant and fake they are and it makes my fists clench and my brow furrow. I'd thought about them dying before, yes. I never thought about killing them _myself_. I'd always thought that The Joker would kill them if he met them, not give me the choice. I look down at the knife taped to my hand and then back up to Tia who's crying. The Joker calls me weak a lot. I want to point at Tia and tell The Joker that she is weak and I am not. That's what weak looks like. Although, I suppose anyone would cry if they were being held by The Joker. It makes me rather angry. I hate the thought that I am forced to be so strong and to not cry when I want to but everyone else in Gotham are allowed to cry at the smallest thing.

"Do it, Mika." The Joker sings. I raise the knife. I just want her to shut up. I want her to stop crying but she just cries harder. The Joker bursts out laughing. My head begins to pound. The screaming, the laughing the crying.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

The lights go off and the hall is plunged into darkness. The screaming goes up in volume. I let myself scream but not in fear. I scream in frustration. My head's a mess. I'm tired, sick, in pain, confused, angry and just the smallest bit scared.

I don't think this is The Joker's doing because I can hear him growling something to Darwin and he sounds furious. Usually when he's this angry I get a beating at the end of the day. The fact that The Joker didn't arrange this is scaring me a bit. I don't know why.

"Drop the knife." A voice hisses into my ear. The voice is so deep and rough that it sounds as if the owner of the voice has a bad throat problem. One of The Joker's goons is a terrible chain smoker and his voice is horrible rough but whoever is behind me has a voice about 50 times worse than the chain-smoking goon. It's terrifying. I scream and stumble forwards. My cut leg goes weak with pain causing me to fall down to the floor. "Drop the knife." The voice growls again.

"I-I-I c-c-can't." I scream. "It's taped to my hand."

"Mika, who are you speaking to?" The Joker yells over the panic of everyone in the room. I spin around and try to get a look at whoever is behind me but it's too dark. "Answer me." The Joker roars. His voice is so deep that it seems as if it might cause an earth quake but it's no were as near as deep and rough as whoever was standing behind me.

"I don't know." I scream just as the lights flicker back on. I wince at the sudden light before making a move to get up and see who the hell is causing all this. Just as I move a hand grabs my upper arm and pulls me to my feet. I let out a yell of pain and try to kick whoever has a hold of me.

"Ah Batman." The Joker grins. He still has his arm wrapped around Zara's waist. She is shaking in fear now although a glimmer of hope sparkles in her dull eyes when she sees who is holding me. "Good for you to join our little lesson." Wait... Batman? I look over my shoulder and see him. God, he's tall… really tall. I look back over at The Joker who doesn't seem to care about Batman holding my arm. "You're just in time to teach Mika the most important lesson of the day."

"Help me." I whisper. He doesn't say anything he just stares at The Joker. I suddenly feel a wave or rage fall over me. What the hell took him so long? I've been with The Joker for god-knows-how-long and only now I meet Gotham's 'caped crusader'.

"You can help me show Mika that no one cares about her because here's the… erm… deal…" The Joker says to Batman. "You can either save a whole school of mentally ill little teenagers or one fucked up ugly slut who has been fucking me for the past couple of months." My cheeks burn in embarrassment. Why did he have to say that in front of my school?

The Joker goes on to explain about how, if Batman takes me away from him, he'll blow up the whole school and that if Batman hands me over to him that he'll walk away and leave the school unharmed. During his little speech I feel Batman's hand let go of my arm. I freeze, not knowing what to do. He gives me a small shove. I'm guessing he wants me to get out of here. Hope swells up in my chest. Batman will keep him busy and I can run. I can go home. I can see Zane. I can go home. I quickly spin around and take a large step forward. My eyes set on the exit.

"Take one more step, Mika, and you'll be in so much trouble that you won't be able to walk tomorrow." The Joker's voice growls. That threat could be taken in two different ways. He either means he's going to beat me or rape me… or both… probably both. I let out a shaky breath, not knowing what to do.

"Run, Mika." Batman growls.

"Yes. Run, Mika, and we'll see how fast you can run in the morning with two broken legs." The Joker laughs. I raise my hands and surrender. The Joker lets out a cackle as I spin around slowly on my heel. "So Batman, who will it be? A whole school or one little slut?"

"I'm not a slut." I hiss as I stare at my feet with my arms still raised above my head. A gun shot rings out and I let out a scream as the bullet embeds itself a few feet in front of me. The audience scream and panic as if the bullet had been directed towards them. I look up to see The Joker laughing and pointing a gun at the ground in front of my feet. He raises an eyebrow, daring me to talk back to him again.

"Well it seems the Batman has already made up his min_d_." The Joker says as he slams the gun against the side of Tia's head. It knocks her unconscious. The Joker lets go of her and she falls to the floor like a sack of bricks. The crowd gasps. I almost scoff. I want to spin around and tell them not to feel sorry for her. I'd like to be unconscious right now.

I spin around and see that Batman isn't behind me. He's left. He's gone to save the school and leave me with The Joker. I feel my stomach drop. Why are their lives more important than mine? I don't want to have to go back to living with The Joker and Jonathan Crane. An odd, strangled, high pitched moan escapes my lips. Why won't The Batman help me?

"Time to go home." The Joker giggles as he's suddenly right next to me. He places a hand on my shoulder and without thinking I stumble forwards away from him.

"Why won't he save me?" I cry angrily.

"Oh, I knew you'd be like this." The Joker says. I don't over at him. All I can do is stare at the space where Batman stood. "You need to calm down." I feel The Joker's gloved fingers grab my wrist and pull my arm straight. I don't look at him. I can't look away from the space in front of my in case Batman comes back or my eyes are playing tricks on me and he really is there. I feel something pierce the skin on the inside of my elbow, ripping me away from my thoughts. I hiss in pain and turn my head to look down at my elbow. I catch sight of The Joker injecting me with some sort of needle. I gasp and look up at him.

"What's that?" I ask as he empties the liquid inside of the syringe into my veins.

"I don't know. It's supposed to calm you down." He shrugs. "Scarecrow asked me to test it out for him." He quickly takes the needle out of my arm and throws it to the floor carelessly. He grins at me before looking over at his goons. "Norway, take Mika to the van. Darwin and I will get the boy. I want the rest of you split up evenly between me and Norway."

I feel myself become terribly light headed. My legs go weak underneath me but Markus, the Norwegian goon, catches me before I hit the floor. He's wearing a clown mask but I can tell it's him because he speaks in his native langue when he picks me up and slings me over his shoulder. The sudden movement makes me want to throw up. I kick my legs out lazily. The drugs are making my movements sloppy and slow. Markus snaps at me and slaps the back of my legs. The effect of the drug gets stronger and soon everything is like a dream.

/

Zane hits his head against the door once again. He's been hearing screams and yells for the past few hours although they were dying down now. He was panicking, thinking he was going to starve to death in this stupid closet.

Then the door flies open. Zane stumbles back in shock and winces at the sudden light. When his eyes finally adjust to the light he sees a figure in the doorway.

The Joker.

"Oh Zane, it's been too long." He chuckles as he reaches forward and grabs his upper arm. "Let's catch up at my place… we can have a drink… you can see my slut."

/

_**A/N: **__Ah, guys, I'm sorry for the long interval but my beta-reader recently forced into the beautiful world of American Horror Story fanfictions and thus I have been writing a few and not publishing them so don't go looking for them. ANYWAY, Please review! I beg of you. Reviews make me want to write and if I don't get any I assume no one cares about it and I leave it longer and longer until I can be bothered. So, more reviews = quicker and better chapters. _

_**xReviewerx: **__Don't be sorry! I think I updated the story at the wrong time because as soon as I updated a bunch of other stories got updated and soon enough my fic was washed away with all the other wrongly timed ones. I'm glad you liked that chapter! This one is much better and the next one's pretty good as well. I can not wait to hear from you again! Xx_


	18. Everyone Says I'm Getting Down Too Low

_I'm in too deep  
>And the wheels keep spinning 'round<br>Everyone says I'm getting' down too low  
>Everyone says you just gotta let it go<em>

_**I Need Some Sleep -Eels**_

Zane's body hits the floor with a loud thud before Mika's is thrown down next to him. He didn't get to see her in the van on the way to the hideout because he had been forced to sit in the front next to The Joker while she had been in the back throwing up the contents of her stomach. Zane can already tell that there's something wrong with her without even having to speak to her. She seems far more relaxed than usual. She didn't protest or struggle when she was dragged to the room by her hair. All her movements are slow and sloppy. For a brief moment Zane wonders whether she is drunk.

"What have you done to her?" He roars as he gets to his feet just in time to see The Joker step out of the room. The clown looks over his shoulder. A smirk plays on his scarred lips as he glances down at Mika.

"She's just a _bit_ drugged u_p_ on something." The Joker shrugs as if it's no big deal. He licks his lips and turns back around. "She'll sleep it off." And with that the door is slammed shut and locked leaving Zane in an unfamiliar room with drugged Mika. He sighs and looks around the room. There's a futon with a bunch of blankets and pillows thrown on in one corner and a bunch of plastic bags in the other corner.

"Zane." Mika's voice slurs happily. Zane looks down at her to see her looking up at him with dilated pupils. Zane frowns and kneels down opposite her. It wasn't unusual for Mika to have one dilated pupil but to see her with two was unusual. Although, the pupil that was usually not dilated was so dilated that her eye just looked like a pool of black.

"What happened in the school?" Zane asks. She leans back and closes her eyes, swaying slightly.

"I met Batman." She says as Zane slowly reaches forward to steady her. "The Joker proved that no one cared about me and then we went home. Home? No. No. We came back here. This isn't home."

"Of course people care about you." Zane grumbles as he lays her down across the futon. She lets out a harsh laugh.

"Fuck off, Zane." She says through her laughter which gets stronger and louder. "That's one thing I don't miss about home. Everyone lies to make you feel better."

"I'm not lying to you."

"Oh? And how on earth would you know? You're being a fucking idiot, Zane." She slurs as she opens her eyes to glare at him. She swears a lot when she's drugged, Zane thinks as he watches her.

"Well, ever since I got out of hospital I've been staying with your family." He says without taking his eyes away from her. Her glare falls and her mouth parts slightly. "And I watched that video The Joker sent into the news with them. You know the one where you told everyone we had sex? I watched that with your parents." Mika lets out a small chuckle and gestures for him to lie next to her.

"Sorry." She smiles as he takes his place next to her. "How are they?"

"They miss you."

"I miss them." Mika says quietly. "I missed you." She pauses and looked up at him before closing her eyes and pushing herself closer to him. Her side pressed into his arm as she lets her broken arm rest over his body.

"I missed you too." He says. His fingers run up and down her purple cast as he stares at it, only just really noticing it. "How did you break your arm?"

"I was pushed through a trap door because The Joker and Jonathan Crane's goons wanted to show me a dead body." She says with an almost amused tone. "Have you ever seen a dead body?"

"No."

"Maggots can consume up to 60% of a human body in seven days." Mika says emotionlessly. "I read that in a book. I wish that they could have gotten rid of the extra 40% for me because it was the most horrifying thing that I've ever seen in my life." Zane shits uncomfortably. He wished she'd actually speak like it was the worst thing ever and not speak in such a casual and careless manner. She sounds so tired, so hopeless. "When someone tells you to think of a dead body what do you think of? Answer me."

"Erm… I don't know… I suppose they look peaceful… like they're sleeping." Zane says awkwardly. Mika lets out a cold laugh.

"That what they show you on the television and when you go to funerals." She says happily. "This body had been there for about a week. A week of rotting. The skin was purple and green and blue. He was bloated and covered in all these disgusting blisters. I saw the guy die but I couldn't recognise his face, hell, I couldn't even recognise _a_ face. He was just a mess of dark colours and maggots and blood. Then there was the smell-"

"Mika, please. I don't want to hear about that." Zane mumbles as he rolls onto his side. The thought of his beautiful late mother comes to mind. He refuses himself to think of his mother in the way Mika had described. He hears her snort next to him and bury her face into his back.

"I didn't want to see it." She mumbles. "I didn't want to see my own bones either but there it was, sticking out of my arm." He feels the back of his t-shirt being lifted up before Mika's healthy hand runs up and down his spine.

"What on earth are you doing?" He asks confused.

"I want to feel your skin." She slurs quietly. "I've spent so long only touching _his_. I need to touch you."

"You're acting weird now. Just go to sleep." Zane mumbles and he rolls over. She groans in annoyance and tugs at the front of his t shirt. "Stop it, Mika."

"Make me." She snaps. Her grasp on his clothes fall when he abruptly gets to his feet. He looks down at her with wide, angry eyes. She sighs and closes her own eyes. "You're a dick."

"No, you're just weird because of the drugs The Joker's pumped into you."

"Oh, cheer the fuck up, Zane."

"Cheer up? I've just kidnapped by The Joker."

"Really? I cannot relate to that at all." Mika grumbles sarcastically as she rolls onto her side and pulls the blanket over herself.

"Go to sleep. I'll talk to you when you're not high on god knows what."

An hour later and she was in such a deep sleep she didn't even twitch when The Joker kicked the door open and skipped into the room. Zane looks up from where he's was sitting on the floor. The Joker has a stupid grin on his face. Zane looks away, not knowing how Mika can live with the man for so long without ripping his guts out of his mouth.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He says as he looks down at Mika's sleeping body. "The thing I created from her." Zane just ignores him, hoping he'll go away. "Quite a good fuck as well… but you know that don't you?"

"Yes." Zane mumbles stiffly.

"You could do it again now." The Joker says casually. "She's fast asleep. The drugs have knocked her out. Nothing will wake her." Zane snaps his head round to look at The Joker. He was almost about to ask him if he was bloody well insane but decides against it.

"I wouldn't do that." Zane growls. The Joker pouts and cocks his head to the side.

"Why not?" He asks, walking towards Zane slowly. "You wouldn't be hurting her and she'd never know."

"It's not right."

"Not right? Who would know? There's no one here to punish you for it. Your perception of what's 'right' is based on fear of punishment. If you do _bad things_ and you get caught they'll send you to jail. That's why ol' Scarecrow down stairs has so much… erm… power. He takes it by using fear. You don't want your life to be ruled by fear do you?" The Joker looks at Zane and smirks. He's considering it. How fickle. The Joker thought it would take a good hour or so to convince him. Clearly he's thought about it before. So, Mika's little knight in shining armour is darker than he lets on.

"No." He forces himself to say. The Joker has to hold back a chuckle. That boy's sick in the head and Mika depends on him.

"Weigh out the pros and cons." The Joker says with a shrug as he pretends to be looking around the room. "All boys your age have, erm, have _urges_ that need to be me_t_. It's only healthy. You'll do your thing, roll over and go to sleep. She never has to know. Her trust in you stays strong and you've screwed that beautiful, tight little thing."

"Well… erm…" Zane whispers, his eyes glued on Mika's sleeping form. Then he shakes his head, snapping out of his thoughts. The Joker knows that he's lost when a wave of rage flashes over the boy's face. "No! That's sick. I'm not like you."

The Joker lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes. He'd make him crack soon enough. The boy was so weak, the fact that he considered raping his vulnerable best friend in her sleep showed that. The Joker couldn't help but wonder how long Zane had been thinking about it. He must have been considering the thought of taking her before because he didn't need much persuading. Maybe he had thought about being in The Joker's shoes once or twice. Of course he had. Then he had the nerve to say that he wasn't like him. It was laughable.

"Your choice." The Joker says, throwing his hands in the air. "But just in case you want to and you feel the need to make her enjoy it as well…" He crouched down so his mouth was next to Zane's ear. "She loves it when you kiss her hip bones and scratch down her lower back. Do that and she just scre_ams_ at the top of her little lungs." He stands back up and winks. "Gets her every time."

"What? How would you know that?" Zane asks. Scrambling to his feet as The Joker walks out of the room. The Joker just chuckles as continues walking, not even looking over his shoulder at the boy.

"She's not as innocent as you thin**k**."

/

What Zane was doing wasn't really wrong in his eyes. He had seen Mika naked before and she _had_ left the bathroom door opened slightly. Besides, she was in her underwear and he had seen her in her underwear many times before. Although, it wasn't this type of underwear. What she's wearing doesn't look like proper underwear. It looks like someone has took a small amount of purple lace, stuck about fifty small purple bows on it and then cut it out in a shape which slightly resembles underwear. Mika had never been one to wear stuff like that though. From what Zane remembers she always wore boxer-shorts and plain bras, nothing so… sexy.

Zane frowns and moves ever so slightly to get a better look at her. She's so unbelievable pale making the bruises and cuts on her body stick out in contrast. It's not the fresh cuts on her body that bothers him. It's the scratch marks down her lower back that he spots when she turns around to brush her teeth over the sink. They were clearly made by a person's fingernails. Some of them are older than the rest, some of them are deeper. The words that The Joker said last night about how Mika_ 'loves it when you kiss her hip bones or scratch down her lower back' _run around in Zane's head.

He watches her bruised and cut back as she washed her face over the sink. He shouldn't be enjoying this all so much. He shouldn't be watching her while she's only wearing her underwear. He's crouching next the crack in the door like some sort of sick pervert. He hates himself. He should look away. He knows he should. But now she's turning around. She begins to get dressed, pulling a t-shirt over her head. Zane stares at her in shock. Her hipbones are covered in bite marks and love bites. So The Joker was right? Then he catches sight of the word 'SLUT' carved into her leg. Confused with it all he decides he needs an answer.

/_Mika's POV/_

The door bursts open. I let out a small scream and try to pull my t-shirt down as far as it can go to cover myself. To my relief it's only Zane. I smile when I see his face. I have missed that face so much.

"Sorry, I didn't know you were still getting dressed." He says but doesn't make a move to leave. He looks me up and down before settling on staring at my leg. "Why do you have that?" I looked down and saw the angry red cuts spelling out the word 'SLUT'. I look back up at him and lick my lips.

"The Joker gave me it." I say with a shrug. There's no way I'm going any deeper into this. I'm not going to tell him that I thought about him while The Joker raped me.

"Why?" Zane asks. I send him a glare but he doesn't even flinch.

"None of your business." I growl. He smirks and put his hands up in surrender. I continue to glare at him.

"Fine, I'll just ask The Joker." He says as he spins around on his heel.

"No, wait." I snap. The Joker will just make up so extravagant lie to make it all sound worse than it really was. I sigh and let my body slump forwards slightly. I close my eyes before I begin talking. "The Joker has a new obsession with making me enjoy sex. I thought of… of someone else while he was doing it and he didn't like it."

"That's not so bad." Zane says, trying to hide a smirk. I offer a small, embarrassed smile but I can't meet his eye. Then he asks the question and it feels like a death sentence. "Who did you think about?"

"You don't want to know." I grumble as I finally begin to pull my pants on.

"Oh, now saying that makes me _really_ want to know." Zane says with a hint of amusement in his voice. I want to leap forward and yell at him. How could he think this was all fun and games? I shake my head and bite my lip. "Please tell me." He looks at me with innocent eyes. I sigh.

"You." I mumble. Zane gasps and splutters for a few seconds. I feel myself blush as I turn away.

"Me? Do you mean… thinking about me… casually or thinking about me…"

"I thought about you doing what The Joker was doing at that exact moment." I blurt out. A smile plays on Zane's lips as he stares at the floor. I roll my eyes and storm out of the room. "Don't be so proud of yourself. I could have thought of anyone."

"Oh really?" Zane grins as he follows me back into the room. "Like who?"

"Like Heath Ledger or John Lennon or Kurt Cobain. You're not the only attractive boy on the planet, Zane."

"Yeah, but from the way you just described it, it sounds like I'm the only 'attractive boy' _alive_." He says. I stop and spin around. He smiles at me. In any other situation I would have melted under that smile but right now I'm annoyed. I don't even know why I'm so angry at his petty teasing. I just feel like I could reach forward and rip his head off. "You know that if John Lennon was alive today he'd be about 72 years old." He pokes me in the chest and grins. "You fantasise about old men now?"

"I meant when he was younger. Before the glasses… when he wore a grey suit and his hair was- look, I don't have to explain myself to you." I say before pushing him backwards.

"Do you have a thing for dead guys or…"

"Tyson Ritter, Jack White, Aaron Johnston, Johnny Depp, Every single member of Mumford and Sons." I yell as I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him. He smiles and leans back on his heels without letting his eyes leave mine. This must be doing wonders for his ego.

"But you didn't think about them did you?" He says happily. "You thought about _me_."

"You're so cocky." I growl as I walk towards the plastic bags and reach into them until I find one of my first-aid kits. I need to bandage up my ankle. Most of the cuts I received yesterday were shallow enough to stop bleeding overnight but the one on my ankle must have been too deep because it's reopened again and is now bleeding freely down my foot.

"Let me do that." Zane mutters when he sees me struggling with some bandages. I curse my broken arm. I wish it would just hurry up and heal so I could get this horribly annoying cast off of my arm. He sits me down on the futon and gently grabs my foot.

"I was going to kill her." I hear myself say. As soon as I've said it I feel a weight lifted from my body. He looks up at me for a second. "That girl I beat up that one time. You know when I had to be injected? The Joker brought her up on stage and told me to kill her and I wanted to."

"But you didn't." Zane mumbles as he wipes the blood from my ankle with an alcohol wipe.

"Only because Batman stopped me." I grumble. "I would have done it." Zane looks up at me. He looks horrified and confused but before he can voice his emotions the door is thrown open. The Joker walks into the room. His face paint is freshly applied and his suit is neat and clean. He must be going out. He must be getting ready to be on the news.

"Enjoying your little present, Mik_a_?" He asks as he walks towards us. I stay quiet and watch as Zane bandages up my ankle. "Well, I'm going ou_t_ now and being the kind gentleman that I am I decided to let you two watch a movie downstairs."

"We're not allowed to sit on the sofa." I point out. He ignores me and throws something towards me. It hits me on the head and then lands next to me. Zane only glances up at me before looking back down to my ankle. I pick up whatever The Joker thrown at me and smile when I see what it is.

"No way." I smile. "I've wanted to see this for so long." In my hand is the movie 'House of 1000 Corpses'.

"Why are you letting us watch that?" Zane asks curiously. The Joker grins and digs his hand in his pocket.

"It's called bribery." He said happily before throwing a packet of cigarettes and a lighter towards Zane who skilfully catches them. "You're going to be good little children and not try to escape. I'm tired of having to run after you both. Next time it happens I'm getting you both leashes." I could imagine him doing that. I frown at the thought of it and the thought of the goons laughing when they find out that The Joker's 'bitch' has a leash. The Joker snaps me out of my thoughts by smacking his fist down on the doorframe. "Come on then. I haven't got all day."

/

"They swear a lot, don't they?" Zane grumbles, his voice muffled by the pillow he's holding in front of his mouth. I can't see why he's so scared. The movie isn't jumpy, it's just really gory and gruesome. "How did The Joker know you wanted to see this?" I look over at him. We're sitting on the sofa even though we know Scarecrow's going to give us hell if he catches us.

"He asked me if I had seen it once." I mumble not mentioning that when he asked me we were lying on his bed covered in sweat after having sex. I was going through the usual self-loathing that occurs after we have intercourse. He turned his head towards me and asked curiously: _'You know the clown off of House of 1000 Corpses?_' When I said no he let out an annoyed growl and looked back up at the ceiling. I had wondered whether he was in a mood with me… but then I remembered that I hate him and I wouldn't care if he was sulking.

A scream comes from the television causing Zane to jump. I burst out laughing. Every time someone in the movie is hurt I find myself giggling and jumping up and down in my seat. Zane looks over at me and raises an eyebrow before pulling a cigarette out of his packet.

"What?" I ask as he lights up.

"When did you get so morbid?" He asks with a smirk. "I've heard you muttering to yourself at least five times during this movie. When someone gets killed you say '_it would be great if that happened to The Joker'._"

"I thought everyone hated The Joker and wanted him dead." I say. Zane smirks before blowing smoke into my face. I cough and try to wave it away while Zane laughs.

"You're obsessed with it, Mika." He says smoothly. He leans his head back against the back of the sofa and closes his eyes. I know that smoking is bad for you but I can't help but find it insanely attractive when Zane does it. He opens his eyes and catches me staring at him. "Try one." He says, offering me the cigarette.

"No." I say as I shake my head. "They killed George Harrison." Zane smirks and rolls his eyes. One of his hands snake under my waist and pulls me closer to him.

"Courtney Love smokes and she's fine." Zane says. I look up at him then back down at the cigarette.

"I don't listen to her music." I say with a shrug. Zane's eyes widen as if I just told him I'd killed her and then danced on her grave.

"David Bowie smokes."

"You're not going to get me to smoke by telling me David Bowie does it." I hiss. He chuckles and places his lips next to my ear.

"Maybe if you start chaining it now then you'll die early and get away from The Joker." He whispers. I don't know why he's so determined to get me to smoke. Maybe he finds it attractive too. "Just try it."

"Fine." I hear myself say. Zane smiles triumphantly and places the end against my lips. He licks his own and smiles. I pretend to know what I'm doing but I clearly do it wrong because I soon begin choking. Zane lets out a loud fit of laughter and doubles over. I knock the cigarette out of his hand and try to breathe without choking again.

"That was disgusting." I yell as I try to get a mouthful of clean air. Zane calms down slightly and runs a hand through his hair. He mutters something about me being 'cute'. I roll my eyes. They land on the cigarette and I nearly choke on the clean air as well. The lit end of the cigarette is burning a nice big hole in Jonathan Crane's favourite sofa.

I leap to my feet and scream. Zane jumps up in shock. I point to the hole and scream again. We are as good as dead now. Jonathan doesn't like me sitting on the sofa never mind ruining it.

"It's just a small burn mark." Zane says as he picks up the cigarette. He shrugs his shoulders and looks over at me. "No big deal."

"We need to hide." I say, taking his wrist and dragging him out of the room, forgetting to turn the television off. "He's going to kill us. That's where he sits. We should hide in our room until he gets back."

"He won't even notice." Zane says. But know I he will. I feel a bit annoyed at Zane for making quick assumptions on a man like Jonathan Crane. He doesn't know him at all. He'll notice and then he'll come upstairs and spray that fear toxin in our faces. All we can do is sit and wait for him and The Joker to come home. I hope that they're not in a foul mood. I hope more than anything that The Joker isn't in one of the moods where all he wants to do is hit me.

I can never usually tell what mood Dr Crane is in just by looking at him but sometimes I can tell when he's really angry because you can see it in his eyes. I wonder what he'd be like if his eyes weren't so cold and such a light colour. I doubt that I'd be so afraid of him if he didn't have those terrifying eyes or those sharp cheek bones. Maybe if he wasn't so thin he'd be less intimidating.

The more I think about him the more scared I become and the more scared I become the more I think about him.

/

I've never been relieved to see The Joker but now that he's standing in the doorway with no sign of Jonathan Crane with him I almost smile at him. His greasepaint is a smudged mess and his suit is stained with dirt and God-knows what else. He smirks as he walks closer to us. Zane and I are sitting on the futon next to each other, out sides pressing up against each other as if there's no more room left anywhere.

"You've made Scarecrow very upset." The Joker says as if speaking to little children. We stare up at him silently. He waves his finger in front of our faces. "Naughty children."

"It was an accident." I say quietly as if it could change anything. The Joker doesn't believe in accidents. He smiles at me and looks me in the eye. He's got that look in the eye that he gets when he's getting something that he wants.

"Now, here's the deal, you and Zane can either go downstairs and face whatever punishment Dr Crane sees fit, and let me tell you he is _no__**t**_ in a good mood today, or you can spend the rest of the night with me."

"And by _'spending the rest of the night with you' _you mean…" I mumble as I looked down, not being able to meet his eyes.

"I mean…" The Joker says with a wave of his hand. I look up at him and glare. He wants me to embarrass myself in front of Zane. I think Zane's already got the gist of it though because his head's in his hands as his elbows rest on his knees.

"You mean… you mean you want to have sex with me and hurt me." I manage to say as my cheeks burn red. The Joker begins to laugh. I steal a look at Zane who hasn't moved his head out of his hands.

"Exa_ct_ly." The Joker says with a smirk. "What do you choose?" I look up at him. He can't seriously expect me to answer that. He's basically asking me who I fear the most. I try to think about it carefully but my mind seems to stop working. "Tick tock." The Joker sings. I want to scream out in frustration. My hands are shaking as I run them through my hair. I hit my head with the heel of my hand in an attempt to speed it up and let me make a decision.

"I don't know. Don't make me choose." I hear myself yell.

"If you don't choose your punishment in the next ten seconds I'll choose it for you." The Joker growls, getting rather impatient. I hit my head harder. _Think, think, think_. A yell escapes my lips. I can't choose. I don't know what I want. I'm sure The Joker does. If I let him choose then he'll pick the one I do not want. I know there are only so many times I can hit my head and shout until the ten seconds are up and I get forced to do the worse punishment.

So I blurt out the name I think I'm least scared of.

And I look over at Zane.

And I look up at The Joker

And I know I've made a huge mistake.

/

_**A/N: This time I have a legitimate reason as to why this is a late update! **_

_**You know when I wrote Creepy Clowns Daughter which isn't actually that good but it was fun to write so I dragged it on for too long and laughed at the OC's misery. Well, the beautiful girl who beta'd that is coming over from her country to see Florence + The Machine with me and my friends so I've been preparing that.**_

_**And then probably the best thing that will happen in 2012 happened, you know I write lyrics at the top of this fic and once I wrote one by a band named Monument Valley. Well he's like my favourite singer on the planet and during the time it took me to post this chapter I spoke to him, got his phone number, got into one of his over 18 gigs and then met him face to face were we spoke for half an hour and then I got his autograph and it was the best day ever.**_

**_But most importantly. I wrote this whole chapter and then my laptop decided to play a fun game called 'delete everything you have open'. _**

**_So that was horrfic. _**

_**All excuses behind, thank you for reading this! **_

_**I hope you review. **_

_**XreviewerX: **__Sorry about the long wait! I love your reviews because I like seeing how you view the story and what-not. I'm glad you picked up on Mika's thoughts going all dark and crazy! I don't know what else to say other than I love you and I hope you review again! I hope you liked this chapter and I can't wait to hear from you again!_


	19. Wretched Man

_The things I don't want to do_

_I just keep doing_

_The things I want to do_

_I can't do_

_What a wretched man I am becoming_

_What a wretched man I have become_

_**Wretched Man- Marcus Mumford **_

"No more. Please no more." I beg as I press my sweat covered face down into my arms. I'm exhausted and my body aches all over. I want to roll over and go to sleep but clearly that's not allowed. I feel fingers dance up my spine causing me to tense up. I keep my eyes closed and my face buried in my arms as I let myself speak again but this time louder. "Please stop. I'm so tired. I can't do it anymore." I feel him planting kissing along my shoulder blades. I think I've made the wrong choice of punishment. Surely the other punishment wouldn't have been this bad.

"You can have a rest if you speak to me." The Joker's voice says. I let out a groan and brush the damp hair that sticks to my sweaty forehead away. I want to ask him how he can keep going for so long. How isn't he tired yet?

"Speak to you about what?" I ask. I turn my head to the side. I need to breathe. The air in this room is too stuffy and hot. I feel like sticking my head out of the window or sitting in a freezer for a few hours.

"Tell me about the day you were kidnapped." He says as he rests his forehead between my shoulder blades. I frown. I've had therapists ask me that before. Therapists who were sitting opposite me with a notepad in their hands and a fake look of concern on their faces. I felt terribly claustrophobic being asked about it when the person who has asked it is lying on top of me with his forehead pressed against my damp skin while we we're both naked.

"I was walking home and a van was pulled up ahead and-" I begin to say before being cut off.

"No. No. No. Tell me about the _day_ you were kidnapped. I want to hear it from the moment you woke up." The Joker says.

"Oh." I mumble, closing my eyes. I think back to that day. The last day I was normal and happy. "I woke up, I got dressed, I was halfway through breakfast when my friends knocked on the door." I smile when I think of my friends standing in the doorway.

"What were they like, your friends?" The Joker asks. Were? I want to tell him that he means 'are'. I'm still friends with them. Admittedly, I haven't seen them in months. I don't even know how they are.

"They're so beautiful and lovely." I smile. "Ella is half Spanish. She speaks the language fluently. She has the most beautifully coloured and clear skin ever. Lily has the thickest blonde hair you'll ever see. She wears vintage clothes and smokes flavoured cigarettes. That's why we were going out. Lily wanted to go to some vintage shop outside of Gotham. It took an hour to get to on the train." I feel myself smile at the memory. I miss those times. I miss them so much that I can feel the longing to go back rush through my blood stream.

"What did you talk about?" The Joker grumbles. I feel his fingers rub the back of my neck.

"There was a girl in school who used to bully Ella. She had gotten pregnant so we spent the whole train journey trying to deduce who the father was." I feel tears gather in my eyes but I keep talking. I keep talking even though it hurts. I miss my friends, I miss my old life, I miss being happy, I miss being normal. I miss it all so much that my bones ache and my throat tightens whenever I think about it all. "We got stopped when we got off of the train because Lily brought a child ticket when she looks well over 18. She gave them a fake name and address and we ran. They weren't following us but we ran. It scared us because we thought we were in so much trouble, we thought we were about to be thrown in jail or something but when we stopped running we laughed. Our hearts were pounding against are chests and we felt as if there was an empty space where our stomachs had been but we were happy. We were always so stupidly happy." I laugh at the thought of how scared we were back then. I wouldn't be scared if I faced that situation now. I wouldn't be scared of anything that I used to be scared of. "We spent hours in these expensive vintage shops that smelt weird. Ella and I got really bored and followed Lily around while talking about what would happen if we found a time machine and convinced Kurt Cobain not to kill himself." The tears fell down my cheeks as almost every little detail from that day came back to me. My eyes aimlessly wandering over the racks of old clothes as my hand held onto Ella's. Laughter slipping from my mouth at every funny thing Lily or Ella said. I remember walking past a mirror and catching my reflection and my reflection was smiling. The last smile I remember seeing on my face that wasn't permanent.

"Tell me more." The Joker's voice says from my back. I let myself cry. My body shakes with heavy sobs as I bury my face back into the pillow.

"We went to a comic book shop and then we got the train home." I say, trying to end the story as quickly as possible. "Ella wanted to borrow one of my books so she came back to mine while Lily went straight home because she was already past her curfew. Everyone had these stupidly early curfews because of you. Everyone was scared that you'd get them. Ella's parents were terrified. She's so beautiful and innocent they thought she was the sort of person you'd try to take." I find myself wondering what would happen if Ella had been taken instead of me. She'd cry a lot. She wouldn't have survived. Then again I never thought I would have survived. "When we got to my house my mum said she needed me to go to the shop to get some milk. The train station was half way from my house to the shop so I walked Ella to the train station. I watched her get on the train. I left the train station. I walked towards the shop. I saw a van. I was about to walk past the van when three men jumped out in clown masks. They pulled me into the van. I screamed. They took my phone and smashed it. I screamed louder and louder. Then they hit me over the head with something heavy. When I woke up you ruined my life."

The Joker starts laughing. I hear that laugh every day. I'm used to it so why is it making me cry harder? The harder The Joker laughs the harder I cry. I feel him wrap his arms around me in a sort of ironic hug. He buries his face into my hair. It feels like his laughter is leaking into my brain. His body shakes with the harsh laughter that he's almost screaming.

"I just want to be normal again." I yell. I cry for a good ten minutes and eventually I feel as if I can't cry anymore. The Joker's laughter fades until he's just smiling, his lips pressed against my neck. We're both breathing heavily. I can feel his chest rise and fall against my back. I can feel his hear beat as well. It feels like it's punching my back just to remind me that it's there. To remind me that The Joker is human. "What's wrong with you?" I ask, my voice filled with, what sounds like, concern.

"There's nothing wrong with me." The Joker growls, his lips suddenly right next to my ear. His teeth sink into my earlobe and I let out a groan of pain. "What's wrong with _you_, princess? Batman didn't even _want_ to save you. _No one _wants to save you. There must be something wrong with yo_**u**_"

He climbs off of the bed leaving me lying there naked. I reach over for the sheet and pull it over my damp body. I don't look to see where The Joker is going. I hope he trips over our discarded clothes and breaks his neck.

"Where are you going?" I ask as I tug the sheet up over my head.

"I'm putting my greasepaint back on. Then we're going again." He says. I frown. Why would he be doing that? I don't ask him why though. I keep my head pressed down against my cast on my arm. I think of all the ways The Joker could die in the bathroom which is where he's gone. My favourite is one where he falls and accidentally slits open his wrists open on a nearby razor. In this fantasy he hits his head on the bathtub and by the time he's woken up he's too weak to move and he calls for me to help him. I stand over him in a puddle of his blood and laugh at him. He begs me to help him and he cries but I just laugh harder.

"What's so funny?" The _real_ Joker's voice asks. I look up and see him walking towards the bed. I didn't realise I had been laughing out loud. I force myself to smile and look up at him.

"Nothing." I lie. Suddenly his hand shoots down and grabs my chin. He presses his lips against mine. I spin my body around so I'm lying on my back as he kisses me. I fear that if I don't that he'll turn my head 180 degrees around and snap it off from my neck. He climbs onto the bed and then onto me. I feel his hand slip under the pillow where I lay my head. When it comes back out there's still something underneath the pillow but I don't question it. I never question anything anymore. I nod and go alone with it all.

The Joker's hands run up and down my sides before one finds it way to my hair. I try to squirm away from his wandering hands but I'm trapped underneath him. His lips come away from my mouth only to attach onto my neck. I make a noise of pain and try to push him off of me.

"You turn me on so much." The Joker growls into my ear. I close my eyes and bring my arm up to his chest to push him away. He leans down onto me, crushing my arms underneath him. "I want you so bad." I have to keep my lips pressed tightly together to keep myself from crying. The Joker lets out a long groan as he pushes into me. I cry out in pain and shock. My fists clench around the sheets underneath me as my mouth hangs open and my eyes grow wide.

I force myself to think about something else. I think about the beach. I think about Zane. I think about my favorite song. I think about dying my hair. I think about the ending of The Blair Witch Project. I think about the body that I'd love to have. I think about that holiday I went on when I was 12. I think about what it would be like to be drunk. I think about drowning.

"You're on top." The Joker's voice says, snapping me out of my thoughts. He grabs my hips and flips us over so I'm on top of him. I let out a yelp of surprise and clasp my healthy arm over my eyes. My face burns in humiliation. I don't dare move. I only stay with my arm over my face as tears begin to leak out of my eyes. The Joker begins moving me up and down with him hands grasping onto my hips. His nails dig into my hipbones like blunt knives.

I steal a glance down at his face but quickly cover my face again when I see him. He's lying underneath me with a twisted smirk on his deformed face. I want to scream and throw up and cry.

"Come on, come on, come on." He chants under his breath. I open my mouth and take a shaky breath ready to scream or cry or _something_ but before a sound can escape my mouth I feel The Joker's nails scrape down my lower back. I hear myself let out a moan. It's times like these where I absolutely hate myself. I should have never let The Joker figure out that when he scratches my lower back I get turned on quite a bit. Hell, I didn't even know it turned me on before he did it. I didn't know anything before he took me and raped me. When he first began raping me I just knew that it hurt. Now he's got an obsession with making me enjoy it I know quite a bit more. I wish I could have learnt about sex some other way like normal teenagers do.

The Joker sits up, keeping me on his lap. His sweaty chest presses against my own. One arm goes around my waist to keep me from squirming away while the other finds it's way to my hair. I panic as I feel myself beginning to enjoy it. I struggle against him. He doesn't seem to have any time for me trying to fight back because soon I feel him bite down on my neck. I let out a gasp of pain and stop struggling.

"Scream for me, princess." The Joker's voice growls deeply into my ear while he scratches my back again. I let out another moan despite myself. The Joker groans along with me and starts going faster. I have to keep my lips pressed together to stop myself making anymore noises. His lips go to bite mark he made on my neck. I feel him sucking at the blood that has fallen from the wound. I groan but I don't even know if I'm groaning in pain or pleasure. I decide to press my lips against The Joker's shoulder to keep myself quiet.

"Please stop." I say, my lips leaving his skin for a second.

"What was that? Go harder?" The Joker asks.

"Noooooo." I hiss but the noise ends up being a long moan. The Joker lets out a genuine amused laugh into my neck. I hear myself laughing as well. Soon I stop and when The Joker's stops laughing at me I manage to speak. "You're hurting my arm." He quickly loops my broken arm over his shoulders. My arm's going to take so long to heel if all The Joker does is grab it roughly and toss it about.

I consider hitting The Joker over the head with my heavy cast. Then I realise that my cast isn't that heavy and I'd just end up getting myself into trouble. Although it isn't heavy enough to knock The Joker unconscious it _is_ heavy enough to make my arm ache. I loop my over arm over The Joker's other shoulder so I can hold my broken one up. I must have moved my body slightly because I feel The Joker's finger tips dig down into my skin like blunt little knives and a groan begins in his throat.

"That's it. Just there." He groans as he tosses his head back. My eye's widen. I feel disgusting. I feel tears fall down my cheeks as my back begins shaking with sobs. I've read in books that sometimes people cry during sex because it's so romantic. I've never read a book where the girl cries during sex because she feels like a dirty whore who can't make her mind up about whether to just enjoy it or kill herself over it all.

/

The Joker's chest rises and falls underneath my head. We're both glistening with sweat and trying to catch our breaths. The Joker's hand lies on my back as I lie on top of him. I'm too tired to move. I just want to sleep.

I feel The Joker run his fingers down my arms which are covered in small crescent shaped cuts from where I've dug my nails into my skin to punish myself for being such a whore. It's times like these, after we've had sex, that I want to kill myself. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me. I just let myself wonder what would happen if I ended my own life.

"Well Mommy and Daddy will be proud to learn their little girl has grown up to be a slut." The Joker chuckles before rolling his body over causing me to fall off of him. I pull the sheet over my body and sit up.

"What?" I ask as I make sure I'm wrapped in the sheet. When I look back up I see The Joker pull something out from underneath the pillow. A video camera. I feel the colour drain from my face and my stomach sink. "No..." He points the lens at me. I think he's bluffing until I see the little 'recording' button flashing away on the front. "No. You couldn't have filmed anything."

"No but I got some great audio." The Joker chuckles. I feel more tears fall from my eyes. I shake my head.

"You can't send that to anyone." I say, beginning to cry.

"Watch me." The Joker giggles before his face darkens. "Stop crying. Stop it."

"Please don't show my parents." I sob. I can feel my life crumbling down around me. If he shows that to anyone they'll know I'm a stupid slut and my family won't want me back and my friends will hate me and colleges won't want me and employers won't want me when I'm older and no one will ever have any respect for me anymore. Zane will hate me. The thought of Zane hating me makes me cry harder.

Suddenly there's a hand at my throat, pushing me backwards. I fall onto my back and look up to see The Joker above me pointing the camera at me. His grip on my neck gets tighter.

"I thought I told you to stop crying... hmm?" He growls. I can't breathe. I reach up to scratch at The Joker's arm, well aware that the sheet around me fell down to my stomach when I was pushed back. I try to yell out but all that comes from my throat is a choked gasp for air. "This is what happens when you don't listen, isn't it?" I feel myself go dizzy. I feel my eyes roll back into my head and the last thing I saw was The Joker's sneering face and my reflection in the lens of the camera. I don't pass out straight away. I feel the camera slam down into the side of my head repeatedly. Then I pass out either from lack of air or from being beaten around the head with a camera.

/

He sent the video to the news. Of course he did.

No one understood that I was forced to enjoy it. Of course they didn't. People were so fickle. They wanted an excuse to be angry or shocked. They didn't show the video on the news, it was too 'sexually-explicit' and I even heard one of the news reporters saying it was classed as 'child-pornography' because I was underage and you could see my breasts at one point. It was up on the Internet though which was a lot worse. The Joker made me read some of the comments people had put and let me tell you this, people are so cruel.

One of Dr Crane's books talked about anonymity and how it can lead people to be crueler than when they can be identified. Humans are prone to extreme behaviour on the Internet. That's where the trolls and the flamers come from. People are cowards who need to be anonymous to share an extreme version of their opinion even if half of the time no one cares to hear it.

No one asked for any one's opinion of me but they still angrily wrote it down in the comments box under the video. Some of them were nice. Some of them were people saying they were praying for me and that they hoped I came home safe but The Joker quickly strolled past those ones. He made me sit on his lap while he read out the worst comments to me. Some of them were people saying that I should be killed. I didn't understand how people could be so horrible. I had never met these people yet they've already judged me and come to the conclusion that I am an 'ugly slut freak' who deserves to 'have her neck slit open'. Some of said they wished I had actually been hung by the neck in the last video.

All this because I had enjoyed sex with The Joker.

He's got his laptop out now. It's like his new favourite toy now that he's found out how cruel some of the people on it are. Zane and I exchange glances. He was rather upset about the video although now, only a few days later, he pretends that he's over it. He pretends to understand but I can see in his eyes that he doesn't.

"I managed to hack your Facebook account last night." The Joker announces as he pulls a chair up and sit in between Zane and I. He pushes our breakfast away from us. I let out a noise of disappointment. One of the only days we get breakfast and he's pushed it away.

"I don't use Facebook anymore." I grumble.

"I know!" The Joker grins. "I mean, look how old this photograph is." He clicks on my profile picture and a small smile flickers over my face when I see it. It's me and Ella. Lily took the photograph. It was taken a few months before I was kidnapped at the fair that came to Gotham-Park once every summer. We were riding the carousel. I wasn't scarred and my eyes had the same sized pupils. I was wearing waist high shorts and a pink check shirt. Ella was wearing blue shorts with a band t-shirt. There was a woman behind us shouting at her child. Ella had her hand raised in the air while I had my thumb up to Lily who was behind the camera. I remember every detail about that day.

"You were so beautiful, weren't you? Not any more. You're a monster now. Let's see how your best friends are coping with your, erm, abse_nce_." The Joker says as he clicks onto Lily's profile. I let my eyes scan over her profile. She had changed. In her profile picture she was smoking but it wasn't one of her flavoured cigarettes. Her hair wasn't the beautiful blond I loved but now I sickly pink.

_Works at: Gotham City Aquarium _

Wait, when did she get a job? She had applied for that job the week before I was taken. She got it. I smile slightly and feel a wave of pride wash through me.

_In A Relationship With: John Cobain_

Who is he? She has a boyfriend now? I feel so behind on everything. I want to be there with her, talking about her new job and her new boyfriend.

I look down at the photographs she's tagged in. She's smiling in them with her arms draped over some other girl who isn't me or Ella. I almost glare at the girl's image. I wonder where Ella is. Why aren't they together? Why aren't they looking after each other? Why has Lily replaced me with this girl?

_Chat Notification: Ella Jones._

I look down at the small box that has popped up in the corner of the screen and gasp. It's Ella. She's noticed I'm online. The message is simple. I imagine it in her voice and I smile.

_Who is this?_

I throw myself forward, over The Joker's lap, and frantically type a reply.

_**Mika Brown Says: **IOTS ME. ITS MIUKA. ELLEA I MISSE YOU'_

My fingers are shaking as I type it out. I hit send before The Joker can stop me and notice the mistakes after. To my surprise I don't get a slap around the head or a punch to the face. The Joker just leans back in his seat with a chuckle.

_**Ella Jones Says: **It can't be you, Mika. How could you even be on the Internet? If this is a sick prank I swear I will track you down. _

I don't hesitate to reply. This time I try to take more care in typing.

_**Mika Brown Says: **HE'S MAKING ME LOOK AT THIS AS A FORM OF TORTURE OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. HE'S BEHIND ME. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. _

_**Ella Jones Says: **I don't believe you. _

I hear myself let out a growl. I realise I'm crying as a tear splashes down onto the keyboard. I feel The Joker's hands grab my waist. He pulls me onto his lap and rests his chin on my shoulder. I don't care about him. I care about Ella and speaking to her. I didn't realise how much I missed her. How special she is to me. How much I love her.

_**Mika Brown Says: **You have to believe me. We went to Gotham-City-Park at midnight with Lily two months before I was taken just because we could. I held your hand all the way there because you were scared of the dark. Lily fell over a twig and scraped her knees on the way back. We talked about how your ex-boyfriend was in a metal band. I told you what the word pansexual means. When we got back to Lily's house her parents were asleep and we went up to her room and watched a movie about a woman with blood-sucking-tits. _

I'm shaking waiting for a reply. The Joker reads my reply from over my shoulder and chuckles under his breath. I don't know why he's letting me do this. Ella could easily phone the police or have someone track the IP address. But would she?

_**Ella Jones Says: **Mika, it's really you. I miss you so much. My life has fallen apart since you left. I just want you back. _

I hear myself let out a cry/laugh and my fingers find the keyboard again.

_**Mika Brown Says: **I want to come back too. How are you? Is Lily looking after you? Are you OK?" _

_**Ella Jones Says: **I haven't seen Lily in months. I don't have any friends anymore. _

_**Mika Brown Says: **What? Why isn't Lily with you? Are you OK?_

_**Ella Jones Says: **Lily started blaming me for everything. It's my fault isn't it? I shouldn't have let you walk home alone. I'm sorry. I can't handle the guilt. Mika I love you. _

_**Mika Brown Says: **Bullshit. Lily's an idiot if she's telling you it's your fault. It was The Joker's fault not yours. How could you even think it was your fault? I love you so much. Please stop thinking it was your fault. Fuck Lily. You don't need her._

_**Ella Jones Says: **It's not just her. It was half of the school. Even some of the teachers. I'm getting home school now. I tried to kill myself. _

I can't rip my eyes from the words in front of me. _I tried to kill myself_. It's there, black on white, right in front of me. I feel like I'm in some sort of surreal dream. Ella, my little Ella, tried to take her own life because half of the school blamed her for me being kidnapped.

Before I can reach out to type a reply The Joker slams the laptop shut. I let out a scream. It's like it's just ended Ella's life by switching off our contact. I need to tell her it's not her fault. I need to tell her to go back to school with her head held high. I need to tell her to never even think of killing herself ever again. I need to tell her she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I need to tell her how beautiful she is. I need to tell her how much I adore her.

"No!" I screamed through my tears. I pound my fists down on the laptop. "No! Let me speak to her again!"

"Haven't you done enough damage to her?" The Joker asks as he stands up, pushing me off of his lap and picking up his laptop. "You got her bullied out of her own school. You made her feel so guilty that she tried to end her own life."

I begin to feel dizzy. I close my eyes in an attempt to clear my head. The Joker chuckles and suddenly his voice is right next to me ear.

"You're just a selfish little whore aren't you? You should be the one trying to end your pathetic little life not her."

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **Oh hey, long time no see. So I'm sorry about the stupidly long wait but me and my husband Charlie Fink from Noah and the Whale got married and... no, I wish. Truth be told I've been in a pretty shitty way and lack of reviews made me not bother with this for a while. Sorry, sorry, but seriously, if you review I'm more likely to write... oh and if you give me ideas as to what to do that might help. Writers block. _

_So review please. _


	20. Here Isn't Where I Want To Be

_I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I wanna be_

_And satisfaction feels like a distant memory_

_**R U Mine- Arctic Monkeys**_

"It must be really important." I mumble as I bite the skin around the edges of my nail. "It's still morning. He never wants us around in the morning." Zane nods but it too sleepy to do much else. Darwin woke us up before saying The Joker wants us downstairs so that's why we're at the dining table still wearing out pjs and me with a old holey blanket wrapped around me.

"There's the birthday girl." The Joker's voice booms as he walks into the room. I raise an eyebrow as Zane groans and lets his head hit the table. The Joker stands at the opposite side of the table and slams his hands down. "It's your birthday." He says to me.

"Oh." I mumble. I don't know the date. It could be my birthday. It could be christmas and I wouldn't know.

"Aren't you excited?" The Joker asks with a fake frown. I shake my head.

"What's there to be excited about?" I ask.

"We're going to make a deal." The Joker says. I frown. It seems I won't get a say in this 'deal'. "I'll give you a nice surprise if you give me a nice surprise."

"What?" I ask.

"It will be _nice_. I'm a man of my word." The Joker says.

"But... but what do I give you?" I panic. I begin to wonder if a knife through the eye is classed as a 'nice' surprise. The Joker shrugs. I know what he's thinking. He wants me to do something sexual with him. I've decided that I hate sex. It's such a stupid thing for everyone to be obsessed over. Why can't they obsess over something that can't be taken by force and cause so much pain?

"Get changed into something nice. We're going out for your surprise." The Joker says.

"I don't want to." I mumble. The Joker's definition of 'nice' is not the same definition in the Oxford Dictionary. Nice to him is pain and misery. He'd throw me to a pack of hungry dogs and say that it's 'nice'. I can't really blame him though. I think that throwing _him_ to a pack of hungry dogs would be very nice.

"You'll like it." The Joker says. "It's your birthday surprise. It's nice. I promise. I'm a man of my word, Mika." I want to point out that he 'promised' me he'd take me home if I had sex with him but I did and I never got taken home. His promises weren't very strong. He slams his fists down onto the table making me jump in shock. "Go and get dressed into something pretty. I'll have someone cover up your scars and give you a wig before we leave."

/

As much as it hurts me to say this, The Joker is quite handsome without his scars, greasepaint and greasy hair. I spend the time it takes us to get wherever we're going wondering what The Joker was like before he got his scars. It's odd to think that he was born normal. He was born the way everyone was born. He has a mother and a father. That thought makes me feel uncomfortable. I wonder if his family know who he is. I wonder if he even knows who his family is. I want to ask him. I want to ask him if he has an auntie or an uncle or cousins. What if he had a cousin my age? I have a cousin around his age. Well I'm guessing she's around his age. I don't actually know The Joker's age so it's a shot in the dark. If he does have a cousin my age and he/she know he's The Joker I wonder if he/she's ashamed of him or scared or even proud.

"What are you thinking about?" The Joker asks. I looked over at him. He's driving carefully down the Gotham roads which is strange for him. He has scraped against the side of the road or come to an abrupt halt once.

"Where are we going?" I ask because I can't really tell him what I honestly thinking about.

"It's a surprise." He grins. I frown and stare out of my window until we arrive at our destination.

"Here we are." The Joker mumbles as he parks the car. I look out of the window and blink a few times. I did not expect this. We're in front of a big, fancy looking hotel. The type of hotel that has a man in a suit waiting outside to greet you as you walk in. I've never been in a hotel this fancy before. I went in a hotel that I _thought_ was the poshest hotel in the world when I was 9 and me and my family went to spain for the week but it was just a normal hotel. It's a dump compared to this place and that's my conclusion before even going inside.

"No_w_, you're going to be a good little girl and good little girls are seen and not hear_d_." The Joker says, looking me in the eyes. "Understand?" I nod. "If you draw any attention to yourself we're going straight back to the hideout and I'll get out my video camera and film you having each one of your teeth ripped out. Understand?" I nod again. "Good girl. If anyone asks you're my daughter." With that he gets out of the car. I don't move for a second. He hasn't told me to get out of the car but he hasn't told me to stay in the car. My panic is cut short when he opens the door for me and offers me his hand. "Come on, sweetie." He says in a fatherly voice.

Everyone inside the hotel is dressed in fur and suits and evening gowns and then there's me in my dark floral dress which falls below my knees and my yellow cardigan which is getting old now and had a fair few holes in. They were the nicest things I brought whilst I was out with Darwin and that was ages ago so now the clothes are hanging off of me because I've lost weight. Which is not my fault. If I could gain weight I would. I'd spend weeks just eating oreos and doritos but The Joker likes to starve me or forget about my need to eat so I go without.

"We have a room under Kerr." The Joker says when we get to the desk. He flashes the woman behind the counter a grin. I look around the lobby as The Joker and the woman sort out rooms or something. I wonder if anyone has even had a passing suspicion that I am who I am. Not that I look like myself right now. I have a brown, shoulder length wig on, brown contact lenses in and my Glasgow smile is neatly covered. I wish someone would just take a good look and me and then phone the police or something.

"Come on, princess." The Joker says cheerily as he pulls me towards the elevator.

"What are we doing here?" I whisper when we're inside the elevator.

"Your surprise." The Joker grins.

"Is it a dead body?" I ask. The Joker just smirks and faces the elevator doors. I panic. I don't want to see another dead body. When we arrive at our floor The Joker has to drag me out of the elevator by my wrist. "I don't want to see a dead body again."

"Shut up." The Joker hisses. He drags me further and further down the corridor until we get to a door marked with the number '12'. I nervously shift from one foot to another as The Joker takes the key-card out of his pocket and swipes it down the side of the door. He grabs my wrist again and yanks me through the door.

"Holy shit." I whisper under my breath as I see the room. 'Fancy' seems like an understatement right now. It's huge. It has sofas and a wide screen television. I tilt my head to the side slightly when I notice that there isn't a bed anywhere. Then I notice the at the side of the room. This hotel suite has more than one room. I've never been to a hotel that gives you more than just the bathroom and the bedroom.

The Joker strolls off in the direction of the door and I quickly follow. He chuckles at my excitement. I can't help it. This room must have cost more to hire for the night than my house cost to buy. The Joker opens the door to reveal a bedroom bigger than the one I have at home. It has a four poster double bed with curtains that go all the way around and satin quilts with satin pillows. Then there's the sofa, the television, the mini fridge, the balcony, the en suite bathroom, the telephone and the flowers in fancy vases.

"The kids bedroom is on the other side of the living room but you won't be staying in there." The Joker says as he sits himself down on the bed.

"This is amazing." I whisper. "Can I... can I go on the balcony, please?"

"You're not going to jump off of it are you?" The Joker asks as he loosens his black tie. I shake my head. He chuckles. "Sure thing." I grin and run over the the balcony.

"Fuck, there's a hot tub out here." I yell when I stumble out onto the balcony.

"Yeah, I know." The Joker calls from inside. I'm in awe. I want to know how The Joker isn't over excited by this all. "We can go in it later if you want?" The way he says it sounds oddly suggestive and sexual but I'm too over excited by it all to even care.

"Really?" I cry, jumping up and down before throwing myself over to the edge and leaning over to look over the rails.

"I thought I said no suicide?" The Joker says from behind me.

"You can see all of Gotham from here." I grin. I point off into the distance. "Look, there's Wayne Tower and there's the museum and there's the theatre and there's the park."

"I think a thank you is order..." The Joke drawls as his hands grab onto the balconies rail each side of me. I spin around and try not to smile.

"Thank you." I say.

"Best birthday ever?" He asks. I shake my head. Surely I had a better birthday than this. My parents love me much more than The Joker does. They must have thrown me a birthday party better than this. But as I think about it I realise none of them were ever this extravagant or fancy.

"I usually have my family." I mumble. The Joker rolls his eyes and takes a step backwards. I expect him to hit me or something but for some strange reason he just smiles at me. I don't like it. I shrink back against the balcony railings.

"So I was thinking we could watch a few movies... in be_d_ until it's time for dinner and then we can go downstairs and eat at the restaurant." He says.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask before I can actually process what I'm saying.

"It's your birthday." The Joker says. I shake my head.

"That's not why you're being nice." I say quietly. "You have an ulterior motive." The Joker chuckles and leans down so his nose is only a few inches away from mine. I lean back slightly but he just leans closer. I can feel his breath on my face. Part of me wonders if he's about to lean in and kiss me.

"You're a clever little girl, Mika." He mumbles quietly. "And you're right."

The phone in the bedroom rings before I can question him further. He grins and sends me a wink before taking a few swift steps back inside. I sigh and spin around before resting my head against the cool railing in front of me.

"That was the reception desk." The Joker says happily as he walks back outside. He places his hands on my hips as I stand up straight again. "My men dropped off some of our clothes and some movies. The hotel are sending somebody up with them right away." He rests his head on my shoulder, keeping his hands on my hips so I can't wiggle away. "I brought you some new clothes." I hold back a sigh. He probably brought me the sluttiest clothes he could lay his hands on.

"I don't like how nice you're being to me." I whisper.

"Would you rather me go back to being horrible?" The Joker growls into my ear. His hands briefly tighten around my hip bones, his fingers digging painfully into my skin.

"N-n-no." I stutter. His grip softens again and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Good."

/

I think I'm in a really surreal dream. I must be. Why else would I be enjoying myself in The Joker's company? This must be a dream. I never like being around The Joker. I never have fun when he's around. I'm never happy when he's in the room. It must be a dream.

We've been watching movies in bed for a while now. He hasn't tried anything. He hasn't even touched me. He just told me to get under the blankets while he switched on the television and put the first movie in, he crawled into bed next to me and then we just watched movies together. Maybe I'm not in a dream. Maybe The Joker's just been kidnapped and replaced with someone nice. Yep. I'm pretty sure that's it.

I've sat through a bunch of horror movies with The Joker's look-a-like. I take a sip of the can of cola he gave me before (another reason to believe that this is not The Joker but a Joker look-a-like. The can isn't poisoned or laced with explosive) and look up at him from my place half lying half sitting up against the pillows behind me.

"That movie was disgusting. Why did you make me watch that?" I say shakily. That movie _was_ horrific. In case you're wondering which movie it was, it was 'The Human Centipede'. It didn't scare me. It just grossed me out and made me all squeamish. I hate blood and all that anyway so to watch a guy create a _human centipede_, ass-to-mouth made me want to die. The worst part though was when an IV ripped out of one of the girl's arms. There was blood everywhere. I couldn't watch that bit so I hid underneath the blankets until it was over.

"I liked it." The Joker says smugly as he climbs out of the bed and walks over to the television to change the DVD. He mumbles something about putting 'Beetlejuice' on next. You never think about sociopaths liking movies or music so when it's revealed that they do it's a shock. It's weird to find out that The Joker has favourite things. It's odd to figure out that he likes Tim Burton movies and foreign horror films.

The Joker sits down on the bed next to me again. I go to ask him when we're going down for dinner because I'm beginning to grow hungry, but before a sound can even escape my mouth The Joker presses his lips firmly against mine. He moves up around so that I'm lying down on the bed and he's on top of me. I try not to respond to the kiss. I'll just wait until it's over. I shouldn't have let myself feel safe or secure. I let my guard down and now I'm going to get attacked.

His mouth leaves mine and attaches onto my neck. With one hand he keeps his balance on the bed and with the other he lifts up my dress until the skirt is around my waist. I expect him to unzip his pants and just go for it like he usually does. I close my eyes and try not to panic as I feel him put his hand down my boxer shorts. I wonder if he's going to get angry at me for not wearing one of those uncomfortable little thongs he buys me but he doesn't even seem to notice.

"What are you doing?" I gasp when I feel his hand start to move. This is new. The Joker isn't really one for foreplay. The only time he ever cares about how I'm feeling is when he's trying to make me enjoy sex just so I feel terrible about myself afterwards.

"Relax." He whispers. "You'll enjoy this." I try to sit up but he just pushes me back down. My head hits the pillow and I close my eyes to keep myself from panicking. His hand keeps moving, rubbing me. I try not to enjoy it. I silently curse my stupid teenage hormones when I hear myself gasp in pleasure. His slips a finger into me causing my eyes to shoot open. He just grins at me as I stare at him in shock. Why's he being so nice? I hate it but I guess it's better than him being a monster and just shoving himself into me while I'm completely unprepared.

"Oh... fuck." I hiss. I tell myself I won't enjoy it. I tell myself to think of disgusting things like my old maths teacher or the human centipede or that dead body I saw rotting in the basement. It's not working. I toss my head back and close my eyes much to The Joker's amusement. "Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Oh... oh god, oh god, oh." I yell as I arch my back, my own body deceiving me and bringing me to an orgasm. The Joker's hand clasps over my mouth as my head hits the pillow again.

"These walls are paper thin and everyone thinks we're father and daughter." He whispers with a smirk. I try to catch my breath as I lie staring up at the ceiling. "Did you like that?"

"No." I lie.

"Ah, ta, ta. Do not lie to me." The Joker growls. "Now I'll ask agai_n_. Did you enjoy that?"

"Yes." I admit.

"Good, because we aren't done just yet." The Joker grins.

"What?" I ask. The Joker scoots down the bed, leaving me lying there wondering what the hell's going on. I feel his fingers hook onto the waistband of my boxers before quickly yanking them down my legs and throwing them onto the floor. "What are you doing?" I ask as I feel his hands gently pull apart my thighs.

"Just relax and lie back. You'll enjoy this." He says before lowering his head down in between my legs.

"WOAH WOAH!" I shout as I sit up, leaning on my elbows. "Woah! What the hell?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm about to do, Mika." The Joker says with a roll of his eyes.

"Mouths don't go down there." I say.

"They do when you're performing oral se_x_." The Joker giggles. I feel myself blush. He rolls his eyes before reaching up and shoving me hard in the chest. I fall back with a sort of strangled cry of fear coming from my throat. "Just close your eyes and relax." The Joker mumbles.

"This is so weird." I grumble before I feel The Joker's breath in between my legs. I know then that any promise to myself to not enjoy this and not orgasm will fail me. I gasp, my hands instantly going towards The Joker's head.

"Shall I stop?" The Joker whispers, pulling back ever so slightly.

"Oh God, no." I hiss.

"Hmmm, maybe I _should_ stop." He teases.

"Please." I beg. "It's my birthday, please." He smiles up at me for a few seconds before leaning back down.

A while later and he has one hand covering my mouth and one hand pinning me down as I wiggle about on the bed moaning and whining in pleasure. The Joker is certainly skilled. I bet he's have quite a few girlfriends in his time. I'd feel like such a slut if it didn't feel so good.

The Joker collapses down onto the bed next to me, slowly taking his hands from my mouth and chest. He turns his head towards me and grins while I try to catch my breath again. I look over at him before turning back to stare up at the ceiling. "This is a good birthday." I whisper.

_**A/N: **sorry for the long wait, blah blah blah. This isn't a filler chapter, it IS going to be ... something. The whole thing would have taken too long so think of this as part one of two parts... or three... or . _

_OK. So replies to anon reviews or reviews with the private messaging disabled: _

_**Rayzen: **ah, I missed you, girl! Ah, your words make my heart smile, you're far too nice to me. I'm glad you liked the last chapter because I was a bit worried about it. I'm not too sure about this one either but I hope you like it. Review again! You're a nice person! _

_**xReviewerx: **You had me worried! Like genuinely worried for your well-being. I'm glad you liked it! You always brighten up my day! THE JOKER IN YOUR SCHOOL IS AWESOME. Please review again! I hope you like this chapter! nom nom nom_


	21. If You're Still Bleeding

_And If You're Still Bleeding, You're The Lucky Ones  
>'Cause Most Of Our Feelings, They Are Dead And They Are Gone<em>

_Youth- Daughter_

Dinner was uneventful really. The Joker had made me get changed into a fancy purple dress and then he dragged me down to the fancy restaurant downstairs where he ordered me some fancy weirdly named food. I didn't even care what it was. I was so hungry I almost threw it down my throat. Through my excitement of being in a new and fancy place, a small bit of sadness managed to creep through when I realised no one was giving me a second look. Surely even with all this makeup on _someone_ would notice me.

I'm in the hotel bathroom now. I've never seen a bathroom as big as this. It's bigger than my room at home. The Joker said we're staying in the suite for the rest of the night now so I can take my wig and makeup off. As I peel off the weird waxy stuff covering my scars I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of hate for how I look. It's not just the horribly messy Glasgow Smile although that is a big part of it. It's the first thing people notice about me. That and my eye with the permanently dilated pupil. There are also little things that people don't notice straight away. Like how I have a fair few spots across my chin and forehead. There's also how I have grey bags under my eyes, dried and cracked lips, no noticeable cheekbones and the list could go on.

"What are you doing in there?" The Joker's voice asks from the other side of the door. "You only have, erm, three hours left of your birthday so make it worth i_t_. Then you have to be nice to me for a whole day."

"Yeah. I'll be out now." I mumble as I finally pull on the pyjamas that The Joker gave me and stop standing in front of the mirror naked like a freak. I still don't like how nice The Joker's being to me. It's scaring me. I'm more scared of him being nice than I am when he's being horrible.

"Wait, I thought I had to give you a surprise." I grumble as I leave the bathroom to find The Joker standing against the wall opposite, shuffling a deck of playing cards.

"You being nice to me will be a lovely surprise." The Joker says with a grin.

"And what if I don't?" I ask.

"Are you emotionally attached to any of your limbs?" The Joker asks as he glanced up at me. I get the message. "I gotta run some errands tomorrow so if you're a good little girl... I'll buy you a lollip_op_." He winks at me and then begins walking towards the bedroom. I want to ask him if that's why he's being nice to me. Just so I'll behave tomorrow? Or maybe he's trying to give me Stockholm Syndrome. I read about that in one of Jonathan Crane's book. It would make sense, really. One of the things that causes it is noticing nice little things that your captor does like not hurt you when you expect them to. I don't want to get Stockholm Syndrome.

"I don't want to join you on a bank heist." I grumble as I follow him.

"Who said I was going on a bank heist?" The Joker asks with a chuckle.

"I thought that was all you did." I say happily, knowing The Joker won't hurt me another three hours. I hear him sigh.

"You're lucky it's your birthday." He mumbles. He sits down on the bed and shuffles into the middle. The bed is so big it could probably fit about five people in. He crosses his legs and points to the space in front of him before going back to shuffling the cards. "You'll see what we're doing tomorrow when we do it." I sit down opposite him on the bed as he deals out the playing cards.

"You're being nice to me for the next three hours... right?" I ask slowly. He nods without looking up at me. "So... if I ask you a few questions will you be honest with me?"

"What?" The Joker asks. He blinks and looks up at me. I stare at him for a few seconds. He looks so human without his face paint on. His tongue swipes over his lips, shaking me out of my trance.

"I want to ask you some questions." I say with a shrug. "Don't worry. I'm not plotting to overthrow you or anything. I just... erm... I just think seeing as you've kidnapped me and took it upon yourself to be my fuck buddy, I should know a little bit about you."

"Fuck _buddy_." The Joker laughs as he picks up his cards. I feel my cheeks burn.

"OK. That's not the right word." I grumble as I look at my cards.

"Sure thing." The Joker says. I look up at him with a smile. "Ask away." I almost giggle in excitement before blurting out my first question.

"How old are you?"

"Hmmm... about 28... 29... give or take." The Joker grumbles.

"You don't know your own age?"

"Does it matter?"

"Suppose not. You're young. _Very_ young. You have a whole life ahead of you." OK, so that came out like an inspirational, over optimistic, happy little speech but I really meant 'OH GOD, you still have so long before you get too old to do this anymore. Oh God, I worry for myself and for Gotham and for the world'. I clear my throat when I see him looking over at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you have a family?"

"Not that I know of." The Joker says. I look up at him and raise my eyebrows. He sighs and rolls his eyes. "I can't remember. I think I have a nephew or something but it's all a bit... fuzzy."

"A nephew?" I laugh.

"What's so funny? I think his name's Joseph. Pretty sure he has a kid now... or he's dead... or both." The Joker smirks. I laugh even harder. I don't know whether he's joking or not but the idea of The Joker having a nephew is somewhat hilarious. _Uncle_ Joker.

I manage to stop laughing and decide to ask a big question.

"What's your real name?" I ask, not even daring to look up at him. It's silent for a few seconds.

"Jack." He says. I decide not to push for a last name. I glance up at him and try to make my mind silently call him Jack. He doesn't look like a Jack.

"How old were you when you first killed someone?" I ask.

"18... or 16... I think. She was my girlfriend." He mumbles as he continues playing cards. I don't think he's joking which is the really scary bit. "It's all a bit fuzzy but I think she was arguing with me for some stupid reason. So I hit her, over the head, with a baseball bat. She dies and I panic. I throw her in a nearby lake and no one knows where she's gone. The body was never found."

"Oh god." I gasp. The Joker chuckles to himself quietly. "Are you sure?"

"Sometimes I remember it one way and sometimes I remember it the other." He grunts. I drop the question and think for a few minutes as we begin to play cards. Another question pops into my mind about quarter of an hour later. "Ever intend on letting me go?"

"In a body bag, yeah." The Joker smirks. I don't even flinch. Of course that would be the answer. I drop my cards to the bed, suddenly not very interested in playing a game anymore, and pull back the blankets.

"I'm going to bed." I mumble as I climbed under the blankets. The Joker chuckles to himself and I hear him get off of the bed and walk out of the room. If he wasn't 'being nice to me' he would have probably smacked me around the head and told me that I wasn't going to bed until he said I could go to bed. His nice mood is still scaring me. I don't know whether to be sad that it's going to be over when I wake up or relieved. Either way, I fall asleep expecting to be woken up in a horribly painful way tomorrow. The Joker has probably missed hurting me.

/

I was woken up by being pushed out of the bed and dragged to the bathroom where I was thrown and told to get washed and dressed. I do so as quickly as possible, getting changed into the jeans and t-shirt and cardigan that were hanging up on the back of the door. The Joker's little short-hipster-make-up-artist was back to make me look normal although he did so very quickly and warned The Joker that it was only 'temporary'. As if he was going to give me make up that was permanent.

We're in The Joker's car now. We've been driving for quite a while now and I'm bored. Who wouldn't be when you're sitting in silence for god knows how long. "Where are we going?" I ask, tempted to yell 'are we there yet'.

"I need to hire a few more goons." The Joker says happily as he drums his fingers against the wheel. "So we're going to one of my, erm, friend's house and you're going to be a good little girl. I think she has kids so you can go and play with them."

"_She_..." I repeat.

"Yes. She." The Joker says with a nod after each word. I sink lower in my seat and stay quiet for the rest of the journey. The Joker doesn't seem like the guy to have friends or even says he has friends. I wonder what this chick will be like. If she has kids then she has to be a little bit decent, right? I expect her to be a clever, nice, woman who is only friends with The Joker because she knew him before he became The Joker. I imagine her to see me and start yelling at The Joker and she'd demand he'd take me back home this very second.

Oh how wrong I am.

Before we leave the car The Joker rips off the weird fleshy things covering his scars before he holds me down and yanks mine off along with my wig. I wince in pain and get out of the car like I'm told. The Joker grabs my wrist and begins pulling me forward. I look up to see a house, a pretty big house, that looks like it's falling apart. Some of the windows are boarded up and there's graffiti scrawled across the walls. I'm already scared of going into this place.

"If you even think of escaping I'll carve your face again." The Joker says as we step up onto the doorstep. "And then when you're in pain and bleeding I'll pour salt into your mouth and I'll set your eyes on fire." I want to ask if that's even possible but I'm too scared. So I just nod and mumble something about promising not to try to escape. The Joker knocks on the door and almost instantly it's yanked open.

"JOKER!" A high pitch voice squeaks. I wince and stumble backwards slightly. Standing in the doorway is a dyed-red haired, big boobed, tiny waisted, perfect skinned, long legged, woman who is actually very beautiful. She is grinning at The Joker as if he is a celebrity she would never have expected to knock on her door. She doesn't even glance as me until The Joker shoves me forward, into the house.

"Sorry." I gasp when I smack into her. She looks down at me as if I'm a piece of dirt on her carpet.

"You must be Mika." She says with a false smile. "I'm Lexi."

"Hi." I whisper awkwardly.

"Come on, J. The guys are in the living room." Lexi says as she struts off down the hallway. I notice that she's wearing a very short dress and very high heels. I wonder if she always dresses like that or if it's just a one time thing. She guides us to a big living room which smells like vodka and cigarettes. There are at least 15 men in the room, all sitting on sofas, tables, chairs or the floor. They all say 'hey' or 'yo' to The Joker as he walks into the room. Some of them stare at me. They looked amused as if my existence is some huge joke.

Then suddenly there's a whole load of barking and these three vicious looking dogs are jumping up at me. I scream and leap backwards behind The Joker. The room erupts into a fit of laughter but I'm struggling to see how being attacked by three terrifying dogs is funny.

"Boys, heel." Lexi yells. The dogs whimper and walk back over to her. It's only then that I realise that I'm clutching onto the back of The Joker's shirt. The Joker yanks me back in front of him by my hair. I want to scream out in pain but I figure I've already embarrassed myself enough. I glare over at Lexi who's giggling and stroking the dogs. How could she keep such vicious dogs and then find it so funny when they try to attack someone.

"Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. I'm hungry." A voice whines.

"Not now, mommy's busy." Lexi snaps. I turn my head, as much as I can with The Joker clutching my hair, to see a little girl, no older than three, standing in the middle of the room wearing an old dirty t-shirt, a pair of underwear and high heeled shoes which are far too big for her. Her hair's all knotted and her face is dirty. It makes me feel horrid. The girl had clearly been neglected by her mother who owns the world's angriest dogs and has criminals over for dinner.

"Mika will feed her." The Joker grunts as he shoves me forward, letting go of my hair. "If anyone catches her trying to escape, you can, erm, do what you want with her up for a few hours."

"I know what I'd do with her for a few hours." One of the men chuckles. I feel my stomach turn.

"Go on, Bluebell, go and show _Mika_ where the toaster is." Lexi says. The poor kid is called Bluebell. I feel sorry for her. It's a beautiful name and all that _now_ but the kids in high school might not think it's such a beautiful name. The little girl looks up at me for a second or so before grabbing onto my hand with her little grubby one. She pulls me out of the room and down the corridor. I'm glad to get away from The Joker for while.

"What happened to your face?" Bluebell asks, stopping dead in the middle of, what I guess is, the kitchen. I look down at her and feel a lump rise in my throat. I've read books about children who had been neglected but they were books. This is a little girl who clearly hasn't been taken care of. Her face is smeared with dirt, her hair is tangled and I can see the lice crawling around on her. She looks far too skinny and the clothes she's wearing (if you can call them clothes) are hanging off of her. Why hasn't anyone phoned the police or Batman or something? She smiled up at me as if she didn't even know she was in such a bad condition. I clear my throat and smile back.

"Erm." I mumble. I don't really know how to tell her or if I should tell her. I decide it would the safest option to make up a lie. "I was climbing a tree and I fell."

"Oh." The little girl whispers, seemingly satisfied with my lie. "Is that clown your daddy?"

"Erm... no." I say.

"Where is your mommy and daddy?" She asks. "My mommy is in the other room with your clown. I don't know where my daddy is."

"My mommy and daddy are at home but I'm not allowed to see them because my clown won't let me." I grumble.

"Do you miss your daddy and mommy?" She asks with a tilt of her head.

"Yes. A lot." I say with a fake smile.

"Do you want to phone them? I know where mommy keeps her phone." She says quietly and seriously. I blink a few times in shock before clearing my throat and nodding. "I'll get in trouble but she should get in trouble too because she hit me last night when I couldn't sleep and the man on the telly said you should _never_ hit _anyone._"

"You need to phone the police or something." I say, forgetting I'm talking to a small child. She nods rocks backwards and forwards on her heels.

"I'm three. I don't know how to ring a phone." She said awkwardly. "Can you phone them for me? I'll be your best friend! Will they help me find my daddy? On the television the police _always_ help people and the man on the television said that if a stranger talks to you you should tell an adult or a _policeman_. I don't go out but there are a lot of strangers here that talk to me and I don't like it. I don't like my mommy either. She's not nice."

"I'll phone the police... and if anyone asks you have to tell that I didn't, OK?" I say. "If my clown finds out I've been calling the police then he'll hit me and it's not right to hit, is it?"

"No! It's not!" The little girl yells. "We'll have to be quick. I'll go and get mommy's phone. You wait there."

And with that she runs out of the room

To get a phone

To phone the police

To come and save us

And I should already know that this will not end well.

/

_A/N: Wow, that took a while. Sorry about that. Please review!_

_**To everyone who reviewed, I adore you. Thank you all so freaking much. I want to bake you all a cake of joy and love. So, here are the people getting cakes: Miss Magenta Lestrange (extra points for the having my favorite Rocky Horror charcter in your name), Rayzen (extra points for being an beautiful human and always making me happy with her reviews), Guest (extra points for reviewing twice and making me smile!), SamBrook (extra points for having a pretty little name which is very pretty), Miss Savvy (extra points because your review made me smile like a fool) and, of course, xReviewerx (extra points for always writing out long, detailed, reviews and making me happy)**_


	22. Brush With The Devil

_And I've learned from errors made early_

_A brush with the devil can clear your mind_

_And strengthen your spine  
>But fingers tap into what you were once<em>

_**Whispers In The Dark- Mumford and Sons**_

"911, what's your emergency?" The perfectly clear voice on the other end of the phone says. The phone pressed to my ear is already wet with my sweat. I can feel my hand shaking. I just need to choke out two words. I just need to say 'I'm Mika'. If I can just manage that. "Hello?" The voice asks. My throat is dry. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out.

"What you doing, girl?" A voice asks. I look up and see a tall, skinny man glaring down at me. "Who you on the phone to?" He snatched the phone out of my hand. His eyes widened when he looked down at the screen. He pressed it to his ear. "No emergency. Sorry, bro." Then he hung up. I could feel myself starting to cry in fear. He'd tell The Joker and The Joker would _kill _me.

"Please don't tell anyone." I whisper.

"You gonna be in trouble." The man says with a huge grin.

"No. No. Please." I beg as he grabs my upper arm and drags me out of the kitchen. "Don't tell! Please!" That man just laughed and dragged me back into the room with the men and the dogs and The Joker. I was properly crying now, big heavy sobs.

"I caught her on the phone to the police." The man said as he stops us right in front of The Joker. The room goes deathly silent.

"Is that true?" The Joker asks.

"NO!" I scream. "NO! No! I wasn't trying to escape. I swear. Please don't hurt me." That one day of not being hurt has made me weak and scared.

"I thought you were going to be nice to me today, hmmm?" The Joker says, sounding almost hurt. "I was _so_ nice to you yesterday."

"I'm sorry." I sob. "It wasn't for me. The little girl told me to."

"Don't lie to _me_." The Joker roars. I always thought there was one type of silent but standing in a silent room which just got a hell of a lot silenter makes me think otherwise. The Joker's breathing is the only thing I can hear apart from my own sobs. "Get over my lap." He says quietly.

"What?" I whisper. The Joker lets out a growl before grabbing my wrists. He yanks me down and twists me about a bit until I'm lying over his lap with my stomach pressed against his thighs and my feet and hands touching the floor either side of him. "What are you doing?" I scream.

"Naughty little girls get punished." The Joker says happily before grabbing the waistband of my jeans and yanking them down to my knees. He then grabs the stupid little thong he made me wear this morning, and yanks that down as well. A few of the perverted men in the room let out a few whistles. I scream and kick my legs about. "When did you become such a brat?" The Joker bellows. Then I feel his hand slap down on my butt, hard... very hard.

I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. I was getting spanked and is if that was mortifying enough, I was getting spanked in front of a room of grown men. The Joker's gloved hands smacks down on my butt again and again and again. I try not to scream and cry but it hurt so much and it was so horribly embarrassing. I arch my back and let out the loudest scream I can manage. The Joker wants me to be weak and scared so all of his new goons see that they shouldn't mess with him. But instead I struggle and scream like a toddler throwing a tantrum. If I'm going to be treated like a child then I may as well act like one as well.

The Joker shoves me off of his lap after about forty or fifty slaps to the butt. I scramble about to pull up my underwear and jeans. I'm just doing up my zipper and button when The Joker stands up. I get to my feet. I always found it was best to try to match his height even though I was nowhere near as tall as he was.

"May I have a seat?" The Joker asks through gritted teeth to a shaking man who's sitting on a wooden chair that looks like it will collapse under his weight if he shifts in the slightest. He nods frantically and gets to his feet. The Joker grabs the chair before turning back to me.

"Why were you phoning the po_lice, _Mik_a_?" He asks as he takes a few steps towards me.

"The little girl told me to." I say. The Joker's eyes flash with anger. In a flash of colour, he lifts up the chair and swings it around until it hits me in the side. I fall to the floor with no time to brace myself. "I'm not lying." I yell only to have the chair slammed down on my back. I scream and arch my back once more.

"Take off your shirt." The Joker says happily.

"No." I yell.

"Take it off." The Joker roars as he brings the chair back down on my back. He's going to break my spine if he carries on. I grab the bottom of my shirt and, after a few seconds of hesitation, lift it up over my head. I throw it on the floor and ignore the mumbles and wolf whistles from the men watching me. "There's a good girl." The Joker grins before his smile drops. "Turn around." I do as I'm told.

I'm stood in my jeans and bra staring at that Lexi girl in front of me, who is grinning like it's Christmas, when the chair hits my back again. I fall down, onto my hands and knees and let out a cry out pain. I look over my shoulder to see The Joker snapping one of the legs off of the chair. I let out a groan and turn back to look at Lexi. She doesn't even seem bothered that The Joker is snapping apart her dining room chairs, in fact she looks almost honored.

"Stand up." The Joker snaps again. I get to my feet. My legs are shaking and I know I won't be able to stay standing for much longer. It only takes three hits to my back from the chair leg, and one hit to the back of my legs before I'm sent to the ground with no hope of getting back up any time soon.

"Do I _need_ to tell you why I'm punishing you, princess?" The Joker asks before slamming the chair leg down on my shoulder blade with such a force that I feel the skin break underneath it.

"I phoned the police." I grumble. "And then I lied about it." Lied. No. I didn't lie. I was telling the truth. But I tell The Joker what he wants to hear in hope that he'll go a bit easier on me.

The chair leg hits my back ten more times, the back of my legs seven times and the back of my head three times before The Joker grabs my hair and pulls me to my feet, spinning me around so I'm facing him. I can't even stand up on my now cut and bruised legs but The Joker still has hold of my hair to keep me up, which is painful enough.

"I thought you were going to be _nice_ to me toda_y_." The Joker says quietly.

"Sorry." I mumble.

"You can stay with me until we go ho_me_." The Joker says

"Great." I mumbled under my breath.

/

"What did you think of Lexi?" The Joker asks as he drives us back to the hideout. I'm lying in the back of the car. My body is stinging and burning and aching. I can't really find a position to lie in that doesn't make me want to moan in pain. At the moment I'm lying on my stomach.

"She reminds me of Columbia out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show." I grumble. "Except I like Columbia out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show."

"Care to expand?" The Joker asks with a smirk in his tone.

"Columbia, in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, is Frank-N-Furter's groupie." I say. "Lexi seems like a groupie. I like Columbia. I don't like Lexie. Columbia is hot. Lexi is not." That's a lie. Lexi is kind of hot but I'm not about to go admitting that to The Joker.

"Are you gay?" The Joker asks. I find it odd that he's only just asking now. He's had sex with me god knows how many times before and only now is he wondering about my sexuality.

"I don't think so." I grumble. "I don't know."

"Well, erm, you think chicks are hot." The Joker points out.

"And I think some men are hot as well." I point out. "I'm a teenage girl. I'm allowed to find many people hot. It comes with the hormones." I don't even know why I started this. Thinking back on it properly now, Columbia from Rocky Horror Picture show _is _kind of hot but not hot enough to remember her for just being hot. Also, the word 'hot' is kind of losing meaning now.

"Does Zane know you're a lesbian?" The Joker asks.

"I'm not a lesbian." I snap. "I don't know what I am. Does it really matter? I didn't know I had to tell everyone my sexuality."

"Someone's moody today." The Joker snorts. "Are you on your period or something?" I don't amuse him with an answer. I keep my head pressed against the seat of the car as I try to focus on something other than the pain in my body. "You know..." The Joker drawls. I almost groan at the sound of his voice. Being in pain makes me all moody, like a normal teenager. I don't want to hear The Joker's voice. I just want to sleep and wait for the pain to go away. "Zane's going to be totally, erm, disgusted when he finds out you're a lesbian."

"Not a lesbian." I grumble, my voice muffled by the seat I'm pressing my face into. "Even if I was, Zane's my friend. He wouldn't care."

"Teenage boys only want one thing, princess." The Joker says.

"Zane doesn't want me for sex." I shoot back.

"Then he doesn't want you at all." The Joker says almost instantly. "Who can blame him? Have you looked in a mirror lately? You're scarred and ugly. You don't wash your hair. You don't shave."

"You don't let me shave!" I almost scream back at him. It's true. When I was first taken by him I asked him once if there was any way I could remove the air on my legs and under my arms. He just laughed at me. I constantly thank the lord for letting me have blond hair that's hard to see.

"You're fat." The Joker says happily as if this is the funnest game ever. "You hardly have any tits and you smell weird."

"Stop trying to play with my head." I hiss. The Joker just grins and looks into the rearview mirror to glance at me. He's playing with my head. I know that he's playing with my head. I should brush off his comments. I should tell myself that I'm fine. My body is fine. My face is, OK not so fine, but should be fine to me. I should tell myself that as long as I'm OK with my body then it doesn't matter. But I'm a teenage girl. Every teenage girl has felt insecure about their body at some point. It's just a shame that I am a teenager living with a clown who wants to torture me in any and every way.

/

Zane's asleep. We got back and everyone was asleep, even Crane and I didn't think he slept. The Joker took me straight to his room which only meant one thing. He doesn't even bother to make me enjoy it tonight. So I just lie underneath him and think about nice things instead of thinking about the fact that I'm being raped.

"How did I get this bruise?" I ask. It's been about an hour since The Joker finished using me like a sex doll. I'm now standing naked in front of his full length mirror. I point to a horrid bruise on my hip bone. The Joker just smirks and me and shrugs. I look back at my reflection and sigh. The Joker's words have been running around with my head. I have weird bones that stick out of my skin. It makes me look like a Tim Burton character. That's not the only thing that's worrying me. My breasts are small and uneven. I remember one of my friends telling me everyone's breasts are uneven. She even proved it by yanking up her shirt and showing me her bra covered breasts. Oh God. What if I am gay? That's not bad. No. But I never really realised it before. I always thought I was straight.

"What's your best friend called?" The Joker's voice asks.

"I'm not answering that." I mumbled under my breath and I poke at my hip bones.

"Oh you wil." The Joker says. "Don't you remember when we were in the hotel? I answered all of your questions."

"Are you trying to guilt trip me?" I ask as I spin around.

"I'm trying to play fair." The Joker shoots back. "And so should you. Unless you really are turning into a monster." I take a deep breath and consider my choices. I could either refuse and end up getting attacked by The Joker or I could answer his questions and avoid any more pain. What's the worst that could happen?

"My best friend is called Ella." I say as I walk back over to the bed.

"Ella, what?" The Joker asks.

"Ella Jones."

"What's your sister called?"

"Sisters." I say. A small smile flickers to my face when I remember them. I remember Bowie's little chubby face screwed up in confusion when I tried to teach her who she was named after. I remember Freya giggling one evening after school because she 'got a real boyfriend'. "Bowie and Freya."

"Bowie Brown and Freya Brown." The Joker says, testing out their names. I suddenly want to scream and take it all back. It sounds horrible when he says their names. It makes me feel like a dirty traitor. "How old are they?"

"Bowie's three and Freya will be eight now." I say.

"Any other brothers and sisters?"

"Lennon, he's Bowie's twin. Brandon, he really hates you. And Angel-Face, he likes to play the role of overprotective brother." I smile. It feels nice to remember them.

"Lennon and Bowie. Clever." The Joker grumbles as he lies back in the bed.

"If it was triplets the third one would have been called Cobain." I say with a smirk. That was always Angel's favourite joke. I crawl into the bed next to The Joker. I'm too tired to put up a fuss and try and get back into my own room. It's silent for a few minutes. I lie with my back to The Joker and the blanket pulled up to my shoulders. I'm just about to drift off to sleep when I hear him say something very unexpected.

"Do you want to see them again?" He asks.

"Of course." I whisper.

"Good."

/

_**A/N: **LONG TIME NO SEE. Firstly. OH MY LORD BANE OH LORD IF YOU HAVENT SEEN DARK KNIGHT RISES YET THEN GO NOW PLEASE. Secondly, we have to have covers for Fanfictions now? I'd be excited if I wasn't so lazy. The cover to this actually my best friend who I met on Fanfiction. (She betad a bunch of my old fics). She came to my country for two weeks and I taped her up. Kinky. Anyway._

_Fun people who reviewed and reasons why I love them: _

_**XPsychoBabyDollX** (whom is already my friend so HI BETH), **Miss Magenta Lestrange **(who makes me smile with her reviews and amazing taste in movie for we shall do the Time Warp together), **Miss Savvy **(who's review made me happy and name made me think of Jack Sparrow so ten points to you), **THAfuzz** (whose name and review actually made me laugh but I'm sorry for making you think I was on hiatus which I am not) **DMLover11 **(whose entire being is good), **bbdawl **(whose review made me happy yayyy), **Rayzen **(WHO ALWAYS REVIEWS AND WILL KEEP GETTING SHOUT OUTS. Ten points to you) **Guest **(whom I adore) AND FINALLY **xReviewerx: **(Who knows the way to my heart. Long, detailed reviews that always make me so happy. I would like to hug you and send you fifteen points. Maybe even twenty)_


	23. Ghosts and Demons That Hide in the Dark

_Oh, well it's hard to look deep into your soul._  
><em>Not everything you'll find will be perfect gold.<em>  
><em>There are ghosts and demons that hide in the dark.<em>

_**Peaceful The World Lays Me Down- Noah and the Whale**  
><em>

It's one of those stupidly hot days were all anyone wants to do is sit outside in a small amount of clothing while sipping lemonade and telling everyone how lovely the day is. I'd be doing that if I was normal and at home or allowed out of this goddamned hideout. Instead I sit in the living room hunched over my game of solitaire wearing only pair of boxer shorts and The Joker's shirt, which I'm sweating through by the way. Zane's sitting on the sofa behind me reading one of my book. I have my back to him and the door. I'm too pissed off with the heat to even speak to him. I think I'm just being a normal teenager with normal hormones that are all over the place. The fact that there's something normal about me is oddly comforting. I might play on these hormones until they die down.

I hear the door open from the other end of the room. I don't spin around. It's either a goon, The Joker or Jonathan Crane and I hardly care to see any of them right now.

"Mika..." Zane's voice mumbles as I hear him sit up on the sofa. I let a growl escape my lips as I slap the 3 of diamonds on the 4 of spades. I don't even know whether I'm playing this right but I do not want to be disturbed. Can I not have a few seconds of being normal?

"I'm playing cards. Leave me alone." I grunt. The sounds of footsteps come closer to me. The Joker's footsteps. I shouldn't be able to recognise them but I can. I begin flipping over some more cards.

"You're not playing it right." The Joker's voice says. It takes all my strength to restrain myself from throwing him a glare. I just shrug my shoulders instead and concentrate on my game.

"I'm playing it my way." I mumble.

"Well, I have a, uh, new game to play." The Joker says happily. I shake my head, keeping my eyes fixed on the cards in front of me. I'm a few moves from winning this game and I'm not moving.

"Nope." I mumble. I feel him grab the back of my shirt and I'm suddenly yanked to my feet. I accidentally kick my playing cards, they slide across the room going under the sofa and under the coffee table. I'm dragged out of the room before I can yell something about my game. I don't bother to struggle. What use will that do me? I'll just get a slap in the face.

Soon we're outside the basement. The Joker pushes me up against the wall, hurting my spine, and grabs my face. "You're going to wait here until I come back out. Got it?"

"Got it." I mumble. He grins and smacks the side of my face before walking into the basement. I stick my middle finger up at his back. One day he'll see me do that and break my finger off... and it will be so worth it. I smirk and settle against the wall, thinking of all the ways I could kill The Joker now. I like the idea of slamming his head against the wall right now. I'd like to see his brain splatter everywhere. I wonder how much blood they'll be but I don't come to a conclusion because I'm roughly yanked into the basement.

The first thing I notice is that the video camera's switched on and my stomach drops. There has never been one time when that camera is on and I have been happy or not in pain. Then I hear the muffled cries and my head snaps over to where the camera is pointing. The rest of my stomach drops. My legs go weak as if the bones in them have turned to mush. A whimper escapes my lips. It's amazing I didn't faint, scream or burst into tears.

There are three people tied to chairs opposite the camera. Two of which I care deeply about and one I really wish I didn't see so much. I run over to them, not knowing who to go to first. I make for falling to my knees in front of the middle chair. Freya, my younger sister of seven-years-old, is tied to a chair with a piece of duct tape slapped over her mouth. You will never understand the pain I feel right now. She's so scared and it's all my fault. I wrap my arms around her and let my head fall into her lap. I'm crying now. Why? Why Freya? She's seven years old. No. No. She's eight now. I missed her birthday because I was stuck in here. I remembered it though. I cried and cried and spoke as if she could hear me like I do for everyone's birthdays.

"You sick bastard." I scream as I get to my feet and spin around. "She's eight years old." The Joker just laughs. I run up to him, the rule I set myself of not bothering to fight back flies out of the window, and I shove him backwards. "How could you?" He grabs me by the hair but I couldn't care less right now. "Kill me. Do whatever you want to me. Just let her go. She's eight. She's a child. Please don't hurt her. I'm begging you. Just let her go."

"What's in it for me?" The Joker asked before throwing me to the floor. I crawl back over to Freya and desperately try to rip the tape away from her arms and ankles so she can get off of the chair. Amazingly, The Joker doesn't stop me. "See our game today is this: you have to kill one of these three beautiful girls."

"Shut up." I scream, not wanting Freya to hear. I look at her and try to offer a shaky smile. "Don't listen, Freya. Come on. Just close your eyes. You'll be home soon. I promise."

"I'll make you a deal." The Joker says a second before I manage to rip all the tape away from Freya. I sit on the floor and pull her onto my lap. She curls up into me, burying her head into my chest as she cries. I rock her back and forth and try to whisper comforting things into her ear. "I'll let your little sister go, safe and free, if you promise to not just kill but tor_ture_ one of the two girls left."

"Whatever. Yes. Just take her home." I wail.

"Curly and Norway will take her home right now and even buy her a McDonalds meal on the way home." The Joker smirks. I try to breathe. Darwin and Markus (or Curly and Norway as The Joker calls them) would never hurt a child. There was a peadophile here a few weeks ago, working for Jonathan Crane, and they beat him to an inch of his life and then left him for dead. Of course, it was a group effort thing of all the goons and Zane but after I heard them grumble about how all peadophiles should be murdered or something. Then Markus told me about his cousin he had back in Norway. He showed me a photograph of her when he was drunk. She was about Freya's age and that made me cry. She'd be OK with them. I look up at The Joker and nod. He gestures for me to come closer to him which I hesitate to do. Freya shakes in my arms as I carry her forward.

"Do you like clowns, little girl?" The Joker asks. Freya screams and struggles in my arms. I begin to cry harder. Damn, I can't remember the last time I cried this hard.

"Stop it." I yell to The Joker as he laughs. "Stop it, you're scaring her."

"Do you like happy meals?" The Joker asks as he calms down. Freya's got her head on my shoulder now, her eyes squeezed shut and her arms wrapped around my neck so tight I might just choke. "Course you do, you get a little toy, get a little car or princess... thing. Hey, hey, look at me. Little girl, look at me." Freya doesn't budge. Her grip gets tighter around my neck and I ignore the fact I can't breathe now. "If you don't look at me you won't get to go home to mommy and daddy." Freya begins to cry again, slowly turning towards The Joker. A sense of pride runs through me and I want to kiss her face and tell her how brave she is. The Joker grins and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a couple of dollars and hands then to her. She stares down before quickly snatching it up and staring at him with wide eyes. "Your big sister's friends are going to take you home and they'll buy you a McDonalds, OK?"

Markus and Darwin come up to me in their clown masks. Markus gently manages to pry Freya from me. The Joker just watches and grins and Freya screams my name. I begin to cry harder. I didn't realise how much I missed my family until now.

"Mika." Freya screams. "I want you to come home. Mika, please."

"I can't do this." I wail as I let my hands clasp over my face. I want to fall to the floor and give up. Now that my family are involved it all seems unbearable.

"But you haven't even said hello to your friend." The Joker says. He grabs my shoulders and spin me around to face the chairs. Another wail escapes me lips when I see my best friend, Ella, sitting in one of the chairs. I've been strong and brave for so long and now it's all crumbling.

I remember when I spoke to Ella on the internet when The Joker made me go on Facebook to show me all my friends had moved on. I remember how she said she'd tried to kill herself and now I can see the scars on her wrists. The Joker's purposely positioned her arms on the chair so that I can see them. They're proper deep horrible scars. Not the little ones you see littering the arms of kids in our mental hospital school. So many horrible horizontal scars marking her wrists.

"No." I scream as I fall to the floor. I can't do this anymore. I can't live just to hurt everyone who ever knew me. I can't. I can't. I can't. "Just kill me, please. Please, I'm begging you just kill me. Slit my neck or stab me in the heart... please. I give up. You win."

"Oh Mika." The Joker grins. "We haven't even begun our game yet." He yanks me to my feet by my hair, ignoring my sobs. "Now for the viewers at home let's tell them who these two lovely girls are, shall we?" He smacks the back of my head to get me to speak. I look up at the camera, my eyelashes wet with tears. I feel so weak.

"Ella is my best friend and..." I look over my shoulder at the last person sitting in the chair. Tia. The Joker's little fangirl. "Tia goes to my school."

"And who are going to kill?" The Joker asks. I look up at him and try not to glare. He knows who I'm going to choose but he still looks at me as if he's expecting an answer. I lick my lips and look over at Ella and Tia. Of course I'd never kill Ella or even dream of hurting her. Tia on the other hand...

"I can't hurt Ella." I whisper. I try to think of a reason to hurt her but I can't. I can only think of everything lovely about her. I think of reasons to hurt Tia and my mind is flooded. I try to think of lovely things about her and my memories almost laugh at me.

The Joker grins at me like a proud parent. I half expect him to lean down and kiss me on the forehead. Instead he just walks over to Tia who's now almost screaming behind her duct-tape-gag. "So while our boys bring in the torture de_vic_es... any last words?" I stare at her. A feeling of numbness has washed over me now. All I can do at stare at her. The sentence '_you're going to kill her soon'_' runs around my head but it doesn't mean anything to me. I watch as The Joker rips the duct tape off from over her mouth. She glares at me with tear filled eyes. I'd call her pathetic but it seems a bit harsh right now seeing as she's staring death in the face.

"You're a fucking freak." She screams at me. I guess it's good that she's not begging for her life. I hear The Joker kill people a lot and some of them beg for their lives. I don't feel sad, I don't feel anything. I just think it's annoying if anything. They know they're going to die so why bother begging? "The police will find you and kill you, you stupid whore."

A trolley is pushed into the room with a selection knives on. I take a deep breath and decide to just get this all over and done with as quickly as possible. I pick up a big, nasty-looking kitchen knife and make my way towards Tia.

"I'm sorry." I say shakily as she begins freaking out.

"Please don't." She screams. Oh great, she's begging for her life. "Please, I have a family."

"I can't do this." I say without looking up at The Joker.

"Well, I'll just have to call your little sister back in then and _I'll _torture her. What's her name again? I hope it will look pretty on a gravestone." The Joker says before his hands slap down on my shoulders.

"Don't touch her." I yell through my tears. Damn, I am crying a lot today. "Fine, fine, I'll do it." I don't know where to start. I'm guessing the best thing to do is just close my eyes and lunge forward with the knife in hand.

I'm foolish and forget if you stab someone that they will bleed. My knife jabs into her shoulder earning a scream in pain from her so loud that I feel myself wince. I mumble 'sorry' as if it will make everything better before reaching forward and trying to tug the blade out of her body. It takes a bit of strength but eventually I stumble backwards with it in my hands. That's when I see the blood. I gag and stumble back a bit more.

"How long do I have to do this for?" I ask The Joker. Why can't I just slit her neck and get it over with? The Joker licks his lips and looks up as if he's deep in thought. I can feel my body shaking as my shoulders slump. Part of me wants to take the knife and slit my own neck open. I look over at Ella to see her crying, her whole body shaking with sobs. I feel so numb and helpless standing there. I want to give up.

"Half an hour _or_... carve her face and slit her neck." The Joker says. I look over at Tia who's sobbing so loudly I can barely hear myself think.

I used to understand what people meant when they said their heart was telling them to do one thing and their mind was telling them to do something else. I used to get that when The Joker would tell me to do something wrong. My heart would tell me to say no and my mind would tell me to do it to avoid being punished. That doesn't happen anymore. Now it's just my mind sighing and telling me to do it to save myself. It's scary really, it's like my heart doesn't exist anymore, like I am not human anymore. It's scary but not really surprising.

"It will be quicker this way." I say over Tia's cries as I walk closer. She spits at me but luckily I just manage to dodge it. "I'm sorry, I have to do this."

"You're fucking insane." Tia screams. "I hope you rot in a mental asylum." I consider that for a while and come to think it would be quite nice. No Joker. No Jonathan Crane. Just therapy and drugs. I could deal with that.

"So do I." I whisper. I try to gently place the knife in her mouth but she turns her head away. I have to grab her by the hair to keep her still. I don't know whether I should say something nice or something. I'm going to kill her. It seems like a big responsibility. What should the last words she ever hears be? "Look at it this way." I say with a small, comforting smile. "You got to meet your hero." I nod towards The Joker. She begins screaming. I have failed to comfort her. I take a deep breath and slide the knife into her mouth. "God help me." I whisper before yanking the knife up through her cheeks. She screams so loud and so much blood pours out of her mouth and Ella's crying so hard and The Joker's laughing so much.

I'm going to hell. That's the only thing I can think right now. I'm going to burn in hell. I remember going to church a few times to have someone tell me over and over again that Jesus died on the cross to forgive all our sins. I was told that there was no sin too big for God to forgive. I never really thought about that. I never thought about religion much. I don't know what I believe in but if God is real I certainly don't think even he will forgive me for what I'm doing.

I let out a sob as I yank the knife through her other cheek. Blood splatters across my face and onto my clothes. So much blood. So much screaming.

"I'm so sorry." I yell. "I'll make it all stop now. Please. Forgive me. I'm sorry."

And with that I slit open her neck. Her blood managed to spray across my face. I expected to feel a lot more distressed as I watch her die but I don't. I don't feel anything. I watch her bleed to death and I can hardly find any regret inside of me. I want to scream and I want to cry but I can't. I watch silently as she dies.

"Done." I mumble as I let the knife fall from my hands to the floor but The Joker's laughing and talking over me to the video camera.

Tia died with her eyes open, her face cut into an almost unidentifiable mess and her skin and hair drenched in her own blood. I remember how, when I first met her, she told me how she liked my scars and thought they were beautiful. Her cheeks will never scar. I wonder whether, if she was alive now, she'd want them to scar or heal up perfectly. Maybe she's happy that she died like this. She had a sick obsession with The Joker and she died with him watching and laughing. Maybe somehow that's satisfying for her.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when a hand grabs my blood soaked face. I look up to see The Joker grinning down at me. The video camera in his hand is now off which means its all over. Usually at this point relief would wash over me but I still feel nothing. I don't feel anything when The Joker ruffles my hair and tells me how proud he is of me. I don't feel anything when he presses his lips against mine and kisses me.

After that everything's a blur of being dragged to The Joker's room and being undressed.

/

**_A/N: _**_AND YOUR AUTHOR HAS FIGURED OUT A STORY LINE AGAIN. OH YES. The next two chapters are written so, you know, if you review they might come quicker. Eh, eh, eh.  
><em>_I feel that I should mention Dark Knight Rises but everytime I think about it my mind just goes blank and up pops the word 'BANE' and then I go into a full fangirl mode for about 12 hours where I worship Bane like a god. _

_Anywhom, I'd like to thank MoonOfGlass (beautiful name by the way!), Bella-Lynn!, THAfuzz (whom I love back and whose name still makes me giggle when I see it) MissMagentaLestrange (whom is my Rocky Horror buddy) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn ndddddddddddd xPyscobabydollx (whom is the bestest and longest reviewer ever)_

_Anyways, review please! _


	24. The Thoughts Of Hell

_And I will not tell you the thoughts of hell,_

_that carried me home._

_Holland Road- Mumford and Sons_

"That's not a word." Zane grumbles as he looks down at the scrabble board on the floor in between us. He taps his cigarette on the rim of the cup that we're using as an ashtray and looks up at me. I shrug and lean back against the wall behind me. There's a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. I don't even know why I started smoking. All I remember is getting back to our room after The Joker had raped me all night after I murdered Tia. I saw a box of Zane's cigarettes lying on the floor and remembered him saying it relaxed him. I was on autopilot. I reached down. Grabbed a cigarette. Found his lighter. Lit the cigarette and smoked. The end. No big drama. No big revelation. It didn't help me. It didn't make me feel anything. I carried on feeling numb.

"Yes it is." I say with a false smile. He leans across the board and glares at me. I just smile and lean forwards as well so our noses are about an inch or two apart.

"No it's not." He whispers. I smile and blow smoke into his face. He sits back and chuckles. "Mika, that is disgusting." I shrug and look back down at the scrabble board. Markus gave it us for some odd reason. I guess he feels sorry for my little sister or something. He expected me to be sad. Everyone did. I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel anything. I'm numb but I cover it up with false smiles and hope that no one will ask questions.

"You know, I don't think I've seen you cry over Tia's death." Zane says as if he's read my mind. I shrug and take another drag of my cigarette before standing up. I don't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it a week ago when I did it. I didn't want to talk about it when I saw Tia's parents crying on the news. I didn't want to talk about it when The Joker mocked me over it. I don't want to talk about it now.

"I'm going to make myself a cup of tea." I mumble. I look over at him and fix another fake smile on my face. "Would you like a cup of tea, father? Go on, go on, go on."

"You couldn't do an Irish accent to save your life." Zane chuckled. I frown and spin on my heel.

"I'm part Irish I'll have you know." I mumble as I walk towards the kitchen. I hear him get to his feet behind me and follow me.

"Only a tiny bit though." He teases. "Who was it? Your great-great-great-great grandpa or your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandma?" I let out a hollow chuckle as I fill the kettle with water from the tap.

"Oh so was it your great-great-great grandpa who was a twat or your great-great-great-great-great grandma?" I ask sarcastically. Zane chuckles and rests his head on my shoulder. I flick the kettle on and looked down at him. He smiles and sighs to himself softly.

"No, just me." He mumbles. He lifts his head up and grins at me. I take a moment to realise how beautiful he is. It's not fair. He can be tortured and held captive for god knows how long and still be so bloody well sexy and I only have to wake up and I'm a mess. "Maybe our kids will be twats as well. Part Irish part American part twat."

"Our kids?" I ask with a chuckle. "Woah, plan ahead much?" Zane winks at me seconds before the sound of the front door crashing open rings out through the whole building. Zane rolls his eyes and jumps up onto the kitchen counter. There's a lot of banging coming from the living room before The Joker appears in the doorway.

"What, uh, do you think you were doing?" He asks, looking at me. He tilts his head to the side and walks closer to us. His greasepaint is all smudged and his stupid purple coat is torn. Good. I hate that coat.

"When?" I ask quietly as I try to think of something I've done wrong.

"I don't know." The Joker growls. "In the living room."

"We were playing scrabble." I say. "It's a game where you..."

"I know what it is." The Joker roars. I shrink back against the kitchen counter. He's in a bad mood, a really bad mood. I usually end up unconscious in the first half an hour of these bad moods. "Did I say you could play games?"

"No." I whisper.

"No? No? No!" He growls. "Did I say you could be in the living room without me?"

"Yes." I say honestly. "Last week."

"Yanno Mi_ka_." The Joker drawls. He grins down at me. I bend my knees slightly to shrink down further. My fingers clutch at the kitchen counter behind me. I hear the click of the kettle indicating that it's ready. Suddenly a cup of tea isn't as appealing as it was before. "You're getting awfully confident lately."

"I haven't." I whisper. "I really haven't. I'm terrified."

"Maybe you need to be put in your place again." He growls.

Everything after that happens so quickly.

I shake my head and sink even lower to the floor just as The Joker's arms shoots out the the left of me in a purple blur. I stare up at him, not able to tear my eyes away from his terrifying face or even blink.

"No." I hear Zane roar. I briefly wonder why he's shouting but then I see The Joker lift the kettle up above me. Oh God, no.

"Please don't." I whimper. The Joker smiles down at me before tipping the kettle and pouring the contents, which is _boiling _water, over my body. It burns down my left arm, torso and left leg. All I can do is scream out in agony and fall to the floor.

"You dick." Zane roars only to be answered with a gunshot.

I manage to look up through the tears that flood my eyes to see Zane fall from the countertop to the floor. His mouth is open to scream but there's no noise coming from him. My eyes land on his lower leg and I scream, now out of agony _and_ shock. His jeans are torn and there is an alarming amount of blood pouring out of it.

"Don't worry kids." The Joker giggles as he shoves his gun into his coat pocket. "There's a police helicopter flying overhead so there should be cops here in... ten minutes... if you're lucky."

So that's why he's in a pissy mood. Because the police found us. I'd be happy if I wasn't in so much pain. Finally a scream erupted from Zane's throat. The Joker bursts out cackling as he bends down towards us. "Aren't you excited to go home?" He asks before grabbing my burnt upper arm. I throw my head back and scream louder. I kick my not-burnt leg out in an attempt to sooth the pain. "Oh I know what will help." The Joker giggles and he lets go of me.

"Don't hurt us anymore." I scream as he walks towards the cupboard that Jonathan Crane never lets me go into. "Please."

"You know... I hea_rd_ that pouring salt into an open wound helps it heal." The Joker ponders as he pulls out a large salt dispenser.

"No." Zane moans as if the pain has already doubled. "You can't do that."

"Oh but I can." The Joker says as he flips open the lid. I close my eyes and try to think of ways to cope with anymore pain but all my mind seems to be doing is screaming and panicking. My eyes snap open when I hear Zane let out a scream that almost bursts my ear drums. The Joker's looming over him pouring almost the whole contents of the container onto Zane's bullet wound.

"Oh God, stop!" He roars and he managed to painfully roll himself onto his stomach. "Fuck. I can't... Oh God."

"Mika's turn." The Joker giggles like an over excited child. I feel myself burst out crying. The first time in God knows how long and I am weeping in fear. I close my eyes. The salt hits my arm first and all I can feel is the stinging. I can't remember the last time I screamed this loud. It hits my side and my leg next. I curse myself for wearing shorts as another wave of stinging, burning pain shoots through my leg.

"HANDS IN THE AIR." I hear over the sound of my screaming. I open my eyes to see a swat team standing in the doorway. The Joker doesn't even turn around. I wonder if they're asking me to raise my hands as well. I can't for the pain that's pulsing through them though. The Joker grins at me when I make eye contact with him. "Raise your arms." One of the swat team members try again but instead of raising his arms The Joker stomps down on my leg. I double over in pain and let out another scream.

"We're gonna need a paramedic in here." One of the SWAT team members calls out. The Joker bursts into a fit of insane laughter and starts kicking my burnt body. He manages to get a kick to my face as well before he's tackled to the floor by a very, very brave man. I feel my nose bleeding heavily and my body burning and stinging so badly.

As I look down, I realise that if I moved slightly I could touch The Joker's face with my foot. So safe in the knowledge that he's being overpowered by Gotham City's SWAT team, I send a mighty kick to his face. I hear his nose crunch under my shoes and I silently thank my past self for putting my shoes on this morning. He laughs like it's the funniest thing in the world so I keep slamming my feet into his face until he's dragged away.

"See you soon, Mi_ka_." He calls as he's dragged out of the door.

I let my head roll back to the floor and within a second there are people surrounding me, saying my name, poking me, touching my burns and shining lights in my eyes. I struggle against them and looked over for Zane. He's being put on a stretcher. He's unconscious. Wait, what if he's dead? I panic and try to stand up but the paramedics keep me down.

"Mika, I need you to stay calm and still for me." A lady paramedic says as she goes to place an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose. I turn my head away and search for Zane again. I can't see him.

"Zane." I call. "Where's Zane?" The lady gently turns my head back and places the oxygen mask over my face.

"Your boyfriend's in good hands." She says as my body is lifted on the count of three and placed on a stretcher.

"He's not my boyfriend." I yell but it's muffled by the oxygen mask.

They give me something for the pain in the ambulance as it rushes through the traffic but it just makes me drift off like I'm on the edge of sleep. I feel my eyes wanting to close as I'm dragged out of the ambulance on one the stretched, which now has wheels on, and into the hospital. There's a lot of shouting and people peering over at me and saying my name. It's then when I realise that I don't really like my name very much. I wish I had a more common name so that when people shouted it no one else would know I was the girl who was kidnapped by The Joker. I keep thinking about this as I'm pushed down corridors that smell so clean.

I'm pushed into a room and a woman leans over me and tries to explain something about operations and burns and infection and sleeping. I panic when I realise no one's telling me what happened with Zane. I cry out for him but the woman thinks I'm crying for my mom or my dad so she tries to calm me down my telling my I'll see my parents soon. I don't want to see my parents soon. What if they think I'm a serial killing whore? I kick my legs out, briefly forgetting how burnt they are, and then scream out in pain. A needle slides into the crook of my elbow and the woman above me softly repeats soothing words and soon I'm asleep.

/

"OK, I'm going to give you some antidepressants and we'll see how you do on them." The doctor says from the seat next to my hospital bed. I like him. He's nice. "Now these are different for everyone so I'd like to make an appointment with you for two weeks time to see how you get on with them. Unfortunately some people feel more depressed on the pills so if that happens I want ow you to come back to me straight away."

"A side effect of my antidepressants is depression?" I ask as I pick at the bandages covering my arms. "That's like a side effect of diet pills being weight gain." The doctor chuckles and closes his notepad.

"Well I'll make sure your therapist knows about your new medication." He says. Ah yes, my new therapist. I met him yesterday. I'm yet to make my mind up about him yet. He seems nice enough but I haven't met a therapist who I've liked before. "I understand you're going home today." The Doctor says with a smile. I force a false smile myself even though I'm actually terrified of going home. It's all tears and crying for the first few days and then it's just a game of pretending everything's back to normal when it's not.

They haven't let me leave my room since I got here which was probably about a week ago. Apparently having salt poured onto your scalded skin seconds after it was burnt isn't only painful but dangerous and likely to cause infection as well. Getting kicked by a clowns dirty shoe doesn't help a lot either. I don't know how Zane's doing. When my parents visited me they told me he was doing well but we both needed our rest. I hate it when the doctors and parents say that because rest is boring. Why can't I rest with Zane?

A while later and I'm 'resting' again. 'Resting' this time meaning: reading a book and eating the chocolates that my auntie gave me in an attempt to speed up the recovery of my scalded limbs. The the only good thing about hospitals, in my opinion, is the get-well-soon presents. It's as if people truly believe a cuddly toy or a box of chocolates will make your body repair itself quickly.

"Mika." A voice says. I look up to see a nurse. She's not one of my nurses but I smile up at her anyway. "I have a note here from another patient." She passes me a folded up piece of paper and I waste no time opening it.

'_Excited to go home? How's the recovering going? Love from Zane' _

I smirk and snatch a piece of paper from my bedside table. On it I scrawl.

'_I'm excited to get out of this place. Recovering is boring. I'm mummified in bandages from my neck to my toes on the left side of my body. How's the leg, if you still have one? Love Mika'_

The nurse happily take the note after I fold it over a few times. After a few minutes pass I begin to worry if I should have made that joke about his leg in case he actually doesn't have it anymore. I decide to read my book again and just as I finish the page I'm on the nurse is back with yet another note.

'_Both legs are still attached to my body although one of them's fucked up from being shot. Looks like I'm going to be limping around on crutches for a while... or a wheelchair... maybe we could have wheelchair races'_

"Mika, I just want to check you over before we send you home." My doctor says as he walks back into the room. I nod with a forced smile and place the note inside my book. As scared as I am about going home I know for certain that I'd be more scared of going back to The Joker. I can tolerate the therapy and the crying and the odd looks if I don't have to see The Joker again.

But we all know I probably will see The Joker again.

/

Breakfast at my house was destined to be eventful. My mother and father thought we all needed to sit together for breakfast. So it was me, Zane, the three-year-old twins, my twelve-year-old brother, my eight-year-old sister, my twenty-six-year-old brother and my parents all sitting around one table trying to be happy.

"Looking forward to going back to school?" My older brother, Angel, asks.

"No." I snort as I push my cereal around in my bowl. I can barely eat anything due to nerves and the fact being almost starved for months shrinks your stomach and appetite. I'm usually left sitting at the table with my three-year-old siblings while my mother tries to persuade the three of us to eat. The twins don't eat meals because they want sugar not because they were tortured so I guess we can't really relate.

"Come on, Mika." My father sighs. "Eat more than that. Look, Zane's eaten all his." I roll my eyes and sink lower in my seat. Zane's suddenly become the favourite son even if he's not related to us at all. I thought they'd hate him after I admitted to the world we had sex but my parents even let him stay in my room with me instead of sleeping on the sofa in the front room. Of course it did come with an awkward talk from my mother about how if we 'felt the urge to have intercourse' we'd have to 'wait until there was no one in the house, close the curtains and use a condom'. I almost burst out crying with embarrassment while Zane had to hold back a laugh which soon erupted when my mother left the room. The next day I found a box of condoms on my bed and I don't mean a little packet of them, I mean a huge box of 144 condoms. I don't know how many times she thought we were going to have sex but so far the count has been '0' and the embarrassingly big box of condoms have stayed unopened under my bed.

They also let him smoke when I'm banned. They make me wear nicotine patches and use those stupid fake cigarette things while Zane's allowed to go outside and smoke whenever he likes (as long as he's at least ten steps away from the house and none of the younger children are around).

"If you guys want a lift to school we're going to have to go now." Angel says.

So we do.

/

_**A/N: **__Wow, it's been over a year since I updated this. Gosh, you can't understand how sorry I am but in my defence I've had a hella lot happen this year. I'm now on my second year of college. The girl who beta'd all of my stories apart from this one now lives with me and attends college with me after years of living in a different country. Ever since she came to live with me though I've been feeling the need to publish more stories to the website where we met. Like a kind of 'thanks for giving me a best friend' thing. Anyway, I hope you liked that story. Please review so I remember to update._


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